[pepper]

is it weird that i seem to be the ONLY one who is freaked out by the appearance of BEARS right next to our apartment building? hello, this is only two blocks away from the grade school and along the route that the kids takes to school, many of them on their own. i spoke with the principal today and she seemed incredibly nonchalant about it all while i am totally freaked out and have been on the phone all morning with the conservation office and local bear aware program. am i just that much of a city girl or what?

[pepper]

"lice has been discovered at the school..." that's all i had to read. i got out the clippers, no guard. man, it's good that i have a boy. he is so bald right now. there will be NO head bugs in this house. ugh.

[freckleface2727]

moxie,

I don't want any more kids, but I do admit that I'd very much like to shrink frecklette to say, maybe age 3 or so, and re-grow her again, just as a replay exactly the same way.
I miss her littleness.
she was this uber cute curly haired shirley temple charmer but wasn't spoiled.

le sigh.

each stage offers it's own unique specialness, some stages you just have to look a little harder and with a more open minded vantage point to see.
the day before she got in HUGE trouble for her mouth, til I finally just revoked her ability to speak to me unless she was adressing me first as Maam and finishing it w/ yes Maam. ( I know that sounds totally harsh but she had been telling me to shut up- no kidding! like she forgot who she was talking to!) and so then she counters back with " Uh Mom? it's called FREEDOM OF SPEACH. Like as in the Constitution?"

yes
she
did
so!

I swear to you I was thinking that the child (had some really big cojones <hee!) had plum Lost Her MIND!
so I ever so gently (while internally cracking up) reminded her that our home was Not a Democracy and this was in reality Mama's House and that in the times that she chose to be so disrespectful to me ( & in turn also to her father as what you say to 1, you are saying to Both) it was MY RIGHT to limit her freedoms until the day she turned 18 and she can then Choose to be disrespectul Somewhere Else.

= whewee!==

then yesterday, she & I, in much better moods & circumstances, were discussing it, and I told her truthfully that while I admire her fire and fight, I was thinking she was either brave or suicidal to take that argument as a defense, considering that her daddy is a US Soldier and actively defends the Constitution for a living.
she just Grinned, totally proud of herself.

yup.

some stages, you gotta look mighty hard.

blanch, yes, I know about telling someone a lot and then wishing you hadn't.
can make you squirm a little, but you know, rise above her. she would be what my crazy ex bff would call
'a little person.' as in she has a little mind, and little aspirations and interests.
it does make it hard when there are kids involved but keept it light and friendly and don't acknowledge any anything, you know?

it's so sad that even as grownups (or passably disguised as one anyway) women still act this way.

[moxiegirl]

Frekle- HOLY COW! What a great mama day you have had! I would love to meet your little miss. She just sounds so great. Especially for a 12-year old. People are already asking me if I "miss" moxette being newborn. Um, nope. I mean, I remember it fondly, and she was cute and all. But, seeing her SEE things and KNOW things and start to COMMUNICATE is overwhelming in its awesomeness.

My hope, as she grows up, is that I can enjoy her for who she is at any given point, and not pine away for the past. That's reasonable, right?

Blanch- does this uber-mama know you're technically "step" mom? Maybe she's misguided about what it takes to be a real mother- time, effort and not just an egg/womb combo? My BFF had that issue with her older son at first, especially before she and the dad married (they lived together for 2 years). Kid didn't call her MOM until the wedding day...even through he told everyone she was his mom. Ok...sleepy digresssion over.

[freckleface2727]

she clearly feels threatened by you blanch, which is really funny to me seeing as you said that both your kids are the same age; unless she has an older child too, and therefor feels she knows more than you due to that?

there are the talkers and then there are the doers.
ya don't gotta shine your own spotlite to get stuff done.

very high school, only w/out the cool music.

chuck-wearin' mama's Unite!


frecklette's Dr.'s appt:

she's def staying in Pe.
she had changed her mind & decided she could handle it (totally independently of any input from me & the mr) and the dr totally agreed, and then wrote out the medical explanation note for me and supported my plan of action for using it.

the dr also wants her to be seen by a Pediatric Orthopedist at Duke Hos and was putting in the referral for it. he asked us if any surgical options had been discussed and I told him yes, but that as we understood it was for much more extreme cases ( the bones are surgically broken and then seperated and held in place w/ pins til they grow freely of each other w/ cartilidge joining them) and it wasn't anything that we were interested in. ( as far as we know, her arm isn't anywhere near bad enough to warrant that.)
still, if he feels we ought to at least see what the specialist says, ok. (thank goodness for our insurance bc so far, they've been great about approving all her various dr's & treatments.)

he also then sent us over to a civilian hos to get x-rays on her arm so he could see better for himself, and seems interested in educating himself on her condition.

as for her pains in her heart, the same ones I've had for the last several years, monitor them as I do and if she has them again (they are very sporadic & it may be weeks or months) bring her in.

= whew!=

this mama business is Work!

on a liter side, my girl is growing up in some very important ways too:
she has a friend, once a very close, ( the daughter of the same (preacher) parents who got all weird on me last year) who is getting bossier and bossier and won't stop trying to get her to go to church & lectures her about it. well my girl has about had Enough and wrote her a letter about it and told her she needs to Back Off bc she's already made her views on church and religion totally clear to her and she doesn't appreciate being made to feel Bad about it just bc it's something Important to Her. just bc they're friends doesn't mean she gets to boss her around and if that's what she thinks then maybe they Shouldn't be friends anymore.

I am Sooo PROUD of my girl right now!
she's maturing.
it's alittle sad but mostly just such an amazing thing to witness.
she's always been on the passive side, content to cheer her friends on from the sidelines and follow a little behind but is getting more confident finally.

yah and yaaah!

ps: she & I (big GG fans) have an understanding for my Golden Years.
when I am 'of that age' I told her it was ok to put me in a Home, just as long as they feed & clean me.
the rest, ey, what will I care anyway? so from time to time, we now joke about it.

we pulled up to the x-ray place yesterday & what do we see but an activity van for Whispering Pines.
I nudged her and said " look! it's a Shady Pines field trip!" and we both cracked up

[freckleface2727]

blanche- my kidlet is very wee...but our BFF's are in just your shoes. The bio-mom is a train-wreck with only 1-weekly supervised visit, and the "step" mom is the MOM. Anyway, i am hitting up the PTA for moxette's "school" (daycare via public schools) next tuesday. How hard is it not to be the, um, instigator? I hate to admit, that despite being one myself, I have elitiest disdane for surburban moms...i think its the competitive streak...and the SUVs.

I so Am the surburban Mom, but am really an imposter.

I don't drive an suv, I'm not remotely competitive with other parents and I'm unapologetically a name- only member of the pta.
the parents at frecklette's open house were so snooty, I told the mr to remind me to actually Dress Better for the next one- and this is a Public School! I do volunteer occassionally there though, I do the fun stuff or sometimes the boring stuff, and give what I can When I can on MY schedule, and have long given up getting chatty w/ any of the other moms bc apparently I'm just too different, which now that I've accepted and embraced that, feels right. sometimes I even actually skip going up the sidwalk there, just bc I know it freaks people out. today, much to frecklette's chagrin, I'm wearing my black chuck's and have to pick her up for a Dr appt. shock value alone at these times is priceless.

the best way to deal w/ crazies dear blanch, is just like w/ the trolls, simply don't feed them.
they can't spar w/ what's not sparring back. express genuine happiness at their child's success and then equal (or more) joy at your child's, and disengage.

26 or not, you're in the war now sister, so map out your strategy & memorize it to heart.

welcome Mama Blanch ( I will not address the step bc a Mama is a Mama and they come in all ways as long as there is love.) we are Very glad you are here !

[moxiegirl]

blanche- my kidlet is very wee...but our BFF's are in just your shoes. The bio-mom is a train-wreck with only 1-weekly supervised visit, and the "step" mom is the MOM. Anyway, i am hitting up the PTA for moxette's "school" (daycare via public schools) next tuesday. How hard is it not to be the, um, instigator? I hate to admit, that despite being one myself, I have elitiest disdane for surburban moms...i think its the competitive streak...and the SUVs.

[sybarite]

She's gone back to her mum's place so I won't see her for yonks. I think we left it all right. I am always torn because I know it's important that she feels at home staying with us; on the other hand our place is too small so we all end up on top of each other, which is annoying. In a way going on holiday is easier. Unfortunately, living somewhere else isn't yet an option, unfortunate because I think it's the only solution: she needs more space of her own.

Thanks for asking though; I went a little o/t there myself!

Also I think there are many many ways to have a relationship with your (potential) partner's children. I think the traditional 'stepmother' figure is problematic for all sorts of reasons, not the least the word 'mother' in there! But I digress--again.

[mornington]

Cheers, syb. I know I'm probably worrying about nothing - after all, I've never met the kid, and won't for a long while. I guess it just boggles me though - there doesn't seem to be much of an age gap between me and G, but he was younger than me when his son was born... I don't want to ends up being a stepmother to him, and I doubt I ever will, though - at least not in a traditional sense. *wanders ot*

How's it going with the mister's daughter though?

[sybarite]

Mornington, fwiw, my ex-stepmother was only nine years older than me. She's a bit of a role model for me in my relationship with the mister's daughter; she treated me with respect while clearly outlining the boundaries of our relationship, insisting (for example) she wasn't my mother as I wasn't in need of another one. She didn't use any false labels, just took us on board on a day to day level which was unambiguous and ultimately reassuring.

It also wasn't a stereotypical trophy second wife relationship between her and my dad. She was very much her own person, even if she was relatively young. She demanded respect from the start.

[mornington]

freckle, I'm only 20, so...he's a nine. I don't get on with my stepmother, so I'm a little wary to start with. We're nowhere near serious though...

surely frecklette's heath problems should be on her file or something... but it's good her dad's starting to see things your way. I hope she has a better week this time round!

[freckleface2727]

mornington,
I can kind of understand that 11 years isn't a huge gap between you & the boy.
at this stage of the game, several of my mr's youngest soldiers are and have wives that are a mere 6 years younger than my frecklette. every time I meet another one I have some serious psychological adjusting to do after words, bc it does very bad things to my mind.

and though I am going out on an limb of no expirence, it just seems smart to view any relationship that involves offspring, custodial or not, w/ a bit of a grain or bag of salt.
bc custody Can change, you know? at the very least there is bound to be some co-mingling on summer breaks and holidays.

I believe pretty much everyone else here knows much more than me about this stuff, so I'll just hush.
please know though, you are Totally welcome to stay & discuss or add anything you want


frecklette <sigh> had a very BAD day at school on friday.
seems this time it was her Creative Dramatics class where they were doing sensory Exercises that involved holding & feeling things, and then passing them overhand and she, bc of her arm, coudln't do some of it, and the teacher didn't understand what she was trying to explain to her, and though her teacher was nice, it was still a bit of a scene. she came home & cried and called her friends and had very little to do w/ the mr & myself the whole afternoon & evening. really,aside from PE class, I NEVER thought to explain it to her other teachers. clearly I was sorely mistaken.
so, I'm making an appt w/ her Ped to get a Written Medical Explanation of her condition (to go & meet w/ them all), as well as a list of Medically-Recommended Substitutions for the things she cannot do, IF they won't just medically Excuse her from it from here out.
the mr ( who is a major work out fantatic as he is in the Army) finally conceded that as long as she commits to doing some sort of PT here at home, walking, riding her bike, the cross-training machine whatever, getting her out of gym might just be best for her. now that HE'S seen her cry.

I believe he has even finally seen my reasoning behind thinking of legal action.

hurrah hurrah, for a change he doesn't think I am over-reacting!!

and ps: the sportsbra's DO work great!

[mornington]

freckle, no, I haven't met him yet... he doesn't live with his father. I guess it's just worrying me 'cos the kid is only eleven years younger than me. I should stop worrying for a bit though

As for the 9/11 thing... I can't give much input, obviously, but... kids are adaptable and I really do think the best thing is to carry on as normal as much as possible.

Ah, the cost of bras. $50 sounds about right... my father blew his top the first day my mum presented him with the bill for my three "proper" (ie underwired) bras. In the sale. . But they are damn important.

(((bustiemamas)))

[freckleface2727]

you know you might be right.

I think I will ever so casually mention it to frecklette and see how she responds.
as she now Lives to go to school and socialize I can pretty much anticipate her answer.

but no, I hadn't put any specific thought on it being the *5th* ann of it.
it was just in general. last years day fell on a Sunday, so otherwise I probly would have been thinking the same thing; it's just me.

we were in germany & the base went into total Lockdown. we even put up blackout curtains, like people did during WW 11. T called to tell me to turn on the tv & then said he didn't know when he'd be home, and I anticipated it could be several days before we'd see him again, which I was wrong about.
it was late late, but he did come home that same night. (we were 8 hrs behind the States).
everything changed so much from that point on. living where we did we Always had to be aware of the Threatcon, bc so often US bases were targets anyway, and it wasn't super uncommon for there to be a rumor of a threat to all the dependents of soldiers. ( & yes, while we were there, there was a small attack at a px in mannheim I think it was,but no one was seriously hurt.)
frecklette's school had heavily armed soldiers on the roof and playground and inside and all the public buildings were taped off w/ police tape so you couldn't park too close w/ a car bomb. ( did they do that back here?) and it was probably a week before we ventured outside to do more than run to the store to get milk & bread, and the first time we went to the playgound next door & the kids saw the fully armed humvee w/ the gunner in the turret cruise by the perimemeter of our place I pointed out that it was somebody's Daddy or big brother or uncle & they were just keeping us Extra safe. the kids took it in stride. all of Us were freaking out, but the kids were more or less used to this and seeing soldiers like that bc they were just People; daddy's & mommy's etc etc.
it's really remarkable how adaptable kids can be.

I think I will try, instead of dwelling on the darkness of the day, to instead do something really special for T & frecklette. make it a day to celebrate our wonderful strong familie.

after all - isn't living well Always the best revenge?

thanks for helping me put this in perspective.

[moxiegirl]

not to make this a 9/11 remembering place, but we work 1 block from the detroit federal courthouse, so we were evacuated on 9/11. the expressways were totally clogged, and i was just freaked the fuck out. the worst (and best?) part was that moxieman and i were in the midst of serious relationship issues, and the only place i could go was home to him. That was the first night since since our "troubles" began that we said "i love you" again. So, in a way, it was very bittersweet. I always feel a little guilty about that. We think of summer '01 as our second "anniversary" time, so its kind of a milestone year for us too...new baby, 5 years, etc.

Danny's in friggin HS?!? Isn't he 10? God damn...i'm gonna go pull grey hairs and examine my stretch marks now.

[mandolyn]

wait a minute. why would you keep frecklette home this year over any other? is it because it's the 5th anniversary and it's a round-enough number for the terrorists to do something else this monday?

i hadn't even thought of that. that's how far in the sand my head is. gah.

but i don't think danny would let me let him stay home. he's not a worrywort. he's his father's son in that regard, thank god.

and i know i said i wouldn't talk about it anymore, but the reason why i let him stay in school on 9/11/01 - and even let him go to his regular after-school program - was because i was on the phone with the mr (when the phone lines were working) and he kept telling me "if you go get him, it'll freak him out even more." i desperately needed the time to adjust myself, and get my gameface on. (and i owe whatever strength i was able to muster that day to bust - especially my beloved kvetchettes - who helped more than they'll ever know.) plus, in true, sheltering mama-bear fashion, i wanted him to have a few more hours of normalcy before life changed forever.

it happens again, i go get him. period. end of story. i don't care if he's 22, in college. it was pure torture not having him "safe" by my side until 4 pm that day.

[freckleface2727]

I have to agree w/ you mando about vs.

I actually walked out of there, twice, w/ out being tempted by more than perfume ( their Halo Divine does really smell that way & I am pretty sure I MUST have it asap).
all their things are fitted towards anorexic size 2's.
the thing is.. I Used to shop there. constantly. back when the mr & I were dating & early married and I had Big Boobs back then too & never had a problem finding lingerie there. my store ( I worked at a mall) was directly across from them and so I knew when they got new shipments in ( fyi the girl's were all bitches there back then too) but my point is... when did they start changing from being All About Bra's, to pointless & unneccessary?

anyway!

$50** each time you buy a bra?
oy vey but that is crazi!!

I personally have thought for some time, that for trully Neccessary Items, such as Eyeglasses & Contacts- Hearing Aides- Bra's & Underwear, SOCKS- these things should be Free.
yes FREE.
you can't function w/out them, really, so it just makes sense.
then everyone could have what they needed, instead of it being so divided up into the Have's & Have Not's.
if frecklette had been say, 1 of 3 kids, never ever would that much $$ been spent yesterday, and the mr didn't even bat an eye.
but then, I do tend to prefer my inner Utopia in my head to reality... le sigh.


as to the 11th.
I don't know.
I am seriously thinking of keeping the girl child home that day, but then, isn't that sort of crap bc A) it's Expected, B ) it's " letting the bad guys win", and C) shows how freaked out & how pathetic & over-reactive I still am over it.

and no mando, I didn't directly know anyone in either location either, and wasn't even in-country, let alone as close as you were, and I still carry this weird sort of paralyzing terror with me too so sweetie,

it's ok. talk.

heck if you did it might make me feel alittle less crazi myself even.. bc I hate feeling this way.

I wrote a bunch of other stuff just now too, but if y'all read it, you'd call the people w/ the big nets, so instead,,


hugs & kisses,

freckle

[mandolyn]

"... and I'm sorry if what I said about the 11th was insensative ..."

no no no! i didn't mean to imply that AT ALL! i was just trying to convey that i'm still very emotional, conflicted, anxious, etc ... and just can't really talk about 9/11 rationally. i see images of the towers, even in the past, still standing, (forget the smoking crumbling images) and i lose it. and i'm pretty convinced it's going to happen again. only it will be much worse next time. which is not something i should even say, to young mothers. because the world's agonies are all so much worse and so much scarier once you have kids. which was the main reason i didn't want kids. (remember the scene in terminator 2, where she imagines the kids on the playground incinerated in a nuclear holocaust? um, yeah. that was my worst fear in the universe, brought to life. and on the morning of 9/11, when i was half-convinced it was coming true ... i was too frozen and clueless to even go get my kid from school. ah, shit. it's a long story. i had my reasons.)

see? this is why i shouldn't even talk about it. i'm a nonsensical alarmist.

but really, i'm sorry to even make you think i was offended ... and please, talk about it all you want. just don't mind my being quiet.

so glad you had such a good bra-buying experience. i'm proud of you both!

and yes, i know all too well that VS doesn't carry minimizers. for a place that made it's name with boobies, i hold it against them that they don't care about those of us with DDD's.

my bra's all cost upwards of $50+. i'm used to it. *heavy sigh*

[freckleface2727]

VICTORY!!!

and not as in the VS kind either!!

we started out at vs yes, and they actually don't even carry any minimizer bra's there- would you believe it?
had a really helpful young salesgirl w/ enormously large boobs herself, and only 18, so at a mere 6 yrs older than frecklette could totally identify w/ what she was going through.
measured her ( & me) & my beloved lovebaby is wearing damn near the Same Size As ME- at 12!!
(did I mention she's only about an inch shorter now too?).
so after having her try on several, we walked out w/ a $50** Imax or whatever their newest line is,bc of the bunch, it did fit her "close to the best" & we didn't know what else we might find as we Thought we were starting at the top of the pile so to speak?
$50** for One Bra.

so stumbling out of there (we're so not "mall people" and never know where we are going) we made a blind left towards Belk and it was then that the lingerie gods decided to smile on us, and bless us not only w/ an empty fully stocked lingerie dept, but a helpful & Patient mother of a same -age teen girl herself- AND a great sale on Vanity Fair.
frecklette tried on another 6 or 7 and finally we found 3 that were hands down Winners.! she was actually smiling in the dressing room!
AND when we were ringing them up, we discovered that 1 was $32.99 whereas 1 we thought was identical was only $9.99 so the clerk let me return & exchange it after she helped me find the last cheaper one.
she was truly, Wonderful.

ok so I bought 2 myself, and they were $20**each, but hey, I've had my boobs longer! ( & they make the ole girls look rather, uh, perky!! who knew they could still do Tricks?)

anyway, total damage for the 5 we bought today was close to $80**, AFTER we took the VS one back.

frecklette got 2 really good quality Champion sports bra's w/ underwire that should be good under her regular school clothes as well as in pe, along w/ a good quality everyday micro knit one too.

the mr's going to have a shit that we spent that much, but he really is completely clueless the ordeal this involves. I would have gladly spent $50** Per Bra if they were a good fit, and then bought her several.
as it is we bought her literally the only 3 in styles & Fit that worked best for her. if luck stays with us we'll be able to go back & get larger sizes of those if needed now too. I was happy, no wait, Thrilled, with the 3.

anyway!

thankyou all for your <hee!> support & advice on this.


mando, I still can't believe our/Your ( I want him to be Ours, bc I want him to grow up to marry frecklette) is in High School.
who said that was ok?

seems like just yesterday he was a nervous 7th grader himself.
bmic.
I'm so glad he is loving it so much and has made the transition so easily.

geeze.

and I'm sorry if what I said about the 11th was insensative sweetie.
I am obnoxiously dense when it comes to this stuff. you were so close honey, you have Every Right to feel as you do with no apology or sensorship needed.

forgive me?


moxie- now you know- send your cousin to belk's ladies when she is ready to move up!
thankyou thankyou for your advice! I so heart you !

mornington,
do you want to talk about your relationship that has the boy-child ?
I'm taking it that you haven't met him yet but think it's coming?
we're so glad you are here, so please, come talk to us about whatever

[moxiegirl]

any department store...jcpenny has a really good dept for the pre-teen set. that's where my 11 year old cousin went, anyways. we bloom early in our family...