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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
Persiflager
post Sep 13 2010, 10:53 AM
Post #1101


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


*delurks*

As a larger-boobed lady with a 30 band, I can confirm that I've had the same experience. I'm pretty sure they actually thought that I invented the number.

*relurks*


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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enfermera
post Sep 13 2010, 09:43 AM
Post #1102


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 158
From: sweet, sweet virginia


discowombat, they made you feel bad for having a small BAND size? that is ridiculous. (not ridiculous of you, ridiculous of them.) there are plenty of women out there who have very large breasts and still have a tiny band size. i also hate the public experience of bra shopping at vs, so i just don't. thank goodness there was even one knowledgable salesperson there to be helpful! i just don't understand why that store insists on maintaining the pretense of being a specialty boutique, when their product isn't that great and their sales people tend to have the same minimal training as your general, run-of-the-mill department store employees. (this is assumption; i've never looked into the training procedures at vs.)
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KeraBear
post Sep 13 2010, 08:35 AM
Post #1103


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 265
From: USA


Oooh... sorry to hear about the VS experience, Wombat. I wish I could help, but i've never really dealt with salespeople, nor ever actually got sized by someone or anything like that. I mostly take care of my bra needs at Target. You are a 30 band? geeez, i could see how that could comlpicate things. I am rocking the 32 myself. But my goodness, those salespeople were pretty worthless right there huh? I mean, c'mon do your jobs or something! At least one of them was able to step up and be of some sort of help, wow. And naw you are not a mutant. Just unique!

Ha ha, after months and months of lurking, all of a sudden i am feeling talkative. LOL
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KeraBear
post Sep 13 2010, 08:10 AM
Post #1104


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 265
From: USA


QUOTE(nbdx0645 @ Sep 10 2010, 10:10 PM) *
I completely agree with Kera and and SG about being a target for competition and conquest. Is it an in-group out-group mentality? I remember when I was younger, I'd try to run away when the topic of breasts came up. Somehow, I'd get sucked into the big maw of "Aww sucks to be you" or "Finally! I'm no longer the flattest one in the room!" Or, they start talking about how massive someone else's breasts are, and you can see that the girl is very uncomfortable, but you're too afraid to help because you don't want the evil stares and comments directed at you. I'm one of those girls who never really made it out of high school with her sanity intact. It was a dark and scary time. I wanted breasts because I wanted the comments to stop.

The worst part is that many of the girls who commented were genuinely trying to help. They'd offer fashion advice, exercise tips and weird rituals to help them grow. They'd let you know how sorry they are for you. What do you say to that?


Yeah, exactly! I try to shrink away whenever the topic of breasts comes up because it ALWAYS seems to turn into a let's pity Kera party. It was the same kind of awkwardness when the topic of periods might come up during my freshman year. I still didn't have mine yet, so I would get singled out (although i have to say, some girls were jealous about that LOL!) "Finally! I'm no longer the flattest one in the room!" I have heard things like that too. I'm like, "really? Did you really have to go there?" So rude. Glad I could make you feel better about yourself at the expense of my own struggling self esteem, geeez. But girls can be equally vicious to other girls with bigger breasts, too.

But if it isn't somebody putting me down, it is somebody trying to make me feel better about myself or fashion tips on how to mask my "problem". You are right. What do you even say to that? Wow high school is so messed up. Perhaps it IS simply a matter of speaking out - telling it like it is. Shouting from the rooftops - "DAMMIT, I AM BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY I AM. Being a woman is more than two lumps hanging from your chest! I am woman hear me roar! RAWR!" LMAO!

I am in my senior year now though, so soon i get to leave all this behind! WOOT! It does get better in college ... umm... right?
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discowombat
post Sep 12 2010, 08:04 PM
Post #1105


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Posts: 52


So I went into Victoria's Secret today....

I'm sure you all know how well that worked out.

I went in knowing I'd be assaulted with helpfulness from no less than 3 sales people during my 10 minute stay. In conversation I used my vast knowledge of bra sizing and fitting to express what I needed and why. I feigned confidence (or at least indifference) about my size. I explained that I wished they stocked the 30 band in stores but I knew it was only available online, so I was here to try on some 32s to see if there was a possibility the ones in my proper size would fit right in the cup if I ordered them... Yet, after being asked my size in a very public place by 2 of the 3 employees before I could even try anything on, then later receiving looks of disbelief and comments of "Really?!??!" after telling them that the 32s were too big my self confidence was once again torn to shreds. Did I not make it clear to them earlier that I knew what I was looking for? I'm might be tiny, but I'm not a mutant. Are they really that surprised when someone declines to buy products that don't fit them?

I do have to say that one lady was understanding, seemed to believe me when I told her it was loose on the tightest clasp, and told me about a specialty bra store in town that I did not know about. Many thanks to her! However, I wish my bra shopping wasn't such a public experience! Nothing like the other two employees being loud enough to make other customers stare. sad.gif
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nbdx0645
post Sep 10 2010, 09:10 PM
Post #1106


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Posts: 134


I completely agree with Kera and and SG about being a target for competition and conquest. Is it an in-group out-group mentality? I remember when I was younger, I'd try to run away when the topic of breasts came up. Somehow, I'd get sucked into the big maw of "Aww sucks to be you" or "Finally! I'm no longer the flattest one in the room!" Or, they start talking about how massive someone else's breasts are, and you can see that the girl is very uncomfortable, but you're too afraid to help because you don't want the evil stares and comments directed at you. I'm one of those girls who never really made it out of high school with her sanity intact. It was a dark and scary time. I wanted breasts because I wanted the comments to stop.

The worst part is that many of the girls who commented were genuinely trying to help. They'd offer fashion advice, exercise tips and weird rituals to help them grow. They'd let you know how sorry they are for you. What do you say to that?
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KeraBear
post Sep 10 2010, 06:46 PM
Post #1107


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Posts: 265
From: USA


Dancing Queen - Yeah, isn't it crazy how people giving us crap about small breasts are for often than not fellow girls?!? You would think we gals would support one another, but no. I usually try not to play the "fat card" because i dunno, i guess i sort of feel like i am going down to their level you know? I have pretty much accepted that I will not be like my sister. We both have totally different body types. She is taller and curvey like my mom, whereas i get more from my dad, who has a lot of short petite types on his side. It could be worse. I could have inherited his back hair. LOL! And yes, i feel ya on the comments from family and friends. It seems from age 13 on, EVERY YEAR it was the same thing. "Don't worry, your breasts will grow, Kera. You still have time. You are probably just a late bloomer" (i am actually. started my periods at 15) Yeah? Well what if they don't?!? They talk as if it is legitamite problem. THEY are the problem for making me feed into this idea. Am i right?

Strong girl - I appreciate your comments. But I would argue against your idea that we need to "reject the idea that we're competing in the first place - it's totally bogus." Unfortunately that is the reality. At least in high school. My high school at least. Other girls seem to make it a compeition. They make me feel inferior because i am short, small breasted with narrow hips. Some of it might be jealousy because i am a skilly little thing, i dunno. Maybe it gets better after high school, i sure hope so. But one thing you are right about is that the more of us who stand up and refuse to play that game. I think part of the reason we feel like we are losing based on boob size is that for many of us breasts = being a woman. And when younger girls seem to be "winning" on that front, it says what? That they are more woman than we are? Heck no! It is not what is below the collarbone that determines that, but what's above. Amen to that, Stronggirl! smile.gif

Oh geeeez, I think I was ranting again. Ooops. Ha ha
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just_a_guy
post Sep 10 2010, 04:54 PM
Post #1108


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Posts: 34
From: Los Angeles, CA


Hi sybarite!

First of all, thank you for your input and especially for the civil manner in which it was presented. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do.

I wish that I could go into a job interview dressed in ripped jeans and a t-shirt, unshaven, with unkempt hair, and be judged solely based on my merits. Unfortunately, that just isn't reality.

As human beings we are constantly subjected to sensory input, and we filter that input through mental templates (to use your phrasing. I use "model" because of my background in math and science) that we have developed over the course of our life experience in order to process new data more efficiently. Burying our proverbial heads in the sand with regard to the de-facto workings of the human mind will not change that fact.

I do take issue with the assumption that I apply templates only to women, and am therefore anti-feminist.

In fact, I am an ardent feminist who believes that, while there is equivalency between men and women (which is to say one is not, nor should be, greater than the other), it is ridiculous to pretend that men and women are exactly the same in all respects. That said, I find it both offensive and unfounded for anyone to assume I apply templates any more frequently or egregiously to women than I do to men. I can only assume that such an assumption grows out of the knowledge that I am a man, and the templates that people hold with regard to the probabilities of a man's intentions.

Out of curiosity, to you read my reply to auralpoison before you made this assumption?

With regard to the 95 pounds statement, it was specifically made in the context of a response to the expressed desires of women, who have described themselves as such, to grow into something else. It was certainly not a commentary on all women, and I don't believe it reads that way unless taken out of context. Similarly, the templates I presented are specific to women because this thread is about women, in that context I think it's pretty clear why I've presented more information particular to the female gender.

Can you see how the very assumption that I am prejudiced against women or feminism (supported by active ignorance of the context in which my comments were made) demonstrates the very point I was trying to make about templates?



QUOTE(sybarite @ Sep 10 2010, 03:50 AM) *
Just a guy, I have to say your model, or template, based around women's choice of bags/shoes or underwear left a bad taste in my mouth too. While I get what you're trying to express, for me it is always problematic to reduce a person to the things she or he buys. Further, any template (I prefer the term to 'model') based on any aspect of a woman's appearance is to me reductive and counter to the feminism inherent to this site. I love bags, shoes and underwear but I wouldn't like to be assessed by my collection of same. Ditto your description of any woman as a package; however complementary you mean to be, again you are reducing a woman to aspects of her appearance (and what about anyone who isn't 95 pounds?).

Saying all that, I am not a regular on this thread; most people here seem happy with your contribution so far. The above is my 2 cents, offering one explanation for why what you said can come across as potentially offensive.



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Sometimes when all you want is a tall glass of water, life gives you a Short Glass of Milk
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auralpoison
post Sep 10 2010, 02:51 PM
Post #1109


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Thank you for saying that so well, Syb.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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sybarite
post Sep 10 2010, 05:50 AM
Post #1110


it's cards on the table time
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Posts: 1,993


Just a guy, I have to say your model, or template, based around women's choice of bags/shoes or underwear left a bad taste in my mouth too. While I get what you're trying to express, for me it is always problematic to reduce a person to the things she or he buys. Further, any template (I prefer the term to 'model') based on any aspect of a woman's appearance is to me reductive and counter to the feminism inherent to this site. I love bags, shoes and underwear but I wouldn't like to be assessed by my collection of same. Ditto your description of any woman as a package; however complementary you mean to be, again you are reducing a woman to aspects of her appearance (and what about anyone who isn't 95 pounds?).

Saying all that, I am not a regular on this thread; most people here seem happy with your contribution so far. The above is my 2 cents, offering one explanation for why what you said can come across as potentially offensive.
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just_a_guy
post Sep 10 2010, 02:51 AM
Post #1111


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Posts: 34
From: Los Angeles, CA


I'm really glad that I found this place, and I hope that I am contributing something positive to the group.

If I can help even one woman shift her perspective from "I'm going to accept who I am, small breasts and all" to "Wow, I'm really lucky to have small breasts because they enhance my beauty while larger breasts would make me look/feel awkward" it will bring me tremendous pleasure.

It's kind of like cars: some guys love big american muscle, I like small and sporty with beautiful lines. I'll take a lotus elise, or a porche, or even a supercharged mini over a camaro, or a charger, or a corvette any day of the week. I love motorcycles. They are fast and nimble and thrilling. It's not that I don't appreciate the beauty of a big old v8 sports cars. I do. But they don't make my heart race, and my stomach fill with butterflies.

I love a lithe little package 5'2" with a cups and 95 pounds soaking wet. I don't want you to grow into anything, I just want you to realize how beautiful you already are, and that that there are good, strong, educated, intelligent, fun, witty, attractive men (and women if that's your preference) with jobs and cars who don't live in their mother's basement and who find you much more physically appealing than your curvier counterparts.

I hooked up with an ex about a year ago whom I hadn't seen in nearly seven years, and she was worried that I would find her less attractive because she'd lost some weight and gone from a a 36c to a 34b. In reality it was the exact opposite. There have been times in my life when I've see a girl who has been blessed with some serious assets and I've actually thought to myself "she's not the right girl for me. even though I think she is a great girl and I know she is attractive, she deserves someone who is going to appreciate her body in a way that I never will."

I don't know any of you personally, but if I can give you one message it is that you haven't been cursed with small breasts. you have been blessed by nature with figures that make men's hearts soar.


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Sometimes when all you want is a tall glass of water, life gives you a Short Glass of Milk
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dancingqueen
post Sep 10 2010, 01:16 AM
Post #1112


Newbie
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Posts: 4
From: Washington


Hi all!

Thank you for all the great comments. I sure do appreciate them all! ha ha ha. I work at a jewelry store and decided that since I wasn't going to get an engagement ring any time soon, I should buy myself something. I got a gorgeous Amethyst ring. It is huge!

Guy: I like your analogy. It made me laugh!

KeraBear: Stay strong! I had more problems with other girls commenting me on my boobs in High School than boyfriends. I got pissed at a few friends and had to tell them to back off. Ha ha ha. I was mean!! I told one girl that at least I wasn't fat like she was. Keep going! I wish I could tell you that if your sister is big, you could be too, but that just sucks to hear. My sister was bigger than me too and I just started resenting people saying "Oh wait until you're 16...18...21.....23....." It is what it is. Hard to accept tho.
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just_a_guy
post Sep 9 2010, 11:37 PM
Post #1113


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Posts: 34
From: Los Angeles, CA


To answer your question discowombat, yes I have certainly come across people who collect neither (although it has been a rare occasion when a girl did not have a preference. On those occasions I ask other questions. After all, it's hard to draw conclusions based on the absence of data, and I look at it more as a fun interesting way to learn about a person than "what's your major?" or "what's your sign?"

Auralpoison: I can't say that I haven't run into your point of view before. That said, I'm not sire why you take such personal offense to the inner workings of someone else's mind, nor do I understand how you drew the conclusions that I determine a person's inter-personal relationships based on Their clothes. What I actually described is a generalization based on an individuals interests (interest in accessories versus interest in comfort garments).

Somehow I doubt that you would be as averse to making a snap judgement that someone is an audiophile based on the fact that Thor house was full of LPs and expensive stereo equipment, or that a guy who wears a lot of sports jersey is likely a sports fan, or that a person who uses the words specious and fallacious is most likely of middle to upper class socioeconomic status, college educated, most likely with or pursuing at least a graduate degree (which I would not be surprised to learn was in law).

If you walked into a courthouse saw one man in a suit, one in a jumpsuit, one in a uniform, and one in a robe, I don't believe for a second that you wouldn't make snap judgements about the people behind the clothes. We use models to make it easier to process all the data around us on a daily basis, I just don't understand why mine evoked such a powerful emotional reaction from you. Especially since it was never applied to you personally, despite your post reading as if that were the case.

Perhaps you can give me some perspective on the matter.


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Sometimes when all you want is a tall glass of water, life gives you a Short Glass of Milk
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auralpoison
post Sep 9 2010, 08:56 PM
Post #1114


Big Fat Bitch
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QUOTE(just_a_guy @ Sep 9 2010, 06:27 PM) *
In my experience a girl who has a closet full of trendy shoes and handbags cares more about the criticism of other women, whereas a girl who is more likely to spend her free shopping time picking out underwear tends to put more weight on the opinions of her inner circle of friends and family.

I know that it is a serious over-simplification (especially in the condensed form in which I've presented it here), but it boils down to a quick acid test of how a potential date derives her sense of self-esteem with respect to the opinions of the outside world, and For the ten odd years I've been using it, it hasn't led me wrong.


Okay. So this? Irritates me to no end, admittedly oversimplified or not. I mean, until a dude walks in my cups & favorite shoes he has no room to make assumptions about me based solely on my choice of accessories or foundation garmentry.

The goods I buy sartorially say nothing about my relations with other women or my friends/family any more than what I buy at the market or hardware store. And who the fuck is anybody to draw such a negative conclusion about my self-esteem at a glance? (They can see my shoes/handbag, but they can't see my drawers unless I let them!) I buy quality things that I like that are comfortable & that I like the look/touch of. I'm happy for you that your odd litmus test has worked for you, JAG, but for me it is specious, fallacious bullshit.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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discowombat
post Sep 9 2010, 07:55 PM
Post #1115


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Posts: 52


QUOTE(just_a_guy @ Sep 9 2010, 06:27 PM) *
In my experience a girl who has a closet full of trendy shoes and handbags cares more about the criticism of other women, whereas a girl who is more likely to spend her free shopping time picking out underwear tends to put more weight on the opinions of her inner circle of friends and family.


What does it mean if you don't collect either? Lol. I"m not making fun of you. I just kind of want to know if you've ever run into that.
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just_a_guy
post Sep 9 2010, 05:27 PM
Post #1116


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First off, thank you. I'm very flattered. I tried to find a blushing smiley but, alas I failed.

I think that communicating your appreciation to your partner is so important. Personally, only two of my partners have been able to compliment the parts of my anatomy about which I am insecure in a fashion that felt genuine enough for me to accept, but they made all the difference in the world.

My sexual prowess is a significant component of my identity as a man, and the type of confidence (and more importantly comfort) instilled by that type of communication made me feel safe enough to express my masculinity without having to hide behind false machismo.

Along the lines of women competing with each other: I often talk about using a model to categorize potential dates as either shoe collectors or underwear collectors. There have been times when it puts people off (with the immediate reaction of not wanting to be pigeonholed), but the truth is that the model has grown out of anecdotal trends that I have noticed that communicate how competitive a girl is with her peers.

In my experience a girl who has a closet full of trendy shoes and handbags cares more about the criticism of other women, whereas a girl who is more likely to spend her free shopping time picking out underwear tends to put more weight on the opinions of her inner circle of friends and family.

I know that it is a serious over-simplification (especially in the condensed form in which I've presented it here), but it boils down to a quick acid test of how a potential date derives her sense of self-esteem with respect to the opinions of the outside world, and For the ten odd years I've been using it, it hasn't led me wrong.

To finally get to my point: I think that women are much more critical of each other and of themselves, then men ever could be, and I agree with strongirl that some serious changes in that department could provide some real benefit, even if it's just within your core group of friends.

Starship: I also want to whole-heartedly agree with your entire post.


QUOTE(strongirl @ Sep 9 2010, 01:59 PM) *
I've been tres busy but a few quick comments here:

guy - I've enjoyed your comments so far and find them insightful and respectful. Maintain the tone, dude, and you'll continue to be accepted here. Plus you're cute! (busties, note the use of the word "cute" to denote sexual attractiveness)

starship - awesome post of that other guy's comments re his love of smallies. I especially liked his remark about how they "hang pointy when in doggy", LOL! I used to think that was a negative and felt very self-conscious about it until my bf finally got it through to me that he loved it (including precariously balancing on one hand so the other could keep feeling my titties).

kera - I am with you 100% about not letting anyone else's opinions of my body define me. I also agree with you about appreciating the comments! Sex is a form of communication and if someone is communicating (nicely) that they like what I got, I'm gonna communicate that I like hearing it.

Here's what I dislike about the "being out-boobed by teenage girls" comments: y'all are buying into the whole idea that all of us women are in some kind of competition...and worse, you think you're losing based on boob size! Reject the idea that we're competing in the first place - it's totally bogus. View your own body and the bodies of other women of all ages and sizes with generosity, appreciation, and respect and stop constantly "rating" yourself and others. I don't mean to diss your feelings and I do understand them. But it's not what's below your collarbone that's making you unhappy, it's what's above it.


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strongirl
post Sep 9 2010, 03:59 PM
Post #1117


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Posts: 295


I've been tres busy but a few quick comments here:

guy - I've enjoyed your comments so far and find them insightful and respectful. Maintain the tone, dude, and you'll continue to be accepted here. Plus you're cute! (busties, note the use of the word "cute" to denote sexual attractiveness)

starship - awesome post of that other guy's comments re his love of smallies. I especially liked his remark about how they "hang pointy when in doggy", LOL! I used to think that was a negative and felt very self-conscious about it until my bf finally got it through to me that he loved it (including precariously balancing on one hand so the other could keep feeling my titties).

kera - I am with you 100% about not letting anyone else's opinions of my body define me. I also agree with you about appreciating the comments! Sex is a form of communication and if someone is communicating (nicely) that they like what I got, I'm gonna communicate that I like hearing it.

Here's what I dislike about the "being out-boobed by teenage girls" comments: y'all are buying into the whole idea that all of us women are in some kind of competition...and worse, you think you're losing based on boob size! Reject the idea that we're competing in the first place - it's totally bogus. View your own body and the bodies of other women of all ages and sizes with generosity, appreciation, and respect and stop constantly "rating" yourself and others. I don't mean to diss your feelings and I do understand them. But it's not what's below your collarbone that's making you unhappy, it's what's above it.



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just_a_guy
post Sep 9 2010, 12:42 PM
Post #1118


BUSTie
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Posts: 34
From: Los Angeles, CA


Done and Done biggrin.gif

QUOTE(auralpoison @ Sep 8 2010, 11:10 PM) *
Hey! Just A Guy, don't forget to stop by the Newbies thread to introduce yourself!

Dancingqueen, hold my jacket & earrings because I am about to bust out the razor blades & Vaseline on your ex's ass. I won't kill 'im, but I sure will mess 'im up some! What a shitty little insecure punk!




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KeraBear
post Sep 9 2010, 11:58 AM
Post #1119


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 265
From: USA


Oh yeah... and weighing in late on the teens with bigger breasts discussion... since i am a teen (17), they would actually be my peers, but yes, still totally sucks. And for the first half of high school, TWEENS also! Geeez. My biggest hangup though is my 15-year-old sister, who is a C cup (i am a small A *sigh*) and three inches taller than I am, too! It's like some sort of cosmic joke or something, her developing so much more and much earlier than me her "big" sister. She is 135 pounds and I am 110. It's amazing, it's like we aren't even related. The worst part of it is that she doesn't let me forget about it. Immature boys (pretty much most of the guys) tease me about this at school a lot. One of them actually approached me the other day and said, "your sister is hot." Really.

End of rant!

But it doesn't bother me as much as i used to. I credit a lot of that to this forum, so big shout out to all you awesome gals! And my BF is always loving up my tiny booblets, which is also a super bonus. wink.gif
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KeraBear
post Sep 9 2010, 11:37 AM
Post #1120


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 265
From: USA


Can I help DiscoWombat open up a can of whuppass on DancingQueen's ex? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? What a jerkface! DQ, that man is far from worthy of being with beautiful you... you'll bounce back!

Starship - thanks for posting those comments. Of course, i will not let any man's opinions define me, but I won't lie - i appreciate those pick-me ups. smile.gif
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