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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
buttercups
post Mar 20 2011, 12:17 PM
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First of all, thanks anarch for saying that, though I'm not sure you'll think I've come that far after you hear this.

DeeRayy, *huge hug* god do I ever know exactly how you feel. I know that same sinking feeling where you just feel completely invisible and unattractive and it hurts so much that if you're anything like me you've even thought that you can't keep going on like this (not saying I'm suicidal or anything so no one worry I would never! But just sometimes get so down on my own insecurities and feel so bad about myself that it leaks into every other aspect of my life and feel like I just want to give up). Anyways, yeah it really hurts and I actually had some similar emotions last week. I was doing my women's health rotation for school which of course involved doing breast exams. I prepared myself beforehand knowing that I might feel bad about myself, but didn't quite know what I would do to handle it. Well, sure enough after a few days of having nothing but breasts in my face I couldn't help but feel inadequate and abnormal. Not that I was checking out all my patients haha, but I was waiting to see if there was at least one woman with a chest as small as mine and not a chance- no one even came close. It just made me feel more abnormal and like a freak of nature. I spiraled downwards and have been just starting to come out of it, though I go back for more this week ughhh. I guess it just reminded me of everything I don't have and how I'm not like other women and I desperately want to be just average like everyone else.

Anyways, in the midst of all this I decided to seriously consider giving myself implants for graduation. I'm just so goddamn sick of this and I would love to just get my boobs done, buy some normal-sized bras, and just never think about this again. I told my mom that come graduation in May I was going to do it and just get it over with, and she totally freaked out on the other side. My mom went beserk on me and told me that she thought I was stronger than this and a stronger person to resist societal expectations of what I should be. I told her I was doing it for me and she told me that it's ridiculous how I make my life all about my boobs and how superficial it is. I kinda hate when people make me feel like I'm being superficial because it is a very real, serious issue to me where I feel deformed, and I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphic disorder so I can't really help my feelings, I take them very seriously. She told me that I would be a total idiot to risk my health for something like that and why can't I just accept myself for how I am (At this point I am kinda losing faith in that). She said I can't live in her house and do it, that she wants me completely moved out and that shes glad I might be moving away with my bf because she doesn't want to even look at me after. So see my mom had a very different reaction than yours DeeRayy. She claims to see girls in the ER at her work all the time with infections and crap from implants. Idk how true that is but yeah she totally flipped. Needless to say I'm still considering implants cause no one else has to live in my body and I'm unhappy with it, so I really just want to change it (don't kill me guys!). I also think my almost complete lack of breast tissue is different than girls who have at least an A cup- I would kill for that, so I look at it almost like reconstructive surgery.

But anyways, I totally understand your spiral DeeRayy and all I can say is we need to stay strong together. I wish I had better advice for you but just know that you are not alone. I'm very surprised at what your mother said and commend you for sticking up for yourself. My mother is on the other side of the extreme and while I wish she woudl understand my feelings on this matter, I guess it would be weird to me if she suggested it. You are a lot stronger than me though, I can say that. I wish we could all take some class on confidence together or something and support each other in real life, but I am rooting for you and everyone else here <3
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DeeRayy
post Mar 20 2011, 04:44 AM
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i have mooore questions once again you guys!

ok, so i was doing alright (not great, but alright), the last couple of weeks. but for some reason, this last week i just felt horrible about my appearance. i really don't know what brought it on, but it was BAD. i'm talking calling my best friend on the phone crying about how i can't see how another guy would ever be attracted to me bad. oh god, i cringed just writing that last sentence.

it might have something to do with the last study session i attended at my university last wednesday for an art history final. i was in a good mood and we were waiting on my friend , let's call her hailey, to get there so we could start. and she is a rather busty girl. so when she came in i immediately noticed that her cleavage was like, all out. and not only did i notice, but so did every guy in the room. and they all spent the next few minutes sneaking peaks at her chest, including the really cool guy that i was just hitting it off with!

i felt invisible! i know that's the last thing i should be worried about when studying for an exam but it just kinda happened.

anyway, the next day i vented crying to my cousin/best friend on the phone and my mother overheard me (i commute to school to save money). we talked for a while and she actually suggested i get implants! i got upset, and she just said "i just think it would help your self esteem. you don't want implants but you're not happy with yourself naturally, i don't understand."

i just replied that implants are gross and that i didn't want them. what she doesn't get is that if i were to get them it would be for the completely wrong reasons. i don't mind being small but i get very down on myself about it because i feel so insecure about how guys will judge them.

idk what the actual question here is. but what are your thoughts on all the stuff that i just described?
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DeeRayy
post Mar 20 2011, 04:19 AM
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QUOTE(KeraBear @ Mar 18 2011, 04:29 PM) *
I've heard some girls say that people have found it attractive or a turn-on or something, so they do not mind when it does happen. But for me, it is sort of the opposite. When I am, ahem, nipping out (which is actually ALOT. Nothing can tame them!), while it is drawing attention to the fact that I actually have boobs (always a nice reminder to the nay-sayers, I must say), it is also drawing attention to how I am smaller than the other girls because peoples' eyes are drawn to them, so they have to be thinking about that.


I found this so funny to read because my nipples are the one(or two...?) part of my boobs that I do like! I don't think any guy could ever NOT be turned on by the site of a girl's nipples, no matter what kind of boobs they are attached to. That's actually one of my favorite perks of being small, the fact that i'm so sensitive there. from my experience my breasts, especially my nipples, are so sensitive it's actually overwhelming to have a guy play with them too rough or too long (is this tmi?)

anyway, you don't have any reason to feel that way. the only type of men that should be turned off by the site of your nipples are gay men. and i agree with anarch totally. anyone that judges you because of your boobs obviously has insecurities of their own.

which reminds me of something a close teacher told me in high school last year when i was crying to her over what had happened with my ex bf. she told me "any guy who is predisposed with the size of your breasts obviously has size issues of his own, if you know what i mean." and that comment totally made me smile, because my ex was on the small side down there in man land. haha. oh, irony is sweet sometimes.

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anarch
post Mar 20 2011, 01:31 AM
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QUOTE(buttercups @ Mar 9 2011, 12:06 AM) *
I can't say that being with an accepting guy has really helped me as much as it probably should, because I am still very insecure and still can't look at myself in the mirror either when I'm getting changed because it makes me feel very bad about myself. The acceptance definitely has to come from within and not from any guy, because if it could come from a guy then I would be 100% over this.


If I recall correctly, your bf has some asshole buddies who regularly make derogatory comments about small boobs, so I can't imagine a woman who wouldn't feel insecure in that situation, having to hear that crap. It would keep me off balance, I'm sure. You're doing awesome. You may not be as secure as you want to become, but you've come a long way, baby.

DeeRayy, if he's a good friend, would he listen to you if you leveled with him as karategrrl suggests? "Dude, those kinds of comments make me feel bad about myself. Could you please not do that around me?" kind of thing.

KeraBear, my headlights are always on, too. I complained once to a guy (we'd been flirting heavily back and forth) that I've got too much erectile tissue in my nipples. The look on his face! I could see the gears in his brain stall and go kaput as sexythoughts took him over. Turned out he was good at sucking them too. I don't mind my nipples drawing attention to my boobs, in the right context. Sure, my boobs are small, but anybody who judges me or them as inferior because of it isn't worth my time.
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KeraBear
post Mar 18 2011, 07:29 PM
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Heeeeeeeeeeey, grrls! I guess it is up to lil ol' Kera to break the small boobie silence, huh?!? This may seem completely random, but I was wondering... what are your thoughts on ... nipples? You know when the headlights are activated! When they put on the party hats! I've heard some girls say that people have found it attractive or a turn-on or something, so they do not mind when it does happen. But for me, it is sort of the opposite. When I am, ahem, nipping out (which is actually ALOT. Nothing can tame them!), while it is drawing attention to the fact that I actually have boobs (always a nice reminder to the nay-sayers, I must say), it is also drawing attention to how I am smaller than the other girls because peoples' eyes are drawn to them, so they have to be thinking about that. Therefore, I have decided that I do not like them. I know, I know, this is a silly thing! I don't know why I was thinking about this today. I guess I have to much time on my hands. smile.gif
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karategrrl
post Mar 14 2011, 07:38 AM
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>I know accepting myself won't be easy but i'm definitely going to keep trying. Honestly, the best technique for me is simply focusing on other things, whether it be school, family, friends, or hobbies.

It takes time. Be gentle with yourself.

>I also have another question for you all (yes, i'm chock full of questions).

This is the place to ask!

In response to your question (and I will try to keep this short!) I think it's right and healthy for you to be questioning your friendship with someone who makes you feel bad. Remember too that he may be going through some stuff since he is insecure (we all are in some way). The fashion world is really tough for those who don't look "right," dress right or fit in, and he's responding to his new environment. That said, if you feel better distancing yourself a bit, you have every right to, and it's up to you if you shoose to be honest with him and say why (as tactfully as you can, of course). Keep in mind that if he's a good friend, you two may get closer again, even after some distance. Relationships can ebb and flow--nothing's ever fixed in stone.

Just remember that you have total control over your end of things, and if you wish to introduce some distance, that's your right. And it might help you feel empowered over his comparisons and comments. Too bad, b/c you sound like a good friend and sensitive, deep person--his loss!

Or if you wish to stay in touch, you might try and introduce some comebacks (something I'm learning recently). For example, when he makes comments about "ugly" people, you could say, "Oh yeah, well what are you doing out, then?" Of course, not being mean--while smiling and chiding and joking as a friend. You could possibly stop his comments, at least in your presence, if he gets particular responses from you.

Or can you just level with him and tell him how his words make you feel?
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DeeRayy
post Mar 12 2011, 05:58 PM
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to buttercups and karategrrl, thank you very much! i just read your responses and they were very appreciated.

I know accepting myself won't be easy but i'm definitely going to keep trying. Honestly, the best technique for me is simply focusing on other things, whether it be school, family, friends, or hobbies.

I also have another question for you all (yes, i'm chock full of questions).

I have a bit of a toxic friendship going on right now with one of my oldest and closest friends.

He goes to a big shot fashion school in los angeles, but we are both commuter students this year and keep each other company. to state the problem in it's simplest form, he is both VERY shallow (i can thank the atmosphere at his school for making that worse) and very insecure at the same time, which causes him to be judgmental and make snide remarks all the time. this is literally a recent quote from him [a little compacted, but this is the main idea]-
"i don't have ugly friends because ugly people usually lead such boring lives and are always stuck at home. But pretty people have actually gone out and done stuff and met people."

he's changing so much (in my opinion, for the worse) and i care about him but i honestly cringe sometimes when my phone rings and i see his name on my caller id. it's not that i don't enjoy talking to him, because i do and we have loads of fun together because we are both very playful, and we've been through a lot together so i'm hesitant to throw the friendship away so quickly.

He knows very well that my body, especially my breasts, are a big issue for me and yet he still goes around commenting on women's bodies and it makes me frustrated and uncomfortable. He'll go on and on about how some of his friends from school are very busty and attractive, and idk if he does this on purpose to make me feel bad or if that's just the way he is. I feel like he doesn't like seeing me feel good about myself, or that he sees himself as better than me and belittles most of the things i do. he doesn't do my self-esteem and body image issues any good, and i just feel like he's not someone i should be associating myself with if i want to improve the way i feel about myself.

so, would you say that i should try to work through this or slowly cut off contact?
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KeraBear
post Mar 10 2011, 07:51 PM
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QUOTE(karategrrl @ Mar 10 2011, 09:58 AM) *
Fuck, that was long. Sorry.


Well ... considering how supportive and meaningful your words are, I think we can issue you a pass. I, for one, appreciate your novels! smile.gif
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karategrrl
post Mar 10 2011, 09:58 AM
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Fuck, that was long. Sorry.
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karategrrl
post Mar 10 2011, 09:51 AM
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buttercups, what a thoughtful and insightful response. I'm moved by your reaching out to DeeRayy. Okay, let me shut up before I reach for the fucking Kleenex....I can get so emotional! Everything moves me!

Buttercups, it's wonderful how you spoke up and told your BF you weren't ready. Empowering! Yes, the power of our voices.

DeeRayy, as one of the <ahem> "cougars" here, I'll respond to your question.

-Have you always had such a healthy attitude towards your body?
NO! I was always TERRIBLY insecure and self-conscious. It wasn't until I took a dance class in college (gym requirment) that I began to gain just a tad of confidence. It was like I was afriad of anyone even looking at me, or of holding a physical place in space, if that makes any sense. I think sports, etc. at a younger age would have helped me a lot but I didn't not have parents who supported sports. I might have pursued gymnastics but in my shcool you had to wear a leotard with bare legs to be in the gymnastics club and there was no way in holy hell I could do that. Even in grammar school they had a dance club but I was horrified at the thought of wearing anything clingy. Nope, no way. Looking back, it was tragic I missed out on that experience just because I was so horrified about my body.


-If not, what helped you change the way you look at yourself?
Hmmm...sorry to be so generic, but for me I have to say it's just been an exponential building of life experiences. Most influential:

-Getting involved with the martial arts and training for over a decade in many styles; I developed an appreciation for my inner/outer strength, fighting spirit, and sense of my body as a marvelous machine that I am so blessed to live in. Part of that was also learning to yell, have a voice, and speak my mind--still a challenge for me at times and a tool I have to remind myself to utilize.

-Finding trance dance--not dance as a perfomrance but as a spiritual practice (Read anything by Gabrielle Roth and/or ask me more if interested in this topic).

-Eventually teaching some martial arts and yoga/dance fusion classes/workshops and doing modeling work, as all were vehicles that forced me to get up in front of peopel and fake confidence. I found I could actually be confident in small doses, and then it grew.

-Having young girls and their brothers as my martial arts students; being a guide, "big sister," and confidante and trying hard to instill in the girls a sense of confidence and, for the boys, just be a presence as a strong female leader. Many boys don't see that often enough.

-Having relationships with a few men who appreciated my body and, even more, having some sexual experiences with WOMEN who truly appreciated it and gave me some of the best compliments I've ever gotten. There is a certain power in being intimate with another understanding woman. I consider myself more on the hetero end of the spectrum, but I'll never forget the feeling of total acceptance, feeling lusted after and, yeah, girl power of those encounters.

-Growing older, maturing and achiveing some level of happiness and success in other areas of life, like work. I'm a writer, and people have told me they've cried after reading stuff I've written. I've had things published nationally. At those moments I don't give a flying fuck about my breast size. (But as you cAN see, I type with lots of typos!!! Spell Check saves me in my job. Here, I exercise my power to Not Give a Fuck when at all other times my spelling and grammar msut be perfect.)

-Knowing a few people with REAL body issues, who are a constant reminder of just how lucky I am. One of my best, lifelong friends has MD and lives life from a motorized wheelchair and needs caretakers to bathe, dress, use the bathroom. Yet he works, travels, lobbies for the rights of the disabled. So I have small breasts. Um, I can also WALK. Puts things in perpective.

-Being spiritual and cultivating a relationship with God and myself; meditating; surrounding myself with supportive people; respecting fmaily and maintaining ties while doing your best not to let them ruffle your feathers (a fine line!)

-Staying active, working out and becoming physically strong; learning to love some thigns about my body such that I ALSO see those things--not just small breasts--when I look in the mirror.

-Reading and listening to inspiring, uplifting books and music--anything that makes you feel empowered.

-Developing a sense of fashion style, especially learning what styles, colors, etc. flatter me and what makes me look like shit and should therefore be avoided. Some might say this is a silly thing, but when you feel good, you look good. And others think you look good. This is definitely one of those things I also did NOT have when younger. I envied the girls who looked "good." I was a tomboy and wore my brother's clothes.

-Discovering this forum. smile.gif


-Did accepting your body take a long time? How long?

Your mileage may vary, but my journey began in earnest in my mid-20s and I'm almost 42, and I know it will continue for the rest of my life. If you're here asking these sorts of questions, I think you are well on your way. wink.gif I have a couple good female frineds in their 60s and I love how they just don't give a SHIT! They inspire me. I think you often just care less and less what people think as you get older and live your life.

All this said, remember that body acceptance is an ongoing journey, not a destination to be gotten to as quickly as possible. I still have bad days, and yes, running into a pretty woman with the size tits I'd like can send me into a fucking tailspin, as can flipping through a lingerie catalog. But I'm getting better at focusing on the bigger picture of my life and body, surrounding myself with good peopel who value me as I am (and learning how to better handle those who I MUST deal with) and realizing that my breasts are only a small (pardon the pun) part of it all.
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buttercups
post Mar 9 2011, 03:06 AM
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Hi DeeRayy, welcome to this wonderful group! I'm not the most confident chick on here of course, but I feel compelled to respond because I can relate to you and your feelings of insecurity so much. I'm really sorry that your confidence has been so rattled by your ex, but it sounds like you have so much more insight on everything than I ever did in those kinds of situations and you are already on your way to healing and getting that confidence back. Even though I can't offer a lot of advice on body acceptance, I can tell you that it is possible to be intimate with someone again even with really strong fears and insecurity about your breasts. I know it's not the ideal situation, but don't feel like it is never something you can ever do again because I thought that too and I was able to reach a level of comfort with another person again that I thought I never would be able to do.

I was with my ex for 6 years and part of why I stayed with him for so long even though I wasn't really in love anymore was because I hated my body so much and I was terrified of having to expose myself to another human being. The thought of it made me want to be celibate for the rest of my life- no joke! Well eventually that relationship was no longer working and after we broke up I developed a crush awhile later on my current bf. I was really scared though because I didn't know how he would react to my body and I didn't even want to put myself in that position. I decided to pursue it anyways with an " I'll worry about the intimacy part later" attitude. We got to know each other better and liked each other more and it started looking like I was going to have to face this soon and I didn't exactly know how. One night we were making out and had never done anything else because I couldn't let it happen and he grabbed my chest- I was so embarrassed because I was wearing 2 bras to hide my less than AA cups ( might help to know that some girls like me would kill for your A's!) and I sorta freaked out for a second and told him I wasn't ready. A few weeks later the truth came out that I was really insecure about my breast size and I felt a little more prepared to tell him because we had taken it slower and felt like I could trust him at that point. I waited until I knew he really cared about me, and exposing my chest to him still wasn't fun and was very scary, but by going at my own pace I was able to do it. He was extremely understanding and said it didn't matter to him how big my boobs were. 3 years later we are still together and he has never said anything negative about my chest and I feel very lucky about that. Just goes to show you that there are good guys out there and that each one of us deserves nothing less.

I can't say that being with an accepting guy has really helped me as much as it probably should, because I am still very insecure and still can't look at myself in the mirror either when I'm getting changed because it makes me feel very bad about myself. The acceptance definitely has to come from within and not from any guy, because if it could come from a guy then I would be 100% over this. Having sex still isn't the easiest thing for me to do and I go through periods where I avoid it altogether because I worry that I'm disappointing my bf or that I'm inadequate even though he hasnt given me any indication of that- he is a very patient man to put up with me haha. I'm certainly not advocating for leading this kind of life because no woman should have to feel this bad about herself, but would like to offer you some reassurance that if this crazy headcase can manage to be with someone else you can too. Just take your time and go at your own pace and you will reach a level of trust in the other person. It is in no way easy, but it can be done. Hopefully though you will be able to move past this and not have to worry about any of this anyways because you will see that you are truly beautiful.




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DeeRayy
post Mar 9 2011, 01:09 AM
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Thanks for all the great advice and warm welcomes everyone! I appreciate it.

My next questions are directed towards the older and/or more confident women in this thread.
-Have you always had such a healthy attitude towards your body?
-If not, what helped you change the way you look at yourself?
-Did accepting your body take a long time? How long?

I'm asking because I feel very stuck as far as my body image is concerned. I literally have to look away from my bedroom mirror while changing because I get frustrated and ashamed at what I see. It's been like this for a year without any real improvement.

It's weird because I was able to successfully deal with other insecurities in the past. For example, I have a nose that's on the bigger side. Not bulbous or anything, just large (think lea michele, i have a similar facial structure to hers). But i was able to accept it with a little time and maturity, and now I kinda like my nose and I feel like it makes me, well ME.

But somehow the issues I have with my breasts are different, and much stronger. One thing I will say is that it didn't become an issue until I started having sex. Even in the early stages of dating my ex, my breasts didn't cause me much grief. Sure, I had always wished they were bigger but I used to just throw on a a good bra and call it a day. But as soon as we started getting physical, I felt EXTREMELY vulnerable and insecure about my breasts, and pretty soon, it was all I could think of when we were getting intimate. Heck, I wasn't even able to enjoy myself because of it!

And now it's sort of carried on into my everyday life. And the though of getting intimate with another guy honestly scares the sh*t out of me now.
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karategrrl
post Mar 8 2011, 07:49 AM
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Wow, I just clicked the banner on top of this web page and found this site...scroll down for the Valentine's photo of a HOTTTT grrl with small breasts. Yeah, I'll say it. Small tits are hot.
yoga for indie rockers
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karategrrl
post Mar 8 2011, 07:43 AM
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QUOTE(secretsights88 @ Mar 7 2011, 04:39 PM) *
But with time I have learned to accept that if a guy doesn't like my breasts, well, it's his problem, not mine. If he really, really feels he's settling, I can kick his ass to the curb. If he feels my breasts are hot, then he's welcome in my bed.

OMG, this was great.

And DeeRayy, nothing says you MUST date men only your own age; if/when you wnat to date, you could date someone a little older. wink.gif
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DeeRayy
post Mar 8 2011, 12:57 AM
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QUOTE(KeraBear @ Mar 7 2011, 07:03 PM) *
He was my first and we were together for over a year. I even lost my virginity to him, so yeah, I am really feeling hurt right now (cried myself to sleep). It was one of those "it's not you, it's me" situations, whatever that means. But I do not regret the relationship because I learned so much about myself. I guess I should of saw it coming because we had been seemed to be growing further and further apart lately. I guess one of my struggles with moving on is before we got together, boys were not exactly lining up for me. The bustier girls got more attention than me, and I am afraid that I am going to become invisible again


I know how you feel. Moving on from the guy you lost your virginity to is tough. And I felt exactly the way you did, that I was gonna be invisible once again. But I think it should be noted when I first started college I found that a lot, if not most, of my friends had not even had their first boyfriend yet! I guess it's because we were all more busy chasing grades than chasing boys, which is a good thing. I wouldn't advise getting into a committed relationship too soon in college. I would say this past year has been all about finding myself, and I've learned a lot this year. If anything, it's been the most interesting and exciting year of my life so far,and i've been single the whole time!
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Anne_Ecdote
post Mar 7 2011, 11:38 PM
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No Shoes.

Perspective.
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KeraBear
post Mar 7 2011, 10:06 PM
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QUOTE(secretsights88 @ Mar 7 2011, 11:39 AM) *
If he feels my breasts are hot, then he's welcome in my bed.


QUOTE(secretsights88 @ Mar 7 2011, 11:39 AM) *
... if a guy is not willing to accept you 100% then fuck him



Wait... so which is it? wink.gif
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KeraBear
post Mar 7 2011, 10:03 PM
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Welcome DeeRay!!

I don't know what else that I can add. Everybody else gave such awesome advice. And yeah, I hope you have already discovered this to be a safe place! I can sort of relate to you though, I didn't get my first real BF until late in my high school career, too. Part of it was because I was also wracked in insecurities too mostly surrounding my little booblets and also because I am so short and "boyish" (i hate that term, but hey, it fit). Like you, it was mostly the other girls that gave me crap about them. Everybody was more womanly than me, even my lil sis, and I believed it. I guess I looked out with my BF because he absolutely adored them (my booblets). Maybe if he reacted the way yours did, I wouldn't have such a bright outlook. But you know what? Yeah, just because another man appeciated them should not matter, really. We shouldn't let anyone - man or woman - define us! But I am not going to lie... it does help knowing that they are out there.

By the way, you Busties may have noticed that I referred to my BF in the past tense. It's cuz he broke up with me recently. sad.gif He was my first and we were together for over a year. I even lost my virginity to him, so yeah, I am really feeling hurt right now (cried myself to sleep). It was one of those "it's not you, it's me" situations, whatever that means. But I do not regret the relationship because I learned so much about myself. I guess I should of saw it coming because we had been seemed to be growing further and further apart lately. I guess one of my struggles with moving on is before we got together, boys were not exactly lining up for me. The bustier girls got more attention than me, and I am afraid that I am going to become invisible again.... but then I think about all the things I learned from you all since coming here and I remember that these thoughts are silly. I am hot! I am going to take some advice that Karategrrl gave me via PM and spend some time as a single gal and further "develop my kickass self"! smile.gif

I am graduating soon and I cannot wait for college. We'll compare notes, DeeRay, and help each other survive college as small Busties!
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DeeRayy
post Mar 7 2011, 06:02 PM
Post #659


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 120


QUOTE(karategrrl @ Mar 7 2011, 05:18 AM) *
Hey hey DeeRay!

You gave me flashbacks. My first serious BF, in high school, was a lot like your guy. Long story short, According to him my ass was too fat and tits too small. Looking back, I have the perspective to realize that I was not all that bad; I was pretty but just VERY insecure and had never built up any sort of confidence. HE was no great shakes physically so was really in no place to talk. But I couldn't see any of that then.


Yes, my ex was far from my dream guy as well, but I was sooo attached to him that I didn't care at all. I guess that 's what got to me. That I could look at him and see nothing wrong, yet he couldn't do the same. In the end that's how I knew we weren't right for each other. And, I see now that guys my age are often still very immature and insensitive. But that just kinda makes me worry that i'm gonna have to wait a looong time until I meet guys who aren't like that.

QUOTE(dj-bizmonkey @ Mar 7 2011, 06:09 AM) *
i don't want to sound harsh, but you did flat out ask him. i think a good lesson here would be to understand why you did. what answer were you expecting from him? were you hoping he would say something totally different or did you think this would just confirm your fears?


Yes, I realize now that asking him his opinion on my body was a big mistake. I guess it just really bothered me that he was sending me mixed signals about the way he felt about my breasts, so in a way I just wanted him to stop beating around the bush. But, I learned my lesson and would never ask a guy that question again


QUOTE(dj-bizmonkey @ Mar 7 2011, 06:09 AM) *
the take home point is this. if you don't want men to obsess over the fact that you have small breasts, then you have to stop obsessing about it. a guy might not even notice, i.e. he knows your breasts are small but doesn't think that deeply about it. but if you harp on it long enough he may think, yeah, actually your breasts are too small.


This makes a LOT of sense, and I know I need to focus on other things, and that my insecurity is probably the biggest flaw in my personality. I'm working on it, but it's easier said than done. It didn't really become an issue for me until the relationship started getting physical. Now that I look at things, I really don't think I should have sex until I sort out the issues I have with my body. But I'm not sure exactly how to start changing the way I feel about myself.



QUOTE(secretsights88 @ Mar 7 2011, 08:39 AM) *
Funny how just one comment can break your level of security with a person. It was like he planted a seed in my brain. I was not enough for him. Then it all made sense as to why all the girls he told me were hot were busty. I didn't care that many other men even prefer small breasts. No. Because the man I loved and accepted entirely did not accept me in the same way. And I only cared about the opinion of that man.


I know, it's amazing how hurtful one single comment can be. The thing is, his comment kind of made me worry that a lot of other men are obsessed with boobs and that a lot of other men would end up "settling" for me, as karategrrl said earlier. I guess it just makes me worry that the majority of guys my age think the same.
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secretsights88
post Mar 7 2011, 11:39 AM
Post #660


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Posts: 22


Welcome DeeRayy! smile.gif

Well, I can say I relate A LOT. Now I don't have many problems with my breasts, sometimes I do wish they were bigger but for the most part, I've stopped focusing so much on them (I'm 22, but when I was a teen until I was around, well, 21 I cared A LOT!). I don't know how it worked, but I guess I just started realizing that they fit my body, that they look good naked, they are sensitive, and there are a lot of hot women who have even smaller breasts than I do (I'm an A cup too), who are well, HOT, and a lot of guys think so too.

But I remember when I first had a boyfriend... the first months were perfect and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful/sexiest woman on Earth! Until he started getting more comfortable with me, and started um, "sharing" a bit more than I would've liked. What I mean is, while watching TV for instance he'd go "Wow, she's hot!", without being asked, and when he noticed my being uncomfortable with it, would just joke about it... sometimes he'd even tease me while we were IM'ing, like he'd show me a pic of some hot girl he liked and ask me "How can you NOT think she's hot?!". All these women were really busty. That gave me some doubts that maybe he didn't like my breasts.

He was very appreciative of my ass, hips and thighs, despite having cellulite. He especially liked the way my waist and hips contrasted so much, and that it looked quite curvy. This was good for me, since I spent many years in high school being teased by OTHER GIRLS about having "such big hips, omg they're enourmous!". But then there was a time in which I lost some weight, I didn't notice any breast shrinkage, but he made me notice. He went "Is there anything you can eat or do to make them bigger naturally? Since you've lost weight they're smaller", I asked "Is there a problem with that?", he said "Well, I wouldn't like them to be THAT small!".

Funny how just one comment can break your level of security with a person. It was like he planted a seed in my brain. I was not enough for him. Then it all made sense as to why all the girls he told me were hot were busty. I didn't care that many other men even prefer small breasts. No. Because the man I loved and accepted entirely did not accept me in the same way. And I only cared about the opinion of that man.

I also made the mistake of asking him if he'd like my body better if I had bigger breasts. He said yes. Of course...

I left him because of other things, but the point is yes, sometimes just a single comment made by a significant other can really be harmful. But with time I have learned to accept that if a guy doesn't like my breasts, well, it's his problem, not mine. If he really, really feels he's settling, I can kick his ass to the curb. If he feels my breasts are hot, then he's welcome in my bed.

But what I find most interesting is that as guys grow up, they start being more mature about these things. It takes time, though. They start getting better about this kind of stuff at about 25. They start appreciating more diverse types of beauty or even flat out reject the typical "hot" girl stereotype and go for what THEY like...

Some men never change, though. But those types of men are usually losers, so you really don't want anything to do with them. In that regard, I think it is good to be a bit selfish... if a guy is not willing to accept you 100% then fuck him, you don't have to accept him back.
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