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> Busty Mom's of not so wee ones
Ireie
post Aug 24 2010, 10:21 AM
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Thanks Coffeebean! I can try those ideas if it comes up again. I don't want to dredge up the past with her, mainly cause I don't want her to think it's a big issue. I already talked to my sister about how we need t ostop complaining about our weight in front of Bug, just because I know that doesn't help. I do think I will go ahead and make up the list of her strengths and make that for her. That's a super great pick me up idea. Thanks again!
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coffeebean
post Aug 23 2010, 08:05 AM
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Hi Ireie, what a difficult position to be in! I feel for you. I'm no expert but here are my thoughts.

First, it sounds like you are saying that it does not help your daughter to tell herself to "let it roll off her back" or "not let it bother her." Do you think it would help to have some discussion about why these kids may be picking on her? I have a feeling that your daughter would say that it is because the kids don't like her; however, this could be your opportunity to help her think of alternate reasons they might also be doing what they do (that have nothing to do with your daughter). For example, "the kids are doing it because they have low self-esteem themselves," "the kids are jealous because _____," "the kids might be having their own problems (at home, at school) and are taking them out on me." These suggestions won't fix the problem but may help your daughter to think about it in a different way so that she doesn't take it so personally (and it doesn't negatively affect her self-esteem) - because we know this issue really isn't about her.

Second, it may also help to brainstorm all of your daughter's strengths so that when these kids start picking on her she can remind herself that there is more to her than her "weight." I'm sure you already do this but sometimes it can help kids to make it very explicit. For example, write the list out, make it fun colors, draw on it as well. Then when she is feeling bad at school she can pull this paper out of her backpack to remind her of all of her great qualities.

I wish you luck with this situation and hope that it gets better soon! (((Ireie and daughter)))

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Ireie
post Aug 21 2010, 02:57 PM
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Hello ladies? Anyone still reading this one? I'm looking for help again. My 9 year old daughter, who is pleasantly plump, told me last night some 5th graders were calling her fat. We talked about how it made her feel, which was obviously bad. I tried to explore the issue some, and didn't really feel like we got to far with it. It's much easier when older to let it roll off your back, but at her age, I know saying why should you can what they think doesn't work well. She basically told me she did care what they thought, in not so many words, even though she turned right around and said they were mean and lots of people ignored them. I have no clue how to handle this and how to help her out, cause the last thing I want is a child with an eating disorder. Any suggestions?
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Ireie
post Sep 14 2009, 08:16 PM
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I'm currently wondering what I was thinking because I volunteered to take over my daughter's girl scout troop. First meeting tonight, twelve 8-9 year old girls ran me over basically. I tried using the signal for quite time, which is raising your arm. It worked only when I had their attention. When I lost it, the only way to regain it was to basically raise my voice and flat out yell at one point. I felt so embarrassed cause there were a few parents sitting off to hte side watching. I wanted to yell at them, help me control your kids, only it wasn't their kids who were being disruptive. Does anyone have any suggestions, tips, tricks, etc for establishing authority and control over a group of children...anyone out there lead a troop, coach a team, teach school or sunday school??? I'm looking for just about anything that will help. I was able to pick up my instigators and problem children, but what to do with them when I have 9 other girls that deserve my attention also?
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pinkmartyr
post Aug 6 2009, 04:13 PM
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Ireie, thanks so much for writing!

I don't have a great relationship with my own step mom, either. The misery of that relationship really helps me to see things from the kids point of view. For example, I try to make sure they get lots of time alone with their dad, not just with the whole family together.

Isaac admitted that he got lax on the rules and promised to do better next time. He asked that I privately remind him when he's letting too much slide. He is willing to enforce them... I just think he was being lazy, and trying to indulge the kids so they would see Dad's House as a "vacation" and look forward to it. He does support me in setting guidelines.

He has a decent relationship with his ex. For some reason, she is dragging her feet with the divorce- it has been in process for two years. I don't know what her attitude toward me is... I just know that I feed her children well, entertain them, and send them home with a suitcase full of clean clothes. The 5 year old accidentally stepped on Emmet when he was only two months old, and the ex called to see if the baby was ok and how I was doing. I really appreciated that. I've only said positive things about her around the kids, even though I disagree with some of the things she does, like how she won't take the kids to the dentist for cleanings even though they are insured.

One of the things the Mr. and I came to a conclusion about is vacation time. After December, he'll be eligible for one week of vacation per year. I suggested that he take his vacation during the week the kids are here in summer. That way they don't have to be bored with me all the time, and we may even be able to do stuff like go to the zoo as a family. The downside is that I had been looking forward to going on a vacation with Isaac and Emmet to the beach, which we will not get to do since his vacation week will always be spoken for. Instead I'm planning on tagging along with my friend Laura and her husband to go on a vacation- they have a baby around Emmet's age and we always have fun anyway. I think if I stayed home and didn't do anything fun, it would just create resentment.

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Ireie
post Aug 6 2009, 07:57 AM
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Hey there, I'm actually on the other end of what you are experiencing. I've got hte kiddo and the ex gets her every other Christmas and for summer time. From what I understand, my daughter ends up spending most of her time down there with her step mom. I'm not sure what she did to overcome the step-mom syndrome, but it's worked thankfully. It didn't happen immediately and took some time. It sounds like you've had few encounters with his children and for short periods of time. It may take a while before they warm to you and I hate to say this, but if they do. I never warmed to the woman who was my step mom, but I didn't have a great relationship with my dad either.

They will have to come to you though I think and you will have to be ready when they do. Don't try to force a relationship, bu don't be distant. It sounds like it would help more if dad was more willing to enforce the rules when they came to visit. He has to be willing to throw support behind those and you as well. Does your fella have a friendly relationship with his ex or is she still bitter? Her attitude towards you can greatly affect your relationship with the kids. I messed up when my daughter first started visiting her father. He had left me for her step mom and I verbally ranted in front of Bug once. The first few visits didn't go well because of this, with my daughter actually telling her "You stuck your nose in their relationship and had no business doing it!" As little as I think of either of them, I have to keep that to myself if I want her to have a healthy relationship with her Dad. It has helped.

I wish you luck as I know from being the kid in a divorced family and now a parent of one that it is not fun and easy, and takes plenty of work.
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pinkmartyr
post Jul 31 2009, 01:45 PM
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hi everybody... sybarite suggested i pop into this thread. i usually post on the baby thread, as i have a 9 month old baby boy. my boyfriend, however, has two children with his ex-wife. they live a few states away and spend time with us at christmas and in the summer. there is a 12 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. their mom and dad have been separated for two years, and are in the process of the longest divorce ever.
i first met the kids last christmas. they most recently visited for the past week, and their dad met their mom half way to get them home just today. when they visit, we get along well, but i definitely feel like their are issues on both sides of the fence.
first of all, their dad works for most of the time they are here. he usually has one full day off to spend with them. so, while he works, they are home with me and the baby. fortunately, they love their baby brother to pieces, but i know they'd rather be with their dad instead of me. even in photos of our family, they look miserable in the pictures i am in. they are polite and pleasant otherwise... i can just tell they are not into me. well, not me exactly, just the fact that their dad isn't with their mom anymore. this morning they barely told me goodbye, they kissed and hugged the baby and told him they loved him, but just waved at me. i do engage them and spend time with them while they're here, i feed them nice meals and try to give them activities to do. i pretty much accept my role as a babysitter.
there are some issues with rules, limits, and cleanliness. their mom is a horrible housekeeper from what i hear. they've come to the house to stay before when their clothes and stuffed animals smelled like cat pee. this time was much better, but i struggle with getting them to put their things away. the biggest thing right now is that emmet is mobile, and can't wait to put the pennies, dorito crumbs and matchbox cars strewn about in his mouth. i'd go to bed earlier than them and wake up to find the living room just totally messy. their dad and i agreed to rules- bed by 11, bath at least every other night, put away your stuff at the end of the day. he enforced the rules for the first two days, then let everything slide. i organized a play date with some other children, and told the 5 year old to help the other kid clean up before they had a brownie for dessert. i caught him throwing everything under the couch instead of putting it in the toy bin. also, they were here for 7 days and only bathed twice. people with kids, am i crazy for thinking they should have bathed more often?
i think part of the problem is that isaac (their dad) and i agree to rules but he doesn't enforce them. i think its because he feels guilty and wants to indulge them. i can't blame him. the other part is that he just can't get time off, and they end up spending very little time with him.
next week i'm going to get the guts to discuss two issues with their dad- why didn't you enforce the rules on the second half of the week, and what happened on tuesday? tuesday morning i went to weight watchers and had left emmet at home. i pumped milk for him and told isaac he was ready for a nap. my mom ended up coming over. it took isaac a long time to answer the door, and he immediately gave emmet to my mom. emmet was all puffy faced with tears and just didn't look right. isaac told my mom that he just woke up. well, that was untrue because isaac had texted me to say that the baby wasn't sleeping, just playing in his crib. he hadn't been fed the milk i left. when i put emmet down for his afternoon nap and turned on his lullaby music, the radio was turned up really loud. i'm fairly certain that isaac turned up the music to drown out emmet's crying so that he could play xbox with his 5 year old. i personally think that emmet should have had his milk and probably would have happily watched them play xbox. i really want to discuss this with isaac but don't want it to end up as a huge fight. if he doesn't want to keep emmet while the kids are here, thats fine... he totally could've gone with me. and now i feel like i can't leave him home with his dad when the other kids are here.
sorry for the long post... anybody have suggestions or thoughts?
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Ireie
post Jul 11 2009, 07:49 AM
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QUOTE(MsKissyStarfish @ Jun 4 2009, 11:22 AM) *
Dollhouse Murders is another good one.

I'll suggest these to my daughter as well. Thanks for the recommendations! Do you have any suggestions for an 8 year old girl who loves fantasy, the whole Harry Potter Series, and everything from princesses to pirates? smile.gif



I thought of a few books that may be considered fantasy for about an 8 year old. The Just So Stories by Rudyard Kipling, my younger sister was real into the Series of Unfortunate Events, I haven't tried these on Bug yet. Also, something I dug out of the boxes from when I was a kiddo, there is a series of books by John Bellairs, the first one is called The Curse of the Blue Figurine. We had been reading this one together before she had to go to her Dad's. The Princess Bride also is a great read.
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Ireie
post Jul 11 2009, 07:41 AM
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So we've been on vacation sans child. She is with her Dad for the summer, which is a bummer. School restarts about two weeks after she gets back.

I had a question which I may be able to answer myself. What is French Immersion? I'm guessing french lessons or maybe something more tasty like cooking? We live in a small town, something I enjoy, however; finding any foreign language course for a child is impossible. They don't start it till high school. I can drive over to he next big city, but that's gas money. Has anyone ever tried the Rosette Stone products?

MsKS I understand what yo mean about the lack of curriculum the last week. My daughter's school sent home a pile of workbooks the last few weeks. What was highly irritating was the number of pages still in them, like most had not been used at all.

Hope everyone's summer is going grert!

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MsKissyStarfish
post Jun 16 2009, 07:13 PM
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QUOTE(Christine Nectarine @ Jun 10 2009, 09:09 AM) *
5 is brilliant so far. all her baby ways seem to be gone, which has been an adjustment. the main problem seems to be that she is bored at school, so we are hoping to put in her French Immersion next year.

i doubt we'll have any extra hours this summer, since we are looking to buy a house over the next couple months. kiddo is very excited though since my mum will be looking after her the majority of the time. we figured since her daycare will be changing anyway by September, we would take the opportunity to save some money.


Nice! I'll bet she will really enjoy a grandma filled summer! My daughter gets out of school tomorrow around noon. It has been a sad last week, two or three days ago they packed up all of the books, and the kids have actually just been watching movies, dressing in costumes, or required to have weird hair, etc... I'm irritated beyond belief at the lack of curriculum and that all attempts at education have ceased. Thankfully we won't be dealing with this school next year. We're trying to get all of our bikes in good shape to take a lot of family rides, and I'm getting my eldest involved in dance . She also has to write up a list of things she would like to learn to do, and hopes for her summer. She will sit around and play video games all summer if we let her. wink.gif


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"What's past is prologue."
~William Shakespeare

The Tempest
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Christine Nectar...
post Jun 10 2009, 11:09 AM
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5 is brilliant so far. all her baby ways seem to be gone, which has been an adjustment. the main problem seems to be that she is bored at school, so we are hoping to put in her French Immersion next year.

i doubt we'll have any extra hours this summer, since we are looking to buy a house over the next couple months. kiddo is very excited though since my mum will be looking after her the majority of the time. we figured since her daycare will be changing anyway by September, we would take the opportunity to save some money.
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MsKissyStarfish
post Jun 6 2009, 11:35 AM
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I'm loving this thread, lets keep it hoppin'! biggrin.gif Pollystyrene I just told my girl about The Magic Finger. She's putting it on her library list.smile.gif I really liked his odd little book The Giraffe, the Pelly, and Me but a monkey is the lead.

As summertime approaches any plans for what to do with all of those extra hours? I'm hoping to sleep in for a day or so. wink.gif. Doubtful as the 3 year old is allergic to sleep, and the 8 year old could sleep through a hurricane. rolleyes.gif

I really enjoyed age 5 with my girl how is it going for you Christine? smile.gif


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"What's past is prologue."
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The Tempest
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Christine Nectar...
post Jun 4 2009, 07:44 PM
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QUOTE(MsKissyStarfish @ Jun 1 2009, 06:11 PM) *
Are there still moms here? smile.gif Is this still an active thread? I'm not sure what guidelines to follow when an old thread is re-introduced.
Anyway cheers and have a great day!
~R


the thread is as active as you want it to be! we're always happy for threads to get bumped into new life. for a while, most mama talk had shifted over to the "hot mamas" thread, although it's a lot of baby focussed talk over there i find. my kiddo is 5 now, so i can easily remember the baby stuff, but she's grown so much since then.

these are awesome reading lists everyone!
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pollystyrene
post Jun 4 2009, 01:01 PM
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QUOTE(MsKissyStarfish @ Jun 4 2009, 12:16 PM) *

Matilda~ by Roald Dahl ~ She loves this book, I prefer other works of his


Oh, that's a good one. Any of the Roald Dahl, female lead or not, are great books. Another one with a female lead is The Magic Finger. It's a lesser-known short story (but its own book, not an anthology.)


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You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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MsKissyStarfish
post Jun 4 2009, 12:22 PM
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QUOTE(girl_logic @ Jun 3 2009, 06:12 AM) *
Hey Ireie I'm not a mom, I work with kids at the library though and have my own favourites... followed your question from the other thread. I'd recommend Ronia The Robber's Daughter by Astrid Lindgren. The Brother's Lionheart is also fantastic but it doesn't fit your criteria for a girl focused book, still, it does show a different type of male character. I think one of the easiest places to find the female characters you're looking for is in fantasy adventure fiction. Mysteries too.

Dollhouse Murders is another good one.

I'll suggest these to my daughter as well. Thanks for the recommendations! Do you have any suggestions for an 8 year old girl who loves fantasy, the whole Harry Potter Series, and everything from princesses to pirates? smile.gif


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"What's past is prologue."
~William Shakespeare

The Tempest
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MsKissyStarfish
post Jun 4 2009, 12:16 PM
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Oh Girl Logic mentioned two excellent books! Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry used to be required reading, and it still should be *in my opinion*. I had to almost force my daughter to read From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and then she could not put it down. Girl With the Silver Eyes was one of my very faves.
Here are a few more strong heroines...
Shakespeare's Secret ~ by Elise Broach~ a mystery about a girl named Hero smile.gif
Coraline~ by Neil Gaiman ~ apparently Coraline is cool even to jaded 8 year olds. lol.
Howl's Moving Castle~ she said the book was very different from the movie
Matilda~ by Roald Dahl ~ She loves this book, I prefer other works of his
Olivia Kidney~ by Ellen Potter~ untypical and fun
May Bird~ by Jodi Lynn Anderson ~ dark, bizzarre, but very engaging
Happy reading! biggrin.gif


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"What's past is prologue."
~William Shakespeare

The Tempest
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Ireie
post Jun 3 2009, 12:46 PM
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[color="#2E8B57"][/color]Wow! Thanks ladies. Some of these sound fun. I've got a list going now which should keep us busy.
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whatagirlwants
post Jun 3 2009, 10:35 AM
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Hey momas..smile.gif I'm bumping here...

I haven't read any good book lately, the last book that I read was... "I don't remember" but it was about a persian girl who traveled to US to find a better life and ended up married with Starbucks guy. Very romantic and funny... Well, I'm not a book person pretty much, I just read chick lit mostly.


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pollystyrene
post Jun 3 2009, 08:32 AM
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QUOTE(girl_logic @ Jun 3 2009, 08:12 AM) *
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler is a good one, about siblings who run away and try to live in a museum by their wits. That leads them to the discovery of a mysterious statue and the story behind it.

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry is a classic I'd highly recommend. It's considered one of the best in children's lit and there's a reason why.


These were two of my favorites, too. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry was another good one. It's about a girl in Denmark during the Holocaust, but it's not as intense as The Diary of Anne Frank. It won a Newbury Award; you may want to look at this list of Newbery winners- there's good stuff in there.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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girl_logic
post Jun 3 2009, 08:12 AM
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Hey Ireie I'm not a mom, I work with kids at the library though and have my own favourites... followed your question from the other thread. I'd recommend Ronia The Robber's Daughter by Astrid Lindgren. The Brother's Lionheart is also fantastic but it doesn't fit your criteria for a girl focused book, still, it does show a different type of male character. I think one of the easiest places to find the female characters you're looking for is in fantasy adventure fiction. Mysteries too.

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler is a good one, about siblings who run away and try to live in a museum by their wits. That leads them to the discovery of a mysterious statue and the story behind it.

If you can find these, The Wicked Wicked Ladies in the Haunted House and The Dollhouse Murders(oldies but goodies)

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry is a classic I'd highly recommend. It's considered one of the best in children's lit and there's a reason why.

Miss Kissy - I adored The Girl with the Silver Eyes when I was younger. I still have my copy.

I guess my list is kind of dusty, they're just books I loved but they're good reads.


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There are years that ask questions and years that answer. - zora neale hurston
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