[greenbean]

Sybarite--I have lived in L.A and noooo offense taken because that place is like another planet. I made a lot of friends to party with but I never (except for one guy) felt close with any of them. Its all about seeing and being seen. I had fun but sometimes I would look around the room and ask myself, "does anyone here even know my last name?"

[obelix]

Hello, dorks! I've been out of the thread for a while, and I was afraid to come back. I'm sure you all know the feeling.

The BBQ talk is exactly the kind of thing I'm about to face. My closest friend in town is going away for a month and I'm going to dog/house sit for him. It's only three blocks from my house, but it's actually big enough to have a party- big backyard, and many people can fit in the house. (my house, literally, can fit seven people- uncomfortably)

But I don't know how to invite people. I know who I'd want to invite, and they're the type of people who I wouldn't be surprised if they invited me to a BBQ at their place. But somehow it's different when I'm doing the inviting. Like I would be presumptuous to think that we're close enough that I could invite them to "my" house.

Awkwardgirl- I've found that I get incredibly FAST service when I dine alone. I don't know if it's that they want to get me out of there because I'm bad for business, or if it's just easier to get one order out than two. It does feel odd, though.

[sybarite]

Greenbean, I meant Los Angeles... no offense to you if you're from there! My friend did make some really good friends there, but literally only about 2, and she's someone who makes friends easily.

I went out last night with an old friend and had rather too many drinks, but had the best time. I used to be out 4 nights a week and hadn't realised how seriously reclusive I've gotten. Most weekends, I go nowhere and see no-one except the boy... which has suited me fine, I like some space at the weekends. But I'm thinking now I've taken too much space maybe, and become slightly socially inept, so last night was reassuring... as well as fun.

[awkwardg1rl]

I don't know if it's social ineptitude so much as a bad attitude. I don't feel like a dork, I just don't feel like being around people these days- I imagine this can only end badly. The suckiest thing about being a recluse is the crappy service you get at restaurants- table for one?

[ginger_kitty]

laurenann, I had this moment, where I thought it would be nice to have a BBQ, too. I think I was drunk on all the great spring weather we have been having. Then when I really started to think about it, I only have two friends to invite and the rest of the people would my co-workers and my husbands friends and family. And I started thinking what if my coworkers bring up some topic about his family that I have complained about? Or what if his sister is really b*tchy to my coworkers? Or what if my two friends don't like his friends and family? And it started seeming less like fun and more like torture. So I decided not to do that afterall. Even though, we had a BBQ last year that was awesome. I really didn't invite anyone and just hung out w/ my hubby's people. Some day maybe I'll learn how to socialize propperly.

[laurenann]

we are having a bbq at our new place on sunday and are inviting all of our friends.

i am feeling really bad about myself right now, because i live with two of my friends, three of my friends are from work and are all working on sunday, and the other three friends live in different states. i GUESS i am "friends" with my boyfriend and our roomates friends, but none of the guestlist will be MY friends.

i try hard to embrace being a loner and sometimes i feel very content and like there are good things about being by myself a lot, like i am never bored because i learned how to entertain myself and it is kinda quirky and eccentric. plus it is probably genetic or something, since both of my parents don't have any friends besides themselves and a few folks at work.

and i don't even know if i could have a lot more friends, since most nights of the week i enjoy spending a quiet night at home watching tv, drinking tea, knitting, going on the computer. so how would i make new friends if i only wanted to hang out with them once a week? it would take forever.

i sometimes wish i had one of those lives where you everyone you know you have known since you were a kid and you are best friends with people you have known your whole life. that must be so easy and care free and comforting.

i was feeling really good for a while and enjoying doing my own thing but now this bbq stuff is bumming me out.

flowergirl, the only place i've ever lived as an adult is boston. it was really easy to make friends in college here, but since then i have found that most people are not too open and friendly. i can't get put out by that since i am not too open or friendly, but it is not a very good place to meet new people, you know?

[lucizoe]

Arggggggggg

Flowergirl, that is so cool that you're considering a move like that! Mr.Luci and I are looking at France in the next five years...

So, we just moved to NYC and I find myself a tad paralyzed with anxiety, which is about par for me. I actually took a pill yesterday, which I hate doing, but dude did it calm me down and keep me level. I actually had a restful nap.

There are all sorts of things I want to do, but I'm feeling just too fat, too untrendy, too poor, too out-of-shape, too damn scared to put myself out there. We're right in the heart of the East Village, so tiny college girls are everywhere and I find that intimidating. There are free yoga classes right across the street and I really wanna go...I'm so terrified I'm going to miss all sorts of fun and enrichment because I'm too scared.

*le sigh*

And our apartment is not working out so hot at the moment. The man we are subletting from left much furniture here and we really don't have the room for our stuff and his stuff, so his stuff is all shoved in the closet space, meaning we have no storage space, so everything is everywhere and we can barely walk and the cats are upset.

He made the closet into a sleeping loft, so we have some extra space, but cleaning it out yesterday we found he had spilled liquid nails or something all over the floor and it is all over everything.

Blah.

I hate him so much right now, but I have to be nice to him, or he could kick us out. So rude, though, the mess he left behind for us to clean up.

[greenbean]

I heard in Australia you get like, months off work for vacation time, when in the US its only days. If that were the case, I wouldnt leave! But if you are seriously considering it, flowergirl, you should visit San Francisco. There are lots of ways to get involved with different social groups.

Also, when you guys say LA, are you refering to Los Angeles or Louisiana?

[flowergirl]

Freckleface and sybarite thank you so much for your input - that is the kind of inside info you can't get from just doing your own research, especially from this distance! Portland and Chigaco both sound awesome - will put them on the shortlist for my next trip. Thanks again :-)

[freckleface2727]

chicago my heart!
yes, me too, would move back there (or closly to) in a heartbeat but feel it is never destined to be

what about Portland (Oregon) Flower?
have heard it's very "green" eco-speaking and otherwise and is a place that has a strong appeal to me overall.
but then, I adore rain and think it and seattle would suit me to a t anyway!

[sybarite]

Flowergirl, I agree with you about LA. My friend was there for years and never really made any women friends. (Although I know there are a few LA area busties.) Personally I find D.C. very conservative, both politically and socially; everyone's too cagey to go out and let their hair down. It's also very segregated.

If it were me, I'd hit Chicago myself... good luck on wherever you decide!

[periander]

Hey flowergirl
I am in Melbourne and we got out after work a lot so maybe it just a sydney thing

[flowergirl]

thanks freckleface, that is interesting - didn't know there was a north/south divide. My family is in LA but no way am I going there - saw my brother struggle like hell for 5 years to find any friends. Ideally would like to go to Washington DC or northern California...may be better than LA??? I'm a bit wary of smaller regional cities, would like to have access to more 'alternative' lifestyles, which I think big cities are more likely to offer. I know Seattle is supposed to be good but too rainy!! ;-)

I know what you mean about not clicking with people, but also agree about attitute and outlook. Sometimes you have to 'go through' a lot of crazies to reach the really good friendships, and that's when you know all the searching has been worth it.

In England people seem to be far more social than in Australia, always inviting people out for drinks etc, which is great because it gives you a chance to mix with a large number of people. Do Americans socialise a lot? Like go out after work etc? In Australia everyone finishes at 5pm and goes back to their little hole in the wall and watches moronic tv. ALthough I think that is mainly Sydney, which has a rep for being stuck up and "clique-y"...

[freckleface2727]

I think the problem w/ that friend, (who was calling 10 trillion times a day)is resolved now.
we talk every so often- and occassionally it's me who calls her first if she hasn't called in a few days.
I am relieved bc I don't feel I have lost her as a friend but have some sort of boundries now too.
I'm much more of a loner than most people would ever realise and for the most part it suits me fine if I had to choose.
I admit tho.. last night watching the hallmark movie special on tv and the commercial for a long lost friend birthday card that came in the mail.. made me sentimenally mournful-ish for friendships lost and gone.
WHY is it so hard to find people to really click with? why do 1/2 the people I initally think I click with later turn out to be psycho's?
makes me really not trust my own judgement sometimes.

flowergirl-
I have lived overseas a number of times and as far as ease of making new friends, the best way I've found is just to get involved in local activities that interest you. not so different advise to any of here really, lol.
the South is traditionally thought of as "more friendly than the North" but I don't know that I find that to be true as a northener living in the South. I think a lot of it is again, your attitude and outlook.

where are you thinking about moving to?

[flowergirl]

All quiet on the western front - where is everyone?

So, I'm thinking of moving from Australia to the US, and i want to know, how easy is it going to be to make friends in the ole USA? Has anyone had experiences of moving to a new city somewhere and had a lot of trouble or found it really easy to meet people? Which cities are friendly? Or am I going to be as big a socially inept dork in America as I ever was in Sydney???