i've taken years to figure out what
method i'd use to kill myself. it may sound funny that it's taken me years, but i think this is the last one. i know how i'll do it. deciding to kill yourself is not something that you do on the spur of the moment, strangely.
it's taken me years
to learn the art of the fade:it's something you plan as the pain inside you grows
and now that i have my method, i can finally find peace.
where my voice sounds
like white out,
all words delete
pain is deaded
my features blur
relationships pixelate
and all that i am dilutes. i understand the people who have killed themselves. this pain...is overwhelming. and i won't be missed, not for long. i will fade, as i've been doing for years, and i can't wait to be free of this life, this pain.
it's my secret power,
a slight of hand,
my jedi mind trick
you don't even know
is working on you.
and even if you did
would you care? and why should anyone care? the world doesn't stop when someone important dies, and it won't stop when i go either. so the method:helium suffocation.
the funniest part is
it takes so little effort disposable helium tanks are easily to find. i'd think that walmart carries them.
to distract you
a bit of misdirection
to edit things out helium, unlike most canned gasses has no oxygen so if inhaled one can breathe, but you suffocate.
and you don't recall it starts with getting high, then dizzyness, disorientation as brain functions shut down.
anything that happened. it's like going to sleep. if i miscalculate i'll end up a vegetable, so win/win.
the plan is to dose myself with liquicaps. when i get sleepy, i put on the gas mask and turn on the gas.
that's it's charm: it's simple. painless, and the parts are easy to obtain.
life's clockwork
gears grind and blind
and you never stop
to look back
and even if you did
would you care?
i can have a tank + gas mask delivered to my apartment, and next time my bones ache, then i'll just fade. this is my last year! yay!