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> The Mysterious O
angie_21
post Jul 31 2009, 05:54 PM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 662
From: Alberta


aww man that sucks Candy. I've been there a lot myself, so I know how frustrating it is. I did discover last weekend that part of my problem must be stress at work and home, because my second O this year (finally!) was on our second weekend away staying at a hotel (guess when the first O was?) I know for me, they disappeared after being on the pill for over a year, and are finally coming back now that I have been off it for half a year. There's a lot of other stressful things that have been going on in our lives for the same period of time though. I've still never had anything that left me tingly and dizzy though. well, maybe dizzy, but I always assumed that was from the amount of physical exertion it requires just to get there in the first place! I think it has a lot to do with my being a control freak and very emotionally and physically reserved.

I am just throwing this out there, but am wondering if maybe the situation with the security guard didn't subconsciously bother you enough to affect your sex drive? I know it sounds crazy, but I was reading a lot about what can cause these problems over the last year, and one factor can be events that make you feel like you've lost control over your sexuality, like assault or harassment. Maybe it will still take some time for your body to recover, or maybe some "positive events" with cc_boy smile.gif
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candycane_girl
post Jul 31 2009, 03:29 PM
Post #2


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From: Canada


Ugh, I'm still feeling like I'm going crazy. It's like I don't even have that much of a sex drive right now. I guess this is good because I can't see cc_boy very much but I'm also worried that when I finally do get to see him that I'll still feel the same way. It's like something in me has been switched off. And it's weird because sometimes I'll feel horny and I either try to get myself off which doesn't work or I just wait a few minutes and it goes away. Blah.

angie, I'm glad you finally started having Os! I had my first one when I was 15 the first time my boyfriend went down on me. Unfortunately I have never had another one like that first one; my hand went numb and tingly and I was so dizzy. I've had great orgasms since but nothing like that first one.
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angie_21
post Jul 22 2009, 07:56 PM
Post #3


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From: Alberta


Huh. I never used to even have orgasms until my current boyfriend. I used to never worry much about it because I figured I was orgasmically-challenged and that's just the way things were. Honestly, for the longest time I didn't even believe they were a real thing, like maybe everyone else was just imagining them or something. But now it bugs me, and I feel like I'm missing out when I don't get one (which for the last half year has been most of the time). I still am a bit "challenged" and my boyfriend says he's never been with a girl this difficult to get there, apparently oral is usually the "magic button" so to speak but it does nothing for me.

It is elusive and unpredictable, because the strongest O I ever had was just a few months ago, with a few months of no O before, and 5 long months of no O since. yeah, 5. There's little half-hearted ones here and there, but never the full real thing. For me, the big difference when I finally started having them was how safe and happy and very turned on I feel with the current guy, it's the only way I can let go of control, and I know right now we're just working our way back to that place. It took a few months after we started going out to even get there in the first place! But I am really starting to get freakin' impatient already, and of course that doesn't help matters...
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dayglowpink
post Jul 22 2009, 07:40 PM
Post #4


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From: the shallow south


I had totally forgotten about this thread. It's funny, I posted in it when I was first getting together with my current boyfriend in 2006. Seems like a long time ago. I completely understand these problems. I'm still having them, unfortunately. I think I've kind of given up in a way. I am able to come while masturbating alone fairly easily, but when my boyfriend is there, it takes longer even if I'm doing it myself. It gets way too hard and frustrating if he's trying to give me an orgasm, so we barely even bother anymore. It makes me feel sad, because I really want to be able to share that feeling with him. I try to focus on just enjoying everything else, but I really think that sex isn't as satisfying and fulfilling for me if I don't come, and I love the emotional and physical satisfaction of coming for him. It also drives me crazy because I never used to have this problem when I was younger so it's like I know what I'm missing.

cc_girl- sometimes if you're stressed out about other things in your life, it may come out in difficulty with orgasm, even if you're not actively thinking about the stressful stuff at the time you're having sex. There's a book I've mentioned on here before called "The Elusive Orgasm" which mentions that as one cause of orgasm difficulty. I read it a couple of years ago, and I thought it was pretty good.
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candycane_girl
post Jul 22 2009, 06:48 PM
Post #5


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It's just so frustrating! I know that I go through these "lost orgasm" spells once in a while but it has been a long time since the last one so I forgot what it's like. cc_boy was over today and I kept getting so close and so close but it just didn't happen. I even got out the vibe but I definitely did not get that release. Usually after I cum I need to lie there like a rag doll and catch my breath and I didn't even get close to that feeling. Argh!!
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angie_21
post Jul 22 2009, 02:49 PM
Post #6


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That happened to me all the time while I was on the pill (suddenly going dry halfway thru). A lot more "lost" orgasms too, and I am still in the process of finding them again!
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kittenb
post Jul 22 2009, 08:53 AM
Post #7


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I've had that experience to. I don't know why it happens. Could be mental distraction, it could just be the way it's going to be that night. I do know that you are not alone in this experience though.


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candycane_girl
post Jul 20 2009, 09:31 PM
Post #8


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I hardly ever get tense, especially when I'm on my own. I haven't "lost" my orgasm in a long time. Although I do get problems from time to time. Like sometimes I do tense my muscles when I'm cumming with candycane_boy and my leg muscles hurt. Also I have issues with dryness. If we're going at it for a long time it's okay until we switch positions and then once we try to switch it's like I go dry. I hate that. It makes me feel bad because cc_boy is so self conscious about his performance and he always wants to please me and he tends to think that he's doing something wrong.
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angie_21
post Jul 20 2009, 08:42 PM
Post #9


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Wow, this is an old thread. But I am so here, if only because of the "mystery" part. It works sometimes but not others, and I still don't know why...

Yeah candy, that's happened to me too, and I am not really sure why. Not that I have multiples under any circumstances... but maybe you were too tense?
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candycane_girl
post Jul 20 2009, 10:19 AM
Post #10


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From: Canada


I am feeling a bit frustrated. I was trying to get myself off the other night and it just wasn't happening. Does anyone else ever get that? I was using my vibe and usually I can get off multiple times but this time I just wasn't getting that usual explosion feeling. It was so annoying because I was really looking forward to that release.
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emzee
post Jun 30 2006, 11:51 PM
Post #11


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alright.. so I know I don't post very often.. But I love this board and think it's the best place to announce/celebrate this accomplishment:

I finally had some multiple Os! *blows horn and throws confetti*

I feel like it's quite an achievement, as I usually just can't get back into it after a first one. It was by myself, but it was EXCELLENT. More than 5 hrs ago and I'm still squeeing.

As a teen finally opening up to her sexuality, lurking around here has been SUCH a great help.
So those ones were for you guys, Busties!
Keep the good stuff coming! *chuckle*
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_octinoxate
post May 25 2006, 10:04 AM
Post #12


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I used to post on this thread, incredibly frustrated about not being able to come with a partner-- not only could no man make me come, but I couldn't even get myself off around them (though I could do it on my own). I chalked it up to a mental block that I didn't know how to dismantle, and gave up.

I just popped in here now to give some encouragement to others in that situation, because the problem has been resolved! I've come three times now from oral sex with my current partner. It seems like all I needed to do was stop stressing about this, stop making it a big deal, and be with someone I'm super comfortable with. I had finally resigned myself to never getting off during any sexual activity and was just trying to appreciate the acts on their own, for their physical pleasure and emotional value. My partner wasn't hung up on getting me to come either, in contrast to some past partners who had really put the pressure on. We were just fooling around, doing things that felt nice (having been together and sexually active for four months at that point), and when I least expected it I finally got what I had been trying to get for over two years. Yay! So: my advice (for what it's worth) is to just relax. Relax, and make sure you're with someone who you completely trust and feel good with. And give it time :-) You'll get there someday!
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dayglowpink
post May 25 2006, 07:34 AM
Post #13


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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


alema- I am having the exact same problem right now. I don't really have any advice, but I can commiserate. It all started when I hooked up with an ex with whom I had a pretty rocky relationship, and now I am hooking up casually with a new guy, and it has been so frustrating! I have the same thing where I start getting anxious and so focused on coming that I don't really enjoy what's going on. It has been kind of a relief to just have intercourse and enjoy that and not even bother trying to have an orgasm. I do think that there are a lot of psychological issues involved in this for me. I'm trying to work on them with my therapist, but who knows?
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treehugger
post May 25 2006, 04:01 AM
Post #14


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You know, at 38 I have never had an orgasm with a partner. I can give *myself* an orgasm but have only had success using the bathroom faucet. Water at high pressure seems to be the only thing I've found that will do it.

Hard to duplicate *that* sensation in bed...heh. At least I can do it. Have an orgasm I mean.


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anna_k
post May 12 2006, 12:24 AM
Post #15


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Theredhead, thank you for posting that article about masturbation. I don't orgasm much, and it feels boring to masturbate and feel friction or a slight tickling, but nothing special. I tried watching HBO's Real Sex, but I thought it was boring.

I wasn't sexually active as a teen, just masturbation since 12 and keeping to myself, so orgasms aren't too familiar for me. I haven't had penetrative sex, and I haven't gotten turned on by guys I've been with (it was mostly random guys to fool around with and to get more comfortable with sex). I usually get turned on by stories and movies and my imagination, or when I'm on a bus and daydreaming.
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emzee
post May 2 2006, 06:21 PM
Post #16


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Thank you Mr. Showerhead. heh heh. That is all.
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