[buttercups]

Thanks so much again for all of your wonderful responses. Karategrrl, you're right about having him seek some mental health- I know its not really a physical issue because it works when hes on his own..just not when hes with me. I have suggested it before but for whatever reason he just hasn't acted on it yet, probably from embarrassment. But youre right I shouldnt just assume its from me, even though thats been so challenging when he can stay hard until the moment i take my clothes off...

Strongirl that is awesome what your friend did! Haha if only I had the balls to do something like that. I guess I'm just so set in the ways of this society that the girl's pleasure doesn't really matter. Of course I know thats not true, but I guess i value my own self so little that I couldn't have that kind of strength. I have heard that that is one way to get over it though- by not having sex and just making him focus only on you. I guess that scares me because I don't want him to focus only on me..maybe then he'll be even more focused on how flat I am and how much he wishes I looked like someone or anyone else. My mind is so twisted I know. Maybe its something I need to work on.

Chicaloca, thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. I should try to be more supportive, I'll have to try that next time instead of instantly getting upset and taking it personally like I usually do. "Fuck society and the media"- damn right!! I wish so much I could get their stupid crap out of my head!! Stupid boobs!!

[chicaloca]

Hey girls, I'm new!

I'm not exactly small chested (small B cup), but I was very touched by buttercups' posts. Especially her last one. It just shows ya how much society can negatively impact us... and what a huge toll it has. So much that sometimes it can prevent us from enjoying the greatest joys in life. Fuck society and the media. Heh, they piss me off with their crap, which can affect anyone in any aspect, really. Ok, rant over.

Buttercups, honey, I'm not a man so I know nothing about ED. But I agree with strongirl and karategrrl, it's usually about anxiety. From what I've heard (or read), some guys get ED issues BECAUSE they're so attracted/in love with the girl that they feel like they may disappoint her. I think what strongirl's friend did was brilliant. Guys can be very sensitive about their performance, so maybe he just needs a little confidence boost. Just try to be supportive, because I really doubt it means he doesn't find you attractive.

As I said, I'm not really that small, but I've also let society affect me sometimes, and I've also taken some stuff personally. Yeah, I know, it's easy to just blame society, but they truly piss me off. Their standards make a lot of people self conscious, insead of promoting self-acceptance. Like some posters from the large breasted forum said, the wonderful thing about this thread is that it promotes body love. Yeah, small breasts rock, as a girl I think AAs are freaking hot! I just think about what my body is capable of doing and making me feel whenever I get down about it, be it because of small breasts (and a lovely top doesn't fit!), cellulite or hairy legs.

Anyway girls, great thread going on here, very positive, made my day

[strongirl]

Buttercups, my bf used to have occasional bouts with ED, most likely due to some inherited cardiovascular issues. In the years before we became monogamous to each other, it was worse with me than with any of his other partners, which made me insecure. We also had a couple awful experiences like yours, where we hadn't seen each other for months, scheduled a big night at a nice hotel with champagne, toys, lingerie etc...and when it came time to get down, it wouldn't get up. Not fun for anyone.

Subsequently as we got closer and more secure with each other, it happened less and less. Now it never happens (or hasn't in several years). We haven't really discussed it, but I think he had more problems with me because he was in love with me and somewhat intimidated by my sex life and other lovers, and it made his performance anxiety go through the roof. He was so worried about pleasing me, and losing me, that he couldn't focus on pleasure. I've always loved that he really tries hard as a lover - he works at it and I like that. But the same mentality can go too far and make sex a test, which is a total erection killer. I bet this is more what your boyfriend is experiencing, not a lack of desire for you or your body.

I have a friend who handled it really well when her new lover lost his erection when she took her clothes off, and confessed he had ED (by the way, she's very large breasted and has since had a major reduction, if that matters to ya). She said "Well, that's no reason why you can't give me pleasure. Your fingers and tongue are still working, right?" They proceeded to have a good time and after a few of these types of episodes, he started getting and keeping erections because hey, the pressure was off. I thought her response was brilliant.

[karategrrl]

buttercups (luv the new name!), don't automatically assume your BF's issue is caused by you. I'm no authority, but I do know that often men give themselves such unbelievable performance anxiety it causes the very thing they fear.

My first BF had a major sex hangup and since he was my 1st I had no other point of reference and couldn't believe how people loved sex so much. A couple of years and a new BF later, I found out BF#1 had what they call retarded ejaculation--it could take him like an hour to come--and he still had the issue after me, so it was NOT me causing it.

Not to say "it's all his fault," but it really may not be what you think. Maybe he should see a urologist or try a few sessions with a mental health counselor, if it is indeed an anxiety thing. Also, you are both young, in the grand scheme of things. Sex DOES get better with age, trust me on that.

[buttercups]

Hey ladies, I took your advice and switched my username from flatgurl to buttercups. you're right it was a self-deprecating name. so ill be posting under this from now on. I guess it wasn't such a failure but it sure felt like one at the time. I'm so sick of wearing these damn inserts but I can't seem to find an alternative that makes me feel like i look decent. yesterday i went out and tried to find padded bras that would help so i didnt have to wear the inserts, but they were all weird and made my chest look pointy- very unattractive so if anyone has any good padded bras to make a AA look like a small B please let me know.

Karategrrl thank you so much it seems like everyone in my life (including me sometimes) tries to minimize this breast issue i have. it does seem so stupid when other people have more serious things to worry about, like breast cancer, but to me it is a deformity and it is so hard to find people who understand. I can't really talk to anyone in my life about it bc they either respond with "well at least you dont get attention" (which, im sorry, doesn't exactly make me feel better abotu myself) or they say there are a lot worse things in life and who cares about boobs (well it would be easy not to if i looked like you and i had them).

Angie_21 and Persephone3, thank you too for your posts, its so nice to have this support and you girls are making me re-think the way i feel about myself, which is something ive really really needed.

As far as the topic on dating boob guys, i don't know how any of you ladies do it. I don't think its something I could ever do. I once found out that a guy i was dating was looking at porn and it crushed me. i guess if youre really secure with yourself you could do it, but i would always feel unwanted. i spend half my time now wondering if my bf is really a boob guy and if hes attracted to me at all. he has erectile dysfunction at 24 and even though most of the time i know its not my fault and hes just nervous, i always seem to take it personally. like if i had boobs maybe i would be able to turn my own bf on. this issue is just wearing on our relationship so much that at this point its like neither of us wants to have sex- he doesnt because hes so nervous and i dont because im so self-conscious and hurt. everytime we talk about it he says its not me, but i cant help but think it is. i mean i know im supposed to think there are other parts about me that can be sexy and everything, but i dont have boobs to shove in his face when he just can't seem to get it up, i have nothing. it makes me feel so much like less of a woman and i guess in my twisted mind ive convinced myself that he just finds my flat chest too ugly to even get turned on by me. i really love him and hes the first person in my life that i could see myself being with, but at this point im so messed up that i just want to get away from every guy on this planet. i want a relationship and i want to be happy, but i cant seem to be happy in this body if i have to show it to another person. alot of times i just think im never going to let him see me naked again, and that makes me feel better for awhile- but it doesnt always last and then i go to get intimate with him and he just cant seem to get interested for me. i mean not to give too much information but one time we went away on vacation and i was excited because we dont have much time alone since we both live at home for school. we were going to have a nice romantic evening with wine and a jacuzzi tub and he was ready to have sex if you know what i mean. but as soon as i took my clothes off and was in front of him it was like an instant buzz kill and he just couldnt get it up. if i had boobs would this reallly happen? i doubt it. i cant blame him he wants to be with a woman and i cant seem to get my body to cooperate with that. sorry i went on for so long, all of these issues are so pent up with no one to really talk to about it. i hate to be the downer on this forum but im not as far along as all of you in feeling comfortable with myself. i hope i can get a lot of my frustrations out on here and some day get to be confident like many of you.

[girl_logic]

karategrrl your post made me smile.

and to Angie's and Persephone's posts, it's true, not all men (or women) are gaga over breasts, and the ones that are i'm just not interested in in that way. too much work. why suffer when there are so many other choices, not only in partners but in areas of one's own body to focus on?

[auralpoison]

I was looking for something this morning & stumbled across this, dunno if it's been posted before, but it annoyed the ever-living snot out of me: Your Free Boobs. I haven't seen either the MTV show or the BBC doc, but the article is right in that this kind of thing raises a LOT of questions.

It makes me want to start YourFreeReduction.com to see if I can get strangers to pay for other strangers reduction surgeries.

[karategrrl]

angie_21, I coudlnt' have said it all better myself.

Flatgurl, most people wear certain types of undergarments for one reason or another, for better shape, support, or whatever. Large-busted women usually wear bras to feel "supported," as do many men who wear jockey-style underwear. My ex used to wear a certain pair of bikini briefs when he wanted his pecker to stand out. Don't feel pressured--inner change will produce outer action, and all in its own time. Don't force it. Though I MUST say, just your being aware and your deciding to try and go braless, In my opinion, takes MAJOR guts. I admire you for that--whether or not you actually did it doesn't matter. You are going through big changes, gurl.

Soapbox rant of the day:
I used to beat myself up over stuff that bothered me--body issues, relationship issues, personal issues--thinking, "This is stupid, there are people out there with REAL issues--surviving war, rape, disability," etc. then I read something that totally changed my thinking. It was in a book written by a psychologist who had treated lots of people who were survivors of war, etc. Over and over, this psychologist noted that though these people had been through hell, what they wanted to talk about was the same shit we all talk about. It was like, "Well, I met this guy at the internment camp, and I'm afraid I'll never see him again when they ship us out to different places," or "I love this guy, but our families arranged for him to marry my sister," and such. In college, I knew someone with spina bifida, and her biggest concern was that she had a crush on her van driver who brought her to school (she couldn't drive), and she was afraid to tell him b/c she feared his rejecting her.

Though the outside factors may differ, our inner battles are essentially the same. Point being, flatgurl (and though I tend to ramble, I do have a point here), don't battle your self-image and deal with your BF and then beat yourself up again over doing so, thinking it's "stupid." It's not. I am totally NOT minimizing the "bigger" problems in the world--and there are tons of them--but you are dealing with big shit here right inside yourself. THAT'S brave, gurl. Give yourself some credit.

And not to bust your butt, but you really should get a new screen name . How about "so hot and sexy I don't even need big tits?" or "tiny and tasty?" <<<hugs>>>

[angie_21]

flaturl, you didn't fail! Going without the extra "support" (even if it is emotional and not actually physical support!) is a big step when you are still learnign to like your body the way it is. It's something I still occasionally have trouble with, just as it can be weird for girls who wear make-up every day to walk out of the door without foundation. We create an image for ourselves of what we feel we look like, and when the person in the mirror doesn't match that, we feel like we haven't met up to the standards we've set for ourselves. Instead, try to focus on things that have absolutely nothing to do with boobs to start out - loving your body by showing off your legs with killer shoes or shorts, or doing something fun and cool and physical like backpacking, rock climbing, canoeing, whatever. Anything to help your brain stop focusing on your chest. If you need the psuh-up bra to help you feel more secure so it's not on your mind, you're not being weak. You must learn to walk before you can run, or however they say it. It will take time to change how your mind sees your body, and once you've become more comfortable with yourself, then you can focus on showing that self to the world.

On the other topic - I dated a boob man once, and never again. Sure you could be emotionally compatible (we weren't anyways), but I actually have noticed there tends to be a certain type that prefers boobs and a certain type that prefers legs or booties, and the boob men just aren't my type at all. In my experience, anyways, they tend to like to be "mothered" and taken care of, and are the more traditional, homebody type. A massive generalization, I know, but it's how I see it. Even if I met a man whole was completely my type for every other reason, if I knew that he really preferred another body type, I'd always be insecure, and I would also know that the physical chemistry would never be quite right. But I also know there's not nearly as many breast men out there as everybody thinks!

on the other hand... brought up the subject with my boyfriend and he said he really doesn't understand the whole "typing" thing in the first place. He said, every girl has a feature (or 2 or 3) that stands out and makes her beautiful, and that is what you appreciate as a man checking out a woman. He loves it all, and he still believes most men out there do too. It's certainly held true in my experiences.

[Persephone3]

Hopefully, now that you've spelled it out for him (often, guys are clueless about these things until we spell it out letter by letter), if that kind of situation happens again, he'll say "Cut that shit out" or otherwise demonstrate that he's sticking up for you. That'll be the test -- will he walk the walk.

Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I originally came in here to post this. I enjoyed a lot of the answers, the ones about how the total person matters more than one physical trait.

I also wanted to comment on the link that was posted here. I did too enjoy SOME of the responses that were posted, but many of them are exactly what bothers me. I would prefer that the men who would want bigger breasts just avoid me altogether. Who wants to be with someone that is wishing for something else?
I read one women say (not on this link) that she finds out if a man has a big breast preference on the 1st date. If she finds out he does she enjoys the rest of the date then never sees him again. I just wonder how to bring it up without sounding completely insecure?

[Persephone3]

ugh ladies i failed. it was just too awful of a sight and too humiliating for me to go out like that. im in such a bad mood now and feel like im going to lash out at my bf just for not understanding, but im going to try really hard to just move on. i cant go out in public the way i am or even close to it. guess im a slave to pounds of padding...

Don't feel like you failed! You didn't. I cannot go out without a bra that at least 'shapes' me. I'm not sure that I would even want to. But I do try and find bras that give me shape without distorting what I have too much. Oddly enough the prettiest bras I found were at Wal-Mart (super cheap too!). I feel as though when I have clothes on (without enhancements) that my chest looks non-existent. Women wear clothes all the time that hide or accentuate what they have (i.e. hip minimizers). What's the difference?

[flatgurl]

ugh ladies i failed. it was just too awful of a sight and too humiliating for me to go out like that. im in such a bad mood now and feel like im going to lash out at my bf just for not understanding, but im going to try really hard to just move on. i cant go out in public the way i am or even close to it. guess im a slave to pounds of padding...

[flatgurl]

Ladies, please send all your strength my way! I'm trying to go out in public without the inserts in my bra tonight. I'm almost about to have a breakdown and I feel so unsexy and unattractive, but god i want to get over this soo bad. I'm going to be the flattest girl out there tonight, but idk i just cant stand feeling this way anymore and i feel like radical exposure therapy might be necessary. i can't believe how utterly flat i am without these inserts in, i mean COMPLETELY flat- no breast tissue to speak of. sometimes i feel like there has to be something medically wrong with me. oh well im gonna try it. wish me luck that i can make it through the night tear-free

[anarch]

I think the age thing has a lot to do with it, on both a personal and societal level. I'm looking at 40 soon, and so glad to be here because I spent all my teens and much of my 20s feeling self-conscious and awkward about everything, but somewhere along the line I eventually got enough self-confidence to feel good about myself inside and out, and enforce my boundaries against bfs (or whoever) who made me feel bad about myself or didn't bring out the best in me. (Actually those two things went along together, most times.)

But I think there's much more emphasis on big boobs now than when I was growing up, and younger and younger girls feel the pressure to measure their worth according to how hot boys find them. Boob jobs are much more common now (giving them away on one of those reality tv shows right? can't really remember because I don't watch much tv). I really admire you younger women who are thinking about the pressures instead of blindly accepting them as the way things are.

karategrrl, "And for what??" is exactly how I feel, too.

[karategrrl]

Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I second that emotion. I just wish I'd drilled this idea into my head yeeeeaaarrrrs ago--would have saved me a TON of anguish and pain in my life. It's one thing to know something's not quite right in a relationship--it's another thing to put your money where your mouth is and kick the fucker to the curb.

Young ladies, be strong. Don't put up with shit. Better to be in a love relationship with yourself and have your self-respect and dignity intact than put with crap from some asshole, all for the sake of holding a relationship together. And for what?? Sorry--just bitching.

"A boobie's a boobie no matter how small! Heh... "
Cute! Love it!

[Allison-Shine]

There's always something, I think, and it's in all of our best interests to just find a suit we're comfortable in, go on out to the beach, forget about our silly egos, and have fun playing in the sun and water! (Meanwhile, guys are worrying about their hairy backs, or beer bellies, or skinny legs....)

Well said, that's what its all about.

[strongirl]

Gosh, I can't explain why I feel so differently from some of you, unless maybe it's the age thing and how much more emphasis is placed on boobs nowadays as opposed to when I was younger. But I've never felt unattractive in a swimsuit and I've always attracted an overabundance of male attention at the beach. My small tits have never seemed like a big negative in a swimsuit (or at topless beaches)...but gain 5 lbs and have my thighs jiggling and man, I'm miserable! And similar to Angie's comment, when I've gone to the beach with busty girls they're always bitching to beat the band about their tummies or asses or thighs or how pale they are. There's always something, I think, and it's in all of our best interests to just find a suit we're comfortable in, go on out to the beach, forget about our silly egos, and have fun playing in the sun and water! (Meanwhile, guys are worrying about their hairy backs, or beer bellies, or skinny legs....)

[Allison-Shine]

You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.

Well being small chested should not equate to being "ugly". And I thought my "one cup size discrepancy" with my younger sister (she's a C and I am a B ) was a lot to deal with. But I can relate to you. It's best not to spend every moment at the beach with your sis and her hubby and try to get as much alone time with your bf and enjoy the beach and summer.

Its funny, if I go to the pool with my sister I try not to lay next to her. Always be two chaises or spots from her at least. Its a little thing but it helps.

[angie_21]

Hey flatgurl, have you checked out the swimsuit links we posted a month or so back, for the monokinis? they're really cool, and seem to be just made to fit & look awesome on girls with lighter chests. Some of them are under $50 too!

The beach is definitely a tough place for girls like us.. I remember feeling exactly like that... but you know, it's just as tough for nearly every other girl out there - while you are envying their bra size, other girls are going to be envying your flat belly and lack of cellulite. Now I just go out there and to hell with what people think, I need to expose my skin so I can get a least a bit of a tan, dammit!

And as far as "attention" goes... one thing about being endowed in the chestal area is that you can see when you are being checked out, and it's really obvious. For those of us with nice legs or heinies, guys are free to check us out when we can't see it happening, and I never knew it was happening until my bf explained this to me. You are not unnoticeable, guys can just be less rude and obvious when they check you out. Also, something about boobies - of any size - just hanging out there for everyone to see does draw the eye, I mean, I'm somehow constantly checking them out too, and it doesn't mean I'm more attracted to girls with big boobs than I am to a man!

[flatgurl]

You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.