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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
anarch
post Jul 17 2009, 01:07 PM
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I think the age thing has a lot to do with it, on both a personal and societal level. I'm looking at 40 soon, and so glad to be here because I spent all my teens and much of my 20s feeling self-conscious and awkward about everything, but somewhere along the line I eventually got enough self-confidence to feel good about myself inside and out, and enforce my boundaries against bfs (or whoever) who made me feel bad about myself or didn't bring out the best in me. (Actually those two things went along together, most times.)

But I think there's much more emphasis on big boobs now than when I was growing up, and younger and younger girls feel the pressure to measure their worth according to how hot boys find them. Boob jobs are much more common now (giving them away on one of those reality tv shows right? can't really remember because I don't watch much tv). I really admire you younger women who are thinking about the pressures instead of blindly accepting them as the way things are.

karategrrl, "And for what??" is exactly how I feel, too.
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karategrrl
post Jul 17 2009, 05:31 AM
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QUOTE(anarch @ Jul 16 2009, 11:51 PM) *
Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I second that emotion. I just wish I'd drilled this idea into my head yeeeeaaarrrrs ago--would have saved me a TON of anguish and pain in my life. It's one thing to know something's not quite right in a relationship--it's another thing to put your money where your mouth is and kick the fucker to the curb.

Young ladies, be strong. Don't put up with shit. Better to be in a love relationship with yourself and have your self-respect and dignity intact than put with crap from some asshole, all for the sake of holding a relationship together. And for what?? Sorry--just bitching.

"A boobie's a boobie no matter how small! Heh... "
Cute! Love it!
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Allison-Shine
post Jul 16 2009, 06:51 PM
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QUOTE(strongirl @ Jul 16 2009, 08:54 AM) *
There's always something, I think, and it's in all of our best interests to just find a suit we're comfortable in, go on out to the beach, forget about our silly egos, and have fun playing in the sun and water! (Meanwhile, guys are worrying about their hairy backs, or beer bellies, or skinny legs....)


Well said, that's what its all about.
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strongirl
post Jul 16 2009, 07:54 AM
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Gosh, I can't explain why I feel so differently from some of you, unless maybe it's the age thing and how much more emphasis is placed on boobs nowadays as opposed to when I was younger. But I've never felt unattractive in a swimsuit and I've always attracted an overabundance of male attention at the beach. My small tits have never seemed like a big negative in a swimsuit (or at topless beaches)...but gain 5 lbs and have my thighs jiggling and man, I'm miserable! And similar to Angie's comment, when I've gone to the beach with busty girls they're always bitching to beat the band about their tummies or asses or thighs or how pale they are. There's always something, I think, and it's in all of our best interests to just find a suit we're comfortable in, go on out to the beach, forget about our silly egos, and have fun playing in the sun and water! (Meanwhile, guys are worrying about their hairy backs, or beer bellies, or skinny legs....)


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Allison-Shine
post Jul 15 2009, 07:20 PM
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QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 15 2009, 04:49 PM) *
You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.


Well being small chested should not equate to being "ugly". And I thought my "one cup size discrepancy" with my younger sister (she's a C and I am a B ) was a lot to deal with. But I can relate to you. It's best not to spend every moment at the beach with your sis and her hubby and try to get as much alone time with your bf and enjoy the beach and summer.

Its funny, if I go to the pool with my sister I try not to lay next to her. Always be two chaises or spots from her at least. Its a little thing but it helps.
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angie_21
post Jul 15 2009, 04:11 PM
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Hey flatgurl, have you checked out the swimsuit links we posted a month or so back, for the monokinis? they're really cool, and seem to be just made to fit & look awesome on girls with lighter chests. Some of them are under $50 too!

The beach is definitely a tough place for girls like us.. I remember feeling exactly like that... but you know, it's just as tough for nearly every other girl out there - while you are envying their bra size, other girls are going to be envying your flat belly and lack of cellulite. Now I just go out there and to hell with what people think, I need to expose my skin so I can get a least a bit of a tan, dammit!

And as far as "attention" goes... one thing about being endowed in the chestal area is that you can see when you are being checked out, and it's really obvious. For those of us with nice legs or heinies, guys are free to check us out when we can't see it happening, and I never knew it was happening until my bf explained this to me. You are not unnoticeable, guys can just be less rude and obvious when they check you out. Also, something about boobies - of any size - just hanging out there for everyone to see does draw the eye, I mean, I'm somehow constantly checking them out too, and it doesn't mean I'm more attracted to girls with big boobs than I am to a man!
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flatgurl
post Jul 15 2009, 03:49 PM
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You girls are so right, I know someday when I'm older I'll appreciate looking younger, I guess its just the demeaning way they say it that gets to me. MariCat- that was an awesome comeback, wish I had thought of something like that! Thanks KeraBear, I've def been looking back and it has helped me so far. Ugh the worst comparison to my sister is about to come...my family goes to the beach for a week and my bf is coming too. I'm scared for him to see me in a bikini with my non-existent chest next to my gorgeous DD sister. She is married and all, and don't get me wrong I love her to death and I'm thrilled that she looks HOT and I wouldnt want her to have to suffer through this problem like me, but when I'm next to her it just makes me feel so bad. She always says that I should feel grateful that I don't have to deal with all the crappy attention she gets, but sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like what am I? Am I completely un-noticeable because I have no breasts?? I mean its not that I want negative attention from guys or anything but I hate when people say I should be lucky not to be noticed because I'm obviously that unattractive. I just get so down on myself every summer when this comes up and I really hope my bf doesn't think he picked the wrong sister. AA next to DD- and what makes it worse is that one of her bathing suits is the same as mine but in a different color, so then its even more evident how much worse I look in it. Oh well I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm going to store up all the strength I possibly can from you ladies so that I can go out there and for once not feel so ugly and invisible.
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angie_21
post Jul 15 2009, 03:47 PM
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I just used to get people calling me scrawny when I really, well, wasn't. Just because ONE part of my body was skinny. I always figured they were just trying to "nicely" call me flat because skinny is supposedly a compliment.. right, well, not to me, thanks. I'm now fat and lovin' it, for the most part. if only the boobs had grown to match the hips, I'd be a freakin movie star. Though I do think that having a smaller chest still keeps me feeling and looking much thinner than I really am, and I don't mind that so much anymore

Too bad I don't get the age benefit - most of my friends are older than me, so everyone actually assumes I'm older than I am!
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MariCat187
post Jul 15 2009, 02:59 PM
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I totally understand the "you look SOOOO YOUNG" comments too. But I've gotten better over the years. My boyfriend was talking to this girl we both know, and she tried to throw one at me, saying, "At least I'm not dating a little 12-year-old girl!"

I retorted back, "At least when guys see ME naked, they get hard!"

(True story behind it - My boyfriend's roommate told us that he and said girl were making out, and said girl took off her clothes. Roommate told us, "Yeah.... she got naked.... and...... it wouldn't stand up!" So that's where my reply came from happy.gif)

The girl went completely quiet and didn't say anything more to us. laugh.gif

*goes back to lurking*
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KeraBear
post Jul 15 2009, 10:37 AM
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Wow! Lots happening while I was gone! Great stuff I am reading here. I love you gals. wink.gif

Welcome FLatgurl. I know where you are coming from totally. I get those "you look like a 12-year-old" comments ALL the time and it does get oh so annoying. Like you i've always equated it with comments that I have no breasts and not a woman and I know that's not true! I am a tiny gal, AA cup. And I also feel you on the sister with bigger breasts, only mine is my younger sis (two now). unsure.gif But when we are older, we will apppreciate looking younger! I encourage you to look through these 100 (!!) or so back pages. It's helped me begin to appreciate and love my body for what it is. Hang in there!

To paraphrase Horton Hears a Who - A boobie's a boobie no matter how small! Heh...
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strongirl
post Jul 15 2009, 09:50 AM
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I know it probably isn't much comfort to you younger chicks bemoaning your small size, breast-wise and elsewhere, but I have to say as a woman who is pushing 50 (I'll be 48 this fall) I have aged surprisingly well and still get mistaken for being in my twenties. I attribute much of this to my smallness, which I think helps a lot in terms of aging well. I still get hit on by guys in their twenties and even, embarrassingly and very uncomfortably, in their teens. It's not a bad deal at all being small, as you go through the decades. I've mostly enjoyed it.

Plus I love it when my boyfriend does the "he-man" routine and throws me over his shoulder and carries me to the bedroom. If I were bigger, he would have trashed his back by now. smile.gif
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Allison-Shine
post Jul 14 2009, 08:25 PM
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QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 9 2009, 07:46 PM) *
Allison-Shine, I'm sorry I really do think that you are justified in feeling the way you do because I understand that this culture is obsessed with really large breasts. Just also know that I would love love love to be your cup size and that there are people out there (like me) for whom that is their ideal size. So you should feel good about yourself knowing that some people would kill to look like you!


Thanks flatgurl (gee I feel mean calling you that, LOL) for understanding.

I have been fortunate to have very few negative comments from guys regarding the size of my breasts. Most of the comments come from females in my experience, everything from my 16 year old sister and some of her same-age friends. Its not just about breasts, but height and all the curves that are supposed to make one "womanly" or whatever. There is more to my experiences that I cannot address publicly.

Its tough sometimes when you go swimming or even shopping and see those a almost a decade younger than you (I'm 23) looking as filled out as you if not more. It's not just about breasts, but the whole "package". This should not bug me as much as it should but it does, whatever.

I can't imagine what those who are even smaller than I go through. I should count my blessings, someday maybe I will understand permanently.
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anarch
post Jul 13 2009, 10:31 PM
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QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 13 2009, 03:50 PM) *
Yea it does not reflect well on him that he didn't say anything. we ended up getting in a big fight about it after which he apologized profusely and then ended up calling his friends and setting up a boundary. it made me feel a little better, but it doesn't count as much since he didn't do it at the time it was happening.


Hopefully, now that you've spelled it out for him (often, guys are clueless about these things until we spell it out letter by letter), if that kind of situation happens again, he'll say "Cut that shit out" or otherwise demonstrate that he's sticking up for you. That'll be the test -- will he walk the walk.

Persephone, I've left a guy because the way he talked about me with his friends was like that. Not about my boob size, but if it had been about my boobs I'd have still given him the boot. Yeah, it was all in an old-buddies-bonding-heh-heh kind of way and he didn't really mean it, he was just trying to keep up appearances, but so what. I wanted, was and am worthy of, a partner who honours the great stuff I've got to offer. Honours it in private and among friends. (I mean, "partner" implies supporting and not putting down, right?) I think all women are worthy of that.

I originally came in here to post this. I enjoyed a lot of the answers, the ones about how the total person matters more than one physical trait.
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Persephone3
post Jul 13 2009, 04:41 PM
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QUOTE(strongirl @ Jul 12 2009, 03:12 PM) *
This is sort of off topic for this thread but in my experience and from what male partners and friends have told me, guys are more open and honest with their women and with their female friends than they are with other guys. For example, every man to whom I have been close has cried in front of me at some point. But I don't think any of them have cried in front of other men.


I should have mentioned that the guy was complaining to his friends about the size of the girl's chest to his friends. I have to wonder then why would he date her, if breast size is so important. So I just womndered who he was being more genuine with, them or her. (This is an issue that came up on another message board, and was just interested in your thoughts).
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flatgurl
post Jul 13 2009, 02:50 PM
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Yea it does not reflect well on him that he didn't say anything. we ended up getting in a big fight about it after which he apologized profusely and then ended up calling his friends and setting up a boundary. it made me feel a little better, but it doesn't count as much since he didn't do it at the time it was happening.

It also just hurt me alot bc he knows how sensitive I am to comments about how young I look or anything like that bc I automatically think they're talking about my lack of a chest. I brought it up to him last night and told him about why it effected me so much. He was supposed to help protect me from those comments so that I could feel better about myself and I was disappointed to see that didn't happen. I am going to start taking care of myself more and sticking up for myself, hell I don't need a guy to do it!- it just wouldve been nice I guess to have that support.

I'm just getting really sick of people making any sort of comments about my body. I know I'm small, I know I have small-to-no breasts, so I don't need anyone to point it out to me. My whole life I have been getting negative comments about being flat. I wonder sometimes that if no one ever said anything to me about my chest, would I have ever thought anything badly about it? I remember being about 14 or so and living happily in my body and then I remember when my gfs at school started to say how flat I was and that's when I remember the self-consciousness and agony came in. I just wonder how different my life could have been without those comments. Would I even be on here now or would I be completely satisfied with myself and not even ever think anything was wrong with me? I hate how much impact other people can have sometimes.
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angie_21
post Jul 13 2009, 12:25 PM
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I consider how my guy acts at any given point in time to be a reflection of who he is. There may be different facets of his personality, and I think I see more than most people, but all the facets add up to a single real person. If they didn't, I would be questioning which parts of his personality were genuine. People always have a choice. There are a small few instances where bad behaviour is at least understandable, such as having to brown-nose a boss, or to not rock the boat to prevent a fist-fight in a bad situation. Hopefully people try to avoid most of these situations in the first place, but sometimes shit happens. But with friends that he *chooses* to hang out with, well, clearly it's his choice to act that way, too.

I've gotten better at come-backs over the years. I've found that it's sometimes mandatory to keep your head above water when you work with mostly men. Sometimes it just takes a few correctly timed insults mixed with flirtation, and guys will forever afterwards smile and do anything you ask of them... and you don't have to be a supermodel to do it! unfortunately it only works with certain men. younger guys aren't gentlemanly enough to play these games.
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karategrrl
post Jul 13 2009, 11:38 AM
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QUOTE(flatgurl @ Jul 11 2009, 09:38 PM) *
and what i should have said was "yea i guess im the hottest 12 year old youll never be able to get" or something like that..dont you wish you couldve come up with those good comebacks when youre in the moment?

I SO know you feel, gurl. But the ability to have quick comebacks is a skill fostered through years of bullshit. Guys are great at it because so much of what they do is chest-beating and they develop lots of comebacks. You were hurt and probably frozen in that hurt moment, reeling with shock at the unmerited attack. I know the feeling. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I wouldn't hang out with those dicks ever again. And I know it may sound harsh, but it doesn't make your guy sound very good if he just stands there and lets the abuse happen.
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strongirl
post Jul 12 2009, 02:12 PM
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This is sort of off topic for this thread but in my experience and from what male partners and friends have told me, guys are more open and honest with their women and with their female friends than they are with other guys. For example, every man to whom I have been close has cried in front of me at some point. But I don't think any of them have cried in front of other men.
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Persephone3
post Jul 11 2009, 06:02 PM
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Hi, I was wondering if you girls had any opinion how much meaning there is in what guys say to their friends as compared to what they say to you. I know that there are many women that have left guys when they have overheard their guys talk badly about them. Sometimes I wonder if guys (not men) make themselves seem 'manlier' amongst their friends, even though it may not represent how they really feel. Or are they being disingenuous to us? Any thoughts?
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flatgurl
post Jul 11 2009, 04:38 PM
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Yea I agree, I have stuck up for myself against these guys a few times but sometimes im just like come on act like my bf! i guess why it hurt so much was because he was commenting on how i look 12- and i automatically equate that with a dig at my small chest. but i do agree with you ladies, and what i should have said was "yea i guess im the hottest 12 year old youll never be able to get" or something like that..dont you wish you couldve come up with those good comebacks when youre in the moment?
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