[erinjane]

I came in here looking for the name of a reputable canadian online seller of sex toys. I know of WomynsWare but I remember someone mentioning at least one other (in toronto?).

On the topic of sex toys, has anyone tried balls (like the Ben Wa kind I guess)?

I'm from Canada too and have trouble finding good online stores, so now I get stuff from Smitten Kitten Online. I like them because shipping is free. After comparing Canadian website prices to their prices, it was cheaper to buy from Smitten Kitten and not pay for shipping. And the owner won't sell unhealthy toys, like jelly toys, which are porous and impossible to clean completely. I got to stop in there on my vacation and the owner was super nice and really knew her stuff. Coincidently, I think that the balls she sells are on sale. I asked about them in the store and she said they aren't really meant to be used for pleasure, but to strengthen the muscles. She said some people use them for sex play, but the majority of people don't get that much out of them in terms of that way.

She's also having a birthday sale this month so if you spend $100 you get a free gift bag full of shwag.

Each bag includes ALL of the following items:

Sprite a Multi-speed, Waterproof Bullet Vibrator (donated by O'My)
Wrist Cuffs Amazing Sex Bondage Cuffs (donated by Sportsheets)
Cock Rings A set of 3 skin-safe Nitrile Cock Rings (donated by Spartacus Leather)
Nipple Nibblers Trial size tin of tasty, tingly nipple stimulating balm
Afterglow All Natural Sensual Body and Toy Cleanser (donated by Devine Toys)
O'Gel A Sexy Serving of All Natural Clitoris Stimulating Gel (donated by O'My)
O'My Natural Lubricant All Natural Sensual Lubricant (donated by O'My)
LiP Magazine Fall Issue of LiP, a Magazine with a Progressive Perspective
Bitch Magazine Fall Issue of Bitch Magazine, Feminist Response to Pop Culture
BUST Magazine Fall Issue of BUST , BUSTing Stereotypes About Women
$pread Magazine Winner of 2005 Utne Independent Press Award!
Outlaw Leather Unprecedented Strap-On Harness Designs- Full Catalog

(Geez, sound like I work for them.)

[tatiana]

tesao and onyva: I was curious to hear other's experiences with them, thanks!

onyva: Thanks for the links

[onyva]

I came in here looking for the name of a reputable canadian online seller of sex toys. I know of WomynsWare but I remember someone mentioning at least one other (in toronto?).

Oh yes yes! Come As You Are!!! That's where I always go and they are fabulous. I always go in person because I live in Toronto but they do have online shopping. http://www.comeasyouare.com/

I've also been to Good For Her, which is great too, I just prefer CAYA. http://www.goodforher.com/

Both are sex-posi feminist collectives!

On the topic of sex toys, has anyone tried balls (like the Ben Wa kind I guess)?

Like I mentioned below, I own the Fun Factory 'Smart Balls'. I've only used them a couple of times -- inserted them whilst masturbating and moved them around. They felt alright but I didn't feel they really blasted me off into orbit or anything. I'm going to keep trying them though. I bought them because I read a very, VERY positive review online, and I want to find out what they really can do for me!

And maybe try some mutual masturbation - that way you know you'll have your orgasm, and your partner can watch and learn!

I've even tried that! I can't even seem to come with anyone else in the room!!

I'm hanging out with a guy tomorrow, and I've been doing Kegels up the wazoo (pun intended) and working on my frame of mind a lot. I haven't been masturbating because I was on vacation visiting my mother. I am hoping that things will improve.

[tesao]

tatiana: i've used several kinds of balls. what did you want to know, exactly? off the top of my head, i like them very much, they roll around and create very pleasant sensations, and i can make them move by using my muscles....which can feel a lot like grabbing onto a hard cock.....veeeeeeeery nice. nice to have them pulled out when having an orgasm, as well. i know that some people really like them and others don't seem to have any sensation from them at all.

eta: boblink, that was great advice!

[tatiana]

ccrinoline, have you tried being on top? That way you have control over entry, how fast, how far, etc.

theredhead, thanks for the review of 'for yourself'. I guess I'll let the amazon order stand; this doc at least seems to know what she is doing--so far.

I came in here looking for the name of a reputable canadian online seller of sex toys. I know of WomynsWare but I remember someone mentioning at least one other (in toronto?).

On the topic of sex toys, has anyone tried balls (like the Ben Wa kind I guess)?

[boblink]

Ok so I need help asap. I have a boy coming over tonight for some well deserved (on my part) portions. My problem is that he does like to try and rub my clitoris like hes buffing floorboards or something. Now I tend to be a very blunt person but I don't want to hurt his feeling by just blurting out "what the hell do you think your doing". What do you thing is a nice and subtle way of getting him to be a bit more gentle with my bits.

This may help some.

None of us was born knowing how to tie our shoes. Somebody showed us how to do it.

The buffing-the-floor technique works for him. He has no reason to believe it doesn't work for you.

My best suggestion: under a good light, show him what he's dealing with. Then show him how to do it.

After he tries, then help him understand how to improve. Use positive responses like "ooo, good," which make him feel good about it, rather than negatives, which tend to be discouraging.

Subtle it's not. But it's standard teaching technique that works in the real world. He would dearly love to get you as many squirming, screaming, toenail-curling orgasms as you want. As long as you keep it positive -- obviously wanting to help rather than to criticize -- he should love it.

Another crop of learners and experimenters is coming on every month. You might help some of them by reporting on your experience in helping him learn.

Enjoy

[boblink]

Ok so I need help asap. I have a boy coming over tonight for some well deserved (on my part) portions. My problem is that he does like to try and rub my clitoris like hes buffing floorboards or something. Now I tend to be a very blunt person but I don't want to hurt his feeling by just blurting out "what the hell do you think your doing". What do you thing is a nice and subtle way of getting him to be a bit more gentle with my bits.

[theredhead]

On "For Yourself" -- I think it's a great book, and does address issues like learning to consiously relax the muscles near your vaginal opening. It's basically written to help women become orgasmic (during masturbation and during intercourse/other kinds of sex with a partner). Even if that's not why you're reading it, though, I think it'd be a helpful resource. Unfortunately, there aren't any good, comprehensive sex books that concentrate on muscle relaxation (sad, really, since it's a major issue for lots of people!)

crinoline, I think your doc's advice about learning consious muscle relaxation is a great first step. Also, make sure you're using tons of lube and have tons of foreplay (and, if possible, an orgasm for yourself) before penetration. If you feel like it's a dryness or skin condition issue (ie your skin feels tight, and feels like it's stretching and tearing), you might want to do a daily five-minute massage with Liquid Silk lubricant. There are some great instructions for this massage here.

On the lube issue - the best lubes I've ever found that don't contain glycerin are Liquid Silk, Sensua Organics (now called Sympathical Formulas), Pleasure Glide, Slippery Stuff, Maximus, and all the silicone-based lubricants (ID Millennium, Eros, System Jo, iLube, Wet Platinum, etc). All are compatible with latex; none will get sticky, since they don't contain glycerin.

onyva, maybe it's just an issue of getting used to partnersex again? For lots of women, when they spend a period of time having sex only with themselves, go through a sort of adjustment period when they start having partnersex again. It's really no different than if you had a really great lover, then stopped having sex with that lover and started having sex with someone else. It wouldn't be the same, and it would take some adjustment and time to make sex with the new partner awesome. I'd say give it time, and make sure you're communicating clearly with your partners, letting them know what you like and don't like. And maybe try some mutual masturbation - that way you know you'll have your orgasm, and your partner can watch and learn!

[hopey]

crinoline, are you on any sort of birth control? I was on the pill for years and never had any issues, but once I stopped it all changed down there... well, in there. It's like my lining is thicker and fuller, even the outside is... longer. that sounds gross... but my point is that I feel more down there now, and hurt more, and sometimes bleed a little if I do anything borderline violent. kind of like what you're describing here.

maybe a low dose pill would help? or an iud, I heard those thin your lining.

positions might help too, maybe if you're on top you'd have less friction/banging...

[crinoline]

Astroglide is both readily available (we find it at Rite Aid and Wal Mart) and it works very well. KY gel sucks though, waaay too goopy and it dries quickly.

Alright, sorry to get off-topic, but I'm not sure where to post this question, if anyone knows of a better thread, please direct me. anyway;

Crinoboy and I have been having sex for a year now (first-time anniversary just passed) and it is STILL painful! First entry is difficult and at best uncomfortable, even if he goes slow and is careful. I almost always tear and bleed, it's like my hymen grows back every time. (crinoboy says I have the hymen of a catholic nun) Has anyone ever heard of something like this? My gyno told me that I have a fairly small cooch, but still, this is ridiculous! Unfortunately, Crinoboy is not small, and he really can't seem to be able to avoid hurting me. Lube helps, but not completely. Does anyone have any advice? I'm very tired of the bleeding and soreness!

[sesame]

Polly, it's not glycerin-free, but Mr. Ses and I recently switched from Astroglide to O'My and we LOVE it. It comes in a pump bottle which is lovely. It comes in flavors, but the one in the purple bottle is unflavored, just tastes a little sweet.

[tatiana]

Slight change'o'topic: Does anyone have the book 'for yourself' by lonnie borbach? My doctor recommended it for exercise to loosen/relax the muscles at the entrance to the vagina, but I looked at the amazon reviews and it looks like most of the book is about having issues about enjoying sex or something (which is not my issue). Has anyone done the exercises in it?

Just wondering if anyone has any views on this book or suggestions for others that my address the same problem.

[gypsyraven]

ID Glide is pretty good, water based, have not had any luck with the KY warming, unless you count BV

[hellotampon]

I like Sensua Organics lube. It's all natural, it doesn't have glycerin and in fact, it's got grapefuit seed extract which has antifungal properties.

My boyfriend is not crazy about it though- he thinks it gets sticky too fast. I think it's just fine.

[pollystyrene]

Is there a lube thread?

I'm looking for a new lube- we currently use astroglide. We like the feel of that, but I'd like to switch to something glycerin-free. I don't want flavors. If it comes in a pump bottle, that would be excellent. It needs to be condom-compatible and no spermicide.

Any ideas?

ETA: Saw the redhead's post below- Slippery Stuff looks good. Any other suggestions?

[angelle321]

I've always hated Trojans. I've always thought they smelled funny.

I recommend Durex. I've converted people and have had some very positive feedback! Also, they're high on some consumer reports list I think for overall quality. Something like that.

[dynamitedamsel]

My partner told me today that the condoms we've been using just aren't doing it for him...not sure if it's because he's just not used to them (recently divoreced, if that explains anything) or if it's just the type in general. Lately, I've just been buying the trojan-enz, but was thinking to getting the ultra thins. Any advice/ help would be deeply appreciated. Thanks.

[bella coola]

Hey onyva,

I'm not one to advise because I have only ever reached orgasm with a partner once! But I have an idea that might be worth a try. Are you in to meditation at all? If you could practice creating a place in your mind that is pure sensuality/erotica etc. with no constraints or expectations where everything just goes in its natural way, it might help to quiet your unwanted brain jibber-jabber. Somewhere that you're totally relaxed, yet sexually energized. Even breathing exercises with your partner before had might help, to establish a physical connection that will overtake the mental one maybe?

Ah, ideas anyway. Good luck!!

[onyva]

Thanks for replying, Pepper. I hadn't thought about the PC possibility. I have been doing Kegels and I have the Fun Factory "Smart Balls" that I've used, but maybe I'll step it up a bit.

I know that some of this is in my mind -- I'm thinking about it too much now. And the thing I learned that allowed me to come years ago, the ability to switch off my mind and just enjoy the sensations in my body, not worrying about my partner -- I seem to be unable to do that now. Maybe it will get better with time. But still, I feel like I'm defective.

Does anyone have tips about that switching-off-the-brain thing? So I can stop thinking about stupid things and being in my *mind* when I should just be in my *body*.

[pepper]

girl, i was thinking about your post last night. do you think it's possible that your pc muscles might have gotten out of shape during your long celibacy? it could be as simple as that. or it could be totally in your head. sounds like you've got it screwed on right, i don't think it'll take you long to figure it out if that's it. for me it's become harder to sport fuck as i get more and more interested in deep connections and being really tuned into a lover/partner. i know it's all in my head when i can't get off because i can come in my sleep. though it does seem to be affected by the time of the month a bit too so... mysterious O.