I give Miley Cyrus a free pass on pretty much anything she does. I mean, her pink sleeping bags out-sell Pace Picante sauce at Fiesta super markets. Because her metallic face is emblazoned across the polyester-fill. I've slept in one. They smell like Malaysian cupcakes and treason. I like that. Warm? No. Impressive? Yes.
I also enjoy the song about the USA/partying. It reminds me of simple religious conservatism. A mystical land...where the American flag is currency and You-Betchya is houses and ribs for everyone! Oh how easy life would be if I could just believe in nothing. As they say ('they' meaning everyone BUT) never under estimate the power of denial. Or, like when Homer discovers (do not expect Iliad here...this is a Simpsons reference) his intelligence when he removes a crayon stuck in his brain - ignorance is bliss. The crayon goes back in.
I applaud Miley for her outfit here. She looks like a fool. And guess what? So did I when I was [insert Miley's teen-age]. I died my hair black to platinum blonde. I painted my body orange. I told people I pierced my vagina - a lie I knew no one would discover because I stuffed my bra for the majority of my gangly-high school life. Making every base a no fly zone.
But when I was 9. I was awesome! I didn't give a poop about looks! I was too busy running around pooping and making fun of other people's poop. I like to think I'm back there now. Pooping it up. I plan to poop regularly through my twenties.
So, Miley's 9 year old sister - why is she dressed that way? Who can I not applaud about this? SHE'S NINE. Look at the above picture. Now tell me, Where's Waldo? - Is the prepube-bra Waldo? Does a mild mannered, strippey-sweatered hipster with circle glasses belong in an ancient, Roman stadium filled with battling monks? Some may say no, some say yes. It was rhetorical, clearly.
I'm opening the floor up for discussion.
If 30 year olds dress like 12 year-old baby dolls and 9 year olds dress like 20 year old sex-bombs...are we just meeting in the middle? I mean, Miley's sister looks like a raunchier version of her. I can at least say, she's committing to a side. Is that good? Who's side? Is it hers?
AND Is it a coincidence that kids are getting older/meaner so much younger? Just like I tell Evie, the 57 year old woman who lives beneath my stoop and smokes filtered cigarettes through long cigarette filters - dressing like an old lady, doesn't make you wise. Evie literally dresses like a baby. Rags and diapers. Evie is wise because she's old and nomadic.
If there's anything the recent American bipartisan climate teaches - it's that meeting in the middle bullies promises into constipated grunts. Nothing more than distant, 2 year old whispers.
Thoughts on how 9 year olds should dress? Thoughts on why kids are so mean? Are they meaner? Or are we just more aware? OR are we the meanest of all, raising mutant meanies?
photo source: CelebItchy.com
The opinions expressed on the BUST blog are those of the authors themselves and do not necessarily reflect the position of BUST Magazine or its staff.
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