The Lounge Guidelines Help Search Members Calendar Blogs

Welcome Guest [ Log In | Register ] ]

4 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> addiction: someone you love has one
ID0001
post Feb 25 2007, 10:13 AM
Post #41


Newbie
*
Posts: 2


Any of our items meet your interest at anytime , please don’t hesitate to contact us – Http://www.tradechinamaking.com
MSN:shoearea@yahoo.com.cn
E-mail:shoearea@yahoo.com.cn


Any of our items meet your interest at anytime , please don’t hesitate to contact us – Http://www.tradechinamaking.com
MSN:shoearea@yahoo.com.cn
E-mail:shoearea@yahoo.com.cn
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
maddy29
post Feb 23 2007, 09:45 AM
Post #42


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 934
From: Boston, MA


wow, well i'm glad he's not dead, hopefully he'll make it. dang, that is just nuts. good lord. she must have "accidentally" stabbed him pretty damn hard to nearly kill him! you are right-she is insane. she needs serious help, and it doesn't sound like it's safe for her to just be out and about...good she is in custody now.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
erinjane
post Feb 21 2007, 03:46 PM
Post #43


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


Insanity. We have a little more information now. She met this guy through AA which is a stupid move to begin with and they both got drunk last night/this morning. They were having sex and she said he asked her to scratch him and cut him, things like that and that he wanted to be stabbed but she accidentally stabbed too hard and called 911 right away.

I'm suspicious about the story because she's gotten drunk and come at my brother with a knife before, or tried to hurt herself. She's perfectly in control of herself when she's sober but goes nuts if she's had anything to drink.

The guy is alive but in critical condition. She's in custody and on suicide watch, my brother called the police and told them that she needed to be. She's really upset and is threatening to kill herself if he dies.

God, she's so fucking insane.

I'm doing alright. A little in shock, and just wanting to get more concrete information and find out if the guy is going to pull through.


--------------------
I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
maddy29
post Feb 21 2007, 11:40 AM
Post #44


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 934
From: Boston, MA


omg erin-that is so insanely scary. holy crap. it's sad to see how far down some people go before they get help. although, who knows if this will get her to clean up or not. so sad sad.gif

how are you holding up?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
erinjane
post Feb 21 2007, 11:05 AM
Post #45


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


My brother just called. My SIL is at the homicide department. They won't tell him what's going on, but it sounds like she killed her boyfriend yesterday, or he fell over the railing at her apartment.

Fuck.


--------------------
I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
northpole
post Jan 28 2007, 08:43 PM
Post #46


BUSTie
**
Posts: 45
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada


Awww, erin, I'm sorry to hear about your s-i-l. That doesn't sound very good if she's having those problems with nosebleeds and high blood pressure at her age. Thank you for sharing.

My thoughts and prayers are with her, you and your family members.

~North "remember to take care of YOU" pole~
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
erinjane
post Jan 25 2007, 08:58 PM
Post #47


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


My sister in law is back in detox.

Things seemed to be going alright for a while, but once she got back into university it was going badly again. She was obviously drunk or at least drinking almost every day. She joined an addictions program that goes 6 hours a day twice a week but she came home drunk three weeks ago and picked up my niece so my brother called the police and she left the house.

They were fighting like crazy and then her dad called the police four days later saying my brother was being "mentally abusive". The next day she decided to move out. That night she called the police (third time that week) because she was afraid she would do something to herself.

She moved out last week and when my brother went to drop off my niece monday night her and another girl were drunk out of their minds. She didn't drink yesterday but started having seizures so my brother took her to detox. Her nose won't stop bleeding because her liver isn't working anymore. She's having the seizures because of withdrawl and her blood pressure is really high. The nurses said they don't think they've ever seen someone so young who's so bad (she's 24).

My parents and I went to visit today and she kept talking about how she'd made this one mistake and now she's lost her family...as if this hasn't been going on for four years plus. I know she's feeling sorry for herself, understandably, but she's so frusturating. Her parents are unbelievable. Her mom told her she didn't think she should go to detox because she didn't need it and her dad hasnt' seen her since christmas. We're more family to her than her parents are.

Ugh. /vent.


--------------------
I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
agent_wasabi
post Oct 25 2006, 04:18 PM
Post #48


BUSTie
**
Posts: 33


thanks maddy.
yeah, he was going to AA and NA, and he has a sponsor, but he hasn't been going to meetings for awhile and he's not calling his sponsor back. he knows these supports exist and how to access them, but ultimately it's up to him; no-one can force him to go to a meeting, call his sponsor, get a therapist, or stay clean.

i spoke to his girlfriend today and was up-front with her about my concerns about his depression and whether suicide was a remote possibility. it scares the crap out of me to even talk about it, but i feel like it's a very real concern right now; shortly after he left treatment, a friend of his (who he'd met at the treatment centre) committed suicide. my brother's girlfriend told me that he admitted to her that he was searching around for pills the other night when she wasn't home, and that he would've taken them if he'd found any. she had some old sleeping pills she didn't use but luckily had thrown them away before he went searching.

i don't know what to do... i'm just so scared. i think he is deeply ashamed and depressed, and doesn't see a way out right now. i'm scared that he's going to decide he doesn't have a reason to live anymore. i can't even stand the thought of losing him. it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
maddy29
post Oct 24 2006, 08:25 AM
Post #49


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 934
From: Boston, MA


sad.gif he's probably feels really ashamed of his relapse, and doesn't want to face you guys. i think if you can let him know that relapse is part of recovery and that it's ok, you still are impressed by how far he's come, etc etc...that might help.

definitely no swooping in to help-never works and it just sucks the life right outta you.

does he go to AA/NA, or a relapse prevention group or a therapist? a sobriety groupo would probably help a lot, because they teach you a lot of techniques but also support people through relapses. because realistically, most people dont' just quit and that's it-most people relapse, slip up, whatever. if you can look at the relapse as a learning experience, instead of a shameful mistake, that can help a lot. what led up to the relapse? how did it feel? there's so much information there that can help his recovery.

maybe this is just part of his recovery....
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
agent_wasabi
post Oct 23 2006, 09:02 PM
Post #50


BUSTie
**
Posts: 33


thanks bella. smile.gif
unfortunately, he's using, self-isolating and sleeping a lot right now. his girlfriend thinks he's depressed. i'm just so sad for him, and scared. i can't imagine what a shitty dark place he's in right now; i know he feels ashamed and horrible, but i can't fix it or take it away. i wrote him an email just letting him know that i love him, because what else can i do?

i mean, do we intervene again? at what point do we decide to do that? the depression and self-isolating thing really scares me, and i feel that familiar urge to dig out my superwoman cape and try to save the day (hello co-dependency)... but what if he really needs help? it's so difficult to separate co-dependency from helping, and i've always felt this need to protect him.

ugh. this sucks. i just want my brother to be ok.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
bella coola
post Oct 21 2006, 02:19 PM
Post #51


BUSTie
**
Posts: 46


Sorry to hear about that, wasabi. Maybe if we give enough love to our loved ones that are hurting, enough will soak in that they will begin to love themselves too. It's too bad when people lay blame... it doesn't matter who's fault it is, the only person that can keep a person clean is their own self! He's lucky to have a sister that cares, and it sounds like your husband is very supportive too. That's good - hope you lean on him as much as you need to!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
agent_wasabi
post Oct 11 2006, 03:42 PM
Post #52


BUSTie
**
Posts: 33


QUOTE(bella coola @ Sep 29 2006, 09:22 PM) *

God I hope that she realizes that she can win it, and that she doesn't have to fight it alone.


hi everyone. i hope you're all doing well and taking good care of yourselves. bella, your quote above really resonates with me right now; when i was home last weekend for [canadian] thanksgiving, i found out that my brother has relapsed. his partner, my husband and i tried talking to him about it on sunday night, but he got very defensive, angry, and lied about everything. he has since admitted the relapse to his girlfriend, but he's blaming everyone else and not taking any responsibility.

i feel so angry that he lied to me, but at the same time i need to remember that the addiction has a very srong grip on him right now, so he'll do anything to protect it. i guess i'm having a hard time understanding why he would choose this after being clean for the past six months. i know that in many ways it's not really a choice, because ultimately he is sick with a disease that's stronger than he is, but at some point he did make the choice to skip a meeting, slack off on his aftercare, give in to a trigger, and start the cycle all over again. why didn't he catch himself in time? why didn't he want to?

i guess there aren't really answers for these questions, and knowing the answers wouldn't change much anyway, but this is the stuff that goes through my head...

i went to an al-anon meeting last night and the support was good, but the topic was step 10 and i just feel like i'm so far away from step 10 right now. i need to go back to step 1, and i hope my brother chooses to do the same.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
bella coola
post Sep 29 2006, 10:05 PM
Post #53


BUSTie
**
Posts: 46


First of all I'd like to bless all of you. Not with any sort of religious connotation, just to try and send some comfort and improvement towards all of you and your situations.

My mom is an alchoholic. I guess she has been for a while now - it just took me a long time to catch on. My family has a long history of alchoholism, and repressing emotions. Imagine that unsure.gif When my mom was 15, her best friend was raped and murdered; 16 her brother died as the result of a car accident, and at 18 she lost her mother. Ever since she's been hanging on to her father and sister for dear life - unfourtunately they're on pedestles and her sister has just come crashing down. On top of Mom, it seems. She's got a lot shoved down there. I just wish that she valued herself enough to be able to make herself happy. As you all know too well, it hurts so much to see your loved ones constantly hurting themselves. It's so hard because we're really close, but I can't stand to be around when she's drinking. It's her battle.. God I hope that she realizes that she can win it, and that she doesn't have to fight it alone. I'm becoming more and more spiritual, so I think that will help me cope with that ugly helpless feeling. I want to just accept her, and love her for ALL that she is; even the things that I wish were different. And I can always ask the 'higher-ups' to help. It's good to see Al-anon mentioned repeatedly, I'll have to check that out. Man you ladies have got some tough stories... lots of big hugs! Lots and lots.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
maddy29
post Sep 5 2006, 01:41 PM
Post #54


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 934
From: Boston, MA


hey all- my ex-best friend is an alcoholic and addict. i struggled for a long time trying to "help" her. The best thing I ever did was go to one Al-Anon meeting. It was amazing. I mean, it was awkward and uncomfortable and I felt weird, but I got a reallllly clear message.

Which is-I can't change my friend. I can't do it for her. I can't take care of her. I can go to meetings with her when she asks, but I'm not putting up with any of her bullshit. I feel like I really separated emotionally from her after that meeting. I realized how exhausted I was dealing with her chaotic life. Once I stopped trying to help her or take care of her, I felt a lot better.

I know that sounds harsh, but the truth is- you can't stop an addict. They'll do what they want, until they are ready to face whatever they can't face. THat doesn't mean we shouldn't be supportive or show concern, or confront them or whatever. But we can't do it for them, and honestly they'll just drag you right down with them.

My friendship of 10 years ended, on new year's eve 2 y ears ago. she had almost a year of sobriety and was doing so well and then she went home for a week to her parents and she relapsed. came back and just started partying again. so, on new year's, she wanted to drink and smoke weed with me. i said no, you can't come over. she said "then our friendship is over." i said ok. and hung up. A few months later, she emails me saying- well, i'm not in recovery anymore, i'm smoking weed, and i miss you. wanna hang out and smoke weed? since my sobriety isn't an issue anymore. i was like wtf? but that's truly how clueless she is. I'm sooo happy not to be around her anymore. She was toxic. I'm sad, because she was my good friend for a long time.

now i'm trying to deal with my own weed obsession and damn is it hard and scary. scary scary scary!!!! it's always been my fall back, my comfort, my way to cope with stuff. being sober for too long just makes me nervous.....

actually, is there an addiction thread for us busties who have them?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
flowerring
post Aug 25 2006, 08:50 PM
Post #55


Newbie
*
Posts: 1


I'm so glad I found this thread, it's refreshing to hear others stories about people they love hurting themselves with addiction.
I'm concerned with Mel - didn't see her type back after her initial post - I hope she's ok. My advice for Mel...be careful. If alcoholism runs in your family - not saying everyone that comes from alcoholics becomes ONE it's just a small wire we walk on.

((SillyGirl)) You'll be FINE! Just breathe! and make a list of why it's better that your boyfriend is NOT a part of your life. The draining affects of users on those that are sober is exhausting, he’s the only one that can make himself sober.
As the story is being told in this thread...YOU can not believe how relieved I am to find this. If anything but to vent.

My story is long so I'll give the short version... I was raised by an alcoholic mother (I have an older bro & sis-both who have drinking problems) I've avoided the problem thus far. My mother is sober and has been for 20 years, she unfortunately traded one addiction for an asshole stepfather - (ohh can I curse on this?) anyhoo, she is now divorcing that butthead he starting her life again. So, short version...I left and moved away 2000 miles away...6 years later I move back (to be closer to family - after somewhat dealing with my demons) My father I forgot to mention who my mother divorced @ when I was the age of 1year old, is an alcoholic. He was found in his home 2 weeks ago laying in his own spoils (no description necessary) after suffering from a grand mal seizure. His a vet, takes meds for his seizures, & alchoholic assumption is a no no. Yet he does. That's what alcoholics do. They drink, and maybe drink themselves to death. My father is 61 years old. His in the hospital and will need 24 hour care for the rest of his life. I 'm "home" for 3 months and slapped with a reality check I haven't had for 6 years. (Running away from the problem I guess) - Now what? What does one do when their father is the child? You can't give up on him can you? AT least now maybe he’ll get sober.
I just don't know.... all I know is I’m not giving up on him. He may have given up on himself a long time ago but I just can’t.
The weird thing is…is I’m tired yes, the last 2 weeks have been loooonnng. Cleaning, Caring, and Calling. I feel empty inside, like this whole thing is … empty. That’s all I feel.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
olhakadirf
post Aug 25 2006, 04:37 PM
Post #56


BUSTie
**
Posts: 79
From: southwest 'burbs of chicago


my brother is a meth addict, and he dissappears for a year here and a year there, well now he has been gone for over 15 months and I can't help but worry, although he always seems to be "ok" he has lost his house, and last I talked to him he had his 2 kids, the ex-wife was dealing with her new husband having cancer, so a few days after I talked to him his phone was disconnected and I really don't know if it is worth it emotionally for me to try to hunt him down again, does anyone else have the disappearing addict issue? any advice, I do have another brother who is a recovered cocaine addict and sometimes he knows where the other brother is but he rarely returns my phone calls so I'm not sure what to do.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
karianne
post Aug 24 2006, 08:07 AM
Post #57


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 913


((sillygirl))

I hope your ex recovers.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
sillygrrl13
post Aug 16 2006, 07:25 PM
Post #58


BUSTie
**
Posts: 51
From: Florida


Ok, here's how THIS is.
In Oct., I broke up with the only guy that understands me, that I'd been with for 17 years. He's THE shit..and he's a gambling addict, drinks like a fish & smokes 2 packs a day (& is SO diabetic, he takes a shot a gazillion times a day.) I did everything I could financially, emotionally, & however to help him through it, but in the end, he bottomed out anyway. Wicked thing about it, when we met, (through another ex, who never met a drug he didn't like), I had my own addiction & dontcha know, he got me through it, easy as pie. I was ready to give it up, hated that I wanted it so bad, N.A. didn't work, he just came right in & gave me a new choice. Oh, how I tried to help him, but I couldn't. He's everything I want, but his shit will always come first. He knows he has a problem, but it's runnning him down. What a freaking waste. I know it's up to him to fix it, but that doesn't make me miss him any less.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
karianne
post Aug 2 2006, 11:00 AM
Post #59


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 913


cstars, that is a tough situation. I think you are on the right track in trying to figure out how you can deal with it, not how you can make her stop. Perhaps you should go to NA meetings alone if she is not interested? It is especially hard when things you do (not calling her back, etc) seem to make her use more. It's not your fault though. She won't get better until she can admit she has a problem & wants to actively work to overcome the addiction. Sadly.

I know you don't want to abandon her, but how much longer do you guys plan on living together? It is very difficult to live with someone who has an active addiction. Especially if you have problems of your own that may become exacerbated by the other person's addiction & behavior. As far as not enabling, I would suggest simply not being around her when she uses. Does she typically use at home? Can you leave the house at these times? I think it is also important to tell her WHY you are leaving. It is not your responsibility to try to stop her, but you can remove yourself from the situation.

Good luck.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
cstars124
post Aug 1 2006, 11:46 AM
Post #60


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 179
From: Providence


I have a question for everyone.

My roommate (and also close friend for over ten years) has always had an addictive personality. Anything she does, she does in excess. She's also been battling depression for as long as I've known her and she's been on and off antidepressants for a few years and she recently stopped taking her medication. I think she's developing an addiction to pain medication and alcohol. One of her realtives is prescribed vicodin and has no problems whatsoever selling them to my friend (her cousin) full scripts at a time. I'm not really big into drugs or alcohol and she knows this, but she would usually confide in me on the drugs she's taken but she recently started lying to me about it. And I've tried to distance myself and bring the fact that she has a problem to her attention, but she denies that her drug use is anything but recreational. And when I don't talk to her for a while or ignore her phone calls, she gets upset and depressed and binges more. And when she's in a fairly decent mood and I ask her to recognize that she has a problem, she's able to admit that it's definitely not helping her in the long run, and she tells me she'll clean up. But I feel like I can't trust her and short of looking through her stuff, there's no way for me to really tell that she's being honest with me.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. On one hand, I WANT to help her. I would even go to NA meetings with her and I told her that, but she denies she has a problem. On the other hand, I don't want to be around her, because as much as I care about her, I don't want to bring myself down either. I've had problems with depression in the past as well, and I don't want to jeapordize my mental health trying to help someone who totally refuses to be helped.

So, my question for everyone is: a) how do I deal with this situation? It's hard for me to distance myself from my roommate. I live with her, ya know? cool.gif How is she even supposed to get better when she's literally surrounded by negative influnences including her family? and c) how can i not enable her in this negative behavior? I feel like I'm encourgaing her when she does these things in front of me and I don't do anything to stop her.

I'm sorry for the long post. I just have no clue what to do...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

4 Pages V  < 1 2 3 4 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: October 25, 2014 - 12:28 PM