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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
DeeRayy
post Oct 19 2011, 03:14 PM
Post #201


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QUOTE(skindeep1991 @ Oct 19 2011, 09:31 AM) *
So I've fallen back into a bit of a rut, I've started purging which is awful and I'm really ashamed of myself for doing this. I really hate myself when I'm like this. I'm not a pleasant person to be around at the moment and I'm scared of pushing the people I love away but I'm also willing to do anything to loose the weight. I know it's wrong and I don't recommend it for anyone and It makes me feel like a hypocrite because I'm the first person trying to talk people out of the stupidity....I just really don't know what to do.


i'm very sorry to hear about your struggles, skindeep. i dealt with weight issues this summer because of medical reasons and it really does suck. all i can say is that patience is your best friend right now. i can not even begin to tell you how difficult it was for me to lose the initial five pounds during my weight loss journey this summer. but what really helped me was the fact that i was losing weight not just for aesthetic reasons, but for my health as well. it can be very frustrating when you've been dieting like crazy the whole week only to find out that you've lost little over one pound. but if you want to permanently lose weight, it must be at a slow, controlled pace. i really do recommend that you focus more on exercise than on extreme dieting. it's good for both your physical and mental health. believe me, i was once in a similar position just four months ago, and now i'm twenty pounds lighter than i was as a college freshman. i still have a bit more to lose and i still have my days where i feel dumpy and pudgy, but you have to be patient with these things. you can't just expect your body to change overnight. it takes hard work and time.

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secretsights88
post Oct 19 2011, 12:06 PM
Post #202


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skindeep1991, your message was very touching. Please, don't feel stupid. Personally, I've never dealt with an ED, but I've dealt with very poor body image and I still struggle sometimes. I really wish I could help you more, but I just wanted to tell you not to feel stupid, or like a hypocrite. Trying to talk people out of this doesn't make you a hypocrite, far from it, it means you care about others and that you don't wish them the same you've struggled with. I know how hard it can be to compare yourself to an ex's new gf, and sometimes it's something that we just can't help. I'm sure that all lovely busties will support you, if you feel down and need to talk about it, no one will judge you here. I'm sure we all just want you to be happy and to feel great, and this is why we support each other.

Hugs!!! smile.gif
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skindeep1991
post Oct 19 2011, 11:31 AM
Post #203


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Posts: 55
From: UK


Heya ladies, I know it's been a while but recently I've been having a rough time, its not really boobie related but I needed someone to talk to.
I was sort of starting feeling comfortable with myself but a couple of things have spun me in the opposite direction. I stumbled across one of those pro anorexia websites and out of curiosity I took a look, I used to have an ED back in high school and I've been doing quite well up until this point. so anyway I was feeling okish about my weight but after looking at the website and all the tips I started thinking differently, about my thighs and stomach and my neck... I feel like I could do with losing quite a bit of weight in all honesty, I'm a size 10-12 UK sizes which is an 8 - 10 in American sizes. And I used to be a lot slimmer and it's really started getting to me. I've cut down my meals considerably and I'd started just eating salads, fruit and fish. Which isn't a bad thing. But I felt like the result is taking a long time...So it's been getting me down. I told my partner that I was feeling down about it and he said for me to just go to the gym, which wasn't very helpful (he's not good with these kind of things).
So anyway last night I stumbled across my ex's Facebook and saw that he had a new girlfriend and I realize that this is a big no no but I couldn't help but snoop on her Facebook to see what she was like...and turns out she's an actual friggen model. Who is a lot slimmer and prettier than myself. I don't really know what to do but that made me feel even worse, I don't know why because I have no feelings for him anymore I just don't want to be seen as the 'ugly fat ex girlfriend'...So I've fallen back into a bit of a rut, I've started purging which is awful and I'm really ashamed of myself for doing this. I really hate myself when I'm like this. I'm not a pleasant person to be around at the moment and I'm scared of pushing the people I love away but I'm also willing to do anything to loose the weight. I know it's wrong and I don't recommend it for anyone and It makes me feel like a hypocrite because I'm the first person trying to talk people out of the stupidity....I just really don't know what to do.

I'm really sorry for the long message guys and I hope you don't judge me too harshly for this =[
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karategrrl
post Oct 13 2011, 07:58 AM
Post #204


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QUOTE(strongirl @ Oct 12 2011, 04:46 PM) *
As for knocking things off the table...is that why they call them "knockers", LOL?

...

Crossing my fingers...if I get that "flap" effect, I might be the first B cup woman to get a breast reduction, LOL!

LOL!!! laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
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strongirl
post Oct 12 2011, 11:46 AM
Post #205


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Hi Kera - you were reading it wrong, or I didn't articulate it very well. He definitely CAN keep his hands off them - he doesn't seem to like them as well as my normal small boobs or he's worried they are sore or something. We haven't really had a conversation about it, too much other life stuff going on. But yeah, no love for my bigger boobs from the bf, which is OK for a short time but if it keeps up we'll need to talk. Cuz big or small, my girls need love and affection!

There really hasn't been much "adjustment", Kera - it just doesn't affect very much in my life. As for knocking things off the table...is that why they call them "knockers", LOL?

Yeah, the menopause thing, sigh. I remember years ago when I was joking with a couple of my older friends about getting a boob job, they said "Don't do it! First of all it will make you look matronly. Second, you're probably going to get stuck with bigger ones anyway when all that estrogen dominance stuff hits you." Or something like that. I thought "Terrific! Bring it on!" Now, not so much.

I've gained a few pounds in the past 6 months but so far holding my own with healthy eating and exercise. The thyroid imbalance didn't help any. But the boob increase isn't just weight gain, it's hormones. My breasts have always varied a lot in response to my monthly cycle. Only now it's not a reliable monthly cycle, so when I skip they just keep getting bigger. I doubt this size is a permanent thing, mostly likely they'll go back down again when I have another period, assuming I do. I sorta hope they do go back down to my normal 34A but it's not a huge deal to me either way.

And Karategrrl, yes, the skin on skin thing....eeecckhh, gives me the heebie jeebies! Happily I still pass the pencil test - they are oddly perky so far. Crossing my fingers...if I get that "flap" effect, I might be the first B cup woman to get a breast reduction, LOL!



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KeraBear
post Oct 12 2011, 09:55 AM
Post #206


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Strongirl, I was about to say congratulations... but now I guess not so much?? Funny... when i first got here, I was all "I want bigger breasts! I neeeeeeed them!!" But now it's deeper than that. Now I strive to see the beauty in my booblets and myself both inside and out. Don't get me wrong though, I still think it would be nice to have bigger boobs!! And I still have a good number of "bad boobie days" where i just feel like crying, but being here has certainly helped my perspective.

I didn't know that sorta thing happened at menopause. Interesting. You get your period and then grow boobs (that's how it worked for me anyways). You stop getting your period and then grow boobs. hmm...

What has been the biggest adjustment to having your new pair? I always thought that if I suddenly grew boobs overnight, I would knock things over with them, like the salt shaker at the dinner table or something, because I forget they were there. LOL. But it doesn't sound like they are THAT much bigger though, ha ha. What do you mean by your bf cannot keep his hands off from them, but yet is put off by them? Don't those contradict each other? Or was i just reading that wrong?
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karategrrl
post Oct 12 2011, 08:30 AM
Post #207


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Thanks, strongirl, for your thoughts. That does help. Ha, when my mother started going through menopause she suddenly got big breasts and hated it--in the summer, especially, she complained of the "skin on skin" sweatiness under them. So honestly there has been a part of me that secretly has been curious about going through menopause, in the hopes that I'd finally get some boobies.

Then again, she gained weight everywhere so honestly, I don't know how much of the increase in breast size was due to hormones, and what was due to the weight gain (which I think was also due to hormones). I'm much more active and stress-free than she was, so I hope that will keep me healthy and at a weight that feels right to me.
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strongirl
post Oct 12 2011, 08:07 AM
Post #208


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Secretsights, ABSOLUTELY you should go with that. I LOVED everything you said in that post. The things you listed are authentic, not artificially manipulated - you have more confidence because you have earned it by loving and caring for your physical body from within, rather than worrying about what your exterior looks like to others and trying to get it to measure up to some arbitrary standard. This is real beauty...when beauty is not the goal. Rock that clear skin, bright smile, shining eyes, strong body, radiant glow, Secretsights!

Karategrrl, sorry to hear you are feeling less satisfied but you do sound pretty philosophical about it - it doesn't sound like your torturing yourself over it, which is good. I was thinking of sharing this anyway but your post is a good lead-in. Due to some perimenopausal hormonal fluctuations, I am currently sporting large B/small C cup size breasts. And ya know what? It just doesn't really affect anything at all in my life. I don't feel more feminine...I felt feminine anyway. I don't feel more attractive...I felt attractive anyway. My bf was actually avoiding them - I think he was concerned they'd be sore and sensitive. So far from not being able to keep his hands off them, he seems a bit put off by them. No one else even notices. I do sort of get a kick out of cupping them in the shower, like you said, Karategrrl but it's not like it makes my day. It's just not that big a deal. And maybe if I'd been miserable about them being small I would be happier about them being bigger. But I wasn't miserable before and I'm not thrilled now. I think this illustrates what we've said in here before: that good health and our own feelings about our bodies is what matters, that we can totally blow the importance of breast size way out of proportion, and that in reality, it just doesn't matter that much.

My perspective, for what it's worth.



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secretsights88
post Oct 11 2011, 05:20 PM
Post #209


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Focusing on health is a great idea. I'm not really keen on working out, but when I get into it, I start feeling great about myself inside and out. It's not even about losing weight or toning up, it's this general feeling of being pretty. Maybe it's psychological, but I feel I look less tired, like I have clearer skin and a brighter smile. I don't know. I also feel more energized and knowing that what I'm doing is good for my body just gives me a general feel good vibe, which just makes me feel that much better about the way I look. And feeling stronger, and more capable of doing physical things, just gives me a lot more confidence. I also tend to focus more on improving my fitness level rather than focusing on my physical "flaws".
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karategrrl
post Oct 11 2011, 02:07 PM
Post #210


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buttercups, welcome back!!! <<<hugs>>>

because I seriously think this place is essential to my mental health. Since I've stopped really participating here and working all the time, my self-esteem about the lack of fat on my chest has just gotten worse

I can tell you that it is also great for my mental health. I think of you ladies all the time and inteestingly enough, my thoughts of you rarely have anything to do with breast size--more, it's some thought-provoking or hysterically funny thing someone has said.

"...lack of fat on my chest..."

Interesting, isn't it? That's mostly what breasts are, yet all this shit about size and how we put ourselves through the ringer over it. Lately I am feeling less satisfied than usual about my chest. I'm just annoyed; I'd like to wear a B cup--nothing big--but enough to be able to buy a fucking nice bra, damn it, and cup them in my hands and feel something cup-able! Not asking for the fucking world, you know.... then I remind myself of how silly it all is--why we attach so much to the size of fat mounds on our chests. No easy answer!


BTW, I came across this documentary today and thought of you all. Watched the preview and was amazed at how it touched on what we've discussed here so often--how media makes us feel inferior so we SPEND MONEY on "correcting" ourselves. And in the preview to either this one or version 2, they panned the audience and it was annoying how it was, like, 99.999999% women. Men need to see this shit, not women. We already know.
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buttercups
post Oct 9 2011, 02:27 PM
Post #211


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Hey ladies,

I've missed you all, coming back to check-in, though I never really left I've just been lurking because I'm working crazy hours at my new job and barely have time to breathe lately. In any event, I'm going to try to be more present here because I seriously think this place is essential to my mental health. Since I've stopped really participating here and working all the time, my self-esteem about the lack of fat on my chest has just gotten worse. When I was talking to you guys regularly I actually started to accept myself more, and now that I'm downhill again I'm ready to get back on the bandwagon and start feeling better about myself. I've since moved in with my boyfriend too, first time we've ever lived together or that I've ever lived with a boyfriend, so I feel even more pressure lately to look better. At least when we weren't living together I was more able to hide my true self, but now it's even harder.

DeeRayy I hope you're feeling better today. I know the disappointment when you think there is something wrong with you that can be fixed and then find out that there's nothing wrong so nothing can be fixed. I have felt that exact same way, like I want something to be wrong with me so I can just take a pill or something and then look like everybody else. I love strongirl's ideas about focusing on your health though, that will really make you feel so much better about yourself. I know that when I had more time to work-out and take care of myself I felt better about my body on the whole, even my breasts. Just getting exercise and eating well can do wonders.

On the casual sex topic, interestingly enough my small breasts were what kept me from having casual sex. I was so self-conscious about myself that in college I never wanted anyone to see me naked, so while all my friends were going out hooking up with random guys I was in a long-term (and unhealthy) relationship because I couldn't expose my body to anyone. There were guys that showed interest in me but even if I liked them back I was terrified that they would find out how flat I was and tell the whole school. I stayed in that awful long-term relationship for my entire college experience pretty much and never ventured out of my comfort zone with any other guys. Not that I'm encouraging casual sex or anything, and everyone should do what's most comfortable for them of course, but that is one regret that I have from college. I wish I had the guts to go out and date other guys instead of being terrified about what they would say about my breasts. DeeRayy I applaud you for doing what made you the most comfortable and going with your gut on this one, I know what bad self-esteem can do to your head and you really fought through it.
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KeraBear
post Oct 5 2011, 06:48 PM
Post #212


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From: USA


QUOTE(strongirl @ Oct 4 2011, 12:33 PM) *
LOL, I can always count on the "members" of this forum for "penetrating" insights. wink.gif


QUOTE(karategrrl @ Oct 4 2011, 09:41 AM) *
Getting cocky, huh? wink.gif


LMAO!! laugh.gif It makes me happy knowing that i am not the only twisted bustie on here. smile.gif
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KeraBear
post Oct 5 2011, 06:47 PM
Post #213


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I know how it is, DeeRayy... well, not EXACTLY how it is. I've never dealt with thyroid issues, but like four years ago when i was 15, i was sooooo frustrated because i was short, lite-weight, barely any breasts to speak of, no period yet .... yeah, i was absolutely convinced there was something wrong with me and worked up the courage to ask to see a doctor about it. Nope. "You're normal," my doctor exclaimed. Normal! I was actually disappointed! I was certain that they would be able to give me some magic treatment to instantly make me blossom! So i know the feeling anyways. And yeah, it kinda sucks.

But karategrrl and strongirl have certainly done a good job of reframing the situation. Perhaps looking at it in a new light, hopefully you can accentuate the positives??? Eaiser said than done, I know...

*hugs to DeeRayy*

oh yeah, and it sounds like you made the right decision about the "booty call."
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karategrrl
post Oct 4 2011, 12:01 PM
Post #214


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QUOTE(strongirl @ Oct 4 2011, 04:33 PM) *
LOL, I can always count on the "members" of this forum for "penetrating" insights. wink.gif

OMG, just when I thought you ladies could not possibly make me laugh any more!

QUOTE(strongirl @ Oct 4 2011, 04:33 PM) *
It's possible that even if you don't test as "abnormal" from a medical viewpoint, you're not in optimal balance for YOU. ...

Holy crap, you are SOOOOOOO right on!

And let me also suggest YogaToday for streamng free yoga classes. (Thanks, I didn't know about classes on YouTube!) And I LOVE your spiral analogy! Great way to look at it!
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strongirl
post Oct 4 2011, 11:33 AM
Post #215


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LOL, I can always count on the "members" of this forum for "penetrating" insights. wink.gif

DeeRayy, <<hug>>!!! I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. Karategrrl's thought about never being back at "square one" is so true. I always think of it like this: in life, you can't go in a circle, you can only go in an upward spiral. Even if you end up back at the "same" place, you're not really - you've gone forward in time, you're at a higher level than you were before. So when I feel like I've come full circle, I try to look down at where I was when I was here before and figure out what's different, what am I supposed to get out of it this time. Getting pretty metaphysical here and off topic, but hopefully helpful.

The other thing I thought I'd throw out in case it's useful is that if you truly feel that there's something "wrong" with your body, that you are not experiencing vibrant good health, then don't give up trying to improve it. It's possible that even if you don't test as "abnormal" from a medical viewpoint, you're not in optimal balance for YOU. Focus on getting as healthy as possible with nutrition, exercise, sleep. Try meditation! Read up on superfoods and what foods promote the best hormonal health. Do 5 good things for yourself, such as buy incense or essential oils so your space smells great, eat fabulous healthy meals, take a yoga class or follow along with one of the great ones out there on YouTube, go to a spa or hot springs or take long bubble baths at home, get a massage. Promote your own well-being and be kind to your self and let yourself feel good. And yes, do invest in that vibrator!!! Orgasms promote hormonal health, I am sure of it! smile.gif

And if you're truly convinced that there's something medically wrong with you, get a 2nd opinion. No doctor is right 100% of the time and especially with thyroid, there's controversy over what number to call "low".

Again, DeeRayy, <<hug>>!!!


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karategrrl
post Oct 4 2011, 08:41 AM
Post #216


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DeeRayy, I hear ya, and I so respect your out-there honesty, which is so brave and gutsy. So, if I get what you are saying, basically you feel you are having to face something you had come to feel was medically explainable and treatable. So now you no longer have that explanation and you feel like you're back at square one? I am sorry the weekend was challenging. If I could offer up something (besides a big 'ol hug), it would be something I came across recently that helped me a LOT-- the idea that even when we feel we're "back at square one," we're not really, b/c just having gone through whatever it was that took us to that place does, by definition, change who we are by the time we're "back at square one." A huge variable--OURSELF--has changed, which makes us NOT truly back in that place. What this might mean for you, if anything, is something only you can answer, but I do hope that gives you somethng to think about and maybe feel hopeful about. smile.gif

And you ladies seriously crack me up with your naughty little innuendos. Getting cocky, huh? wink.gif
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DeeRayy
post Oct 2 2011, 05:01 PM
Post #217


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QUOTE(strongirl @ Sep 29 2011, 06:23 AM) *
I don't recommend having sex SOLELY to feel better about your body based on someone desiring you, although I don't think that's actually what anyone on here was thinking/intending. But people do it, and to me it seems a bit 1) exploitive of the person you're having sex with and 2) negatively reinforcing the idea that your value comes from being desired by others.


you have a VERY good point strongirl. well i didn't end up ever taking him up on his offer. i just really don't think i'm a casual sex kind of girl at the moment. i did, however, agree to go on a date with him. and while on the date i realized that i just really wasn't into him and so now the thought of having sex with him makes me feel dirty! haha. so at this point i think i might need to invest in a vibrator.

btw, VERY bad boobie day today. you all know that i've been dealing with medical issues lately. and over the summer they seem to have disappeared, which leaves me with mixed feelings. i was recently found to NOT have thyroid disorder after all. so, my doctor then wanted to test my hormone levels to rule out pcos. well, it turns out my hormones are fine and i'm just paranoid. you would think that this would have made me feel better about my body. however, i had been really convinced that i had a hormonal condition and that that was why my body looks the way it does. and i secretly had hopes that maybe i could be treated with hormone therapy and that this could help my body look more filled out. and now that i know that there's nothing to be treated i'm feeling very frustrated. it's like i'm starting all over again. and it's very hard for my doc to truly convince me that i'm perfectly normal when i feel everything but normal. so this weekend has been a rough one for me.
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KeraBear
post Sep 30 2011, 06:47 AM
Post #218


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QUOTE(skindeep1991 @ Sep 30 2011, 06:55 AM) *
it sure does sound like it will be a tough nut to crack, we're up against stiff competition....hopefully others will have the same views as us, touch wood.

xD


LOL! I think I understand the thrust of your argument....
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skindeep1991
post Sep 30 2011, 05:55 AM
Post #219


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QUOTE(KeraBear @ Sep 29 2011, 11:36 PM) *
I love this! smile.gif
ooooh... i can so get behind this... or should i say this can get behind me! wink.gif It sounds like it will be hard, though... tongue.gif


it sure does sound like it will be a tough nut to crack, we're up against stiff competition....hopefully others will have the same views as us, touch wood.

xD
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KeraBear
post Sep 29 2011, 05:36 PM
Post #220


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Posts: 265
From: USA


QUOTE(karategrrl @ Sep 29 2011, 12:20 PM) *
I saw this on a bumper sticker today and thought of all of you:

"Change how you see, not how you look."

Aw yeah.


I love this! smile.gif

QUOTE(karategrrl @ Sep 29 2011, 12:26 PM) *
And PS: Can we have penis appreciation day/month too? I do appreciate penises. Very much.


ooooh... i can so get behind this... or should i say this can get behind me! wink.gif It sounds like it will be hard, though... tongue.gif
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