[dynamitedamsel]

Erica...I totally understand. I had made the mistake of having unprotected sex this weekend as well...he didn't come inside of me, but, I'm all of a sudden worried about pre-ejaculation though because I know how sometimes it happens when I'm going down on him..that was Friday. I wanted to go and get some EC but cannnot seem to find anywhere that distributes it. You are sooo right when you say about their attidudes, so fucking snotty and condescending it just sickens me. For some reason I threw my good judgement right out the window...and I could just fucking kick myself for it.

I just feel like why, I am so much smarter and responsible than this and it was one mistake, my mistake that I'm already beating myself up for...so why should do they need to join in? I stopped BC because with a preexisting condition that elevates my risk of blood clots well, I'm just not allowed to take it anymore....

Well good luck and I sincerely hope things work out fore you

[ericamamerica]

To whoever posted last: It is extremely doubtful that you have to worry, especially since he didn't ejaculate and you two did not have intercourse.


That said, I'm the idiot here who really HAS to worry. I have NEVER had to take it before because I had always been on birth control and took it responsibly. I'm one of those women who didn't ever even have to worry about unintended pregnancy. Until now.

After my last committed relationship ended, I stopped birth control because I was having some wicked side-effects, and was sure I wasn't going to be having sex anytime soon. I didn't for a long time, then it happened this weekend. We were stupid enough not to use a condom and I am not on birth control. Total idiots.

Luckily I found a place that provides EC and provides it as a walk-in service close to my area. So after work tomorrow I get to drive 1/2 hour to the clinic that is only open two days a week. THANK GOD IT IS OPEN ON MONDAYS. I'll be within the 48-hour timerange. Not ideal, but it's better than 72 or greater.

The sex happened on Saturday. Today is Sunday. 24 hours and counting. It's so stupid because there are hardly any pharmacies open, and the ones that are "don't provide it," or "don't believe in it." I called the hospital and they said that I would have to go to the emergency room and get it from them because, as the pharmacist said in his snottiest tone, "We don't have that Plan B stuff here."

Although I've never had to take it before, I have no problem with its existince. It REALLY is just a big ol' dose of birth control. I don't understand why some pharmacies and/or doctors are hung-up on this. I know I haven't yet ovulated, but according to shedule, I'm due to on the 10th.

When you call some of these places their tone is one that they would take on if talking to a whore and they treat you like the devil incarnate. No joke. I felt like screaming at them because I'm so freakin' stressed out. I wanted to yell, "I am an intelligent young woman! This is my first and ONLY mistake! It just happened, and now I'm trying to deal with it, so stop treating me like SHIT!"

I am so irate over this. The tone that the people on the phone take on is totally condescending. "We don't have that Plan B stuff here."

I know I was stupid, and I know I fucked up. I don't need a lecture or reminders about how important it is, blah blah blah. I'm one of those girls who has never had to use it, and this will be my only time. That is what EC is for. Why all the sour attitudes? GOSH. So stressful.

[hunibuni]

hey ive never been on this site before but i need help urgently! ok here goes...my boyfriend and i were fooling around today and ended up having dry sex he had his jocks on but i had...nothing im a little worried that i could be pregnant do you think it could be possible???

[maimy]

What type of birth control are you using, College? If it's the pill, and you're taking it properly (same time of day/night every 24 hours), and you are not on antibiotics or anything else which would disrupt its action, you ought to be okay - in terms of pregnancy (insert caveat about BCPs not protecting against STDs here). If you have any doubts, call your doc or clinic, give every detail they ask for, and listen to what they say. Pronto!

[collegegirl]

My boyfriend and I had sex last night and he pulled out right before he went, but I know that sometimes pre-cum can have sperm in it and therefore there is a risk of pregnancy. However, I am already on birth control, but do you think I should go get the pill just in case? Thanks!

[allygat0rr]

Oh god. Here we go again. My ex-boyfriend ( we recently broke up ) and I kind of had sex. Not really. I didn't really want to, but I felt bad. It was last weekend. He just stuck it in and out maybe three times and then we stopped. He said he didn't pre-cum or anything like that because it wasn't getting him off or something so he "knows I can't be pregnant." but I'm still worried. I had to take an Emergency Contraception pill or whatever on April 17th because I thought he ejaculated inside of me then too. It messed up my cycle so instead of getting my period in the first week of every month, I think I get it around the 20's. At least in May I got it around then. It's only June so it might mix around, but.. I'm still worried. When do you think it will come? Could I be pregnant?

[catsoup]

I work at a clinic where we dispense EC to teens everyday. Sometimes it does get frustrating (for example, she's taken EC every week or so for the past few months and doesn't want to get on BC) but the important thing to remember, the thing I sometimes have to repeat aloud to myself, is she is being responsible now. Yeah, she made a mistake, we all do. But she is doing the responsible thing and seeking out emergency contraception. That's a million times better than doing nothing and just hoping you don't get pregnant. We have to reinforce this message otherwise they won't seek out EC and then we'll have lots of unplanned pregnancies.

[sybarite]

Josie (if you're still here), I thought Lucizoe's advice was great, hopefully it gave you an idea of your options and you were able to get the MAP. For future reference, taking several BCPs at the same time instead of the MAP does not work the same way. I did that once and felt *really* sick. The hormones in BCP can be seriously bad for you taken that way because they're not designed to be taken all together like that.

And pepper's right; a lot of us have made mistakes, so girlbomb's suggestion that you keep an emergency pack of MAP around is a good one.

[venetia]

That's a good idea! About the pill, too, not just the catfood.

[girlbomb_redux]

Really, everybody needs the morning after pill -- personally, I think everyone should get the scrip from their gynos now, fill it ASAP, and keep it on hand. I have an emergency pack pf Plan B on hand, because if my primary method of contraception fails, I want to be ready right away.

But then again, I also have ten rolls of toilet paper in my cabinet, and six extra pallets of cat food. For the apocalypse.

[venetia]

I agree with Pepper. Josie has already had sex. She is trying to take responsibility now and learn how to protect herself. We're not in her shoes, we don't know anything about her situation or her options.

Saying "Sorry, no sex for you" is going to do what exactly? It is not going to make her jump into her handy time machine and take back the sex.

If someone is doing the right thing now surely that counts for something. If she's anything like me she's already freaked out and worried and learning from this experience.

[pepper]

no, i'm enjoying this discussion, it's good. no one has to agree with me for me to like them and like hashing things out. how boring it would be if we all thought alike!
ok, my parents were Very permissive, wasted hippy types so when a boy wanted to sex me up at age 14 i let him do it. repeatedly. now, he was a smart boy and used condoms every time (every time we had sex anyhow). but my next boyfriend was a careless person who never, ever used condoms with me or any of the countless other people he slept with during the two years we were together. i didn't even know HOW to say no to him. or "wait" or "how about" or "shouldn't we" with any kind of force. like i said, a lucky Idiot. dang, i couldn't even be counted on to brush my teeth every night, never mind take responsibility for myself sexually. i also smoked cigarettes and pot, drank copious amounts of coffee, ate a crappy diet, got drunk whenever possible and stayed out all night at questionable venues. oh, and hung out with a scary gang of drug dealing/using and otherwise dangerous punks. oh, and moved out on my own at the wise old age of 16. i was careless in every possible way.
and nobody could tell me anything.
thank the goddess for looking out for me.
and if i had been open to listening i'm still not sure i would have listened to a harsh message from anyone no matter what their intentions. so, no, i'm not saying that you should NOT say what you're saying. a hard head will just let it go in one ear and out the other anyhow. but maybe it'll hit home now and then, kids hear truth sometimes and it touches home with them. in either case, nothing ventured nothing gained. i'm going to go with the soft touch though since it's the only thing that ever really got through to me.

[maimy]

Sorry - I was a virgin until I was 20. I had a pretty serious drill regarding consequences from the 'rentals, but I also had a very strong sense of what I would and would not be up for. There was plenty of fun to be had fondling, fingering, dry humping (I swear, some of the loveliest orgasmic experiences I had for years were the learning before I "had sex"). Given that it's eminentily possible to get off in various ways which not only don't endanger anyone's health (even in 1985, we'd heard of AIDS) nor put a girl in danger of becoming pregnant, I have to say - my position stands.

I don't deny that 14-year-olds think they know everything. But I refuse to concede any point that they DO know it, and therefore don't have to answer to the same standards of responsibility as the rest of us. If a 14-year-old's body is susceptible to disease and pregancy, its owner should educate herself (or himself) as to its care and protection. Sex doesn't lose its aspect of responsibility just because someone young is having it.

If someone is open to listening ... are you saying I should NOT say what I am saying?

(Mind you, hon, every bit of this is said with my affection for you intact. Hope this debate isn't coming off badly!!)

[pepper]

i know, i know. but remember what you were like as a randy teenager? personally, i was a fucking idiot. a lucky idiot but an idiot none the less. 20/20 hindsight and all that jazz. i just don't remember harsh lectures doing anything other than turning me off from asking for advice. imo it's like telling a 14 year old that they're too young to really know what love is. 14 year olds think they know freaking everything, you can't say a thing to them (not that this girl is 14 or anything, but certainly young) so when they actually ask it means they're actually open to listening.

[maimy]

Pepp, close calls are one thing. Close calls and "too scared" is a different kettle of fish. If you are not a person who is prepared to (a) use a condom, (b) go to a clinic/doc and get on some form of BCP, or (c) talk to a clinic/doc about the MAP - you should NOT BE HAVING SEX. If that seems harsh, I am not sorry about that. But sex isn't a game, it brings with it a wild array of health issues, risks (shared and interconnected with indeterminate numbers of other people), and decisions. Anyone who is unable and/or unwilling to handle such decisions needs to stick with masturbating. I don't see why expecting the MINIMUM of self-reliance from someone, to handle the well-known possible consequences of sex, is harsh.

Having a scare when you know what the consequences can be, and have considered how to handle them in advance, is not the same thing as indulging in what seems really fun at the time without a thought as to what "fun" entails.

[lucizoe]

Unfortunately, the time limit on EC makes the conversation a little bit panicky, you know?

Where are you in your cycle? Have you ovulated? Are you close to ovulating? Are you almost due for your period? If you're not ovulating and you're not close to ovulating, you might not even have too much to worry about. But that depends on you knowing your cycle well...

Josie, if you don't live in one of the bad states (AK, AL, AR, AZ, CT, DE, FL, IA, ID, IN, KS, KY, LA, ME, MO, MS, MT, ND, NE, NH, NV, OK, RI, SC, SD, TX, UT, VT, WA, WV, and WY), you can go to www.getthepill.com and they'll help you out. But you will have to do a few things - One, you will have to have a credit card. Two, you will have to call your pharmacy and ask the person on the phone if they have Plan B in stock. Three, you will have to go to the pharmacy, pay for the script, and take the pills correctly.

You do have to take responsibility for yourself here, because no one else is going to do it and it's not something to fuck around with. You can do it - it won't kill you.

If you do live in one of the shitty states, then you MUST find a Planned Parenthood or a clinic or call your doctor first thing Monday, and be forceful, because at that point, you'll only have a few more effective hours.

And call the doctor anyway to talk about birth control options.

(I had a broken condom incident last year, while I was ovulating, and I got the EC through the above website. I do live in NY, however, and my pharmacist isn't some fundie asshole, so I had a relatively easy time of it. It sucks that you don't know what your resources are. But at least now, you'll probably not do this again, right? Not worth the stress...)

[pepper]

omg girls, don't even try to tell me that you haven't had a close call yourselves. take it easy on this chica ok? dang, twice last year i had to wait out the month to see if i needed a pregnancy test. granted, i'm already a mom and wouldn't mind another one. just not right now and not with that fella, but still... it's not like any of us are perfect either. she certainly sounds like she could use some edjumacating but at least she's thinking about it and asking questions.

[pollystyrene]

A "couple" of birth control pills ain't gonna do shit, anyway- you have to take a couple at once if you're on them and you miss your dosage time. Maybe you'll feel a little nauseated, but it wouldn't stop conception.

Sorry, honey, but if you're too scared to take the pill, your partner isn't doing anything and you aren't using anything instead, maybe it's time to re-think having sex. If you can't march yourselves down to the grocery store and get some decent condoms or make yourself a confidential appointment with a doctor to learn about sexual health and your birth control options, you're not ready to deal with any of the consequences of having sex, whether it's a curable STD, an incurable one or a baby.

We're not trying to be mean, but think about how serious that stuff is and how easy it is for one of them to happen and how hard it would be to deal with them. Wouldn't it just be easier to protect yourselves and educate yourselves about how it all works?

[maimy]

Too scared to get a morning after pill? Not on ANY FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL?

Sorry, no sex for you. You don't get to think about the consequences AFTER you take the responsibility. You think about them BEFORE you commit to action. That way, you don't create any lives you are not up to nurturing.

[pepper]

my answer is still the same, go talk to a doctor or a counsellor at the safe sex clinic. there's nothing to be scared of there, they are there to help you. don't make yourself sick self-medicating with birth control pills, they aren't the same thing as the m.a.p. just like any drugs, improper use can be dangerous and will almost certainly not deliver the results you want.
none of my business, really, but since the two of you are having sex without condoms a visit to the clinic together for testing as well as m.a.p. councelling might be a good idea.
sorry, that's the mom in me talking.