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> BustSecret: Ordinary Confessions from Extraordinary Busties
freckleface7
post Nov 6 2009, 10:04 PM
Post #681


beachcomber
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Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


able: that is such a really good idea, and one I hadn't thought of before either.
tonight has gone from bad to worse, after trying to be downstairs w/ him to watch a funny movie.
we let the big dogs in with us & they dd nothing but constantly climb on us that had him yelling the whole time- and then he screamed at frecklette when she came down & drew their attention making them super hyper.
she wants us to go NOW. tonight. just to be away from him, but I had to explain to her that I need her to have faith in me and let me decide. that it takes time & planning and MONEY (untraceable cash which I have none of at the moment- nor knowledge of the visa pin # to get any from there either).
right this moment though, I am seriously thinking she might be right.
he's erratic & volitole & super over-reactive to small things.
I don't want to not wake up in the morning.
I think I will sleep in her room with her tonight.

I love all of you so very much~ know how I am ( & I have relayed to frecklette too) leaning on all of you.
as I hear him pacing & stomping downstairs, tonight may be the night after all.
please keep us in your thoughts.


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girltrouble
post Nov 6 2009, 09:19 PM
Post #682


new highs in personal lows daily!
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((((((freck, i just love you so very much.))))))


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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AbleDanger
post Nov 6 2009, 07:52 PM
Post #683


BUSTie
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Posts: 26


(((freck)))

your vision sounds amazing, and healing. and way to go for laying low, that's so what's needed sometimes and takes so much courage, especially in the situation you're in. i hope you realize how much strength you have to get through, because it's shining through so much.

have you ever visited the local women's shelter? sometimes it can help in just knowing what it's like there and that there is a safe place to go. i know the one here welcomes women in for coffee and a tour if they are thinking of leaving their partners (even just for a bit of respite before they go back home). it makes it less scary if the time ever comes that they do need to go there, and the workers can help with safety plans and preparations, such as making sure you have copies/originals of all your important documents like birth and marriage certificates, driver's licenses, health cards, etc. that you can leave somewhere easy to get them such as at home or with a trusted friend/family member.

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freckleface7
post Nov 6 2009, 06:21 PM
Post #684


beachcomber
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Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


you all would need to understand that after I moved from Indiana to TN & met the mr, the Army dictated where we've lived for the last 17 year - can any of you (besides wunderful rudder) imagine not having that sort of personal freedom over your own life?
the thought of being able to decide.. being The' Decider (hee georgie bush!).... awestriking.... the score and magnitude of the weight and depth of that.....
my therapist pointed out that I could make our new place ~~~any~~~ way we wanted it to be- to reflect the happy-hippy-freespirit I am. so I see crazi colors (robins egg blue- sunny yellow-pale pink-maybe an orange or a purple) on the walls.... tons of colorful paper laterns w/ long ribbon hanging from them.... beds on the floors w/out frames to them w/ oodles of throw pillows all over & around them...
probably our papa san chair.. my rockers of course, and colorful scarves as valances for the windows (bc I don't sew). and I think I'd like a set of double french door that I can put sheers on. that would be most loverly.

the mr is back, again, to crazy. I am pretty sure I've heard him talking to himself several times tonight & he went into a cleaning frenzy in the kitchen not 10 minutes after her reminded frecklette to do the dishes.
he was mutterng and stacking & frantically drying & then re-stacking & then re-drying the same cups multiple times.
finally I just stood there & looked at him & asked him What Is Wrong ??
and he went into the tirade about how he isn't going to tell me again bc it doesn't do any good bc he's the only one who does Anything in our house and I cut him off to as (sweetly) ' did something happen to you downrange?
bc you are not the same as you were before & I am Worried about you.
'
but still he denies it and went back to his previous rant. sad.gif

so frecklette & I are laying low upstairs to stay away from him, counting the hours till he leaves on Sunday. (which he won't tell me the time of).

Doodle: I listened to your Mama Says song. - I too am 38.
- how old were you at that time? were you aware that it was just as much for You as it was for Her that you left?

(((((((((((busties)))))))))



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sevenseconds
post Nov 6 2009, 04:19 PM
Post #685


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 178
From: The Present (trying so hard to stay there)


Oh darling Freck, your description of the interaction, the "jet black pools of rage", I know that man, I have spent years of my life in toxic lockdown with that man's need to overpower you. That man wants you to submit and even if you submit (which I don't think is good for Frecklette to be around), he will still find fault because he gets off chemically on the black rage of needing to make you submit further.
Unfortunatelly, these people can smell the child abuse on us from two states away and it can be years before their need for rage and our memory/submission to the abuse are re-triggered and looped together.

Yay for plans, Freck. I have no clue where you live, how can we all help?

PS: I got goosebumps at how thrilled you sound when you describe your New Free Life! I got tears in my eyes, love. *I could go AnyWhere I wanted!* That is such an amazing place to be in. I am getting high just imagining you say /think /feel that power.


((((gt))))


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Every story is a cup so empty it can be drunk from again and again. - MJH
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girltrouble
post Nov 6 2009, 04:11 PM
Post #686


new highs in personal lows daily!
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Posts: 4,307
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freck, don't apologize for the derailment, it happens in the threads when need be. you know that. do still make those plans please. thank you rosey for helping to look after freck. you are 31 flavors of awesome.

as for my friend, i got a diplomatic reply back, saying we both need to take time off, and telling me we should talk after the weekend. i suspect she is just keeping me at bay so she can use my speakers for the weekend, while she looks for some replacements for me and them, but then i have a pretty low opinion of her right now. i'm still debating just having done.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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deschatsrouge
post Nov 6 2009, 04:09 PM
Post #687


A symphony of atrocities.
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((((Freck))))


--------------------
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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freckleface7
post Nov 6 2009, 02:27 PM
Post #688


beachcomber
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Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


super short PS: he's going out of town for a few days at the end of the weekend- HURRAH!


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freckleface7
post Nov 6 2009, 02:23 PM
Post #689


beachcomber
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Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


ccg: he said ' one of these days you are going to cause me to do something STUPID !" and his eyes were jet black pools of rage. there was no misunderstanding the tone of his voice nor his body language.
as for where we'd go- yes, I have some ideas- multiple actually, all designed to cover our tracks I hope.
making phone calls to friends he might call to find us today was very,Very hard, but I want them to know if it comes to that, we're not missing & are safe.
rv is that person here too- I will try to call her & she will relay to all of you what's going on.
(thanks again much rv)

gt: his take on the Hood shooting was racial & ugly, based on the gunman's ethnic name.
I'm still hopeful enough to feel completely Opposite of that- bc crazy trash comes in every color & ethnicity under the rainbow.
me? I don't really know what to think. I've thought about going to the base hospital to donate blood for the wounded if they need it.. and my heart cries along with and for all the family's at that post.

I saw my therapist this afternoon & she wrote down everything from this past week that I told her- on a seperate legal form that can be used in court if need be, to document what's been said. she's also going to review past session notes for other relavent things too.
she also thinks I have a very good chance of getting Disability (Double- with my back And my anxiety- but does that mean I'd get more money? I have no idea) & is helping me get all the paperwork & forms together.
her father is a lawyer who has helped one of her clients in this same situation before & he works pro bono until you get your first check. even goes to court For You. and then if you are still denied, charges nothing.

I realise that I think I Could make it on my own... that the world is a very big place & the idea of starting over, scary as it is, is pretty breathtaking.
I've never lived on my own before!
I could go AnyWhere I wanted.
anywhere!

one last confession before I end this w/ apologies for de-railing things so badly here --- when I came home today, the mr was home. and I cried and hugged him & he said he didn't want to fight anymore.
-- it's sooooo much MORE that 'just a fight' and I told him again that things have GOT to CHANGE & he started in about how " well if you didn't do this- and if you didn't do THAT- I wouldn't be like that" but you know- I didn't accept it. I told him NO- I didn't do anything wrong. and yes it pissed him off hugely & started to get that look of bad anger in his eyes again, but then calmed down & I hugged him again & for the moment, things are less bad.
holding hands with the devil to keep from being burned.

((((((((busties))))))

ps: gt? I'm so sorry your friend has turned to such an utter shit.
she doesn't sound very worthy of your friendship but moreover, I am sorry she hurt you.
I wanna barrow that big fish from ch & thwack her.



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girltrouble
post Nov 6 2009, 09:39 AM
Post #690


new highs in personal lows daily!
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Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


please do get those ducks lined up, freck ninja. you keep yourself and frecklette safe. you are to precious a soul to let him hurt. wub.gif just do a little every day, k?


i'm curious tho, what was his take on ft. hood? more importantly, what is yours?


confession: i had a huge falling out with a friend-- the one i've been helping open her bar-- i think in one single day i might have lost a job and a friendship, and honestly, i don't care. i understood why our romantic thing all those years ago didn't work out. i sent a somewhat diplomatic email, but if she said that we are done "on all fronts", i'd breathe a huge sigh of relief. i might still call it quits, i just feel disgusted that i would work so hard for someone who thought so little of my time, my work, and our friendship.... and i want my speakers back.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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candycane_girl
post Nov 6 2009, 09:24 AM
Post #691


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


freck, just to clarify, what was the actual threat? I'm sorry, I went back and tried to find where you first posted about it but I didn't see it.

Either way, I really hope that you are okay and safe. Do you know where you would go if you did have to leave?
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freckleface7
post Nov 6 2009, 07:21 AM
Post #692


beachcomber
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Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


polly: I actually did that yesterday when he called from work, in just fine & dandy mood. (fucker)
I told him all of it- that wether he realised it or not- what he was doing- how he was treating me w/ the "play" stuff & the Threat on monday- it is ALL considered abuse and it's Got To STOP.
that my telling that I will leave if it doesn't isn't a threat, just a matter of course and that as much as I don't want to break up our home, he leaves me no other choice bc I will NOT be treated that way.

- see- there have been a few times in the past when we've been able to discuss this rationally- and he's even asked me to call him out on this when he starts acting this way.
and so I do- like yesterday- and all is does is piss him off even more bc he's already in that mode.

aside from briefly discussing the horrible shooting at Ft Hood last night, we're not much speaking, or, he's not speaking to me anyway, which is fine.
he left this morning without a goodbye or a kiss, which is also fine as I am repelled by him right now anyway.

I am still gathering my ducks for the what if in the future and the love I am getting from here--- I am weak enough to confess that when I posted yesterday, was what I had so hoped for bc it's a new level of low and none of you let me down. your support and encouragement, no words. honestly just none.

thank you all for being the sisters to me that you are.



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pollystyrene
post Nov 6 2009, 06:33 AM
Post #693


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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From: Chicago


(((freck))) Have you ever called him on this shit during a neutral moment, like when he's not being a jackass, so he can see that this really is hurting you physically and emotionally, and it's not just you being a "baby" in the heat of the moment? Not that the time/place/context of the conversation should matter. He needs to just stop.

Please stay safe, you and frecklette. Take up rose on her offer of help if you need it.

(((zoya)))


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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girltrouble
post Nov 5 2009, 09:41 PM
Post #694


new highs in personal lows daily!
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Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


i think rosey is right, freck. perhaps you should tell him it makes you feel unsafe, and you maybe a baby but you're should not have to feel unsafe, in your house, in your relationship, in your life and you will not put up with it. i wish i lived closer. :/


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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treehugger
post Nov 5 2009, 08:04 PM
Post #695


cryostat bitch
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((((freckle)))) I'm worried for you, chica.


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rogue
post Nov 5 2009, 07:59 PM
Post #696


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


((((Freck))))
I say we definitely sick CH on the Mr and also on those silly BFF boys that zoya is referring to.

To you, zoya, I say word. I get that shit all the time, too! The "you're amazing, you're great, you're awesome, you're so pretty, if I were single I would be with you in an instant" bullshit. But that's all it is - bullshit - and it's exhausting. ((((zoya)))) Whack away, CH!


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roseviolet
post Nov 5 2009, 07:55 PM
Post #697


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Freck, the things you've described remind me sooooo much of my time with my ex. I know how scary it can be, yet how hard it is to walk away. My situation wasn't nearly as complex as yours, so this must be 10 times harder for you. I'm sure the people at the domestic violence service can help you through this even if you don't want to leave.

Your body is STILL your own. And if he is doing ANYthing to it that you don't like - even if it's "playful" poking or tickling - he NEEDS to stop. If he calls you a baby, then maybe you can just say, "So what? That doesn't change the fact that I don't like it. It's my body and I don't want you to touch me like that anymore. End of story." I told my ex something similar and, miracle of miracles, it worked. Unfortunately, that won't fix everything, but it's a start.

It's common knowledge that physical abuse - hitting, pushing - is unacceptable in a relationship. Lesser known is the fact that physical intimidation has no place in a relationship, either. The poking and tickling is part of that, but it isn't all. He doesn't even have to lay a hand on you in order for you to feel threatened. I think you know that all too well.


You have my number. I'm only 90 minutes away. I'm here if you need me.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Freck)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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freckleface7
post Nov 5 2009, 06:26 PM
Post #698


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From: societal fringe


ch: you think maybe you could thwack the mr while you're out there swinging please?
I don't expect it to be a fatal blow or anything, but it sure might make me laugh.gif .


zoya luv- you are much.too.good to be any guy's "bff w/ the great personality".
maybe you need to be more forthright & demanding?
the next guy you encounter that heads down that road stop them cold & say ' listen, I don't need any more [i]Friends. what I'm looking for is a ______ [/i]'

noelly- thank you so much.
you know I'm a fighter but today has laid me low & stolen my wind.
I even called my shrink- in tears- asking for an appt Tonight- then called back 2 hrs later telling her No, Nevermind, but she never called back at all. I realllllllllly needed her today.
I've tried telling him that he hurts me when he pokes & "plays" but he accuses me of being a whiner & a baby & the mocking & belittling go on from there.


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culturehandy
post Nov 5 2009, 06:01 PM
Post #699


(o)(o)
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(((((zoya))))) I am so with you on that one. I feel your pain. Want me to thwack them with my smelly tuna? Oh wait...you can't see my crackbook status.

maybe I should move this to the inebriated ramblings thread because I am really stoned.

((((((((((freck))))))))))


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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zoya
post Nov 5 2009, 05:38 PM
Post #700


uh huh.
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(((((((freckle))))))))


confession: I am sick of being every guy's best friend. You know, the one that they have a crush on, who they tell their secrets to, who they want to introduce their girlfriend to cause they know she'd love you - or the one they say they'd want to marry (if they're single) I'm sick to fuck of being that "amazing" girl who is all that, and yet that's the extent of what she gets. Nothing more than talk and being a "good friend." I was sitting tonight listening to "Somebody" by Depeche Mode, and I realized that there is not one person in this world who I am that for, even though they say I am all that.

...completely, 100% over it.
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