cuttin' it close with your hostess, lady schick! :: girl, it's trouble.
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um... who me? uh i guess i'm the lounge's resident tranny. old school bustie formerly known as butta.

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entry Aug 9 2008, 06:24 PM
either 'once had a love' or 'fragile'


the funny thing about having a heart of glass,
the thing they never tell you,
and others never think of
is that it hurts to breathe.

most people think a glass heart
is this flat, two dimensional, <3.
it's not. it's closer to crystal,
and if you could see it outside my body,
you'd wonder how i survive.

it's got four parts like yours,
pumping blood in and out,
but it's full of sharp angles
that constantly puncture--
cutting my lungs and organs.

it's a labored thing, and when i feel too deep,
there is the danger of internal bleeding,
or damage to my insides, my viscera.
(or is the word offal, and i'm just delusional?)

yesterday, lost in your insouciance,
you jarred me, knocked me off balance,
and on my way down i remembered:

people always think hearts like mine
so clearly transparent and fragile---
shatter on impact. that's it, end of story.
nothing could be further from the truth.

the problem isn't the heart, or what it's made of,
it's the damage it does to the rest of me.
and that part of me that, like my ribs.
hides my pain from you and everyone else.

internally i'm covered, with old scars from old wounds
so when i felt a rip, my insides coming apart,
i just laid there. the weight of my heart
cutting me deeper and i felt the funniest thing:

a pained smile fighting with my face--
and a whisper under my breath:
i can't say i didn't see it coming...

i've heard that there are places,
up on mountains, or lost in deserts,
where people like me go,
to recuperate, to lick their wounds.

my heart wouldn't be in something like that,
so i prop myself up, wiping the blood
from my lips, inhaling deep.

 
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sk8 boarding with a long board,
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asian cinema- particularlly korean films, movies from the 60's + 70's, screwball comedies of the 30s-40's, german expresionist film, horror and film noir, neo-noir, sci-fi particularly dystopias, self-reflexive film. film theory.
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subcultural histories. asian subcultures, american subcultures, historical tangents, politics,
gender theory, queer theory,
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