i am reading this as i take my five min afternoon boob-pumping brake (referred to by my coworkers as dairy production time out)

i haven't read it either, obviously, but i can assure all that there's a fine balance between being a protege of Mother Earth and being my Self. its a high wire i walk everyday. and each mother has her own balance.

isn't the way of the world that nothing is black or white nowadays? aren't we all living in a different shade of grey?

Here here to this! Doting never did anyone any good.

*sigh* I don't know. I can't help but think that this book seems like just even more fodder for the "mommy wars". And once again, where are the dads/partners/other care givers in this equation? Are "moms" seriously always the only ones who put pressure on themselves or uproot their lives to be the perfect parent? Maybe she addresses this in the book, but it's difficult to tell from this blog posting.

I am excited that at least something is coming that places the blame on women for doing this to ourselves, maybe it will spark a revolution in how we approach one another! As a high school teacher I feel that it seems like we never really leave the cliques that plagued us in our youth, we simply change the issues & find other reasons to divide--when what we really need to do is recognize everyone has their path & if they are happy their child will be happy. Instead we create a stay-at-home vs working mom divide, a playgroup divide, a breast feeding divide, a birthing/labor option divide, a parenting philosphy divide, & the list just goes on further fracturing women--which I guess is the point really. The more our patriarichal system can divde women, the better for the men in charge. If we fight amongst one another then we wont band together where it counts (like in healthcare, welfare, equal wages etc...) we will just contune to focus on tearing each other down over the lamest issues ex:WHO CARES if your child is not breastfed & you had a planned c-section? Is your child an open-minded, respectful & loving individual? That is what matters!
Really, ladies, really.

So our right to choose can't be extended to how we raise our children?

Shellflynn, I think the whole point *is* that the right to choose should be extended to how we raise our children.

"Powered" milk? Watch that spell check!
I agree w/Nectarine--it's just fueling the Mommy wars and woman-on-woman negativity. No need. When a woman becomes a mother, my only hope is that she listens to her instincts and go with what feels right for her and her child. It's a tough, tough balancing act to be a mom, whether you have an outside job or not. I have also found that having a community of moms whom I admire around me helps instead of tears down my parenting, as I try to balance that with my FT job. What's the point of being competitive? If you don't buy into it, it won't affect you. Just do the best you can...love yourself, love your child, and be flexible. You can have a terrible, unbalanced day, but it can be great the next. I won't be reading the book, because I don't need that negativity.

Not the first time the issue of perfectionism in mothering has been addressed...
http://goodenoughmother2.blogspot.com/

Maybe we just need to learn how to chill out a bit...

Let's not romanticize this "French version of womanhood" too much - Smoking and an obsessive desire to remain young and beautiful into old age is hardly liberating. Instead of taking aim at a society which devalues motherhood, Badinter decides that we should all be mediocre mothers.

Breastfeeding - and I know from personal experience - can be a very empowering experience, but not when hospital nurses are unsupportive after birth and the mother must go back to work in 6 weeks to pump in the bathroom on her lunch break. Did Badinter get a kickback from Nestle, like so many maternity departments have? Empowering indeed.

Regarding "environmentalism" - Perhaps her next book will address how empowering it is to throw garbage on the ground (cigarette butts perhaps?) and drink bottled water at every opportunity. After all, that would give us all the more time to focus on being hot sex objects.

I think a lot of women get caught up in the 'my baby is my life' stigma, and once their kids are grown up they don't know what to do with themselves. At least that's what I've observed in Utah, where it's not uncommon when women are married with three kids by the time they're 22. And I believe if your child thinks you exist solely for them, they probably aren't becoming the most independent adults. Everyone needs to strike a balance. No one should feel like their life is being ruled by their children.

I'm not a parent, but I have to say, it seems completely logical to be a woman first and mother second. Doing otherwise would somehow imply that once you give birth, the person you've been up to that point disappears.
I wish we could all be more adept at saying "screw that" to whatever social pressures we're facing--I know it's not easy, but come, what works for one mom might not work for another--and do what feels right to us. Don't want to always steam and puree your own locally-grown, organic vegetables for your kid? Don't want to breastfeed? Cool. Don't. And most importantly, don't feel bad about it, either.

As the daughter of a mother who constantly told me how much she'd sacrificed to be a mother, and thereby lost my respect the more she repeated it, I can't agree more. I thought my mother was a big loser for letting having children be an obstacle to her personal growth. I now see that she was just the type that would have used anything as an excuse, but letting it appear to be your kids you sacrificed your goals for is a big no-no, whether it's true or not.
I can't agree more with this lady. I read French, so I'll buy it in "version originale" and see what I think.

As a mother of a beautiful and happy 20 year old all I can say is it's about balance. Sometimes you need to keep your kid close to you and sometimes you need to let them go. Smothering is not mothering but neither is being selfish and neglectful.

All you have to do to understand how kids get hurt by selfish parents is watch the Movie "Up." It just breaks my heart to see kids being pushed to the sidelines because their parents are too busy with their own lives, relationships, and problems. I totally support women who are mothers being ambitious, but I just think that we have to remember that in life there are choices to make. Kids get really hurt when their parents don't have time for them and people these days just say things like "I came out OK" (No, you really didn't) or "They'll get over it and toughen up" (Wow. Yeah, let the kids cry themselves to sleep). We need to remember that kids are not a right. You aren't entitled to them, they aren't accessories or property. They need you and if you can't be there for them, then don't have them until you (and your husband) can nurture them. Yes, a balance can be achieved, but they should be the priority if you are going to have them. They are just really needy and innocent and sweet and they deserve a parent who isn't gonna give them crap food because they don't have time to cook or be shipped off to be parented by daycare centers so their moms and dads can have a career. If you can't create that balance, then I hope you have a partner who is willing to step in and be there with the kids while you work.

I'm surprised by all the comments from moms here who don't get the author's point or blatantly refuse to acknowledge that she's got a point. The formula vs. breast milk debate is a huge issue. Mothers are inundated with the message of "breast feeding is best". It may offer the most health benefits, but it is not the right choice for every woman. Some women don't produce enough milk, some kids can't suckle, some women work jobs that don't make it easy for women to take pumping breaks or sanitary places to pump and store milk. The author wanted women to know it's okay to use formula, your child can thrive and you shouldn't beat yourself up because every super mom you know breastfed and your kid is being deprived(they're really not). Women, who choose to be parents, have so much pressure put on them to be the ideal mother, from family, friends, and society at large. I have two kids, I stay home during the day with them, and work a part time job in the evening. This little bit from the book is completely relevant to my life. My freinds and I have regular conversations about the high standards we put on ourselves as parents to give our kids rich and fulfilling lives. We get our kids up and ready for their day, feed and dress them, pack their healthy snacks and lunch in reusable trash free packaging so that we're eco friendly, drive them to school, spend time volunteering in school, get the grocery shopping done, prepare a healthy and nutricous dinner for the family, and then run our kids to their after school enrichment programs, Girl Scouts on Mondays, soccer Tuesdays, PTA Wednesday, swim on Friday, and dance on Saturday. We spend that time waiting for our kids to finish making themselves into better little people. We are not really doing anything for ourselves as women, other that getting some satisfaction for making our kids lives better, but rather sitting their waiting while life goes by. The author is saying we deserve a little of our own enrichment, and I think she's right. We also judge each other harshly in peer groups, which causes us to judge ourselves more criticly. I have often been in play groups and listened to women talk about how this mom or that works and her poor kids are in day care all day and only spend a few hours with them before they are off to bed. Women havde many reasons for working, financial and personal fulfillment, and they have the same right to pursue their lifetime goals of work and parenting and they shouldn't be criticized for it. These same moms don't have a negative opinion about their own husbands working six twelve hour work days so that they can stay home and enjoy the kids and play groups. We should all relax a little more, and be more open minded about other moms' choices in how they raise their families.