[opheliathemuse]

thanks for the reply, dayglowpink. =)
I've been thinking about it, and I think perhaps I'm expecting too much of myself in a lot of areas.
1) I've only been with him a little over two months, which we always forget, because of how we connect on many levels. This might make me feel a little pressured to start having the kind of sex you have 3 years in--maybe less fireworks but more intense if you know what I mean?
2) We're both really sexual people, and when there's a roadblock we try to fix it or let itself pan out.
3) I'm trying to think of other ways, like toys, because I hate hand-to-clit stimulus, unless I am wearing clothing. And I only occasionally like oral sex.
I guess maybe I'll have to wait this one out, huh? =)
One other issue: he's large and I'm small. He's 6'1" and 180lbs, something like that, and I am 5'2" and 100lbs. And he is a large guy. Maybe that could be issue?

[dayglowpink]

opheliathemuse- There was some discussion of this issue (having a hard time coming) a while back; I think it was on this thread. I am dealing with the same thing. I've been doing it with my guy for about a year now, and it's only been in the past couple of months that I've been able to come on a regular basis with him, and it's still pretty much only with me using my hand or my vibrator. At first I wasn't able to come at all, but it's slowly been getting better. I think it is emotional for me as well. I'm like you in that I absolutely love having sex with him, and he is great in bed and very willing to do whatever I need, so it doesn't seem like a technical issue. I think what has helped me most is trying not to worry and stress about it and not trying so hard to come but just enjoying the sensations, etc. It definitely still bothers me at times, though, and I get frustrated that it's not easier for me. He is totally supportive and has never given me any indication of this, but I get paranoid that he secretly is bummed out that I can't come more easily. I don't know how long you've been with your guy, but it may just be something that takes time. It's weird for me, because this was never an issue for me with other guys until right before I started seeing my current guy, I had sex with my ex-boyfriend, and it happened with him for the first time ever, and then it has been an issue ever since.

[opheliathemuse]

It occurred to me I ought to ask for advice. I haven't come in my current relationship at all. Then again, I haven't masturbated at all for a long time. I really love the sex I'm having with Orion. Like, a lot. More than I have with anyone. I want to sort of take it to the next level, and I'm not certain how. Perhaps it is an emotional thing at this point rather than a physical thing? I have no idea. And please, do not tell me to have him twiddle my clit or nipple. That just hurts.
/grouch

I suppose I ought to qualify this with the fact don't tend to come easily. I have to work at it, and I have only done it with three out of 5 and a 1/2. 6, if you add the two halves together. It's a very personal thing for me.

[_octinoxate]

Cstars, from what I can tell, that's not uncommon--virgin or no. I wouldn't sweat it. Maybe he'll surprise you both one of these days! Also, are you using condoms every time? For some men, that alone is the problem (which isn't to say I'm encouraging anyone to have unsafe sex, of course). One last thing: I've known some men who have that same issue but find it a bit easier to get there when doing the "doggystyle" (dumb name) position. Good luck!

[cstars124]

I haven't posted in a long time, cause work blocked bust! ARRGH!

But I have a little issue and I figured, who else could help me out but everyone on bust?

I have a bf that I've been dating for a few months and he's great. When we met, he was a virgin, and I took his virginity about a couple of months ago. Since we started having sex, he hasn't been able to cum from it. He can cum from me blowing him, or jerking him off, but not from sex. And we've tried different positions, and creams and condoms and all this stuff and nothing is happening! Is this normal for someone that isn't used to sex? He used to masturbate a lot, so could that be it? Any suggestions on what I should do?

Thanks!

[mellie0304]

For now I have to read the thread since I dont have any input...(grrr to surgeries that dont allow sex after)...I am so glad Pugs that you know what I mean...Its not always easy to do some of the same positions the other girls can do..I know I cant get into a pretzel position anymore...hehehe


AND Bob thanks I will try those once I am ok'd to continue on my learning adventures

[alex11]

thank-you boblink!!!

[LoveMyPugs]

I just want to say that I dont remember much from that night and I was sober...it was that good wait not good it was great honestly....I am a plus size girl and I could do most of those positions..so like wow I cant believe the only thing I remember was the beginning and the end is that bad?

I'm plus size too and that's why I put in my two cents because big girls need loving too yo! I too have had mind blowing sex and afterwards only remember the beginning and end. I think your brain disconnects when your having muliple orgasms.

[LoveMyPugs]

I wasn't sure if I should create a thread for this, or not.

Is there anyone on here who is low sex-drive and is dating or married to a man who has en extremely high sex drive?

It's so frustrating, because my hubby wants sex over and over again during the same time period. Sex tires me out and I'm just DONE after I've had sex. Mostly I think it's due to birth control and Lexapro. I have the urge to have sex with my husband once (or twice if it's a good one) a week. My husband wants it all the time. I'm worried that our sex drives will never be the same. Anyone dealt with that before? I SO want to be the sexed up person he is. But it's just not gonna happen when I'm on the pill. Actually, the whole time I've known him I've been on the pill. It could be that I've never experienced my true sex drive.

Any suggestions you might have would be welcome.

Musicfit -

Sorry for this long post but I could just type forever on this topic. I was in the same position you were. I was on antidepressant medication and birth control. I'm not on either now. I find that when I'm not on any medication my sex drive comes back. We had also been together for a long time and things were getting a little boring in my opinion. Sex stopped being fun. It was irritating and felt like a chore for me. It was terrible. Him always humping on my leg like a dog and begging, “Can we please have sex, it’s been so long.” was so unattractive. It drove me insane. I felt like all he ever thought about was sex, sex, and more sex. I felt like a piece of meat to him. I dealt with this for years (eight to be exact). I know and understand how you feel. In all honesty he just wanted my attention. He’s emotional needs are filled through my physical actions. He likes to be touched all the time. I needed him to be there with me emotionally. I needed him to be more confident and devote time to just me. We both needed things from one another that had a hard time expressing.

I'm going to try to give you some advise but it may not work with your relationship. I hope you can take something from what I’m saying:

1. Make time for the two of you together. Sunday mornings are for Mr. Pug and I only. Friends and family know this and know not to call because we won't answer the phones (unless it's an emergency of course). We stay in bed as long as we want. We usually have sex first thing and then cuddle, shower together and then make and eat breakfast together (sometimes we just eat in bed). We might watch a movie cuddled on the couch or play with the dogs on the floor. My point is take time for just the two of you. SCHEDULE IT INTO YOUR WEEK! Pick a day and make it just the two of you time. Explain to him that you have no problem giving him the physical as long as he'll nurture your emotions. This has become very important to Mr. Pug and me and we stick to it.
2. People told me to take care of myself, eat right, exercise and do things that made me happy…blah, blah, blah. It’s really true though. Sleep is important. Not too much and not too little.
3. I personally had to cut down masturbating so much. I was wasting all that sexual energy on myself and not sharing it with him. I was doing it everyday and now I do it at the most once a week.
4. I can’t focus on us when I have so many other things on my mind. Come the weekends our house was a mess and I couldn’t get into sex when I was thinking about dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming and such. So I spread it out throughout the week and made him start helping so that on the weekends there wasn’t much to do. I could lie there and devote myself to us. Funny how the more sex he gets the more helpful he is around the house.

The next few may sound contradicting but try to follow if you can. It’s a delicate balance.

5. I personally needed Mr. Pug to step up to the plate a little more. As terrible as it might sound I needed him to stop asking for it and just take it when he wanted it. I don’t know how to explain it but I found him “begging” for it was just so unattractive to me. Now when he demands that I stop washing dishes and go upstairs and fuck him I melt to his dominance. A lot of my girlfriends have admitted to me in private that they wish their guys would be more masculine in this way. Take this with a grain of salt because it may honestly not be for you.
6. On the other hand, I recommend that you try to initiate more. This is very hard because if your not feeling it and you make yourself do it anyway some resentment can build. However, it seemed like as soon as I started initiating more our roles completely reversed. I’m always begging Mr. Pug for sex now and he turns me down from time to time. He has talked to his guy friends and they all agree that turning your girl down occasionally makes her want it even more. It does for me.
7. Timing used to be everything. I wanted it mid afternoon and late at night and Mr. Pug wanted it in the morning and early evening. We were never on the same schedule. What we do now is when Mr. Pug wants it in the morning we do it and when I wake up in the middle of the night horny I wake him up and we do it. If you wait until the timing is perfect you’ll be waiting forever.


Last but not least…

8. If there is anything that you find makes you horny then DO IT! If you like reading trashy erotica then read away. If you like watching “movie” sex scenes or just straight porn then watch them alone and fantasize about your man while watching them. I love sex and I find that the more I talk about it the more I want it. I come on bust and read and post about it my and other’s sexual encounters. I listen to music that turns me on and I watch movies that I find very hot. I check out pictures of sexy celebrities that I like. I savor all that sexual energy and save it all for Mr. Pug.


Mr. Pug says I’m a different person now then I was just three months ago. I like having my sexual identity back. It was gone for so long and now I feel younger and more feminine. I find that I’m super crazy about Mr. Pug like when we first met. Shit, on Saturday Mr. Pug and I lay drunk on our couch making out in front of our friends while they stared, pointed and made fun of us. Friends have told us how much happier we both seem. Things have just done a complete 180.

Take what you can from what I’ve said and I wish you the best of luck. I know your frustrated but things will get better if you both work at it.

[lapis]

Musicfit,
Many of my friends decided that the birth control pill ruined their sex lives. I doubt you would marry a person you were completely incompatible with, so maybe you should go off the pill and find a reliable kind of birth control or switch pills. In my opinion, some pills are terrible culprits (like basically anyhting made by ortho and yasmin) while others make it bearable, but that's my experience it just depends on having the patience in finding the right one. I also posted in the alternative medicine thread about a bc pill from India I am looking into but don't know much about. There are some oral contraceptives made for lower libidos and have more male hormones, which could be a possibility. Which, if I may ask, pill are you on? And ahve you tried others? But there might be an emotional component too if you feel like your man is always trying to push you past the point where you're satisfied. Do you talk about it? I totally feel for you. Good luck.

Oh, I have been with people in the reversed position and I was just patient and took it whenever I could get it. It was better than nagging for sex but it was still hard, so I identify with your husband, too. You will find a solution!!

[boblink]

(((Musicfit)))
Your problem is off the beaten path in this area. It seems to parallel a man's problem in losing ability to get it up after going on a hypertension medication. A friend told me he went back to the doctor, got a change in medication and eliminated the problem. That may or may not work. You could try several meds before finding the one that works for you.

You might find more comprehensive knowledge at Clitical.Com. Michael, the head honcho over there probably can offer more and better info.

(((P.S.))) Can somebody please explain to me how to insert a link here?

[boblink]

[Oops. I goofed. Excuse, please.

[boblink]

I'm having trouble figuring out the modified missionary... is the guy perpendicular to the lady? Thanks

(((Alex))) Yes, you're right. The guy is crossways -- right angle -- under your legs.

While he's there I hope he has a finger on your clit and a hand on a nipple.

Have fun.

[musicfit]

I wasn't sure if I should create a thread for this, or not.

Is there anyone on here who is low sex-drive and is dating or married to a man who has en extremely high sex drive?

It's so frustrating, because my hubby wants sex over and over again during the same time period. Sex tires me out and I'm just DONE after I've had sex. Mostly I think it's due to birth control and Lexapro. I have the urge to have sex with my husband once (or twice if it's a good one) a week. My husband wants it all the time. I'm worried that our sex drives will never be the same. Anyone dealt with that before? I SO want to be the sexed up person he is. But it's just not gonna happen when I'm on the pill. Actually, the whole time I've known him I've been on the pill. It could be that I've never experienced my true sex drive.

Any suggestions you might have would be welcome.

[alex11]

I'm having trouble figuring out the modified missionary... is the guy perpendicular to the lady? Thanks

[boblink]

It's a joy, Mellie,

to have made a small contribution to your joy. Your post inpires me to add a couple of positions that tend to be appreciated more by women than by men. Please note that I didn't invent anything. All 200 or so positions were in use at least six thousand years ago.

#1. Sideways face-to-face. You have much control over depth, movement and clitoral contact. Hook an ankle over his leg to provide leverage for some swinging, thrusting and perhaps grinding.

#2. Sideways with your back to him, spoon fashion. Not only can he reach over to to stroke your clit or twiddle a nipple, it facilitates G-spot contact like the doggy style (which it is, but on your side rather than on your knees.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: It may be helpful to know that the more erotic nerve endings he can stimulate for you at the same time, the greater the joy for you and the more steam comes whistling out your ears.

EXAMPLES: Twiddle one nipple while holding the other in mouth.
Twiddle both nipples at same time.
Hold one nipple in mouth and stroke clit at same time.
Hold long kiss while stroking clit or twiddling nipple.
He makes like a contortionist and twiddles both nipples while holding long kiss.


Good luck and good loving.

[mellie0304]

Thanks Maimy...there is definitely a smile there every time I daydream about it that man has me speechless. He does all these wonderful things in bed that make me feel sexy! I know you girls know what I mean.

[maimy]

Mellie, if you remember it with a smile, it is good!

Welcome to BUST. Feel free to cruise around as you please and throw in your two cents. Have a good time ... er, here *and* with the man!

[mellie0304]

OK I want to say that although I have not been on your site long I have learned more then I thought I knew. So I read this thread and my man and I tried the positions on here....I just want to say that I dont remember much from that night and I was sober...it was that good wait not good it was great honestly....I am a plus size girl and I could do most of those positions..so like wow I cant believe the only thing I remember was the beginning and the end is that bad?

[culturehandy]

I third that position, or would that be fourth...it's divine, and that's what matters!