[DeeRayy]

When I was reading your mention of your BF I was about to say, "Oh no..." but I'm glad he likes you as you are.

karategrrl, why the "oh no..." reaction?

one e thing i wanna elaborate on is how i said skindeep should be thankful she has a bf who loves her as is. because i mean, why wouldn't he?? i admit i had (and still sometimes have) the mentality that i should be absolutely grateful to find a guy who was fine with my boobs. it's almost as if i thought that a guy would be doing me a favor by being with me & my booblets. and that is definitely NOT the mentality a girl should have! i just wish every girl (myself included) could see that any guy would be lucky to have them. but having a bf who appreciates your body is definitely a necessity, because if he doesn't appreciate you as is, well then frankly he doesn't deserve you. so yeah there's my mini rant on that haha.

One thing that vexes me is the statement that "I did it for myself," which is what I beleive the young girl (April) said, and this is definetely something I've heard from women who say they had implants "for themselves." I mean, I get that no one's holding a gun to their head or coercing them; maybe their husband or BF hasn't talked them into it. But...where would one otherwise get an idea that small breasts are something to be changed or "corrected?" As we've discussed here, it's society, advertising, little comments from others, subtle messages repeated ad nauseum a billion ways.

i could not agree with this more! i never bought into the whole "i'm doing it for myself" thing either. i mean, they do it so that they can feel more confident with their own body, but it's usually society and the opinions of other people's opinions that hinder that confidence in the first place. but i try not to judge the girls who get implants either because the same could be said about any type of cosmetic regimen. i mean, why do women wear makeup? why do they style their hair with extremely hot pieces of metal? why are thousands of people (some who are not even overweight) striving to lose weight? i think we all want to feel beautiful, and we all care about what others think to some degree (correct me if i'm wrong). some girls are just willing to go to extreme measures for the sake of vanity.

Don't waste any time second-guessing him or letting your insecurities be bigger than the attraction between you.

strongirl, you have no idea how much i love this quote. that was a big problem in my last relationship- me letting my insecurities come between me and my ex, even when would call me beautiful. and i really don't want that to happen again. but i think now i'm starting to understand that my insecurities are my problem and my problem alone. so yeah, if i find myself in another relationship i am definitely gonna put that quote on a sticky note somewhere where i can read it everyday!

[strongirl]

I thought your point was quite clear, Karategrrl, and I agree with it 100%. It's like "I'm doing it for myself...because I don't want other people to see me with small boobs." Huh?

And yes, as I've reported in here before, my flapper grandma bound her large breasts in the 1920's to look good in those dresses. She said it was extremely uncomfortable.

Welcome, SkinDeep! I totally agree - go back and read the posts. Maybe even take a few notes on the ones that you find most helpful. Start a practice of doing mirror work. Follow DeeRayy's brilliant idea and write your boobs a letter, or write one from them to you.

About your bf - I agree with DeeRayy that your opinions about your body matter more than his. But at the same time, don't discount his wonderful opinion - use his healthy perspective to help bolster your own. Don't waste any time second-guessing him or letting your insecurities be bigger than the attraction between you. Enjoy and celebrate and bask in his appreciation of your body. Let yourself soak up the positive vibe you get from him regarding your boobs. Then practice it on yourself - try to see yourself the way he sees you. I've used my bf's appreciation of my body in this manner and it has helped get me past my own doubts, by showing me how distorted my self-image can be.

Oh, circling back to something you said, DeeRayy, re. not letting your light shine, so to speak - I have never really suffered from that, more the opposite. I had to learn to be more reserved and hold back some, because I found out there were lots of bad people who would take advantage of me if I was too open and available and flamboyant. I share this to dispel the myth that small-breasted girls don't feel comfortable in the spotlight. Also, the best social advice I can offer anyone is to cultivate and express a genuine curiosity and interest in other people. If you are focused on making others feel good about themselves, you won't be wondering what they think of you and you will come across as both caring and confident...because you are.

[karategrrl]

SkinDeep,

A big, booblet-smushing hug of WELCOME!

I agree with the others--stick around, and read the older posts as far back as you can go. (Make yourself a cup of tea, pull up a footstool, and get comfy...you may be there awhile! So much good reading.)

When I was reading your mention of your BF I was about to say, "Oh no..." but I'm glad he likes you as you are.


Switch of topic:
I finally got a chance to watch the labiaplasty documentary yesterday. I commend that woman for creating it. One thing that vexes me is the statement that "I did it for myself," which is what I beleive the young girl (April) said, and this is definetely something I've heard from women who say they had implants "for themselves." I mean, I get that no one's holding a gun to their head or coercing them; maybe their husband or BF hasn't talked them into it. But...where would one otherwise get an idea that small breasts are something to be changed or "corrected?" As we've discussed here, it's society, advertising, little comments from others, subtle messages repeated ad nauseum a billion ways.

My point is (yes, I do have one), I don't think anyone living in a vacuum, would say, "I want to insert foreign objects under my chest muscles. Just...for myself. Just because." OK, so even if it truly is the woman wanting to change herself to fit a standard (and not someone else coercing her), does that make it any more OK? <scratching head>

I just thought of the roaring '20s, when "flat" chests were in vogue. If breast reduction surgery were as acceptable and available then as augmentation is now, women would have been running to get it done, to fit that "standard."

[KeraBear]

Hi skindeep! Welcome to one of the most awesome places on earth!

This is mostly just a rehash of everything that DeeRayy said. Such as when I say things like...

--- I am also close to your age... ish. I am 18. Yay!
--- I also know what it's like to have a younger relative outboobing you (my younger sister also). Yeah, it sucks. I totally feel you there.
---- Yes, scroll down and check out DeeRayy's fabulous "breast talk therapy" (hurry and trademark that, Dee! I sense a potential book deal coming!)

Actually, I would encourage you to scroll down and then keeeeeeeeeeeeep on scrolling. There is pages and pages of booblet love here. But i guess the best advice i can give you is to stick around here for a while. Being with like-minded (and like-busted) individuals in a positive-charged environment has made the biggest difference for me. Sorry.... that's all I got... I leave the sage wisdom to the older gals.

[DeeRayy]

Hey guys I'm new to this so bare with me, I'm going to be 20 this year and I have smaller breasts than my 11 year old sister, which sucks. Anyway i've been looking into breast implants and the more i look into it the more put off i am. because i have small breasts if i was to get implants it would look horrible and they would be miles apart from each other. I don't know what to do, my boyfriend said that i'm not allowed to get surgery as he thinks that implants look disgusting and that he likes my breasts, but i just can't seem to believe that. I want to just love them, I just cant seem to though. =/

any thoughts or tips on how to make myself feel better about my breasts without having bags of silicone pushed into them would be appreciated.

thanks

x

Hello skindeep!
lemme just start of by saying welcome
just so you know, i'm the same age as you, and i also have younger relatives who have bigger breasts than me, and so do many of the girls on here. so i know a lot about what you're going through right now. yes, it's difficult, i know.

hmmm, where to start. if you scroll down a lil bit i just posted an exercise that should help you (the one about talking with your boobs haha). second, you should be happy that you have a boyfriend who likes your boobs. pretty much everyone on here knows that my ex bf did NOT appreciate my boobies like he should have, and THAT sucks. with that said, your feelings about your boobs matter more than his.

but, i think you coming on here shows that you have a desire to tackle this issue and that's a huge step. so i applaud you for making the first step towards loving your boobs (bravo! bravo!). i'm one of the youngsters on here soooo i can only give you so much advice since we're pretty much on the same boat right now. but there are plenty of awesome chicks on here that have great insight on this issue. try that exercise and tell me how it goes!

[nbdx0645]

Hey busties, I've been out and about for a while. I was watching this documentary and I felt like sharing (if it isn't already on here) The Trouble with my Breasts I was eating dinner until I saw the part where a photograph of boob necrosis came up on the screen.

I'd say I'm 90% OK with my breasts. The only times I get a bit frustrated is when I'm in a bathing suit or sports bra in large crowds. Unfortunately, now that I'm mostly OK with my breasts, I'd get insecure about other things like my thin hair, my bump on the nose, or my thighs. These are things that weren't really on the radar before. I feel like I tackled the hardest one first (breasts) and I'll conquer the others.

Kerabear, your open letter to your boobs is AWESOME! Your creative writing skills are great.

I saw what Deerayy wrote, "so my question is, has anyone else ever dealt with their insecurities holding them back from , well, living? or even better, has anyone else overcome this problem? i really just want to find a way to be more carefree and to be able to loosen up and just be myself around people."

ZOMG YES. It made me think of a quote that I heard when I helped out with Habitat for Humanity. "Don't let what you can't do inhibit what you can do." All the time worrying cuts into time hanging out with friends, working on hobbies, and enjoying intimate moments. Karategrrl or Strongirl here suggested mirror work, which REALLY helped me. At first, it was really difficult to make eye contact with myself. Also, I made a conscious habit to not assume what other people are thinking.

[skindeep1991]

Hey guys I'm new to this so bare with me, I'm going to be 20 this year and I have smaller breasts than my 11 year old sister, which sucks. Anyway i've been looking into breast implants and the more i look into it the more put off i am. because i have small breasts if i was to get implants it would look horrible and they would be miles apart from each other. I don't know what to do, my boyfriend said that i'm not allowed to get surgery as he thinks that implants look disgusting and that he likes my breasts, but i just can't seem to believe that. I want to just love them, I just cant seem to though. =/

any thoughts or tips on how to make myself feel better about my breasts without having bags of silicone pushed into them would be appreciated.

thanks

x

[karategrrl]

so my question is, has anyone else ever dealt with their insecurities holding them back from , well, living? or even better, has anyone else overcome this problem? i really just want to find a way to be more carefree and to be able to loosen up and just be myself around people.

Funny you ask. Short answer: OOOOH YEEEES!

I was a "late bloomer" in terms of confidence and emotional development. I guess I was in my late teens/early '20s when I realized it was limiting me, my ability to do things professionally, enjoy friendships, take advantage of opportunities, etc. Often, I would have something very funny to say in a group but wouldn't say it b/c I just hated everyone turning to look at me. I don't have any magic bullet to offer except that the realization that I has holding MYSELF back was enough for me to want to change. Every now and then I still do feel some of that insecurity/shyness/doubt, and luckily I have some friends now that I can be very open with, and I've asked them if they get the impressions of me that I think I give off (I'm dorky, self-absorbed, etc.), and the answer has always been no. So, old "tapes" playing in my head...

A trusted woman once said to me "What you have, the world needs," which really blew my mind, and around that time the following Marianne Williamson quote was also shared with me:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So this spin worked for me--that it's not about being popular or having great clothes or whatever (though nothing wrong with that), but of ALLOWING who you are--your gifts and uniqueness--to add to the world and bless others. In other words, we all have something special to offer, and it's there for sharing; don't hoard it.

BTW, I don't believe in the type of "God" that many religions offer up, but rather a universal intelligence. Still, hope that's not too "woo-woo!"

[DeeRayy]

hey girls!

ahaha, i'm going to go ahead and agree with karategrrl and strongirl that kerabear's letter is adorable. well done, kerabear, well done. (btw, another course i recommend if you're into English- comparative literature! it's fabulous. i'm thinking of double majoring in it)

i'm gonna go ahead and ask for some more advice. i saw my therapist today and we started talking about my feelings about my personality (we're already past the boob stuff). and i admitted that the one thing that bothers me a lot about myself is how extremely reserved i am. once i get to know someone i'm totally dorky and laid back, but in general i tend to hold myself back a lot (socially, that is). i feel like it's sort of a defense mechanism because i'm really afraid of being judged. i'm asking this on here because i feel like it's connected to my insecurities about my boobs and my lack of confidence(along with other things, but we'll keep it at that).

so my question is, has anyone else ever dealt with their insecurities holding them back from , well, living? or even better, has anyone else overcome this problem? i really just want to find a way to be more carefree and to be able to loosen up and just be myself around people.

[KeraBear]

Ha ha, yep. Once again the teens swoop in out of nowhere and turn your world upside down!

The letter, of course, was inspired by DeeRay's brilliant idea. I figured, well why not have fun with it? A lot of it was rooted in truth though. It turned out to be really therapeutic and helpful for me.

Karategrrl - To answer your question, yeah. I mean English and creative writing - that sort of thing- have been some of my stronger subjects in school. I dunno if I want that be my career path though. I am still trying to out the whole what do i want to be when i grow up question! Hmmm...

[strongirl]

Oh, Kera, you are something else!!! What a gift. Like Karategrrl, I have been literally laughing out loud for the past 5 minutes. That was brilliantly insightful and hilariously funny. And in keeping with DeeRayy's ingenious breakthrough, totally therapeutic. Wow, great stuff happening in here. And free entertainment!

And from my boobs to your boobs (and everybody's boobs) - don't be jealous, just join the party!

Chestbook...starting to laugh all over again....

[karategrrl]

OMG Kerabear, I am practically CRYING with laughter! That was, like, completely and utterly awesome. Never mind making my day--you made my year!!!


PS: Have you considered being a writer????

[KeraBear]

Dear KeraBear,

Hi! I know things have been awkward between us. In fact there have been many times when you outright ignored us. Because you are embarrassed of us? Yeah, i know we've had rocky beginnings. Again, we're sorry that we were late for the puberty party! Yes, we are well aware that most of your friends' permenant guests seemed to show up timely. We overslept! It's not our fault. It happens. It's not like we could've called ahead and let you know ... we don't have fingers! It's been a few years. Don't you think it is time to let it go?

We've seen the way that you look enviously at other boobs. That's right... we know. We are on speaking terms with Brain and Eyes. This has to stop! How do you think that makes us feel? It makes us feel unappreciated! Like we don't measure up. Yeah, yeah, so we aren't identical. We are fraternal twins. Most of us are! Get over it! Take some time to consider what we bring to your life. We are happy and perky. We complement your personality AND your figure so nicely. We make your love of running oh so much easier!

Buuuuuuuuut that all said, even though we haven't grown, we've seen some growth in you. Ever since you've joined this small boobie support group, we've noticed a change in you. Just the other night you took us out in front of the mirror and looked at us for a while and instead of seeing a look of repulsion, we saw... acceptance? Perhaps even a bit of love? You even touched us a bit. Wow, we haven't had that much action since the breakup! For the first time since we've come into your life, we feel a bit of hope. We're so glad, because we are feeling sort of attached to you.

Love,

Your Boobs.

P.S. We want to see a little more sunlight every now and then. Strongirls' boobs have told us all about their adventures and we are sooooo jealous. That's right, we boobs talk. We have Chestbook accounts! Don't look at us like that. What? Too soon?

[karategrrl]

I still haven't been able to watch the documetary, but I highly recommend reading the comments!

[strongirl]

DeeRayy, I haven't looked at the documentary but just reading what you wrote - oh my gosh, girl, that is SO profound and beautiful! I teared up reading it. I really think you are onto something incredibly powerful. It's one thing to say "I wish I felt better about my body" and another thing to take the power of you mind and use it to comfort, be kind to, appreciate, and come to terms with your own body. Your boobs must be feeling very grateful and loved right now! This is epic, DeeRayy.

[karategrrl]

PS: thanks for the link--I can't watch it at work right now, but I will later. I LOOOVE documentaries, so thank you for turning me on to this site!

I have to admit that there was a time I thought I was "unusual"looking for this very reason, and checked out labiaplasty. I was so sickened by watching the process (in another documentary) I knew I could never do that to myself (how I also feel about breast implants). I mentioned labiaplasty to my (male) gyno last visit (I honestly forget how it came up, but it was not b/c I wanted to do it myself) and I was really impressed with his reaction. Basically, he thought it was nuts, and he mentioned a Dr. he knew of who was removed from his legitimate gyno practice for doing that on the side. My Dr. couldn't fathom why any woman would do that and I told him it was mostly b/c woman are comparing themselves to photoshopped porn pictures. He had no idea.

[karategrrl]

and when she was saying this, all i could think about were my boobs. and i kind of thought to myself , hmmm, well if my boobs could talk, what would they say? (sorry if this is sounding silly to anyone, but i works for me). and i know that my boobs would definitely NOT say "cut us open! fill us with silicone! hide us with your clothes! suffocate us with push-up bras!". if anything, my boobs would probably have a lot of pent up anger towards me. they'd feel un-loved and personally attacked. and it really made me feel like i kinda owe my boobs an apology. the poor dears, they've never done anything to deserve the way i treat them and feel about them! and after the documentary was finished, all i could do was look down at my boobs and think "i'm so sorry! i'm sorry for being so critical of you guys, for comparing you to others, for saying negative things about you when i look in the mirror instead of calling you beautiful, for not loving you guys the way you are, and most of all, for never treating you guys with the kindness that every part of my body deserves ". me talking to my own boobs probably looked really ridiculous, but i really felt like they deserved an apology from me at that moment. anyways, that is my newfound method of being kind to my body. i really recommend you try it, with your boobs or any other part of your body.

DeeRayy, this is NOT weird--actually, it's so fucking awesome I don't even know where to start. I can't believe I never thought of it!

One of the best things about the classes I took is the way women supported each other in accepting their bodies and expressing their sexuality. It really dismantles the whole "looks competition" thing between women. Rather than comparing and competing, we all hooted and hollered and cheered each other on. It felt good to appreciate and enjoy other womens' bodies and to let them know and make them feel good about themselves. And it felt good to be on the receiving end of it, too. I would highly recommend doing these classes as a way to work on one's body issues and have a lot of fun while doing it.

Girl, thank you for pointing this out. That, to me, would be so totally worth it. I am motivated to do this now. Seriously.

[DeeRayy]

hey all!
i've found a new mental exercise that's really helpful for me and i thought i should share it on here. i got the idea for it while watching a documentary on women's self image concerning their vaginas, and talks about the sudden increase in vaginal cosmetic surgery. yes, it's not directly related to boobies but i think it connects pretty well to my issues. i personally think it's a must see! if anyone is curious here's the link

http://documentaryheaven.com/the-perfect-vagina/

anyway, towards the end of the video they film a class that teaches women how to love their lady bits. and the instructor gave a mini speech that really resonated with me, she said:
"I get my ladies to take on the voice of their vaginas. What does their vagina want? What does their vagina not like? And what their vagina DOESN'T say is 'chop me up! cut me up! sew me up! make me tighter under a surgeon's knife'."

and when she was saying this, all i could think about were my boobs. and i kind of thought to myself , hmmm, well if my boobs could talk, what would they say? (sorry if this is sounding silly to anyone, but i works for me). and i know that my boobs would definitely NOT say "cut us open! fill us with silicone! hide us with your clothes! suffocate us with push-up bras!". if anything, my boobs would probably have a lot of pent up anger towards me. they'd feel un-loved and personally attacked. and it really made me feel like i kinda owe my boobs an apology. the poor dears, they've never done anything to deserve the way i treat them and feel about them! and after the documentary was finished, all i could do was look down at my boobs and think "i'm so sorry! i'm sorry for being so critical of you guys, for comparing you to others, for saying negative things about you when i look in the mirror instead of calling you beautiful, for not loving you guys the way you are, and most of all, for never treating you guys with the kindness that every part of my body deserves ". me talking to my own boobs probably looked really ridiculous, but i really felt like they deserved an apology from me at that moment. anyways, that is my newfound method of being kind to my body. i really recommend you try it, with your boobs or any other part of your body.

so i'm curious, if your boobs could talk what do you think they would say? and what would you say back to them? i'm betting that a lot of us here owe our boobs some type of apology.

[DeeRayy]

Congratulations KeraBear!
I give to you a virtual bear hug

[discowombat]

Good news, everyone! As of today, I am no longer a small-breasted highschooler!

Congrats on your graduation!