I LOVE STFU,Parents.

That is all.

I was trying to explain my frustration to my bf about people like this after helping out a friend with a moms&tots morning program that she runs. One mom just went on & on about nothing but this-magical-intelligence-boosting-activity & that-program-my-son-is-enrolled-in to the point where I ended up on the opposite side of the room, with, I noticed, a lot of the other moms.

As a mom I know a ton people who are like this but most of them were annoying idiots prior to becoming parents.

Wow. I had never heard of it before. I am so enlightened. I did not know that poopie diaper party games existed.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't know what you are talking about because you aren't a mother yet. Like when a teenager tries to talk about what life is for an adult. There's nothing dreadful about being a "mommy" but you don't realize it until you are one. It doesn't make you less of a feminist to focus or want to talk about your children because they are more important than tv, partying, sleeping in, etc. If you don't want to hear comments about kids, don't friend moms. I don't constantly talk about my kids but I have to admit from the other side it's really annoying hearing about people being too lazy to get out of bed when you woke up to your child throwing up on you at 7 am.

I find the last sentence to be funny, considering this blog seems pretty smug about not being "one of those people."

Hey Joelle4 STFU! Looks like you are the one who does not get it.

^
Well that was rude.
Joelle4 is right though. If you don't like, then either speak up for yourself or unfriend that person. Screen capping and posting it anonymously on a blog is pretty cowardly.

@joelle4: You sound just like the people that get submitted to STUParents. You haven't listened to what the author said in the article. It's not about ALL mothers, it's the women that constantly go on about how you couldn't POSSIBLY understand, you're not a mother. It's so patronising.

And don't friend moms? So we should stop being friends with people that annoy us, rather than try to explain why their behaviour is annoying? What if your best friend or sister has a child, should we stop being friends with them? Comparing people who don't have children to teenagers is not going to win you any favours with people, again, it's incredibly patronising.
You chose to have a child, it was your decision. So if they throw up on you at 7am, yeah, that's shitty, but that doesn't mean people can't feel tired and unmotivated getting up because they don't have children. Children aren't the only things that make you feel tired and crappy in the morning.

I never understand why non parents hate on parents so strongly, Ironically, the ones that end up having kids down the line were usually the most smug about it in the early days. this is an age old feud that is just plain silly. talk to me in 10 years when you're sleep deprived and changing diapers.

Point is, if people were superficial morons before they had kids, talking about nothing but partying and TV, they will most likely be superficial morons AFTER having kids, too.
Personally, I find that other people tend to bring up my kid a lot more often than I do (right now being an exception, obviously). I've jokingly been dubbed the "childfree mother" by my childfree friends. It is possible to have a child and not turn into a diapering, vomit-covered robot. This blog is just making fun of the people that are dumb/shallow enough to not mind turning into that, even be proud of it.

motherhood is a whole other level of feminism.

its akin to defining yourself as a strong woman and then meeting with a torturous bit of hell in your life. thats when you find out what you're really made of. when you're ripped out of your comfort zone and put to the test is when you find out how much strength you really have.

every mother fights tooth and nail not to loose herself while giving herself entirely to her children. life is hard if you're a mother or if you're not.

theres a reason that most warrior Goddess's are mothers. i respect strong women, i respect mothers and i bow down to those who are both.

Oh right, b/c those who haven't yet or choose not to have kids talk about fascinating stuff. When I went back to work I remember making a concerted effort to NEVER bring up my kids. I have to say I found it odd to not talk about such a big part of my life and work and love, and to then listen to my friends talk for an entire fucking lunch period about inane shit like celebrities, television, and ....themselves, eternally. There IS some insane bias against mothers. If someone is annoying? Guess what, being a mother probably has nothing to do with it.

Wow! There's some really unpleasant undertones here. I agree with the earlier commentor who said it sounds like some people don't realy have the life experience to "get" parenting. I'm a totally committed feminist, parent, teacher and writer. It's fucking exhausting trying to have it all and (inevitably, because being a parent is pretty much all-consuming) your day-to-day experiences are somewhat curtailed. Now I'm not saying that talking about only your kids all the time is cool, obv. we all need to have a bit of a conversational repertoire, bu to start hacking into moms for like, being a mom, is fucking juvenile. It's shit like that that makes feminists look like a bunch of embittered bitches to some people. How about we try and be supportive? If your friend is going on about being a mother then why don't you talk to her (kindly) about it? Why don't you offer to babysit so she can have a shower uninterrupted or a coffee on her own? Maybe then if she feels less head-fucked she might be able to be a bit like her pre-kid self.

75% of these comments sound as if this link was forwarded out to a "Morning Walk Time Mommy and Latte Group". and the enraged members just came here to whine. STFU!

People that talk about their kids all the time, MEN and WOMEN, sound just like idiots that talk about their wedding all the time. Like the crap on the Knot. It's annoying and no one cares.

Mature and insightful. I despair.

75% of these comments sound as if this link was forwarded out to a "Morning Walk Time Mommy and Latte Group". and the enraged members just came here to whine. STFU!

No, dipshit, these are FEMINISTS. Who READ BUST. Maybe thy have a fucking point? This is precisely the sort of immature, hateful rant that just makes you sound like you have issues with mothers, so = anything they say is stupid, they have to be disparaged with babying terms like "mommy" and "latte group" or whatever. Why don't YOU stfu?

Ooo, so much debate, so little time.

Please tell me, at what point is the writer criticizing anyone for BEING a mother? Srsly, did we all read the same post?

I hear her (and STFU, Parents!) venting about mothers who fit a certain stereotype. Stereotypes are not PC, but they are based on reality. And when we run into them in daily life it is annoying. Since we can't beat people who are being dumbasses, venting online is a great outlet.

Furthermore, not everyone who has a kid also has pre- and post-kid selves. Sure, I'm different now then how I was at 24, but not JUST because that's when I had my son. I would hope I'd be different now at 32 whether or not I had a child.

If a woman is trying to "have it all" that's HER CHOICE. But it's all relative and many things in any woman's life can make her "fucking exhausted."

Aw, I still want to chat about Sofia Coppola movies and Stanley Kubrick whereas my lady friends who have kids/having kids are reading Jenny McCarthy books and "What To Expect When You're Expecting". Hmpf. It's all about different experiences, no need to hate. But I sure do miss talking about Sofia Coppola to my new mom friends.

Of course anything in a woman's life can make you fucking exhausted, I've lived through various difficult issues (paren't death, partner;s depression to name two) but being a parent (as surely you'd know) has its own type of exhaustion. The type of exhaustion that comes from being totally responsible for a nother person's life and the inherent difficulties of new parenthood (such as feeding, sleep deprivation, changes in self-perception, post partum depression).
The issue I have with this isn't so much the original post (which clearly is an attempt at being funny, though I do take issue with the devaluing phrase "basic bodily function" - it isn't having a shit, ffs), it's more some of the assanine, frankly bitchy comments that came after.
Obviously as we get older we mature and evolve. But I take issue with your there doesn't have to be pre and post kid selves notion. If you aren't fundamentally changed by motherhood, I'm really, really surprised.
And of course venting is a coping mechanism, but to mock people on line in that manner is lame. End of. As I said before if your friend (and I'd question really if they ever were a real friend) has changed so much for the worse that you feel the need to mock her online, then you need to talk or walk. Otherwise you just come off as selfish and immature. I don't at all deny that martyr types exist (it's part of the function of patriarchy, but I don't want to patronise on this website of all places) but why not just steer clear as you might of someone who bangs on about their love for god or vegetarianism or S&M.

My gods. Some of these comments are EXACTLY why STFU, Parents exists.

@joelle4 "Honestly, it sounds like you don't know what you are talking about because you aren't a mother yet." WTF? Lady, I know people WITH kids who have NO idea how to be a freaking parent. Being a parent doesn't make you an EXPERT on children, nor HOW to parent. And NOT having kids does not make you ignorant about children

Don't be spewing this crap that someone CAN'T POSSIBLY know anything about children because they don;t have any. I know more people WITHOUT kids that would make better parents than those WITH kids. But they have chosen to NOT have children (or they can't.) That doesn't make them any less knowledgeable about children.

And it's people like YOU why STFU, Parents exist.

And if you'd look at what some other commenters are saying, it's not ALL parents that are mocked or snarked at at STFU, Parents. It's people LIKE YOU.

So, here's an idea: Take your self-righteous, "I'm Better Than You Because I'm a Mombie" attitude, and STFU.

Goodness, it seems like most of the negative comments here come from people who don't understand at all what this site is about. We make fun of self-righteous entitled moms, not all moms in general. You guys are reacting like we just made the "your mom" comment of the century. Chill the F out and stop martyring yourself. It's not a political fight about feminism, we're not telling people to stop having children, we're simply making fun of people who worship the shit that comes out of their kids so much they'd take a picture and frame it. If you think that's normal behaviour, then you've got bigger problems.

I think the mommy-defenders here need to go read the site and not judge it based on the one post they picked. (I'm a fan of the site but am not affiliated with it in any way)

You seriously want to defend moms who hold their kids over a trash can to pee, take a picture while doing it, then post it up online as if its funny and normal!

You want to defend moms who laugh about letting their kids trash a doctor's exam room because they were kept waiting too long (oh.. and took a picture of it).

You want to defend moms who post pictures of their kid's genitals and their first poop? Yes... we know you are proud when they learn to use the potty, but you don't need to post the photographic evidence to the world. Moms who upload 200+ pictures that their 3 year old took. Moms who laugh about changing their kid's diaper on a coffee-house table because the staff seemed to glare at her.

I have several friends who post lots of things about their kids, but NONE of them have ever done that stuff! And having a kid IS exhausting, it doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to complain and joke that my work day is now torture because I forgot my ipod at home. I got mommyjacked and told that I don't know what torture is until I've been kept up for 5 nights straight. Yes.. being sleep deprived sucks, it doesn't INVALIDATE anyone else's annoyances or suffering! And there are worse things than being sleep deprived from a toddler. How about not being able to have kids at all? How about starving or having a terminal or painfully chronic disease? It's the arrogance and superiority we mock and loathe, not motherhood itself.

Im a mom and I still love STFUParents. Were all one of *those* people at some time or another, whether its about parenting, marriage, being childfree, or single. Its our ability to laugh at ourselves from time instead of getting all butthurt that matters.

And Amaru, give your new mom friends some time. As much as we might see motherhood minimised in the media and by people with other agendas, having a new baby takes it out of you. I'm not saying that in a martyrdom way, I'm saying that in a statement of fact way. Maybe they'll have the time and inclination to talk about Sofia Coppolla films later. They're lucky that you value them enough to see that experiences change and don't dis them for it.
Also, Berrycola, I don't think that people who frame their kids shit is normal and I don't much like it when women (and sometimes men) can only talk about their kids amazingness or use the fact they're parents as a means to belittle other people. But I do have a problem with people demonising others in manner the website (your website?) does. Lifting someone's FB comments like that and mocking them just isn't repectful.
Finally, I don't think the earlier comment about not getting what parenthood is like until you are a parent was as mean spirited as Terri is presenting. I think it's more about saying that until you have a child you don't get how much it changes the way you operate. Some women assimilate the changes better and it doesn't change them too much, other women have such difficulty with motherhood that it takes over hence some of the women who are mocked on STFU parents. Maybe if there was a little more understanding and better communication there would be less of an issue.

Lisaf, I just went back to the site and had another look, this time reading some of the comments - some fo that stuff ( alot of it actually) is really freaking nasty. Many of the stories reported could really easily be parents who are trying their best and getting a really hard time from childless people. I put stuff of Fb all the time that's intended as a an exaggerated joke - but on STFU Parent site you don't know if its someone having a joke - its just passed off as sincere. I'm actually pretty shocked and disheartened by a lot of commentors really vicious attitudes. It isn't just venting often, it's just being a superior bitch.

Oh my god, what is wrong with you bitches? Just because you crapped out a mini version of yourself it means you are superior? What if someone just cannot have children? Does that mean they will never be as "wonderful" as you? We don't hate parents, we just wish the selfish, "woe is me" ones would stfu. Get it? Its funny because you are annoying. Your kids don't mean anything to us because we didnt decide to waste our lives with a selfish act of passing on our precious genetics. Its something people have (obviously) done since time began (and animals do to) so stop feeling so f-ing proud of yourselves and try to do something actually worthwhile before you brag.

Oh, btw, you know what will make you really sleepy? Terminal illness, homelessness, natural disasters, mental illness... how many people do you blow off to talk about your kids when they might be going through something that is far more difficult than RAISING YOUR OWN OFFSPRING. God, a monkey can do that...

"bitches", "crapped out", "bragging"? What the fuck?
Your ignorance is breathtaking. On the one hand, you are saying that you're only having a go at the superior-acting parents and then you start making really, really nasty comments about those who have disagreed on some level with the ethos of the site. Make your mind up and watch who you're calling bitch. Fuck, we don't need patriarchy to keep us in our place when some idiotic women are so fucking good at it.
I am massively disappointed that this level of attitude is happening on this website. Yeah, rip the shit out of what you perceive is poor parenting - don't bother your arse to try and understand someone else's perspective. I'm saddened that on a feminist website that there are views like having children isn't worthwhile. That isn't feminism - it's immaturity and, just so you understand, Kimmi et al. I don't think that people who don't have children are lesser, it's their choice, but I do think that if you don't have kids you can't appreciate what its like. You might catch a parent at a low ebb and make some ignorant judgement that that's what they're like all the time and then think, hey! it'll be really funny to belittle this moment publically without the parent having a right of reply. I think that's pathetic. I think the atmosphere on that website is vitriolic and unthinking. I don't think that purely because I'm a parent, I think that because I'm a thinking person.

Ladies, Ladies, take a deep breath and calm down! Ya'll going crazy!

Kimmi, what about post natal depression? Does that gain any respect from you? Or doesn't that count? No one, at any point, here has said that natural disasters, terminal illness or anything else you mention in your rant is less important than having a baby. Try and read what's actually here rather than just lashing out. Maybe also try and think about motherhood as a part of feminism. You're letting yourself down with this sort of crap.

lovelyjohnson
Motherhood is a part of feminism.
Believing motherhood makes you superior in some way to non-mothers is not.

Post natal depression is a serious issue. So is regular depression. Its not any more special.

Lisaf, seriously, where did I say on here at all that motherhood was superior ot non-motherhood? Note that I am also not giving any kind of value point to PND over any other kind of depression. Please read what I have actually written here instead of superimposing your agenda over my comments.

lovelyjohnston -
You keep telling Kimmi that motherhood is a part of feminism - nowhere did Kimmi say it wasn't. In fact, Kimmi said that she doesn't hate all parents, just the whiny parents who want everyone to know how HARD their life is. That is not a symptom of PND and yet you offered that as an explanation. Maybe the person having trouble getting motivated has fibromyalgia. Maybe their husband died a week ago and they are suffering depression too. It doesn't mean its ok for a mom to come railroading through and DISMISSING their situation because... well Kids are so much harder than ANYTHING.

Oh, and let me clarify... when I said the mom was dismissing the other person's situation because "well Kids are so much harder than ANYTHING". I was not saying that the person actually says that. I'm characterizing their attitude. I'm explaining what their comment sounds like to everyone who is not a mom (and some moms too).

one more thing:" If you aren't fundamentally changed by motherhood, I'm really, really surprised."

Everyone changes when they become a parent. Not all of them change for the better.

Lisaf - are you being deliberately obtuse? I didn'toffer that pnd was an explanation of anything here. I was responding to Kimmi making the facetious point that mental illness (amongst other serious concerns) makes you "sleepy". I also don't "keep" telling Kimmi that motherhood is a part of feminism. I wrote it once. Kimmi made a pretty sweeping non-specific stab at motherhood actually. Go back and read her more recent comments again. Incidentally, I also didn't say that having kids was harder than anything else.

The humor on Shut The Fuck Up Parents is obviously not aimed at ALL parents; it's aimed at a subclass of self-absorbed narcissists who- contrary to their own self-estimation- are often horrifyingly BAD parents. I rest my case with the STFUP story from today about the mommy who encouraged her spawnling to trash the doctor's office.

While I am childless by choice, I do like children. I WANT to hear you talk about- and make FB posts about- your kids, in proportion with all the other interesting things you can talk about. I do not want to see pictures of your genitals or your child's feces, much less, god forbid, the reverse. And I don't need to be CONSTANTLY reminded of the myriad of ways in which your special little snowflake is unique- because they are indeed one of a kind, but no more so than every other flake in the blizzard. I do not want to hear about the ways in which the world needs to recognize, or fails to recognize, the miracle of your conception and life giving. I know: you had a baby. Well, people do. Get over yourself. When your kid grows up, they will have to live in a world that does not revolve around them, so do them a favor and start parenting them appropriately now.

If you glare at an old man on the bus because he is sitting in the handicapped seats where you like to sit with your kids, if you are trying to bring a baby in a stroller into a crowded bar and bashing people in the shins with the frame, if you bring your kid to the movies and blithely ignore the fact that they are kicking the back of the seats, if you brag about it when your kid pees in a public pool, then you'll get mocked on STFU Parents. Otherwise, not...

Wow. The people posted on STFU,parents are idiots. They do not represent all women who have children at all. There are several mothers who are regular commenters over there who find these parents just as irritating as the rest of us do.
Im pretty sure that the people submitted aren't joking or being sarcastic - if they were, the people who submitted them would probably know - since they are FRIENDS with them.
Again, the post chosen wasn't one of the best...you guys are defending women who do their kids' science projects for them and act like it's hilarious, women who take a picture of a blowout diaper and naked baby like it's cute and anyone wants to see that, women who think it's OK to act crazy in public just because they have kids.
Yeah, some of the comments might be mean, but the entitlement and obnoxious behaviour shown in some of the postings really makes people angry. How dare some of these women think it's OK to act this way?

Buttery, I get it, I really do. I understand that there's a sub class of narcissistic fuckwit who revels in their progeny's existence way too much. I get there are some parents that indulge their child's every whim at the expense of everyone else. I understand, really I do. But a great deal of the comments on that site and some of the vitriolic out pouring in places on this thread are pretty disturbing. It's my experience that some childless people (not yourself, you sound balanced) have an issue with kids being kids. Now, I know that phrase draws fire so let me explain.
I don't know the mother of the child involved in the doctor's surgery incident and neither does anyone else on the site. It would be easy for me to take it at face value and say, "lazy, child-indulging bitch let her brat fuck up the doctor's tissues, tsk tsk" or I might think with the valuable experience I have as a parent of three under 7s that maybe she was managing a squalling baby and the child pictured did that tissue business unnoticed. Now I myself might not have taken a picture of said incident and posted it on FB, but maybe this mother feels like she's on the edge of losing it (certainly something I've felt before, frequently) and posted to try and make light of it and try and reach out in some way.
Or maybe not.
I do know however how much I am discriminated against as a mother both in the work place and in society, so to see supposedly informed feminists promoting a nasty vibed site slating mothers pisses me off. We should seek to understand not make cheap shots. Do you get me?

I think Kimmi's stab was pretty directed actually and at specific kinds of mothers. Do her comments include mothes who read stories to their children? Who take good care of their children but are happy to talk about non-kid related things when with other adults? Who, when seeing a comment from a friend about some difficulty they are having, ask what is wrong? No - she is stabbing at the type of mothers whose first response is 'don't talk to ME about lack of motivation - you have no idea how hard it is when you're a parent and you don't have the luxury of being motivated or not'. Their FIRST response. Their unsolicted response. And a response that highlights how self-involved they are that they didn't stop to ask their friend what is wrong.

You are taking every comment much too literally. I'm sorry if I mischaracterized you as telling Kimmy that motherhood is a part of feminism. You also said, "I'm saddened that on a feminist website that there are views like having children isn't worthwhile." I took that comment to mean that having a view that having children isn't worthwhile means you don't think motherhood is a part of feminism. And by saying you were saddened by that, you were urging people to embrace motherhood as part of feminism.
Was that wrong of me? I'll try to be more literal next time.

I give up lisaf, I wish you the best of luck with all future endeavours particularly if you every decide to have kids.

wait, let me clairify again so you don't misunderstand me - I know you told Kimmy once. The quote I put up was to show where I felt you had said it a second time.
When I said 'having a view that having children isn't worthwhile means you don't think motherhood is a part of feminism' I meant 'you' to mean the person who doesn't think having children is worthwhile. I didn't mean YOU.
Just trying to prevent more nitpicky arguments over what you did or did not say...

lovelyjohnston
Thats right... point out my childless state again. As if not being ABLE to have kids wasn't hard enough, I have to have smug moms rub my face in it all the time!

Why is my most recent comment being reviewed by an administrator before being posted? What's happening here?

Wow, there certainly is a whole lot of debate going on here. I haven't even checked out STFU, Parents! yet, but I think I may have to after reading this. I consider myself too young to have kids, but I've got a lot of friends that do have children. And when they post stuff on Facebook like "My daughter woke up at 6am, crawled into bed with me and then threw up all over me. It's going to be a great day," I don't comment back "Wow, try waking up with a hangover and throwing up and then having to go work. My day'll be tougher than yours." Um, no. I just say I hope their kid gets better.
The little sample posting does kind of piss me off because my friends with kids do comment stuff like that on my Facebook sometimes. And, really, would a two year old motivate you? To take care of them, yes, but to handle all the other shit you have to take care of in life? No. Kids are energy draining, but so are crappy jobs, bad relationships, depression, and yes, tons of other far more serious things that people already mentioned.
I don't really think we're all attacking motherhood here. Just people who use parenthood to make the rest of us feel like we're not really adults yet, and to justify not giving a shit about what's going on in the lives of their friends.

Lisaf - I tried to post a reply to your most recent post and was given a message saying an administrator would review it before it was posted. I'll try again, so sorry if I end up repeating myself.

I don't know you and had no idea that you weren't able to have kids. I apologise for any offence I caused you. I'm not at all a smug mother and don't like it in others, but I am wary of judging someone's parenting, because we don't know what's going on in people's lives as evidenced by what has happened here.
I just think that to get mired in being critical helps no one. And, actually, doesn't this website serve to make the people who like it seem pretty smug?
We should strive to understand each other, particularly on issues such as parenting and our conduct towards children. Surely we can agree on that?
And, again, I'm sorry that it seemed I was being nasty to you.

Look I'm not advocating running around and denigrating people's experiences b/c they are not parents. But I do think there is something obtuse about not being a parent and yet throwing judgment calls about it around- implying that it's the same as...fill in the blank/ mental illness/work/hangover, whatever.

Also- Lisa, I wouldn't defend parents posting ridiculous shit online, no. But I do feel defensive for mothers as a class, b/c the bigotry (and social policy) against them is often staggering when you cross that line and become one.

The more hateful comments are just sad to me. I'm really not going to assume they are typical of young feminists, b/c I see so much ingrained sexism in them. The OP wasn't nasty, but I do think it embodied typical sexist notions about women who become mothers. Oh god, I don't want to be a TYPICAL MOMMY. How uncool!

One last thing: I also think people are overlooking the fact that a lot of this stuff is written by new parents. frankly, when they can't even dress themselves, you do have to serve them. Your world does pretty much revolve around them. It can change as they get older.

Exactly I. Women face loads of discrimination when we have kids. Some rellay overt, some really subtle.

Your point about being a new parent is important. There's a world of difference between being a smug mummy who condescends to those who haven't had kids and a mother saying to someone who isn't, "it's hard, it's mental, you don't fully comprehend it until you got through it."

I've got 3 kids under 7. I don't think that makes me better than anyone else, but it does give me an insight into the difficulties of motherhood. I think I can say that without coming off as a martyr. Fuck, there have been days when I'm barely hanging in there and if my middle kid pulled some tissues out when I was distracted by my baby screaming (say) I'd hate to be judged badly for it as if it means I'm a shit mother.

I love that you will use the excuse that the parent is so tired that they can't even dress themselves as a reason for stupid posts online. Why the heck are they online goofing off on facebook if they are so tired/exhausted? I know that is an overstatement there but its part of the reason why we mock them... if you're SO tired, why aren't you sleeping? If you're run down so hard, how do you have time or energy to post on my wall? (they may be emailing their mom for advice on a colicky kid and run across your post and be unable to hold back from commenting - I get that... it doesn't mean I won't mock them for it).

I have several comments being reviewed by the administrator so I will probably end up repeating myself. Its long comments that they hold back.

(am I the only one who has difficulty getting the letters right on the security passwords?)

Mommies are guilty of discriminating against childless people. Workplaces give benefits to parents that childless people do not get. I agree the discrimination is bigger towards mothers, but its not a one way street either.

I give up, all my comments longer than 3 sentences are being routed to the admin.

Have empathy for your fellow human beings.

You guys are taking this way too seriously there. There are other STFU sites as well (STFU Marrieds, STFU Believers, STFU Gays). They are all about people who post over-the-top things online, and fulfill extreme ends of existing stereotypes.

Lisa, I said when "they" can't dress themselves- I was talking about the kids. When they're basically helpless infants/toddlers you're going to have to "serve" them (terminology lifted from original blog post) and your life will revolve around them even if you don't post sacharine pictures on facebook. Although I still fail to understand why it's so humorous that they post b/c posting on facebook doesn't require much energy- its' easy to do from a laptop or whateverberry if you're watching kids in a quiet moment. I can't believe people get annoyed at a mere status update (tongue in cheek!) about a kid puking. jesus, unfriend them then if the mention of children gets your shackles up. Or look at your issues, or attitude toward mothers, or something.

What benefits do parents with children get? Seriously. Family leave is family leave. You can take the unpaid family leave for any reason. Or maybe you're in a country besides in the U.S. I got completely screwed over in my job when I had my first kid.

i think MANY "mommies" that are so bent out of shape about this don't realize that it isn't kids STFUP is hating on-- its their ridiculous parents who think that wasting a whole box of a doctor's tissues, or that "I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE CPS WAS JUST HERE!" (a real post), or pictures of kid's poop aren't really the thing intelligent people want to read. 99% of these posts are by people who are so stupid they shouldn't be breeding.

and i say this as both a feminist and the mother of a 5- year- old.

i love STFUP. and for the record, i've already warned EVERYONE that if i submit it (which thank god i don't have to, because i have smart friends who don't do aggravating crap), i will NOT be anonymous. the people who get bent out of shape about this are the people who are probably convinced all their friends want to have it pointed out to them that THEY DON'T KNOW TIRED UNTIL YOU HAVE 5 SICK KIDS!

STFUP is awesome. lovelyjohnston, no one cares that you have 3 kids under the age of 7, so stop talking about it. And to "I", the benefits moms get in the workplace are as follows: "I have to take a long lunch to go to my kids' Valentine/Easter/Halloween/Thanksgiving/Mother's Day/Christmas party at school." "Can you finish up this project? I have to run and get the kids to baseball practice." "Sorry I was late...I had kid issues this morning." I always wondered what my boss would say if I called in the morning and said, "Sorry, I'm going to be late...I had 'turning off my alarm clock' issues this morning." Moms are constantly expected to be given a break because they have a job AND kids. Well, guess what. YOU. CHOSE. IT. So stop thinking you are entitled to long lunches and shorter work days just because you decided to reproduce.

Or maybe the moms who don't get bent out of shape like to think they'll never be disliked for being a mother because they're "different." And so it's fun for them to join the hate.

All you have to do apparently is mention you have kids and they get all pissed.

nope, I, if you mention your kids thats fine-- no one wants to see them crapping, or hear about them crapping, or what their crap smells like.

if someone sent my update to them i would relish in my 15 minutes! RELISH

There are some comments here that are completely missing the origianl points that I've made. I'm not saying that anyone should care that I have kids. I'm just saying that my experience gives me a certain type of perspective. I'm not going to post any more here because I think it has become counter-productiveand seems to have become a place for some embittered people to vent. I'm really sorry for you that some smug mothers have made you such haters and I'm glad that my friends are able to talk to me if I've upset them rather than them feeling the need to post something snide about me on a website.

STFU Parents is pretty funny although some of the comments there and on Facebook definitely come from child haters. I just ignore them and read what the author of the blog posts.

I remember what life was life before having a kid and I remember how critical I was of parents and their kids. Now that I have one of my own I'm really glad I very rarely verbalized these criticisms because humble pie can be hard to swallow, lol!

People can be annoying, regardless of whether they're a parent or not however this blogs focus is on annoying parents. If people are going to publish every aspect of their personal life on the internet they need beware that people who get to read it are going to have an opinion, even strangers.

lovelyjohnston, I find it ironic that you claim the comments on here are "sadly missing the original points [you] made" when the truth is, your original comments completely missed the original point of STUFP. It's called SATIRE. It's called HUMOR. Sure, things are taken out of context. But as Sandi just said, when someone posts something on THE INTERNET, it's public property. People ALWAYS seem to forget that FB is not a private place. When you post a status, a comment or a picture, you are giving up all rights to it. People can take screenshots, email it, print it out, photocopy it, make fun of it, WHATEVER. If you don't want something on your FB mocked, don't post it.

Samoa at the risk of getting into further dispute here, I understand that it's meant as humourous. I really, really do, honestly. I'm just of the opinion that if I was communicating with my friend/s (on FB for example) then I would be hurt if they mocked me for it, I'd prefer it if I pissed them off that they talked to me about it.
I'm really concerned about women attacking women and would just really like there to be some clearer attempts at communication. I was under the impression that Bust readers would be into that generally.

Not to mention, be a little more careful in who you friend, LOL!

Oh I'm not a Bust reader. I'd never even heard of it. I'm a STFUP reader, and a fan of them on FB. The link to this article showed up in my newsfeed yesterday. baahahahha

My mistake. I feel strangely reassured.

Same here!

Oh come on now, who hasnt ever been made fun of before? Haven't we all been in middle school before? I just want to know why "mommies" are so beyond reproach? Everyone gets the piss taken out of them from time to time, just suck it up like the rest of us. Isn't that equality? The site isnt just about women, its about parents. There are daddies featured too. I think the biggest point of the site is that these people POSTED ON FACEBOOK. That's it... you put your information out on a public site (doesnt matter how many privacy settings you have, I bet I can see your page). If you sent those pics of your son's potty training to your parents, no one would care. Facebook is narcissistic in its own right. There are tons of sites that make fun of what people post. When you have 600 friends some are likely not to be close and might not get your "humorous" story about your kid destroying the doc's office. If you don't want to be judged at all than keep your sensitive information between you and your real friends. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I'll never understand the trend of posting your wedding photos or birth pictures online... those are special and shouldn't be used for attention... oh well, that's just me. All this social networking is beyond me at this point in my life.

MaryCindy, I think we are the same person. You just said so many things that I say and think about FB every day...especially the part about "doesnt matter how many privacy settings you have, I bet I can see your page." People seem to think that when they post something on FB, only the people they WANT to see it actually will. WRONG! There are sooooo many tricks to hack into "private" information. And it only takes one click to copy/save/email/share. And just because we're "friends" on FB doesn't mean I know you well enough in real life to care about what you might think if your inappropriate post shows up on some blog. If you don't want to risk sharing it with the world, don't post it on Facebook. Period. And I agree...the definition of Facebook is "narcissism."

Samoa - I think what you've just said really reveals a lot about you. All I can say Is, I'm really glad I'm not friends with you if that's how you perceive things.

Enjoy the fakeness you're revelling in.

Oh, and by the way, this has nothing to do with parenting - it's about being an adult.

Whoa lovelyjohnston, what hurt you so much about Samoa's post? Did you not realize that we live in the world of anonymity? Do you think MaryCindy is my real name? I could be anyone on earth. I could even be several people on this thread. That's how the internet works. How many friends do you have on facebook? It's not possible to be close friends with hundreds of people, it just isn't.
My policy is if you wouldn't announce it to strangers in public, than just don't put on a social site! If you want to share an embarrassing story why not call someone or send an email? This is why employers use facebook and look through pictures when deciding if you are too much of a party girl or too aggressive to hire.
You are the one in a fantasy world if you think all those embarrassing pictures of your kids won't get back to them or your venting won't get misconstrued and judged by people on the outer circle of your social network. How are they supposed to know you are not being a bad parent? That you are not being narcissistic? That you are just kiddin'! Either make yourself clear or leave those things to your real life friends.
Take yourself as an example, you misread a response to my post that I saw no problem with and decided that Samoa was a horrible person? Based on what? Less than a hundred words? You have no idea who she is but you had no problem judging and telling everyone else about it. How "adult" is that?
Way to go, you've proved her exactly right.

That's me told isn't it? And I guess the fact that Samoa thinks you're the same person has nothing to do with your response to me.

The point is we aren't at middle school anymore - we're meant to be adults. I don't live in a world of anonymity and obviously the initial mistake I've made here is that it's okay to slag off people that aren't your *real* friends.

It's not cool to humiliate people. I don't care how you dice it. That website is immature and really unpleasant. People bullying other people just isn't on. And, I'm sorry if you don't agree, but I think that that's what that website is doing. When you or I post on here we're inviting comment in a debate of sorts. When you post on FB it's a different deal. If one of your friends posts something like the woman did that the origianl OP used here, then you as a firned have a choice a) as a friend, talk to her or, b) defriend her if she isn't really a friend. A thinking, feeling person surely wouldn't think c) copy and paste to another website anonymously where people can mock her and say things like, "that deserves a punch in the throat" and "do you wnat me to knock out all your teeth so you look like your baby". Not cool.

Until women stick together we'll never get full equality - that's why this whole thing pisses me off.

Now, pelt me with rotten tomatoes if you like.

Your hypocrisy is truly enlightening, do go on.

Yes, I too would like to know how stating the FACT that information posted to the Internet is public property "reveals a lot about [me]." Because of what I said about not knowing someone well enough in real life to care if their status is posted to a blog? The point is, if I didn't send it in, someone else could. When you put something out there, you can't take it back.

It's good to know that anonymously submitting an anonymous post to a blog makes me an unthinking, uncaring person, but you telling me that you know all about my character because of a few random comments on an article means that you are mature, sensible and caring.

Way to alienate your readers. Awesome stuff, thanks. FTR, if I have to chosse between being cool enough to read Bust and indulging in the odd gush about my kids every now and then, consider this my retirement as a (very disappointed, 10+ year) Bust reader.

Hey cool. A feminist magazine indulging in some good, old-fashioned woman bashing. Good work, Bust. Good-bye, Bust.

Thank fuck, it's not just me.

Okay, so the title of this article rubbed me the wrong way, as did the tone of the article... until I actually clicked on the link.

The parents at STFU, Parents are the parents my husband and I make fun of. Couples who had no REAL existence before the birth of their children have nothing else to devote their every breath to after the birth of their children.

The parents on this site border on and sometimes cross the border of creepy. This is not making fun of the average or above average parent. They're laughing at the over-the-top or bizarre parent.

So, before flaming the other commenters, the author, or the site, take a deep breath and click on the link. I got a good laugh out of the silliness of parents without a clue.

Mad
Hey cool. A feminist magazine indulging in some good, old-fashioned woman bashing. Good work, Bust. Good-bye, Bust.

Yeah...because all parents are women. STFU!

lovelyjohnston1
Thank fuck, it's not just me.

Nope. It's just you. STFU!

kgirl
Way to alienate your readers. Awesome stuff, thanks. FTR, if I have to chosse between being cool enough to read Bust and indulging in the odd gush about my kids every now and then, consider this my retirement as a (very disappointed, 10+ year) Bust reader.

FTR, nice way to link to use this platform to bash BUST while you link to your blog that talks incessantly about how you like being a Mom more than even having kids. Check the archives of STFU, Parents- I'm SURE your ass is on there somewhere. STFU!

Le Chat Rouge - can you not engage in a bit of debate on this? Oh wait, it's much easier to be rude and not think too much about the real point, eh?

Why does everyone hate mothers? How many fucking articles do we need to read about how annoying parents (in particular mothers) are? Good old fashioned women bashing indeed. BUST must be really hard up on readers to go for such an easy, tired target.

Okay, coming from someone with an enormously obnoxious sense of humor AND 2 little childrens (yeah, I know, I was supposed to have lost that when the kids popped out)...I gotta say, STFU, Parents was pretty lame. I searched the blog in hopes of a giggle, but mostly just rolled my eyes. The redirects on FB postings are examples of either selfishness, superiority complexes or genuine interest in sharing, but all people do those things, kid-related or not. What I would love to see is a "STFU Dog Owners!". My favorite thing is when people talk about their pets like they are children and some actually believe it's the same responsibility! (Uh oh...I better put my shield up because I'm sure I've just lit a huge fire under dog-parents' asses) but before you start spewing pissiness my way, I would like to point out that if I were to leave my child/ren in a crate all day while I was at work, chances are I'd be thrown in jail. Hell, I want cheap day care just like anyone else, but as it turns out, it's not legal. PS I also have 2 dogs, and yes I love them, but I wish they would start pulling their weight a little more. Feed the kids, do the dishes, SOMETHING.

Hey all,
I'm a feminist and a mom. My daughter is my life. And I feel she should be- she didn't ask to be born, I wanted a child, so now it is my duty to devote (most of) my time and energy to her. She's an infant, so right now she requires a lot of time and energy! And I want to do this. What is more deserving of my time right now? Knitting? Surfing the internet for hours and hours? Reality TV? It's an honor to raise her, I feel very lucky. Because I spend most of my time with her, she's pretty much all I talk about. But my friends and co-workers understand- I listen to them prattle on about their interests, they indulge my baby talk. What's so wrong with that? All anyone ever talks about is themselves anyway- why is what I have to say any less important?

I just find it amusing that people think the only alternative to talking about kids is to talk about reality tv and surfing the net. You know, there are other things in life besides those, like having great careers, traveling the world, curing cancer ... And I am not saying you should chose career or kids - it's possible to have both, and I know many incredibly successful women who have managed to do both. I agree with people in some of the posts above that it can be incredibly patronizing when women with no kids are told that they can't possibly understand what it is like to have a kid or that it is selfish if you decide not to have one. Sure, you can't know exactly what parenthood is like before you become one, but it doesn't mean I need to listen to your complaints either. And calling people without kids lazy because they occasionally have a bad day (or a bad hangover), just shows your jealousy about those days you could freely do whatever you wanted and not have to answer to anyone. I find it often that women who try so hard to portray selfless mothers are really self-centered and desperately need other people's attention. Keep your baby talk in the circle of your nearest relations because they might be the only ones who care.

I just hate whining, in general. Kids, jobs, husbands - enough. I honestly think that sometimes people have so little outside interests that that's all they know, and lose all perspective. I have a 10 yr old, a single mom, and no - everyday is not sunshine, roses and chocolate covered kisses. It's hard, like any other job, but it's definitely not unbearable at all. But hey, I never ever whine about my son, or my lack of a life because of him.
Hell, I take him to the pub/restaurant to meet up with friends if that's the way it rolls. Mommy needs a life, just as the author stated, and he should be privy to that.

I do have the stfu parents as friends on my fb, and they do piss me off- but that's why I click 'hide' or I restrict their incoming feeds. Don't you think their kids are going to grow up knowing that mommy is playing martyr all the time? Annoying as f*ck.

Mommy-talk can be annoying. I get that. However, most of the commenters at that site are even worse. Facebook isn't exactly known to be a treasure trove of depth and wit. It's an outlet. Why is it such a big deal for someone to blab about their kid? If you don't want to hear about it, hide their messages. That's what I do.

In my experience, the child-free can be every bit as smug as breeders. That's not exactly something to be proud of. The cult of parenthood is obnoxious, true, but the mommy-bashing sucks just as much.

I have three children, and I definitely have interests outside of them. So, I don't completely disagree with you. However, I have to say something to your quote "...doing my best at it without giving up on myself, my needs and MY LIFE." When you make the decision to become a parent, your needs and your life changes. And I'm not saying this because I think EVERY woman should have children because its our job or some bullshit like that. But if you bring a human being into the world, he or she is your responsibility. And not all, but most of their needs come before yours. And not that it doesn't suck sometimes, but that's the way it is. Children, goddess bless them, suck away a crap load of money of time when you could be doing something more fun like writing poetry or reading a book. Don't think I haven't thought about it while having to listen to Hannah Montana leaking out my daughter's door (in spite of dragging her to every live coffee house show I could find in order to avoid such a catastrophe). It's like saying if you get into a relationship, or move in with someone that your life won't change. Compromises will be in order. Giving birth is a life changing event. It can be a GREAT event if you decide it is something you WANT, but like it or not, it will change your life and priorities.

**and by saying "bringing them into the world," I am including adoptive parents, foster parents, same sex parents and dads**

Shame on you BUST for including this disgusting article. STFU Parents? Are you kidding me? What purpose does this negative and derisive blog serve, but to further pit women against each other? It's completely derogatory and feeds harmful stereotypes. It isn't even entertaining, unless you're a small-minded asshole like the pathetic, naive jerk who wrote this article.

Ladies, I'm a parent. I don't know how many times I've been told, 'You obviously don't have kids,' because I've expressed something vaguely unflatting about parenting.

Let's save our indignant rage for real issues, where people are making real laws or real policies from a standpoint that actually ignores the experience of parents. Every time we jump in with the, 'You can't understand unless you're a parent,' defense it weakens it and makes people hostile to it.

I like STFU, Parents. I see it as taking on human interaction fails. It's true, that there are venonmous comments on the site from time to time, but it is more or less a free speech area. But generally speaking, it's not much different from sites like Regretsy or You Suck At Craiglist or any other type of 'fail' site out there.

Did you ever read Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels' book "The Mommy Myth"?

I think we all know people who put too much into their kids' lives over their own - and we all also recognize that you have to be damn selfless when you have children. The trick is balancing that and no one is saying that's easy. Everyone wants to feel validated about their life choices. Mothers don't want to be automatically seen as having no life just because they like to talk about their kids (and I don't believe this article is saying that at all), and single women don't want to be belittled and told their lives aren't hard just because they don't have children.
We just need to respect each other's choices. I think the subject is a sensitive one for women because so many people *do* judge us on that count. But let's all keep our sense of humor about it all too. I love this article because as much as we all know great parents, we also know parents who take their parenthood waaaay too seriously! One of the reasons I fear becoming a mother is because I still want to have my own life and because I can't stand the way some parents talk of nothing but their hardships - actually that goes for *anyone*, not just parents. And on the flipside, it's great when I hear women say they still feel empowered when they are a parent. Since I don't have kids yet, having those discussions is wonderful! It's great because they don't patronize me and when I talk with them, we can both make fun of the stereotypical 'mommies'.

Really bad choice. Last thing we need is to stir up shit between "mommies" and "not". Not feminism as I see it.

God, I read all of these comments, which are interesting, over a blog that is not. Strange. I tried to see the humor in it, but I just don't. Making fun of people is only funny when it's done with a sense of wit and intelligence, and I just don't see it in STFU, Parents.

I agree that this was a very poor choice of blog subjects for BUST (especially as the "lead article??). I am a dedicated parent with a wicked sense of humor, who loves nothing more than a good hearty chuckle at a clever pisstake of someone else's human foibles - and even my own - but I also didn't find anything all that funny about STFU, Parents. I really hope the intent of posting about/linking to it here was not to stir up all this useless negativity, because that's pretty much all you did. Where's the feminist relevance, please?

It drives me mad that the feminist mantle is claimed by people who trash labor traditionally done by women--work which is arguably among the most important. Everyone who's as pissed about this as I am should do what I'm going to do and cancel your subscription to Bust and instead subscribe to radical parenting zines like Hip Mama and East Village Inky.

AngelicaM
Everyone who's as pissed about this as I am should do what I'm going to do and cancel your subscription to Bust and instead subscribe to radical parenting zines like Hip Mama and East Village Inky.

Yeah, that's a great idea..since BUST Magazine has employed East Village Inky creator and author Ayun Halliday for years and runs her illustrated column in every issue. Clearly you don't really even READ BUST. STFU!

I'm well aware that Ayun Halliday writes the Mother Superior column in Bust. Simply because I support one of the columnists in Bust doesn't mean I need to support Bust itself. And what is up with the general mean-spirited tone of so many people in this "discussion"?

hey Bust, you know what's a really, really smart editorial move? Publishing content that encourages one portion of your readership to insult another. I look forward to more content like this, like "Christianity for retards", "Vegetarians can kiss my ass" and "women who were gay for a while in college are sellouts."

Ha! This is hilarious! LovelyJohnston and AngelicaM are only displaying insecurity in their respective choices to be parents, ladies. Nothing more. It's like a religious zealot's blindness to reality and fury to get followers- it has nothing to do with religion.They have to convince everyone else that their choice is valid in order to convince themselves. They fill their lives with such noise that they don't have to deal with their own weaknesses and the isolation that results from that. If they entertain the point of view of someone else, they run the risk of self-reflection...a dangerous prospect when you've devoted your entire life to one tiny cause. The way these ladies cope is to create a fantasy starring themselves as the heroine, the saint, the martyr. Obviously this isn't the case for all, or even most, mothers. Lots of women who have children have made sane comments here. The only people that were bothered by this article were those who are blinded by their own causes and are insecure in the paths they've chosen.

Edwards - I have no need to convince myself I've made the right choice. I'm bothered by the article, not because of insecurity or a self-created martyr state, but because the comments on the website are ignorant at best and viciously judgemental at worst.

Have you any comment to make on the parts of comments I quoted earlier? Or do you think it's okay to abuse people?

cool people turn into cool parents, boring people turn into boring parents. that is all!

Lovelyjohnston-

You are so secure that you would never feel any need to take over an entire message board while trying to convince yourself and everyone else that you've made the right choice, right? HAhahaha! You are just embarrassing yourself. If you don't like the blog, don't read it! They're not going to stop making it because you don't like it. I hate M&Ms, but I don't expect Mars to shut down all of its factories on my account. I'm not going to read anymore of this message board. It just makes me feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for anyone whose biggest accomplishment is making a baby. (not an accomplishment, btw...monkeys do it)

M&Ms V Mars? As a comparison to issues of feminism? Seriously?

I apologise to anyone that feels I've overstepped the mark here with going on too much - it's an issue I feel strongly about.

I was hoping for some serious communication on this rather than name calling, but I guess that's the crux of the problem.

This was an opportunity for better understanding - it's a shame that it's been missed.

STFU everybody. I get it. As a parent I can be boring. But you know what? Boring comes in many guises. STFU people obsessed with their pets. STFU people obsessed with their work, STFU people obssessed their weight. Everyone STFU - because you know some, twat might think you're boring.

WTF? Is the commentary here out of control or what? As a confident 36 year old feminist mother of two children I appreciate the article that directed me to the blog STFU parents. I love it! And yet, maybe that has something to do with my smart ass, bathroom like, witty, dry, and inappropriate sense of humor. "Woes me" to those who obviously don't "get it", judging by defensive commentary. From my perspective, I think a grand point was missed by perhaps not thinking outside the box. There are millions of people in this world who have no life outside of their pets, or their children, or their jobs. That's OK, but it is really annoying when those particular things are all someone talks about, relates life to.... AS IF there is nothing else? Sorry, but truth be told, I run from people like that, and that's OK too. Personally I like to talk politics, art, movies and music that aren't censored, environmentalism, food, etc.- all individuated from Mother-dom ..and when people ask me how my kids are doing, I share...and when my kids aren't around, I cuss like a sailor. Not only am I a mother and a wife, but I am an artist, activist. There is a difference from those who philosophize about dirty diapers and sleep deprivation due to Mother-dom and those who don't. So, I found the blog very humorous and it even reminded me of those people who's lives revolve around their pets. You know who I am talking about. Oy- it might behoove a person or two to read the fucking article again from a different perspective. Perhaps some of you are in denial of what kind of Mother you really are.

Wow. *long slow clap* Way to blame YOUR baby mama drama on Bust HQ, ladies. HQ thought this was interesting, so they posted it. It's that simple. They couldn't have forseen the level of the fucking hissyfits that ensued. YOU are the ones that took it someplace ugly, so don't blame the powers that be for your inability to debate like grown folks.

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Kimmi, what about post natal depression? Does that gain any respect from you? Or doesn't that count? No one, at any point, here has said that natural disasters, terminal illness or anything else you mention in your rant is less important than having a baby. Try and read what's actually here rather than just lashing out. Maybe also try and think about motherhood as a part of feminism.