It seems like only yesterday I was ïŹghting to stay awake till midnight on the last evening of 2011, and now weâre saying good- bye to 2012âwhich has been a challenging, turbulent, crazy-ass year. Oh well, time waits for no one, not even Roseanneâor you, my friends and BUST readers. Now, if thereâs one thing I love, itâs giving people advice. So donât piss me offâread these suggestions, because theyâre for your own good.
KNOW AÂ LITTLE LESS ABOUT MTVâS THE REAL WORLD AND MORE ABOUT THE ACTUAL REAL WORLD
This year, resolve to set aside some time to learn a little more about the world around you and a little less about pop culture, celebrity gossip, and other junk food for the brain. Weâre living in critically important times, and itâs sad how many people know more about the romantic misadventures of Hollywood types than they do about whatâs going on in our turbulent political reality (and the potentially catastrophic, global economic changes that are happening). Too many of us can name all the Kardashians but not our own stateâs two senators. I know sometimes you feel overloaded with weighty issues, especially in an election year, but just remember the old saying: âYou may not be interested in poli- tics, but politics is interested in you!â Come on, folks! We espe- cially need young women to develop more political and economic awareness. If that sounds sexist, let me remind you of a sobering fact: out of 100 United States senators, the most powerful legisla- tive body on the planet, only 13 are women. Now whoâs sexist?
STOP, UM, LIKEâŠSPEAKING LIKE THIS
On a lighter note, letâs try to put two sentences together without using the word âlikeâ (and the little pause that always follows it). I wince a little inside when I hear an otherwise-intelligent young person saying, âIâm really trying to, like, ïŹnd a better job, and my dadâs like, âAre you really trying?â and Iâm like, âDad!ââ Look, Iâm not being ageist here, because I catch myself doing it, too. Sure, itâs part of the spoken culture and all that, but could we all like, try to cut back just a little on the âlikeâ thing? Like, please?
ON WEIGHT LOSS: STFU ALREADY
I resolve (and think you should too) to quit talking about losing weight in 2013. There are two things you can actually do: lose weight or not lose weight. But itâs time to stop talking about it. I once said in my stand-up act, âHalf the world is starving; the other half is trying to lose weight,â and itâs the sad truth. Blabbing about weight loss is disrespectful to hungry people. Hell, itâs disrespect- ful to fat people. Do what youâre happy doingâgain weight, lose weight, stay the same weightâbut can we stop talking it to death? Enough already with the jabbering about how much you want to lose, or are going to lose, or whatever, and let your actions and your body speak for themselves. Letâs forget skinny, fat, and all of that, and switch to a new mode: healthy and aware.
YOU CANâT SPELL RESOLUTION WITHOUT âUâ
Right about now, youâre probably inundated with talk about reso- lutions. But remember one thing: while the world and our future can seem daunting, and there are moments when it all feels like itâs spinning out of control, you can ïŹnd yourself a little quiet time in the midst of it all. You may not be able to control the world or even your little corner of it, but you can start from within and re- solve to value and take care of yourself. Then extend that out to the people around you.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the best you can. Hereâs to fresh starts. Good luck, Earthlings! Be in touch, and let me know how itâs going. And till next time, peace!
Illustration by Christiane Engel
From BUST December/January 2013 Issue
Available for purchase here, or digital download here.