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> Frustrated Singles
sinfullysmitten
post Jan 7 2007, 12:28 AM
Post #761


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Posts: 19


For some, being called a slut is offensive. For others, calling someone a slut is disrespectful. But for me to call myself a slut, is, well, true.

You know the tattoo that Jenna Jameson has on her a$$ - "Heartbreaker" - that was me. Not sure if I broke any hearts per se, but I did all the breaking up in the relationships I had been in last year. Problem was, I really liked - even fell in love - with the guys I ended things with [and in 2006, I basically lost count]. I have this weird "break up with them before they can break up with you" disease, and you know what, I think it actually hurt me more after I broke up with them, b/c I second-guessed myself. I "ruined" a few good relationships. But perhaps I should look at it like this - I ran b/c I realized something was "wrong" - [or was it?]....

I am in a rather complicated relationship right now. He's my ex from last June. We were *this close* to moving in together and getting married. Long story short, we didn't. More recently, we just hang out as friends. Ok, "friends." Well, sometimes "friends." Not always. But anyway, last month he asked me if in the future [in a few months] if I would consider getting back together with him b/c he thinks we have great potential. In the meantime, I'm in love with this guy, silently waiting in the wings for him to realize what he's missing out on. Will he realize? Should I even care? Why do we women torture ourselves like this!?!


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What fresh hell is this!?! - dorothy parker
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mouse
post Jan 6 2007, 11:18 PM
Post #762


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


it's come to my attention that the reason i never have "hookups" is because it's really fuckin' hard for me to step it up unless i have a fullblown, could-be-love-if-we-give-it-a-chance crush on someone. i guess some people could see this as a good thing, but my relationships are few and far between and being celibate for three years just cos you don't find anyone you're in love with totally sucks. basically, i want to learn how to be a slut.

i've had a lot of situations this past year where i've found myself in bed with someone i'm attracted to, but nothing happens. we just end up.....sleeping. i'm thinking of two in particular, where the other person was a friend, which made things slightly weird, but i also was pretty sure that they found me attractive as well. but when it's needed for me to be just a little more flirty, or whatever, i shut down because i start thinking of how i don't like whoever it is enough to date them, how the friendship might turn weird, or what my friends would say if they found out that i'd hooked up with whoever. and then i don't get laid, again. and then i kick myself later on for it.

like the last situation i wrote about in here, when i met that boy but i wasn't sure if i really liked him becuase he seemed really timid. i could've had him if i'd been more direct, but inside my head i was all "oh, he's too nervous, what will my friends say, how will i feel after, i don't want to date him" and thus didn't. but i'd rather regret taking the chance than regret not taking it, i guess. i just can never think that way in the moment.

i also don't want to be seen as a tease or an asshole if i want it to be just a hookup.

like i said, i suppose these could be seen as good things, but i'd like to not feel so repressed and cautious.

sorry for the long post.


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jam out with your clam out
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erinjane
post Jan 1 2007, 08:50 PM
Post #763


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


So I've been single for 3 months now and I'm starting to get that "i want to date" feeling. It's kind of refreshing after feeling so depressed for so long, but I bet I'll be bitching in here in another few weeks. tongue.gif

Where's that "taking up the whole damn bed" thread?


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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stargazer
post Jan 1 2007, 07:47 PM
Post #764


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


mouse...next time be more direct. don't be so coy. if he doesn't get the hint, move on. but, you never know...


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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mouse
post Dec 31 2006, 02:32 PM
Post #765


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


coming in here to rant, appropriate for new years eve i suppose!

i talked to this totally adorable boy at a dance club last night, which for me is a really really rare thing. i had been eyeing him all night and it looked like he was there by himself as he was just wandering around not talking to anyone. i finally smiled at him and he immediately said "so what's your name?" as if we had been talking for a while before, which was a little weird but i was just happy he finally noticed me checking him out. we talked a little bit and he seemed really nervous and kind of confused; he was from the o.c. and i made a crack about the show and i think it just confused him when it was supposed to make him either laugh or roll his eyes. but anyway, he was still adorable, but he seemed totally awkward and i told him my friends and i were heading to another bar a few blocks over but he didn't seem to get the hint and he was so timid i didn't want to put any effort into closing the deal. i too am spoiled because my last boyfriend was one of those rare nice guys/crazy in bed types and i just didn't see this guy having the confidence to really make fucking him enjoyable. not that we were anywhere near that point yet but it just seemed like, why bother if i know it's not gonna be good if we ever do get there? i guess i feel like if a dude isn't going to make a move to GET me in bed, he's probably not going to be that enthusiastic once we're there. anyway, he was too shy to close the deal and i was too indecisive and i ended up leaving without really even saying goodbye to him.

now i am completely kicking myself because it's not often (in fact it's almost never) that the guy i have my eye on ends up talking to me, and i should've given him a chance.

on the other hand, maybe this is my new year's lesson to step it up when i have the chance, and maybe i'll run into this guy again. i always flirt better when i have some point of reference to base a connection on.

*sigh*

end rant.


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jam out with your clam out
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Tan Princess
post Dec 10 2006, 04:03 PM
Post #766


BUSTie
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Posts: 10


QUOTE(greenbean @ Sep 14 2006, 02:52 PM) *

Katie, I'm with you: my most carnal experiences were when I was quick to hop in the sack. I think I have a weakness for Alpha males, the kind of guys that the nice boys whince at cuz its so easy for them to get laid.....but then whenever I snag an Alpha it backfires on me cuz I always want to keep them around, and theyre like, "Um, I cant be tied down, blah blah blah".

I guess I need a guy who can be sweet and loving and respectful outside of bed, but have the intuition (or knowledge, I guess I just need to be blunt) that I need to be manhandled and maybe a bit 'disrespected' when taken to bed. I suppose I need to give the nice boys a chance, and hope that I can unleash the 'bad boy' under the surface...


Just reading this thread despite being coupled but these guys definitely do exist because my boyfriend is one.
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sassygrrl
post Dec 9 2006, 05:30 PM
Post #767


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Got into a huge fight with Mcgeek over the fact that he wants to spend the weekend with his friends, and didn't tell me. So, I went shopping with a friend of mine. He still wanted to see me, so he called. But, by this time, I was in a shitty mood. For one thing, his friends don't seem to like me. I really didn't want to hang out with people that don't like me.


He's just being an arse about everything lately: job, ex wife, divorce. He's been a snit for the last two weeks. And, the more I ask about it, the more he pulls away.

We're supposed to be going away for Christmas. However, I'm not sure that will happen. I hope I still have a boyfriend at Christmas.

Really thinking of just going back to crushing on people. It was less of a let down when people start showing their true colors.
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anna k
post Nov 28 2006, 04:23 PM
Post #768


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


A few nights ago I heard a girl having sex a few rooms away from me. She made really loud noises, it almost sounded exagerrated. I ha wondered what was being done to her to elicit those loud noises. Her voice sounded annoying, like the dramatic "omigod" type.

Sometimes I hate being single and other times I don't like the dating process or the lack of spontaneity. I tried doing new things to meet people that shared my interests (joining groups on meetup.com), but the guys who I met were unattractive or seemed like junior-high nerds. I'd love to have intimacy, but I get uncomfortable with kissing if I'm not fully into it or feeling like I have to push myself to be more physically comfortable (even hand-holding or leaning against a guy's arm is strange and unfamiliar to me). I'd love to be one of those quirky and unique girls who finds a boy who's a little pretentious but quirky and cute like her. Like Zooey Deschanel and Jason Schwartzmann, or Winona Ryder and Johnny Depp. I'm just too busy with figuring out my career and life to uphold dates with guys I meet online. In NYC everyone moves so fast and I don't get a chance to know people well. I'd love to have close friends who I meet guys through, or be an actress or singer and hook up with people in the industry. It would be a safety net and more comfortable than finding guys through online dating services.
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rocketslide
post Nov 8 2006, 08:05 PM
Post #769


Newbie
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Posts: 7
From: Chicago


Momo, you've totally hit on my problem. I've cleaned some old relationships out of my life recently. This is definately for the best, but it means my social circle is a lot smaller. I definately think that the best way for me to meet people is through other people. And I love the idea of looking hot whenever I leave the house. What a good excuse to buy some new shoes!
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nickclick
post Nov 7 2006, 08:09 AM
Post #770


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


i agree, you gotta go out. more rare than meeting a date at starbucks is meeting a date while lying on the couch! unless your cat knows a hottie or two....
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momo
post Nov 6 2006, 01:34 PM
Post #771


BUSTie
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Posts: 30
From: Washington, DC


Hey rocketslide, I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I think I'm ready to move on from the dude I've been having a flirtation with for months.

I always think about the meeting-people game as an issue of expanding circles. When I moved to the city I live in 2 years ago, I couldn't imagine how I would ever make friends. I'm an introvert and pretty shy. But lately I'm realizing that I have a whole slew of good people in my life, and a bunch of the people I've met in the past few years have turned into dates.

So anyway. I think you do something that helps you meet a new circle of people. Then, if you get closer to one or two of those people, they can introduce you to a new circle, either of their friends, or some other activity that they do, and so on and so on. Ways I've gotten into new circles lately: joining a soccer team, taking an art class, running into someone from college, chitchatting with a vendor at a craft fair, going to a business association meeting, seeing the same people around at rock shows. I wasn't doing any of these things necessarily to meet people, just to occupy myself while I didn't know anyone, so there wasn't too much pressure, and I had at least one thing in common with people already.

I think the other important piece for me was being open to things going forward with the random people I met, whether as friends or dates. It still feels risky to me to try to move beyond the circle where I know someone (like ask a buddy from the business association to grab a beer sometime), but I think when it comes down to it, most people are happy to have a new friend/hot person in their life, and will go along with it easily.

The other thing I've been doing lately is just making a point to dress in a way that makes me feel hot/fun every time I leave the house, so that just in case I have one of those tv moments, I'll be confident enough to say yes to the dinner invite! I think people notice in real life even if they don't offer an instant date.
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rocketslide
post Nov 5 2006, 09:43 PM
Post #772


Newbie
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Posts: 7
From: Chicago


A fellow frustrated single jumping in here. Anyone else spend the weekend on the couch with their cats? I love how easy it looks on TV; you're in line for coffee, and a totally hot guy starts chatting you up, and then you're having dinner. I'm shocked that TV has misrepresented this. How do you single ladies meet gents, or other ladies if that's your thing?


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sassygrrl
post Nov 5 2006, 04:02 PM
Post #773


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Found out the puppy was sick. Hence, not the calling last week.

Debating on whether I should dump him or not. These little jibs are getting to me, yet they always start with "No offense, but...." I wish he just would be less criticial. I do not think he has the best house, best cook, best lover, etc. But, I'm not going to sit there and be like, "You know, that dinner sucked." Or, "Where did you learn to fuck?" Granted, he hasn't said these things to me yet, but just some insults here and there are really getting to me.

Mainly the jab at my health this morning, and the whole hospital thing. Hello, that was completely out of my control. Read: fucked up reaction to the med I was on. And, we've been over this. He was there!

The sex has gone from fairly decent to holy hell, that was it? I should have packed my vibe last night. Granted we didn't have sex until this morning. And it was tepid at best.

Grr...

There is a huge part of me that just wants to fucking leave. Leave Atlanta, leave my fucked up job, Mcgeek, and just move out west. I know this is not the most rational of answers right now. But, it's just tempting. And, I've always been an extremely impulsive person. smile.gif



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sassygrrl
post Nov 1 2006, 05:21 PM
Post #774


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Breathing in.
Breating out.

Still miffed a little that he hasn't called, but maybe he's just be uber-busy.
And I will NOT call him.

Just going to chill tonight.






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stargazer
post Nov 1 2006, 05:08 PM
Post #775


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


yeah, and i'm telling you sassygrrl...

chill out...breathe...


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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sassygrrl
post Nov 1 2006, 04:40 PM
Post #776


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Yeah, we haven't even hit the two month stage (not that I'm counting..ahem).
So, I keep having these frantic moments, and calling my closest friends, and they tell me just to chill the fuck out. Heh.

Thanks for all the support. smile.gif

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katiebelle2882
post Nov 1 2006, 12:48 PM
Post #777


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


i totally understand the frantic "is it me" moments in the beginning of relationships (esp with someone you like so so much!)

but its not you, and he gave you a kiss and said WOW. thats awesome! the one cool thing about men is that when they say something, they generally mean exactly what they say (or do). which in this case would be WOW:)

and i would say spooning does mean alot more bc hes doing it at a time when he doesnt technically "need" to or be "expected" to ya know?

take it for what it is, i think this guy likes you alot from what you tell all of us.


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“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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sassygrrl
post Nov 1 2006, 05:15 AM
Post #778


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Thanks katiebelle! I think I needed your advice. And spooning I think means a lot more than cuddling right?

We're just so new that I started thinking that maybe it was something I did. Although after sex the other day, he kissed me afterwards, and just said "Wow." I take this as a very good sign. smile.gif
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katiebelle2882
post Oct 31 2006, 01:00 PM
Post #779


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


alot of guys dont cuddle sassygirl. really, its exactly what most of them say it is, they need time to come down after such a release. i can assure you its most likely not personal:)

i dont like to cuddle after sex either-all sweaty and gross yuck. i just want to be left alone. the real thing you should look at is that he spoons with you during the night, which should mean more bc its totally unconscious and shows he does want to be close to you.


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“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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sassygrrl
post Oct 30 2006, 07:31 PM
Post #780


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


I agree with you annak. Totally. Although, this weekend I had both of those types of sex on different days. There's an intense attraction with McGeek, and I'm hoping to hell that I'm not his "transitional person while I'm going thru my messy divorce" girl. I have bad visions that he may dump me after Dec 12th (in that case it would be Dec 13).

Still weirded out by the fact that he doesn't cuddle afterwards. But, he does spoon me during the night. I guess that works too.

Can we say that I'm super over-analyzing??

Damnit. I so want my own apartment. sad.gif

I also fear that I may be opening up too much to Mcgeek, and freaking him out. Ergh.
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