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> BustSecret: Ordinary Confessions from Extraordinary Busties
pepper
post Sep 15 2006, 09:33 AM
Post #4681







thanks for taking the time to write all of that out for me. i'm going to copy it and save it to read it again later on. after i eat something, ha ha.
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wombat
post Sep 15 2006, 07:29 AM
Post #4682


Dragon Velocity
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Posts: 1,044
From: Rattland


pepper:

I want to support you in your struggle against the family legacy and just say that you have less than half of a chance -- a lot less than half, pretty much -- of being crazy yourself, but to deal with the aftermath -- extreme, sudden hits on both the financial and emotional security -- can be very difficult.

Believe in your health and lovability, and, as they say to the recovering alcoholics, HALT. that stands for: don't ever let yourself get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely or too Tired.

Good advice for everybody -- most people's flopping into bad behaviors of one kind or another come from inadvertently letting one of those states build up too much.

I think anxiety is your actual problem - the alcohol will make you relax at first but insomniac later. Also, all the sugar in alcohol will make you feel more anxious, if you don't eat food. Give yourself some quick protein that's comforting -- protein plus carbohydrates will calm you emotionallly and also keep you from getting rattled by the sugar in the alcohol. Something easy to make. Grilled cheese sandwiches. So healty, so comforting. Also, eat bananas for the potassium. Takes a second to grab and is really good at calming people. Eat about 8 almonds, or peanut butter. Same deal. These are all calming on both the physical and mental level.

Going bananas? Going nuts? Eat bananas. Eat nuts. These folk expressions must have come from folk wisdom originally.

Also, I think that when there are severe problem members of the family, all the family's attention and support and money etc goes to the weakest members. The strong ones are left alone and even pillaged for their own needed resources until they can barely stand. It's great to have compassion for the less fortunate, but be aware that you deserve to have compassion as well and to deserve your fortune. You can't just go without, go without, but what about blah blah who is so sad, all the time.

You need to have people that are all for your success and security and will help you achieve it.

I mean, in worse case scenario, you end up being taken advantage of messed up people for your whole lifetime. And often they develop scams and feel entirely justified, or that they just can't get along any other way. The world owes them and has unfairly denied them because it's just being mean just for the hell of it, according to them.

Also, any money and time and good things you give them will make them stand up for awhile, and then ... it'll get thrown down the sewer.

You might in fact get a pessimistic world view from this.

It might be time to step back from them and get help for your self.

Hang in there.


--------------------
Lion-hearted
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freckleface2727
post Sep 15 2006, 06:37 AM
Post #4683


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 937
From: east coast


doodle, I am so sorry.
you know I am just getting into community based volunteer work at the Rape Crisis Center, and one of the first things I noticed is that it's a program of the United Way.
I am utterly CLUELESS when it comes to anything financial, but maybe I should pay attention to this sort of stuff so I can be extra vigilant?
again, so. very. sorry sad.gif.

pepper: I will echo what doodle said about giving directly to the source of need.
when we lived in Panama, the # of street people (not homeless per say either) was just off the charts.
we gave (often when we coudln't afford to) pretty much every time we left our apt in the capital, but the most heartbreaking was the young girl prostitute, she looked younger than my girl does now 12 yrs ago.
I wanted to adopt her (wethere that was an option or not.) she was supporting her entire family.
my biggest regret is that I myself was too young and inexperienced and AFRAID to get involved.
what shame! that little girl's soul will forever haunt me.


confession: I am secretly dissappointed that I was not diagnosed w/ the heart condition that runs in my family. yes it's Good that I don't have it, but the Dr still didn't have any viable explanations for the pains I have as she said my heart sounded strong and healthy, so could not think of any tests to recommend having done as she doesn't know what they'd be looking for anyway.
I also confess that it is highly unlikely that I will ever take any of the pills she gave me for the next time I have an attack, bc I am so anti-drugs in my system and most things chemi-related make me very very sick.

confession: I am horribly, embarrassingly awful w/ money and have been pretending to understand all the things the financial planner has been saying at our appointments low these past many weeks now.
the shit's going to hit the fan the next time my mr leaves again bc I won't even know how to pay our bills.

yuefie: as a mom of a tween ( who looks 15) girl, your relationship w/ your niece is wonderful.
my girl & I are still pretty close, but A) I work hard at it, sometimes much less successfully than I wish, and B ) the direct mother-daughter dynamic is complicated and I fully and completely appreciate my female friends who take an interest and make themselves accessible to my girl.
I know there are going to be times that coming to me is just not an option, no matter how cool *I* think I am, and I'd rather her go to someone I trust. I try, w/out being pushy about it, to be that person for frecklette's friends too.
I also love that you recognize the fragility of such a trust that your niece has granted you.
all I can think of that sums it up yuefie is you're a beautiful person. thankyou.


--------------------
I am a *spark* in this world; get lit.
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bunnyb
post Sep 15 2006, 05:48 AM
Post #4684


The artist now known as I don't give a shit.
***
Posts: 4,053


(((doodlebug)))

I had to look up Tom Petty, Wayne Coyne and Anne Richards (all mentioned over last day on BUST)

I'm not on a scheduled break so I should not be BUSTing

I prefer reading Bitch to BUST




--------------------
"Hey, did anyone ever think Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, maybe she was just cold? " (Lorelai Gilmore)
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mornington
post Sep 15 2006, 03:04 AM
Post #4685


now running on biodiesel and sacrificial blood
***
Posts: 2,227
From: the little house on the hill


((((doodle)))) I'm late saying this, but damn. That blows, and I'm really sorry.

I'm paying rent I can't afford just so I can have a dog. I already have a rabbit and getting a dog is the most selfish thing I could do, really, but I'm determined to try my hardest to look after both my babies as well as I can.

I'm scared the dog will chase my bunny and I'll have to give him up.

I'm even more scared he'll catch him.

There's something in the air. I woke up grumpy again even though I should be happy.
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pepper
post Sep 15 2006, 01:28 AM
Post #4686







ouch again.
the centre here paid off their mortgage (or nearly all of it) in the last couple of years out of a very large private donation. it is incredible that there is so much community support here. they've been around forever and there are just SO Many mama's here (tons of women in general) that it would be tragic to have them close. i can't imagine what you are going through there.
who's running this joint eh doodle? it sure as hell ain't you and me.
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doodlebug
post Sep 15 2006, 01:19 AM
Post #4687


I know it's only rock 'n' roll. But I like it.
***
Posts: 7,808
From: a riverbank in BC, Canada


Yeah, your Centre is lucky to own it's building outright. I think they were also lucky to get charitable tax status before they changed the rules, because they're an older Centre...we don't have it, so we find it nearly impossible to fundraise. We're holding off with the actions till we've developed a media plan...I'll let you know.....


--------------------
Check out my band's new demo online! You can DL my original....and please fan up if ya like it!
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pepper
post Sep 15 2006, 12:46 AM
Post #4688







oh, ouchy doodle. throwing them in. horrid.
who is it, btw? let's get 'em!

i am amazed at the tenacity of the women's center here. they are still kickin' through fund raisers and private donations LONG after they should have bit the bullet. so very sorry about your space girl, i know what good work you do there and it is a tragedy. i'm steeling myself to hear more of the same and wondering what i can do to prevent it. is there something doodle? what can i do? i write letters and sign every petition that comes my way. and vote, of course.
i am sorting out my craft cupboard and have plans to make a community quilt for the next fund raiser. i'm calling out to all the crafty people i know to donate a positive imaged square to the cause and we'll have a local quilter do the finishing work. i know that we will raise such a pitance no matter how much money we actually come away with but at least we'll keep the word circulating and give people an opportunity to contribute to keeping something amazing alive in the community. i'm trying to focus on the positive as much as possible so i don't go crazy.

i confess that i am still awake and not the least bit sleepy. there is nothing else to look at on the internet, i'm too unmotivated to do anymore housework, i'm going to go lay down and look at the ceiling. ugh.
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doodlebug
post Sep 15 2006, 12:28 AM
Post #4689


I know it's only rock 'n' roll. But I like it.
***
Posts: 7,808
From: a riverbank in BC, Canada


I brought home all my personal possessions from the centre today, including ones I had originally planned to leave until we officially closed, like art and furniture. Fuck it. It's the only way I can let it go.

pepper, I don't sponsor a child because I know 3/4 of the money that's donated through those child-sponsorship organizations (i.e., World Vision) goes into overhead costs. Also because I would rather give my money to poverty relief and anti-poverty activism here at home. I'm not denying the need of the poor in the so-called "third world," but there is also much poverty here at home that goes un-noticed, and nobody is sponsoring, or giving a rat's ass about, the 12-year old homeless girl who's prostituting on my street. I also prefer that my money go towards activist groups that engage in social justice work (which are chronically under-funded, as I can personally attest to), so that we can achieve the kind of legislative and policy changes the poor really need. There is an old story, often told in social work classrooms, about all these different people trying to rescue children who keep floating by in the river, drowning, until finally someone goes upriver to see how they are falling in...


--------------------
Check out my band's new demo online! You can DL my original....and please fan up if ya like it!
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yuefie
post Sep 15 2006, 12:27 AM
Post #4690


Lip Balm Aficionado
***
Posts: 1,232
From: East of Sunny San Diego


I confess that I am completely honored that my teenage niece allows me to be such a part of her world. so that at least we still know what is going on more than a lot of adults do.

When I sign in to MySpace and see her bulletins of surveys and new pictures it takes everything in me not to pass out at what an intelligent, gorgeous and um, HOT young woman she's become.

The fact that she sends me messages to just to squee because some boy actually new her by name fills me relief because I know what kind of trouble I was in already at her age. And also because she seems to have a strong sense of how she should be treated respectfully and is not willing to settle for less.

I know it is a thin line to tread and sort of feel bad for her mom that it's the "end of the world" if she wants to be involved, but that I get carte blanche.

I am so afraid of somehow screwing up the bridge of trust between us. But I do think she feels like she could tell me anything and if she were in trouble that I would help her break it to her mom, not help her to get out of it. We even had a conversation about that, she mentioned being glad having an adult she can talk to like a girlfriend. Call me naive, but I do believe she would confide in me and for that I cannot express how thankful I feel.



--------------------
~I'm so tired of being tired
As sure as night will follow day
Most things I worry about
Never happen anyway~
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pepper
post Sep 14 2006, 11:46 PM
Post #4691







i sorted out the laundry that needed doing this morning, pulled the sheets off my bed and everything and yet... it's late and the whole basket is still sitting in my hallway unattended to. and so... i will be crawling into bed with my five year old tonight instead of the other way around. i laugh when i think of how he will react when he wakes to come into my room only to find me in his, ha, i really am LOL right now.

i'm such an insomniac these days (among other things) but am terrified of the small blue pills i've been perscribed because they are "knock out" pills according to the pharmacist (who i grill before actually taking anything because i know she'll tell me stuff the doc won't and i'm a paranoid health freak). so i'm self medicating with The Grape instead. i don't know if it's making me sleepy but it sure is making me typo. yikes. so many corrections!

i have lost all interest in eating. sad because i'm actually a bit of a foody. i just ignore ignore ignore any sensation of hunger until my body is Screaming for Something Right Now!! (i stopped typing in the middle of this to make emergency guacamole. throw avo into bowl, throw unmeasured spices at avo, squeeze lemon over top, smash with fork, eat with whatever is nearby. still kinda foody actually). i wait until i am painfully hungry. ouch, it feels not so nice. i have fasted but it's so different to consciously go without food, this is something else. i know i'm not coming anywhere near to being actually hungry like a lot of the world population gets due to real lack of food but it's an inkling and i do. not. like. it. i think it is time to sponsor a child in a third world country. i can't believe people endure this simple physical hunger every hour of every day when i am letting food rot away in my fridge. ugh.

does everybody here sponsor a child somewhere else? if not would you think about it? we have so much, they have so little. i confess that i suffer guilt about that and question the inherent intellegence of the universe in allowing that kind of gross imbalance. i have a friend who has sponsored two little kids into adulthood. he's a good person. i want to be like him.

i confess that i am drunk (well, drunk for me, more like tipsy. what a light weight) and so very tired and so very hungry and so very scared that i am going to stay this way forever. there is so much mental illness in my family, is this inevitable for me? i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared, i'm scared....

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sassygrrl
post Sep 14 2006, 07:35 PM
Post #4692


sassygrrl
***
Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


There must be something in the air!

That's so cool. I missed her last tour. I just bought Living in Clip, and plan on getting her new cd soon. smile.gif Seen her like three times. She puts on one hella show.
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crazyoldcatlady
post Sep 14 2006, 07:22 PM
Post #4693


the moistiest
***
Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


wow, is there something in the air??? i had HORRIBLE dreams last night. i woke up CRYING on two separate occasions b/c my dreams dealt with loved ones dying. i felt so shitty this morning/afternoon/all day, really. so it was really cool to get CLUSTERfucked at work. sorry, i'll take that to the work sucks thread smile.gif

anyhoo, sassy, i'm seeing ms. ani d in nov. she had better not cancel, but i don't know how she's gonna play the guitar 5-6 mo preggers.

i need some wine.

i suppose i should confess?
hmmm.....
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sassygrrl
post Sep 14 2006, 06:18 PM
Post #4694


sassygrrl
***
Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


I now have a god cat (my neighbors). It's so nice to have pets. I really miss them. I want a big German Shepherd. But, I'd have to have a yard for her I know.

Yeah, going to drink the Pinot tomorrow I think. Think I need some rest tonight.

Confession: Have girlie crush again on Ani Difranco.
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lilacwine13
post Sep 14 2006, 06:00 PM
Post #4695


Ambassador from the Republic of Cocktailland
***
Posts: 835
From: greater Minnesota


((((Doodle))))) I'm sorry.

I'd like to have a pet too, but that means moving to a new place and I don't have the energy, time or the money to move, so right now I play and pet other people's pets. A lady let me pet her two bull terriers on my lunch break recently and that really made my day. I wish I was kidding about that.

I miss living in a place with a visible autumn and an excuse to buy new clothes. However, I've been buying camping equipment and snowboarding gear, so it's just as well I don't buy new clothes.

Pinot Noir sounds really good (or any wine, for that matter).

I want to take a nap.


--------------------
All I know is that I don't know nothing.--Op Ivy
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sassygrrl
post Sep 14 2006, 04:41 PM
Post #4696


sassygrrl
***
Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


((doodle))

Confession: Stepping in someone's else's shit at work is horrible. And gross. And wrong.

Confession: At least I was able to take a few hours off paid.

Confession: Still shooken up by bad nightmare and very depressed about current job situation and anxious. They're already angry at me. I'm just hoping that I don't lose my job. Even though this job is crap it's a paycheck.


Confession: Need to go on Nutella run...and ice cream run.

Confession: May open up my good bottle of Pinot Noir tonight. And drink it by myself.

Confession: I am also using the changing fall weather to buy some new clothes at either the Gap or Old Navy this weekend. Yay fall!

Confession: I now want a pet. sad.gif

Confession: To get said pet, I must get a new place, and that means I must keep shit job.

Ugh.

Sorry ya'll. Didn't mean to be a thread hog here.
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faith
post Sep 14 2006, 04:12 PM
Post #4697


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 312
From: Taxation without representation


That sucks doodle. And fina, I've been in a similar situation at work, where I lost something I was supposed to keep track of it. It's the worst feeling.

I confess I slept in instead of going to Quaker meeting yesterday, after all my high aspirations on this board! Oy. Vey. Tomorrow, inshallah. heh.

I confess I have been all these health problems that might be related and the one that bother sme most is weight gain because I confess I am vain!
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doodlebug
post Sep 14 2006, 03:17 PM
Post #4698


I know it's only rock 'n' roll. But I like it.
***
Posts: 7,808
From: a riverbank in BC, Canada


I know I should feel rage that we are now in a position where we're forced to close the women's centre, but what I feel is devastation and sadness. Even though I knew in my heart this was coming, I feel sick to my stomach and I can't stop crying. And at this point, I feel like walking away rather than getting dumped with the horrible task of packing up and getting rid of everything I've fought for eleven years to save.

What I also feel is bitterness, because I risked so much and fought so hard, not just to save this centre, but to save all of them across the province. And now we will be among the first few to go. And it's so fucking unfair. But I've got no more fight left in me.


--------------------
Check out my band's new demo online! You can DL my original....and please fan up if ya like it!
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fina
post Sep 14 2006, 01:50 PM
Post #4699


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 314


I lost an article at work today. Actually I lost it several months ago but only discovered today that it should have been published in April. I'm not telling my boss either, I'm just going to quietly publish it ASAP. I don't know what the hell happened to it and feel awful.

Also, I really hate that calories in alcohol count towards one's daily total intake. Liquid calories should all be free.
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punkerplus
post Sep 14 2006, 12:11 PM
Post #4700


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 233
From: UK


ggg, i love baby everythings too. Much more so than some humans.

confession: I welled up when a person I was having a drink with stomped on a spider. I don't like things being killed for no reason. I think less of him now.

confession: I stayed up until 5.00 this morning drinking lambrini.

confession: I can't be bothered to organise stuff I need so I do other useless tasks such as clearing out my wardrobe.

confession: I am really pissed off with two friends because they spent over three hours this morning doing their hair and makeup, when I just wanted to go to town but couldn't without them. Why does it take so long?? Why does everything take so long????
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