doulas are for women giving birth. if someone going through an abortion needs that much emotinal help maybe they should rethink the abortion.

I very much disagree. I think it's a wonderful idea. Having an abortion was the single most painful event of my life, but I can say now, years later while am at this moment nursing my daughter, that it was the right thing to do. I have never experienced that much psychological pain, and would have loved to have a woman to guide me through it like my midwife guided me through the birth of my child. Women having abortions go through so many painful and conflicting emotions, they need love and support too!

doulas are for women giving birth. if someone going through an abortion needs that much emotinal help maybe they should rethink the abortion.

Y'know that works in reverse too? Maybe if women giving birth need that much emotional help they should rethink carrying to term. Wouldn't I be an ass for saying that? Guess what I think you're being?

Seriously, women make these choices with all kinds of input and in a huge variety of situations; some more and some less emotionally fraught. I think it's awesome that there's another piece to the network of support for women making these choices, whatever they decide.

I think the doula for women having abortions is great. It's a heartbreaking thing to have to go through. Having someone by your side - for you - is what the care is about. Not a time to judge. Women shoudl be allowed the choice. Save your energy for bigger issues our nation faces.

Of course support should be given if wanted...I don't understand how anyone could not think that appropriate. Regardless of the circumstances, it's not like having an abortion is pleasant, physically or emotionally.

I think this is an amazing idea and one that should be far more widespread. It refocuses the question of abortion away from the strict demarcations that usually structure the issue, so that it is actually part of the pregnancy equation. If you go to the Doula Project website, at the top of one of the first posts you see is this statement:

Early in my training, I became part of a conversation that focused on providing doula support for all of a pregnant person’s choices, including abortion.

This is such a beautiful statement. It's so easy to forget that the person having an abortion actually is pregnant, not just a person not-wanting-to-be-pregnant. This type of programme would be hugely beneficial in breaking the taboo that still lingers around abortion and the people who opt to choose it.

This is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and generous idea.

Thank you, momof3, for stating the obvious.

I really find this whole idea disturbing. While I understand that going through an abortion is a painful process, it is something that SHOULD be painful. All difficult decisions in life and the unwanted consequences of our actions are usually unpleasant. Do we really want the choice to eliminate our potential children to become easier? I know there are many difficult and painful reasons why a woman would choose to have an abortion, but unless a woman has been raped or is a victim of incest, an abortion is a choice made as a result of having made poorer choices. Abortion is not a form of birth control, nor should it be something that is celebrated as a "feminist" cause. The way some women celebrated this idea in the comments above, it seems as though abortion is being touted as some kind of feminist rite of passage. I still feel conflicted about the whole issue and I don't judge women for having abortions. I certainly once thought I would have one myself if the conditions of my life weren't "right." My personal choices are different now, but I kow that has come with age and having an amazing partner and a burgeoning maternal instinct. However, I know other women don't feel the way I do and I respect that, as much as it saddens me. But I think the doula thing is going way too far. I really think if someone has to comfort you about a decision like this, maybe you should reconsider. I think doulas during the abortion process condone abortion and I don't think we should be doing that. I think it should always be seen as a very sad thing and a possible character flaw in the woman who is getting it. If we aren't having sex responsibly or with men we think could be the father of our children, then sex might be something that shouldn't be a part of your life until we are ready to accept all that having sex implies. Hopefully, your birth control and that of your partner suffices, but if it doesn't...how about "womanning up?" I don't know if ideas some women might think are old-fashioned are actually simply strong values and a recognition that there are consequences to our actions. I mean, we are talking about another woman holding your hand while you terminate your fetus, right? Does that really not strike any other feminists as something that is really absurd and out of place? Ladies, I really am upset about the turn that the term "feminism" is taking. In our fight to have it all, we're just really giving men the power. Look how easy we make it for them with our expensive birth control that messes up our hormones and the painful abortions we get so they don't have to actually be fathers and so that we can exhaust ourselves in the attempt to "have it all." How about we just raise our standards and make sex something between two people who love each other and are responsible FOR one another. Who needs a doula then?

wanderer, not every woman who has an abortion has made "poor choices" - sometimes it happens that they have tried every form of birth control and nothing seems to work for them, sometimes their partners have had vasectomies, sometimes they've been told they were infertile or their partners were infertile, sometimes they believe they are post menopausal, etc, etc, etc. And then EVEN in the event that a "poor choice" led them to have an abortion, you seem to be discounting the fact that women still lack a lot of basic knowledge about their physiology and birth control methods and then I really think they start to become less "at fault" in those situations. You say you don't judge anyone who's had an abortion, yet you think women who have them should be seen as having character flaws? That's a pretty un-feminist statement. Not everyone who gets pregnant has a loving, supportive family or friends or a partner who cares for them and yes, your "strong values" about sex being between two people who love each other are old-fashioned. You seem to be of the mindset that "if they can't handle it, keep their legs shut" and verge on slut-shaming, here. Pregnancy is not a "consequence" of sex, it is a possible result - consequence carries a very negative connotation. I would also say that women CHOOSE to take hormonal birth control or have abortions - not to keep their partners from becoming fathers - but to avoid becoming MOTHERS themselves. Not everyone's choices are solely motivated by the men in their lives. How 'bout we "raise our standards" by expecting better education, easier access to contraceptives that have better success rates, and respecting the moral agency of individuals whose values do not sync with our own. Afterall, no one WANTS to have an abortion.

Hey eunuch-

I appreciate your response to my post and would like to clarify a few things. First, I do understand that there are a myriad of reasons why women get abortions and I fully agree with you that education is a big problem among teenage abortions. I think the biggest problem, though, is that as women we have lowered our standards. I thought it was interesting that you mentioned the term "slut-shaming." Is it no longer shameful to be a slut? Is this really what it means to be a "feminist?" We are pro-slut? Or, are you going to tell me that "slut" is simply a derogatory patriarchal term that we need to re-appropriate and put on our protest signs? I am a feminist (although I know that the term itself is hard to define, so maybe you don't think I am). As a feminist, I want to see women be their very best and I think sleeping with a ton of guys and putting our bodies through hell in order to do it isn't being our best. That's not to say we aren't sexual or that sex should only be used for pro-creation or only when we're married or anything like that. But, we need to remember that, like it or not, we are women and therefore sex can lead to pregnancy. And, yeah, if you're young, or poor, or don't have the support you need, or if you simply don't want to be a mom now, then sex should be approached with the UTMOST care or avoided. Masturbate. Go to second base with your partner. I'm not saying abortion should be illegal and I know I am able to make these comments as a gal who is older and wiser. I'm lucky I didn't have an unwanted pregnancy. I just think the doula thing is making abortion way more "acceptable." I also think as feminists we need to think about where we are going. When I read Bust and other feminist publications, I find it disturbing that there are romantic comedies being made about abortion and that there are doulas...and that nobody seems to think this is a PROBLEM. I'm pro-woman here...this is not "screw the mom, we only care about the baby inside her." I think we deserve more and if the feminists aren't keeping the standards high, then who will?

"When you love peace more than you hate war, then you will be there." Careen

I love the spirit of an Abortion doula--and think it serves both the anti-abortion and pro-choice sentiments.

I would expand the concept to include all "pregnancy loss"--both chosen abortion as well as spontaneous. Both of which I have suffered/chosen.

Recently, I posted my own story at the encouragement of my teen son--who was both surprised and moved by my "past."

In making my story public (http://themotherlessmuse.wordp...innocence/), I received the gift of hearing from a young reader who was soothed in her own choice and suffering.

Knowing that I lessened the suffering of another, lent healing to my own past.

I've also heard from women who did not choose abortion when faced with an "unwanted" pregnancy, but who claimed "common ground" with me.

Peace to all women,

Kelly

I think having doulas it's such a wonderful idea. People who think otherwise don't have any idea that going through an abortion is such a traumatic event.

I was lucky enough when I went through my abortion to have a nurse in the room who's only purpose was to hold my hand and make sure I was okay. At a very painful point, she even laughed at me and told me I could squeeze her hand harder, she wouldn't break. Having someone there just for me, was absolutely worth it and made the experience much less horrifying than I'd imagined it.

What Wanderer seems to fail to realize, is that the majority of us who have had abortions, are already beating ourselves up. It is not a pleasant or positive experience and not usually one you're proud of. We don't need other feminists telling us what horrible sluts we are too - society already does that plenty. If we can't count on other women who call themselves "feminists" to support us? Who do we have?

You are lucky that you never had an unwanted pregnancy. I am very aware of my body and never expected it to happen to me, but when it did, I knew there was no possible way for me to be a mother (it didn't have anything to do with the father). I also knew it was within my rights to terminate and I didn't have to justify it to anyone.

I was lucky that my clinic went above and beyond to treat each woman positively and kindly. The idea of doulas for terminations is a wonderful one and I commend these woman for instituting such a wonderful service.

Hi wanderer,
Education is not a problem solely among teenage abortions. Believe it or not, even women in their thirties and forties have vague ideas about what it means to be pregnant and I am not talking about going through a pregnancy, but rather, how it happens, how to prevent it, when it happens, etc. So it's not just sixteen year olds who don't pay attention in health class or are taught abstinence only who suffer from lack of education. It is a vast number of women spread across age range and even among those who have sought higher education. I think, sometimes, and it sounds terrible to say, we give other people too much credit. We expect they know what we know - I'm guilty of it - but it's a dangerous assumption, for lack of a better word.
I absolutely, absolutely, think abortion needs to be normalized, which you argue against. Nearly 33% of women have at least one abortion in their lifetime (vague stat, I know) that is a HUGE number. Yet a majority of those women walk around with this weight on their shoulders because they can't tell anyone because abortion is so criminalized and maybe the only people in the entire world who know their story are the clinics workers who they will see maybe two times in their entire life. Women deserve the comfort to talk about it.
No one is pro-slut but what we ARE for is sexual freedom and you demean that when you use the term slut. I'd just abolish the word completely. My morals differ from others and I realize that, so if someone else's sexual history makes me uncomfortable, I don't comment on it because it's none of my business and it's certainly not my place to jut my gnarly liver spotted finger into a conversation and say, "You kids these days..." I agree that sex doesn't have to be penetrative but is it really your place to assign that importance for someone else?
And abortion is not always a painful negative experience. Sometimes it is the first opportunity a woman has to make a decision that ultimately defines the rest of her life. I'd say it's empowering in some ways. Do I think everyone shouuld have one? Hell no. But when abortion is surrounded in myth and all the hush-hush sad face b.s. it's not authentic. It is a life affirming choice that may give someone the final push they need to leave a situation, turn over a new leaf, etc. I refuse to accept that abortion is a negative experience. The women I see afterward are usually grinning.

This is for wanderer and any other person with the same opinion. Not to shut you down but to give a different perspective because some people generalize without having all the information and that's unfortunate.

"All difficult decisions in life and the unwanted consequences of our actions are usually unpleasant. Do we really want the choice to eliminate our potential children to become easier? I know there are many difficult and painful reasons why a woman would choose to have an abortion, but unless a woman has been raped or is a victim of incest, an abortion is a choice made as a result of having made poorer choices."

How do you know that most women have an abortion after having made a poor choice? or because they're teenagers without enough information?

You may not be aware of this, but as someone working at a maternal fetal medicine practice, I can give you hundreds of reasons why women have abortions...none of them having to do with the woman being young, irresponsible, uneducated, misinformed, or selfish. Let me ask you, would you bring to term a pregnancy after being told the child you're carrying has a rare chromosomal abnormality without any chance of survival? If you would answer yes, let fate decide, that is entirely up to you. I do not question your decision or anyone else who decides to do the same. It is an individual choice.

Not every woman has the support she needs while going through an emotional and yes, very unpleasant experience. That doesn't mean only these women should have a nurse or counselor standing by to offer the support they need. It doesn't matter how or why the decision was made, every woman deserves respect and care after she's made it.

mmmmmmmmmmk

A doula is a professional who provides support before, during, and after childbirth. Although I think having a support person during an abortion should most definitely be an option, we might want to refer to this person as someone other than a doula. It seems that the training involved would be quite different. Any thoughts?

this can be a really hard issue to talk about with women

Abortion is one of those "fire em up and pass the collection plate" issues. No matter whether you would have an abortion or chose not to women are hooked on that word -choice. If your opinion is that abortion is wrong then convince others of that. Don't go wasting your time trying to pass laws again ...more.I have had it with everything being tied to abortion. Supreme Court appointments, health care and every election has been distracted and held prisoner on what has been legal for decades. It is time to put abortion before the American people as a Constitutional amendment. Straight up vote yes or no. ...more

The reason why I call my cloths line Babi Daddi is because when you get to that point you cannot go backwards. The things you go through with your boyfriend, husband, the guy on the side or the night you got drunk, or lonely or upset with the one your with, he can change your life in seconds or minutes if your lucky. These shirts are not just about Babi Daddi. These shirts express the way you feel when you are in a relationship. Don’t get mad at me, I am only telling the truth.

I think having doulas it's such a wonderful idea. People who think otherwise don't have any idea that going through an abortion is such a traumatic event.