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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
chicaloca
post Dec 6 2009, 09:46 PM
Post #1561


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Posts: 19


Delurking...

Ok, living in Latin America and all, we're pretty late with American shows and all, so we are quite a few episodes late... and out of boredom I was watching Desperate Housewives (not that I'm a fan, but there was nothing else to watch). And in the episode I watched, Lynette (Felicity Huffman) was struggling because he breast size had increased due to pregnancy. Anyway, her husband was really happy about it, and so was her boss, her coworkers, etc. And she was puzzled as to why men are fascinated by large breasts, so she talks to her husband and he tells them that he loves big breasts. She asks him why did he marry her then? And he says that he isn't perfect, and therefore, needed her not to be perfect, he needed her to have a flaw.

They implied that small breasts are a flaw! WTF??? Since when are small breasts a flaw? How stupid is that? Especially since it's a show geared towards women. I mean honestly, it made me really upset, especially since Felicity Huffman has a rockin' body as it is.

Flaws have nothing to do with physical attributes! A flaw is being lazy, selfish, shallow, narrow-minded, short-tempered, a liar, manipulative, etc. NOT something that's genetic and has no impact on how you treat others! How dumb!

If big breasts = hot, then small breasts = hot, because BREASTS = HOT!!! It's that simple!!. Of course boobies are not just there to be hot, but they sure play a big part in sex, especially because they can give us really awesome sensations when handled right!

It makes me sick. Just like I was watching Two and a Half Men the other day and in that episode Charlie's fiancee wanted to get a breast reduction because of back pain. Charlie was desperate, trying to talk her out of it. Finally he manages to getr her to desist by telling her if she makes them smaller, then people will focus on her butt, and just because she doesn't want people to do so, she decides not to get the reduction. But well, that's a stupid show altogether.

I mean, I know it's just supposed to be light hearted entertainment, but why put down certain body parts? Maybe I'm too sensitive and take things too seriously. But still. I hate how these matters are treated in the media.

Anyway, rant over. I guess the message is still to just ignore whatever the media throws as gospel. But it still sucks that they give these messages that just because a certain body part is not of a certain size, then it's a flaw.

Relurks.


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Ocean child, calls me...
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spot-on
post Dec 6 2009, 09:02 PM
Post #1562


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 330
From: California


Re: underwire/padding - the verdict is out on this regarding whether or not it's bad for boobs or not. No scientific proof either way. Just an FYI

Headlights, Oh yeah I like the sensitivity but not my man looking my way every 2 secs going "are you cold? or...." lol!

So I've worn a "BRA" for the last couple of days, you know a proper bra, well fitting etc. I've covered myself in stuff the whole two days, and I mean covered my boobs lol! First it was dust off a dusty shelf when we moved a tv, total dusty boob area on my Tee. Then later with flour, then B noticed I had food down my top due to boobage. Seriously I don't have much as it is, I'd be a nightmare with big boobs and having to change clothes every hour or so! lol!



QUOTE(angie_21 @ Dec 6 2009, 05:17 PM) *
Hi ASC! I love that bralette in black! I might even order it online...

I having a similar bralette problem - mine are over the head, cami style, and it's so nice to not have hooks and straps digging in everywhere, but I feel the band isn't tight enough since it has to be stretchy enough to go over the head.. nothing's ever perfect, I guess. I need a nice, non-underwire, unpadded or lightly padded bra. That's all. why the hell does every single bra at la senza have to have underwire in it? who actually likes that? It's supposed to be bad for your boobs because it blocks some circulation or something (same goes for the push-ups, unfortunately)

OK, I know headlights can be a problem, but am I the only one here who loves wearing unlined bras because you're suddenly walking around with twice as much, um, sensitivity to the outside world? every time I accidentally brush my arm against my boob, or my jacket, or whatever, I'm reminded that I have these nice cute, sensitive nipples that have been hiding behind padding for way too long now.

edited for bad spelling mistakes lol

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angie_21
post Dec 6 2009, 08:17 PM
Post #1563


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Posts: 662
From: Alberta


Hi ASC! I love that bralette in black! I might even order it online...

I having a similar bralette problem - mine are over the head, cami style, and it's so nice to not have hooks and straps digging in everywhere, but I feel the band isn't tight enough since it has to be stretchy enough to go over the head.. nothing's ever perfect, I guess. I need a nice, non-underwire, unpadded or lightly padded bra. That's all. why the hell does every single bra at la senza have to have underwire in it? who actually likes that? It's supposed to be bad for your boobs because it blocks some circulation or something (same goes for the push-ups, unfortunately)

OK, I know headlights can be a problem, but am I the only one here who loves wearing unlined bras because you're suddenly walking around with twice as much, um, sensitivity to the outside world? every time I accidentally brush my arm against my boob, or my jacket, or whatever, I'm reminded that I have these nice cute, sensitive nipples that have been hiding behind padding for way too long now.

edited for bad spelling mistakes lol

This post has been edited by angie_21: Dec 6 2009, 08:18 PM
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spot-on
post Dec 6 2009, 02:28 PM
Post #1564


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 330
From: California


Oooh if anyone has info on this I'd be interested too! I use the fruit of the loom ones for sports bra's sometimes, but headlight city if there is a slightest chill!

Great post ASC hope you post more often!

QUOTE(ASC @ Dec 6 2009, 10:25 AM) *
Has anyone found pretty bralettes that have slight padding - more than an extra fabric layer, but less than a molded cup? That seems like the ideal bra to me, something a lot of women would love, yet it feels like I'm asking for the stars when I see the options that are actually out there.

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ASC
post Dec 6 2009, 01:25 PM
Post #1565


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Posts: 3


Hello ladies! I am a long time lurker who loves this forum. I posted once before, almost 2 years ago, asking for help finding small nursing bras. You ladies came through for me and I'm happy to report that I was able to get 3 bras that (mostly) fit and served me well.

My daughter recently weaned, just after her 2nd birthday, and, well, a combined 39 months of nursing 2 children has taken a toll on my little bobbies. It's not true that little boobs don't sag. They just start pointing up instead of down. wink.gif I've never worn a properly fitting bra, since I just went with what I could find (cheaply) at big stores, and I decided that it was time to get a proper fitting bra. I'm 32 for goodness sake! Yesterday I went to Lula Lu, which I found through this forum. I was excited and nervous, since bra shopping always leads to tears. I was measured and had to face the reality that I'm acutually a 32AA. *sigh* It was nice shopping at a place where 1) they didn't look at me like I was abnormal when they discovered my size, 2) I wasn't directed to the childrens' area, and 3) they actually had things that fit me. Unfortunatley I still didn't find many bras that worked. I'm short (not quite 5' 1") so the straps on a couple were too long; some styles looked good initially, but made my boobs look squished in weird ways when I had a shirt on; I'm not comfortable having my nipples show, so I need some padding to prevent headlights, while on the other hand, I'm finally at a place where I'm ready to give up the padding I've always worn. Public opinion be damned, I'm not going to pretend I have something I don't when it just makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel like a fraud. I have a husband who loves me the way I am and have nursed 2 children - I shouldn't be ashamed of my little boobies!

That's me talking on a good day though. Buttercups, I could have written just about all of your posts, word for word. Though I haven't had quite as many people be so damn obnoxious and rude (& abusive, imo) to my face. Sometimes I think you're actually posting for me. wink.gif I'm here silently cheering you on in your positive posts and sending you silent, empathetic hugs on your bad days. That really goes for all of you!

Anyway, the shopping experience was better than usual, and I didn't even cry until I was out of the store. biggrin.gif I only found 1 bralette that I fet was good enough http://lulalu.com/search.asp?Mode=Product&...1&PageNum=2 It's amazing how different a bra that actually fits feels! This one will be good for my everyday life, running after kids, etc. but I'd really like to find something that looks more like a proper bra, and less like a tiny cami (this one goes over your head, which doesn't make me feel very grownup). I discovered that I really like bralettes (didn't think I would since I'm used to padding), so pretty! But, they were all too thin for the headlights. Has anyone found pretty bralettes that have slight padding - more than an extra fabric layer, but less than a molded cup? That seems like the ideal bra to me, something a lot of women would love, yet it feels like I'm asking for the stars when I see the options that are actually out there.

Big hugs to you all, to thank you for the support you've given me, without even knowing it. Maybe someday I'll start posting regularly....
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spot-on
post Dec 5 2009, 10:45 PM
Post #1566


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 330
From: California


hahaha too funny, I'm going for a strapless bra soon. The one I have barely fits anymore, too loose in the band. I bought a few boob tube type tops that I need a decent strapless to contain and lift whilst the tops flatten. I am in the process of throwing out a load of older bras that not longer fit.

Can't really tell about that bra, but I know similar things that you mentioned happen to me when I'm laying down etc. the boobs shift in the cups. I wonder if this is a sign of the band being too big? It seems to happen more in my 34's than the 32's

any bigger boobed ladies got any advice?
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nbdx0645
post Dec 5 2009, 09:11 PM
Post #1567


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Posts: 134


Hey Spot-on...for the bras I have in question, I meant this style: http://preview.tinyurl.com/yg2ocbw I'm going to use the "bend at the waist" test that you said. I also have a bunch of bras that simply don't fit. I think I should just throw them out. Also, I'm searching for a strapless bra, that's where my biggest need is. I don't want to get fitted by Victoria's Secret, I had a bad experience the last time I was in their store. I should find a bra shop in my area, though I'm nervous they won't be able to accommodate my size.

Edit: I found one, and it's close to my work. Maybe I'll go on Monday.

This post has been edited by nbdx0645: Dec 5 2009, 09:24 PM
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anarch
post Dec 5 2009, 07:23 PM
Post #1568


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 873


I've been away from these boards for the past month, but I just wanted to nth everybody who says that you're awesome, buttercups, for rising above the crap that all those assholes have tried to dump on you. Sheesh.

QUOTE(issy @ Dec 4 2009, 10:49 PM) *
I am not pro-skinny or pro-fat. I am anti-judgment. Denounce ALL forms of criticism towards another's body.

it's creating a divide between big and small, fat and thin, and pretty much staying right on point with what the darker elements of society would have us keep doing- clawing at each other instead of banding together and saying as one, with one voice- You DO NOT have the right to tell me how my body should look!


Amen! In future when someone says something disparaging or jealous about my shape, hope you don't mind that I'm totally stealing what you just said.
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spot-on
post Dec 5 2009, 06:12 PM
Post #1569


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 330
From: California


From all my recent bra research (I've been on a hunt for new bra's) it totally depends on the bra style. When you say "cups" I assume you mean the moulded cups, the ones that are thicker to avoid highbeams? If so those molded cup yep they will gape a little as you move as they aren't as form fitting due to the thicker cup. Pretty much I think all boobs tend to flop around (gravity) depending on how you are sitting/laying. I have one bra by hanes that is really well fitting keeps me secured no matter how I lie/sit, but it's ugly as sin. It's a trade off I think, I'd prefer pretty over 100% contained (well I'd prefer both, but haven't found it yet!).

things to look for in good fitting bra:

http://www.007b.com/bra-fitting.php is a good guide and the vids are good. Though don't use the measuring guide. Most guides say to add 4-5 inches to the band/ribcage measurement. That makes me a 34AA/36AAA seriously? The reason I've been bra shopping is cos the 34's don't fit. THe band is too loose, the shoulder straps won't tighten anymore and the band up my back and on the tightest setting! Measuring guides are just that, guides!!! I found that adding 1-2" was more accurate, then do the cup sizing from there. I'm a 32C on my left boob and a 32B on my right boob lol!


no gaping - from what I found the best way to check this is hands on hips and bend forward at the waist like you are picking a laundry basket off the floor. The breast should fill the cup with no gaping

back band - should be level all around. If higher at the back then go down a band size. If the front of the band between the cups lifts off the chest wall you need a smaller band also (or bigger cup size). The back band you should fasten on the loosest setting for a new bra, and be able to ONLY get 2-3 fingers width under it. Snug but not cutting off circulation

shoulder straps - should be snug but not dig in, the support should come from the band NOT the straps (if you are forever tightening the straps chances are the band is raising up cos it's too loose, go down a band size)

Can't remember much else, just that bra measurements and bra's can vary wildly brand to brand and style to style so ALWAYS try it on! Even if you try one on, and like it but want it in a different color, always try that one on too! The smallest differences in sewing the item together can make a HUGE difference to the fit trust me! Plus they can get labeled wrong!

If you have one boob bigger than the other, opt to fit the bigger boob, the pad or tighten shoulder strap more on smaller side. Most of us do have odd sizes so this is normal. Push ups work well for odd sized boobs



QUOTE(nbdx0645 @ Dec 5 2009, 01:28 PM) *
One other thing I've been meaning to bug you all about -- how can you tell if a bra is too big? Sometimes, with bras that have 'cups,' I can just fit into them when my arms are down. I don't fit them snugly, but there isn't a gap. When my arms are up, or I'm laying on my side, you can see my nipples and the cups are not full. Is this normal for small breasts? Should I be trying a different style of bra? *sigh* Bralettes are nice, and things that are 'stretchy' work well (like lace, mesh, and stretch-fabrics) but they don't really hide the high-beams, so they aren't usable for tee's. I use some moulded-cup bras from the pre-teen section, but they're a bit too small in the cup. What should I do? If someone has any links they can show me, I'd be delighted! And to the lurkers in the large breast thread....could you help me, perchance? What should I be looking for with a good-fitting bra?

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nbdx0645
post Dec 5 2009, 04:28 PM
Post #1570


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Posts: 134


One other thing I've been meaning to bug you all about -- how can you tell if a bra is too big? Sometimes, with bras that have 'cups,' I can just fit into them when my arms are down. I don't fit them snugly, but there isn't a gap. When my arms are up, or I'm laying on my side, you can see my nipples and the cups are not full. Is this normal for small breasts? Should I be trying a different style of bra? *sigh* Bralettes are nice, and things that are 'stretchy' work well (like lace, mesh, and stretch-fabrics) but they don't really hide the high-beams, so they aren't usable for tee's. I use some moulded-cup bras from the pre-teen section, but they're a bit too small in the cup. What should I do? If someone has any links they can show me, I'd be delighted! And to the lurkers in the large breast thread....could you help me, perchance? What should I be looking for with a good-fitting bra?
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nbdx0645
post Dec 5 2009, 08:46 AM
Post #1571


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Posts: 134


Very well said, Issy. I agree with Spot-on :3

Ahh, the jealous / envious snafu. Envy is to desire what someone else has. Jealousy is more action-based: You feel what someone else has is entitled to you. If you're envious, you want to be like the other. If you're jealous, you want to take what the other has for yourself.
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spot-on
post Dec 5 2009, 01:50 AM
Post #1572


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Posts: 330
From: California


Issy If I were gay and not already married I'd want to marry you just for this post alone!

QUOTE(issy @ Dec 4 2009, 06:49 PM) *
It's not whether big is comparable to small, it's the hypocrisy at play, or more accurately, the double standard. Or the idea that by dissing a skinny girl, larger people are just redressing the balance when in fact it's tipping the scales the other way, creating a rift where there should be a sense of compassion and sisterhood. Rather than creating a balance to the admittedly unrealistic media standard, it's creating a divide between big and small, fat and thin, and pretty much staying right on point with what the darker elements of society would have us keep doing- clawing at each other instead of banding together and saying as one, with one voice- You DO NOT have the right to tell me how my body should look!

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issy
post Dec 4 2009, 10:15 PM
Post #1573


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And as one more clarification, I usually split hairs where the words 'jealousy' and 'envy' are concerned. I do believe some girls are envious of other girl's smallness, but that is NOT the driving force behind derisive comments or negative behavior. I myself am envious of other's bodies sometimes, but I don't try to tear someone else down because envy or jealousy isn't a motivating factor to spur someone towards nastiness. It's always, always dissatisfaction with themselves and insecurity that causes someone to lash out in a negative manner.

If I find myself envious of someone who has something I don't, I compliment. You see, it's not poor envy's fault. It's insecurity.

My best advice is to disconnect from the hurt, and realize that any negative attention you get, you are the target, not the motivation.


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issy
post Dec 4 2009, 10:01 PM
Post #1574


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And to those who are claiming that skinny girls get picked on out of jealousy, I have to share a story that happened to me in my tiny wee high school years.

I walked into a bathroom and met two girls who hung out with my group of friends. These two girls had stuck out to me because they usually sat around making snarky comments about their friends, calling so and so 'marshmallow top' for the way her belly hung out of her pants and making comments that various people of a certain size had no right to wear a skirt that short or blah blah blah.

So I walk in and they say to me 'We were just talking about how much we hate people like you, people who can eat whatever they want and still stay skinny'. I tried to tell them that it was no walk in the park, the types of looks I got while shopping for underwear in the little girl's section, having to alter most of my clothes and the frequent, almost daily comments by complete strangers about how I needed to eat a cheeseburger, how I looked like I had cancer, how I needed to take some weight off them and put it on me, how fucking me must be like banging into a coathanger, etc.

Cut to me leaving, realizing I forgot my key, and going back to find them both in the stall, helping each other retch loudly into the toilet and cheering encouragement.

I have no wrap up observation about that, just that it sort of changed how I felt about people 'picking on' me.

As with any sort of insult towards a stranger, MOST ALWAYS the person is responding to themselves, NOT YOU. It is NOT JEALOUSY. It is dissatisfaction with themselves. Thinking that people who pick on you are just jealous is a very comforting way to look at it, but while there may be envy there in some cases, as with most thing body image is most frequently tied to deeper emotional issues. Saying someone is jealous of you makes it ABOUT YOU.

I think the safest and HEALTHIEST way to look at any type of derogatory comment is to understand- it is not about you. It is NOT about you. You did not cause this, it was there before you came. To paraphrase a cheesy 80's rock song, just because you seem to have fanned that person's flames does not mean you started the fire.

Let it roll off your fabulous back. Your fabulous bony, beefy, freckled, wrinkled, bloated, coat hanger, or WHATEVER back.


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issy
post Dec 4 2009, 09:49 PM
Post #1575


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I don't think it's the frequency or degree of body taunting that matters, or like the example below, one can even be compared with the other. I think it's the attitude that pointing out or mocking a girl for being skinny is somehow less offensive or not meant to be offensive because bones are en vogue right now. As a 5'3" size 00 "coathanger" I've written dooozzzzennsss of posts about this over the internet through the years so I'm not going to get all the way into it, but if some of the words that people use to describe skinny people were replaced with words denouncing fat people there would be an uproar. And rightfully so. I am not pro-skinny or pro-fat. I am anti-judgment. Denounce ALL forms of criticism towards another's body. There is no point in bickering over whether skinny girls or larger girls have it worse- it's two sides of the same coin. The issue is we, in all our size incarnations, are being made to feel unjustly ashamed of our own bodies, that we somehow aren't the 'right' size.

It's not whether big is comparable to small, it's the hypocrisy at play, or more accurately, the double standard. Or the idea that by dissing a skinny girl, larger people are just redressing the balance when in fact it's tipping the scales the other way, creating a rift where there should be a sense of compassion and sisterhood. Rather than creating a balance to the admittedly unrealistic media standard, it's creating a divide between big and small, fat and thin, and pretty much staying right on point with what the darker elements of society would have us keep doing- clawing at each other instead of banding together and saying as one, with one voice- You DO NOT have the right to tell me how my body should look!


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angie_21
post Dec 4 2009, 08:37 PM
Post #1576


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Posts: 662
From: Alberta


Aithinne & Spot-on, you're right that people don't always sympathize or even realize skinny girls can be hurt too. I guess it's been so long since I was skinny enough to actually get those comments that I've kind of forgotten what it was like. I do remember going to the mall with my mom when I was 13 or so, trying on shirts and just being so upset about how skinny, gangly, and un-curvaceous I looked, but whenever I said anything about it, I would get holes glared in me from all directions. Even from girls who were practically the exact same weight as me or the same weight but with bigger boobs. I was feeling like shit, but if I complained about it, I swear people thought I was bragging or something. In my mind, the other girls were so lucky and perfect. Maybe they were feeling the same way towards me and I never knew it!

Last night we went out and saw some live music. There was a girl playing bass who was totally rockin out, she was tiny and had this giant bass guitar and had dreads and clearly wasn't the least bit concerned about appearing "sexy," just about playing her music and having fun. It was inspiring, and reminded me of what I used to be like before I had to dress professionally and worry about fitting into office-y clothes that are so boring and weren't made for my body type. I miss that so much, being able to have crazy hair and wear my jeans and t shirts and actually interact with people through my personality, not my appearance. It kinda sucks being "grown up." But it makes me happy to have this board again, because I know a lot of you girls don't let that kind of stuff drag you down, you still do what you want to do and wear what you want to wear. Teach me, please!
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buttercups
post Dec 4 2009, 06:11 PM
Post #1577


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Posts: 294


Nbdx0645, I love love LOVE that poem, thanks for sharing!
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nbdx0645
post Dec 4 2009, 06:03 PM
Post #1578


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Spot-on, I love hearing a compliment from a passer-by, even if it's something tiny. My boyfriend gives me compliments, and I like them...but you feel that the passer-by will give you a more honest compliment. After all, you can't tell the stranger to sleep on the couch for saying something WRONG! tongue.gif

QUOTE
Regardless of whether our problems are complete opposites, I have learned that we can still understand how each other feel about it. There is always common ground to be found. In a way I'm glad that my insecurities are so difficult for others to empathize with. I think it made me a more forgiving and open person to the suffering of others than I would have otherwise been. This board is one of the only places I've found where I feel like people understand me and I'm thankful for it. You all rock.


Word. To solidify this point, I'm going to relate this to a non-body-image scenario: We have two people, named A and Z. A's sibling just passed away. Z just signed the papers declaring bankruptcy. Many times, we see "MY situation is worse than YOURS." How can that claim be quantified? Even if one is more devastating that the other's, aren't they both experiencing pain? Anguish? Sadness? That's the heart of the matter. We're the end-result of our lives: What we've loved, what we've lost, and what we never had -- and what we've learned.

Here's an excerpt from the "Breasts of Canada website" that resonates with what we've been talking about lately. (Here is a link to the full piece http://www.blogher.com/node/10715)

Big deal number one - Women have to stop hating their breasts or being ashamed of their breasts or embarrassed by their breasts. We need to stop apologizing for having large ones or small ones or nursing ones or non-nursing ones or scarred ones or sagging ones....

Big deal number two - We also need to make sure we aren't giving men, other women and the media the power to use our breasts against us or against other women.....

I am a breast ambassador and I want my daughters to be breast ambassadors too. If they can love, appreciate and respect their breasts - and the breasts of other women - I think they'll be able to handle anything life throws at them.


Here's a poem that I found when I went through my "scour-the-internet-to-look-for-reassurance" phase: (I wish I knew where I found it.)

You complain
That your breasts
Are too small
But each one
Fits perfectly
In my hands
And I hope
To hold them
And your heart
Forever.

It's the second best thing I've found, after you busties.

This post has been edited by nbdx0645: Dec 4 2009, 06:06 PM
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spot-on
post Dec 4 2009, 02:50 PM
Post #1579


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 330
From: California


QUOTE
And no one says "oh you're lucky, you're so fat." or "I wish I was as fat as you." people say the opposite all the time, however.... Don't all pounce on me at once, I'm not saying people's comments to skinny girls aren't hurtful because I know they are, I've experienced them. I just don't ever want this to be a board where we bring other people down to feel better about ourselves. Like issy said, we shouls be appreciating all bodies, not taking our anger out on anyone else's bodies.


I'd be fine IF they only said that, I have no problem with people saying "oh you're lucky you're so thin" or whatever, the comments that hurt are the spiteful women that say "I hate you, you're so thin!" But it's the WAY they say it for me that's the problem. If my BFF said it, laughing then I wouldn't think anything of it, I'd laugh it off as our inside joke. But some women say it so venomously, kwim? Unless you've had it said to you in a snotty way I guess it's hard to explain. They also do "the look" too. Can't describe that either, but if looks could kill I'd be dead a 100x over. I'm not saying bigger girls have it easy, but sometimes for those of us on the flipside it's just as bad. Only the hurtful comments to us it's considered "being nice" despite the hurtful way they say it.

I guess it's the same when eating out. If a bigger girl eats something people call them a "pig" and "overeater" if we eat salads or healthy food we're told to "get a few cheeseburgers down you" or similar comments. Seriously I weigh 120lbs at 5'4" I am on the althletic/lean scale on the body fat % (17%) yet I eat like a horse. I eat 5x a day and I eat a lot! I jsut burn it off with exercise (fitness instructor) and boosted metabolism from the exercise and eating. I probably eat more than some of my male friends, so stop telling me I need cheeseburgers or cake! Ok maybe the cake, I do like cake!

QUOTE
The type of people who can only be up if they are bringing someone else down are those who see ugliness in themselves, not you. Have compassion for those who have hurt you as lost sad souls looking to soothe their own hurts with your tears. Dismiss it for what it is, THEIR PROBLEM, and you will be infused with something that no bra size or insult can touch, and that is self love, and confidence.


I think this bears repeating, and kinda all goes back to what I was saying about complimenting each other to make other women feel empowered. If someone told me that I looked good because I was thin I'd be happy. If they said they HATE me for being thin I'd be self conscious of my own body and the way it made people feel. Some people just need to THINK before they say stuff to others, regardless of their size!

This post has been edited by spot-on: Dec 4 2009, 02:54 PM
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Aithinne
post Dec 4 2009, 12:03 PM
Post #1580


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QUOTE(angie_21 @ Dec 3 2009, 06:40 PM) *
I do have to disagree with the idea that small girls get picked on more than large girls. Maybe we notice it more because, well, we're the ones being picked on for being small, while we ourselves have never been picked on for being "fat." But in my experience, it's a lot meaner, a lot more blatant, and a lot more often when fat girls get rudely commented on. That's why it's considered in bad taste to make those comments. Skinny girls get some flak, but people assume we can take it because, quite often, we're only getting that flak out of jealousy and it's assumed we know it. And no one says "oh you're lucky, you're so fat." or "I wish I was as fat as you." people say the opposite all the time, however. And actually, it's not scientifically proven that being in the "overweight" range is bad for you. It's marginally proven that being obese is bad for you, but until you're hundreds of pounds overweight, it's less of a factor in your health than smoking or drinking. Now, being out of shape, that's another matter, but you can look skinny and be totally out of shape. Don't all pounce on me at once, I'm not saying people's comments to skinny girls aren't hurtful because I know they are, I've experienced them. I just don't ever want this to be a board where we bring other people down to feel better about ourselves. Like issy said, we shouls be appreciating all bodies, not taking our anger out on anyone else's bodies.


I have no doubt that large girls get picked on more than smaller girls and I don't think anyone is trying to say that they aren't. However, what I do find crazy is that some people on other websites discussing the topic actually continue that statement to say that because they were picked on more frequently for being fat, that they were hurt worse based on the frequency of the insults. Which I think is flawed. Some people don't let insults get to them and mean words just roll off their backs despite the frequency. Other people are more sensitive to negative words and just a few scathing comments can rip a person to shreds. I've read all sorts of discussions on other websites and women who were made fun of for being fat frequently dismiss a smaller girl's problems with being small. But we should realize that each person's experience is different and just because one person considers another's to be completely stupid, it still affects the person negatively and their experience shouldn't be dismissed.

I also think I have gained a large capacity for empathy because of my unique situation with my problems. I've discussed my insecurities with being small, looking super-young, looking cute, etc. Many of these problems are things others seem to laugh in my face about, thinking I'm crazy to think such things could make me insecure. I think many people could empathize with others being insecure about being fat. But because being skinny, young-looking and 'cute' are things that others easily think are the greatest things in the world, many people simply refuse to try to understand how these things could have a negative side. So what I think I'm trying to say is that because my self-esteem problems are ones that people find very difficult to empathize with, I feel like I have a better capacity to empathize with others' body problems. The point is not what makes us insecure, the point is that it makes us insecure. It's about what the person's perception of themselves are, regardless of what the insecurity is, or whether the person listening thinks the insecurity is stupid, something many others wish they had.

So I agree with what nbdx0645 said below. I don't have huge knockers and problably never will. I don't know how it feels to be large-breasted. But I do understand how they feel when they say they feel like freaks, how they wish people would stop staring at them, how it feels to have people point them out as if they own them. Similarly with people who are insecure about being fat, I understand how it feels to feel like no one sees you standing there, no one will be attracted to you, how you can't possibly compete with all the other more perfect women in the room. Regardless of whether our problems are complete opposites, I have learned that we can still understand how each other feel about it. There is always common ground to be found. In a way I'm glad that my insecurities are so difficult for others to empathize with. I think it made me a more forgiving and open person to the suffering of others than I would have otherwise been. This board is one of the only places I've found where I feel like people understand me and I'm thankful for it. You all rock.

This post has been edited by Aithinne: Dec 4 2009, 12:18 PM
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