Thanks for the heads up, China.
...But, if I could explain the calf pain, can I then use it on my calf pain? Let me know. We love Babeland vibrators regardless.

Note to self: Pick up double A batteries. Can't bear the shame of using my parent's living room TV-remote batteries another day. I use them and put them back, same night service. No problem. But, I know one night, I'm gonna fall asleep and hear this the next day:

Mom: Tom,... the remote's not working
Dad: Probably the batteries
Mom: *takes remote cover off* Yeah, Tom...the batteries are gone
Dad: The batteries are gone? Whad'ya mean the batteries are gone?
Mom: The batteries. They're gone.
Dad: Well where did they go? *ssskkkssshhhkkk-opens Budweiser*
Mom: Well, I don't know, Tom. That's why I'm asking you
Dad: Well, I don't know where they went...
Mom: Brooke must have taken them out (gets up to manually put on Dr. House)

(later that night)
Mom: Brooke, did you take the batteries out of the TV remote?
Me: Um, what TV remote?
Mom: The living room TV remote?
Me: Oh,...hmm....I didn't even know that TV had a remote. That TV has a remote? I never noticed. I don't really pay attention to your TV's 
Mom: So, you didn't take the batteries out of the remote?
Me: I don't know? I'm so busy lately mom, I can't remember. Maybe I did...I'll just take the blame for it, like I do for everything else
Mom: Well, fine. Whatever. You don't have to lie. Can you just put them back, please
Me: Fine. I guess. I mean, you don't have to attack me about this
Mom: I'm not attacking you
Me: Coulda fooled me
Mom: Just put them back
Me: FINE!!!!! 
Mom: Brooke, RELAX. Just put them back
Me: YOU RELAX!!!
Mom: What?! What IS your problem? 
Me: MYYYY PROBLEM?!!!!???? WHAT'S YYYYooooooouuuuuuuuRRRR PROBLEM?
Mom: You need to calm down
Me: OOOOHHHHHH, I NEED TO CALM DOWN??!!
Mom: Yes
Me: Oh,... OK, like I guess you know EVERYTHING!!!!!! 
Mom: I'm not having this conversation with you. Just put them back
Me: OOOOHHHH, RIGHT- cause you're ALWAYS right and I'm always WRONG!!!
Mom: WHAT IS wrong with you?
Me: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???!!!  
Mom: YEAH??!!
Me: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, RRRRIIIIgggggHHHTTTT, I'M sorry. You're perfect.
Mom: What is your PROBLEM?!
Me: (it dawns on me I might have a problem) Uh,...uh...I think, I uh...think-I-just, uh,...I think I just, need to uh- get, uh,..I think I just need to get... I just need to get, la--....I JUST NEED TO GET--UPSTAIRS TO LAY DOWN. ALONE! UPSTAIRS! HERE I GO!!! *storms out* 
Me: (shouting down- as I climb the stairs) I'll get your PRECIOUS BATTERIES back in your stupid TV remote, SORRY! I HAVE THINGS TO DO WITH BATTERIES. Not like you would understand. Cause you don't "understand" technology. (escapes into bedoom/attic directly above mom and dad's room in mom and dad's house under mom and dad's roof)
Me: ( to no one) FINE! THANKS FOR ASKING! THAT'S GREAT! AWESOME. SOooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooo HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!! PROLLY SHUD JUST KILL MYSELF. NO ONE WOULD CARE ANYWAY. EXCEPT MAYBE CHINA.!!! CHINA WOULD CARE!!! CHINA WOULD F%#!'ING CARE!


photo courtesy: BrookeConnollyComedyArts

Tagged in: unexplained calf pain, orgasm, explained calf pain, CHINA, brooke connolly, babeland   

The opinions expressed on the BUST blog are those of the authors themselves and do not necessarily reflect the position of BUST Magazine or its staff.




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