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> write a letter...one you'll never send
raisingirl
post Jul 17 2006, 05:32 AM
Post #3161


PANTIES! ew.
***
Posts: 1,762


You know who you are:

No, no, let me make this clear for you: EVERYONE was, indeed, not invited to the party. You are such backhanded assholes for not inviting me (I guess at least giving me a choice in the matter is no longer an option?), and then having the nerve to hold it over my head and say all jokey-like, "everyone's coming over! Want to come?" No, I don't want to come over and socialize with your Neanderthal companions, especially when it's like I'm some fucking AFTERTHOUGHT. No fucking thanks. I am just appalled that I don't even have the choice anymore. I am even more appalled that I care enough to write this letter.

Oh no, you know what? I've got an anniversary coming up, one I'm sure you've forgotten about, so I'm going to be too busy celebrating MY OWN accomplishments and not following the sheep mentality that all of you seem to hold so high on a pedestal. Your value of the external world is such bullshit. I don't know why I think you're ever going to change.

I could throw the hate right back at you, but I have bigger pieces of tofu to fry.

RG
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zoya
post Jul 15 2006, 03:49 PM
Post #3162


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


dear person (potentially) offering me a job -

I know I told you that if this job came up I would not say no. And I know you are going to call me this weekend to let me know if it's available, and potentially offer it to me. Here's the thing: there are so many reasons for me to take this job. Good ones. But I tossed and turned all night last night with the thought that I might take it. You see, my priorities are changing. I have the opportunity to do my own thing right now. It won't make much money right off the bat, and lord knows I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, if not over my head. I know your job would pay all my bills and then some. But the things I've been doing are making me happy. For the first time in my life, I'm happy being in one place and putting together my own work. I'm beginning to think I would be happier taking smaller projects that pay the bills and working to establish my own stuff than to take the all-consuming job that it seems that you will very likely offer me.

I am really nervous to tell you this, and I haven't made my decision completely yet. Your pending offer is very tempting, but I'm trying to build up the balls to turn it down.

I'm sorry. Whatever I decide, I am not afraid.

zoya



dear god, universe, whomever -

give me courage, faith and strength to do whatever is the right thing. And help me to trust that you'll show me what's right.

Thanks
zoya
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starpiste
post Jul 15 2006, 12:49 PM
Post #3163


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 142
From: Vancouver, BC


(((crazyoldcatlady)))

dad,

For some reason I feel like I should do something for you today. As if it's your birthday (or maybe mine somehow). I'm not at the festival and I feel good about that but no one is around for me. I know that if you were still here I'd be there with you and it wouldn't matter that no one else is around.

As I haven't been able to think of something appropriate I'm just at home. I'm dancing to good music and doing stuff for school. I know you would have approved of this change in path and it's hard to think that you'll never see me do it. I just made a mental connection with you as a photographer. Also, I want to read your journals. At first when we found them I didn't think I would but I think I've changed my mind. I think how I connect to people (or don't) is really similar to you and I feel like reading your thoughts with it might be revealing. Or maybe it will just make me feel close and connected to someone.

K.
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crazyoldcatlady
post Jul 15 2006, 12:10 PM
Post #3164


the moistiest
***
Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


dear d;

i remember you from high school, we were acquaintances, but i always admired you from afar. you were smart. you were talented. you were *gasp!* actually a nice guy. and you were really. really. hot.

i saw you in a bar about 2 years ago. i didn't say hi because i felt fat, and secretely feared you wouldn't remember me.

everytime i saw your mom, i asked her to pass along a hello. she gave me tidbits about your life, and i realized that there were some eerie parallels to mine; however, i knew you were still smarter, still more talented, had more friends, and was generally leading a happier life than i.

when our proximetry narrowed recently, i wondered if there was ever a chance that i would run across you in various professional circles. (but then what? i probably wouldn't say hi, because i would probably still have felt fat.)

i found out at 8 am monday morning, an email from an old friend. the hometown newspaper, an article, cut and paste, paraphrased "aspiring physician and _ _ hs grad died last night in a freak accident."

i don't know what to feel. mortal? should i start "living my life" more fully?

mostly, i feel guilty. guilty that you loved you life and lost it, and that i still have mine and wished it were something else.
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roseviolet
post Jul 15 2006, 10:08 AM
Post #3165


Pacifism kicks ass!
***
Posts: 3,064


((((((((((Freckle)))))))))))) I don't know what could be said to make you feel better. Please know that we're here for you whenever you want us.

Catsoup,
That is indeed severely fucked up. Is there a chance that there was a mix-up & that maybe a seperate invitation is being mailed to you? I only ask this because I know first-hand that planning a wedding is a nightmare. I suspect that the job of addressing the envelopes for the invitations may have been delegated to someone other than the bride and groom, which may explain the "and guest". However, if your suspicions are true? Then yeah ... that's truly fucked up. Definitely let the boy pick out the gift.


GirlBomb,
After knowing you from The Lounge & your blog & your articles in Bust & your book ... well, I feel quite confident in saying that you are a truly fantastic, amazing, loving woman. You are sensitive and bright and we're better for having you in our lives. Unfortunately, your sensitive nature means that you are vulnerable to idiotic self-consumed assholes like the ones you mentioned below. So as you attend this event, I hope you stand there with a genuine, peaceful smile on your face, knowing that there are many many people in this world who, rather than feeling jealous at your success, feel joy. If they succeed in knocking you down, just come back here where we can lift you up again.
Much love & admiration,
RV

Self,
It may be nearly 50 minutes away, but you can find it. And you can find a parking place. And you'll have a nice time. Don't let your fear of this new place paralyze you. Just go.
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pixiedust
post Jul 15 2006, 08:51 AM
Post #3166


Tink's Red headed Step Sis
***
Posts: 1,810
From: oklahoma


(((freckle)))


--------------------
~May the Fleas of one thousand camels infest the crotch of any person who messes up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch!~
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girlbomb
post Jul 15 2006, 06:53 AM
Post #3167


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 181


Dear Haters,

I know things are probably tough for you right now, what with my book being out there, everywhere you fucking look. It must suck, knowing that I've accomplished something I set out to do while we were all still "friends"; meanwhile, you haven't done shit with your lives except try to throw shade on other people. You all really think very highly of yourselves, sitting around and dissing other people (including each other, when you're not in the room -- I'd love to tell you the things your "friends" say about you when you're not around). But really, what makes you so much better than the people you dis? Because you read the New Yorker, so you think you're smart and informed? Honestly, I really have no idea where your superiority complexes come from. As far as I can tell:

You're nasty. You give off bad vibes. You enjoy giving off bad vibes. Ick.
You talk about the same shit over and over (each other and the people you're superior to), and you've been talking about it for years.
You've been in the same clique for ages, and all you do is dis each other and play head games. With the same people. Who you dis all the time. For years.
Your "art" is going nowhere, because you're too busy famewhoring and grooming each other like gorillas.
Your "art" is not particularly good.

And ordinarily, I wouldn't even take the time to type all this out to you; I'd just continue to avoid you, even if it meant going out of my way, because there's no point in engaging a hater -- you love it when I come around, so you can be as gratuitously nasty as possible (hissing when my name was announced at that show was a lovely touch, you pathetic, jealous hag -- too bad you've had to get used to the sound of everybody saying my fucking name all the time). But we're all going to be at The Event together, and it's our mutual friend's Event, and I don't know what the hell she sees in you but it's important to her that we all be there. So let me tell you something now:

Hiss all you want, bitches. Say what you want. Stand there in the corner of the room shooting pointed looks over your shoulders, and then turn to each other and giggle. You're almost forty -- some of you ARE forty -- but that's okay. Act like eleven-year-old girls. Do your worst. Because it's your big chance. Make me feel as shitty and excluded as possible, because as soon as I leave I'm going to go home and open my laptop and fire up my work and I'm going to finish my NEXT book, which has already been contracted by Random House for publication in Winter 07-08. And I'm not going to give a shit about you. Maybe I'll write a letter in that BUST thread, so all the other women who have to deal with haters like you can see that they're not alone. But I am rubber, baby. And you're a pile of shit.

Love!

Janice
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freckleface2727
post Jul 15 2006, 01:15 AM
Post #3168


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 937
From: east coast


ep:
I emailed you.
a short, cursory note very friendly in tone, please respond.

we used to exchange emails occassionally, and chatted on the phone now & then as well.

I really don't think that you have ill intentions here, but see, as my world is seemingly falling apart around me like rain from the sky, only bigger larger pieces so maybe it's more like airplane parts crashing down around me, that I need to be sure[/i] and you are the key, or a clear visable piece of the key for me there.

I'm seeing now that while I always had thought I was the bad one in my marriage, that bc I was the one who had the affair several years ago, it would always be that way and I would have to forever more do penance for my crime, never altogether worthy ever ever again and constantly be ready to defend myself against his insecurites and acusations. it was like being on edge, always ready to lash myself w/ the whip I willingly carried.
but now I'm seeing a new pattern here, that this is the second, maybe even the 3rd time he's done this sort of thing. no, I don't think there's been any physicality. not w/ you anyway, and I am at least mostly doubtful of anything before that.
-but- having gone down this road from the other direction before, I know better than most maybe, how easy it is to slip from confiding in a friend to having feelings. he's older, handsome, established & distinguished; I know so much more than you know little sister, what an aphrodisiac that can be. heady. and he listens to you. God what power that alone can wield.

am I blaming you right now ep? not really. you're young & do have a very co dependant personality, and in ge those times you sought me out, me thinking there was something wrong when really you just wanted to hang, well, I better understand it now. as well as for the last time we were in close contact & you came here to stay. it's ok. but you're married now. I know from _ things aren't going well. (yes he told me, suprised? you shouldn't be) but this is Not the way to fix it.
I've insisted that _ emaile or call to tell you about the trouble this has all caused.
it's not that I mind him talking to you, bc I do know & do really like you, it's that he felt the need to keep it from me, which is, as I told him, shady. he said it was bc he knew I'd react this way- doh[i]! yes, His Problem, but as I also strongly suspect you've not told your marital parter you've been talking to _, then no, it's not ok and much as a bitch & a shrew and a fishwife as I'm going to sound like, until this is ALL completely on the table & in the open, I'm not ok w/ you talking to him. I know it'll probably cause some problems, but isn't that where it all started from anyway?

I'm not sleeping (it's almost 3:30 am here), not hardly eating, and I cannot for the life of me, even touch my wedding ring from after I took it off screaming and throwing it at _ yesterday.
I can only sit here & stare at it w/ some foreign feeling akin to curiosity, bc it feels like nothing appealing.

answer my email ep.
call.
I'm trying to take the high ground, at least w/ you.
_ & I have a very long road to traverse together, of which you are a tiny pebble embedded in the many rocks & dirt.

[size=1]in genunine peace & concern,
_'s wife
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lot49
post Jul 14 2006, 11:06 PM
Post #3169


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 494
From: around the way


catsoup, the "guest" invitation thing is f*cked up. And I think your idea about the gift-buying responsibility is divine.
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freckleface2727
post Jul 14 2006, 09:53 PM
Post #3170


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 937
From: east coast


life:
damn.
really?
well FUCK, ok.
going to roll w/ it bc it is what is it and really, what choice do I have regardless? clearly my spine left my body somewhere along the lines of ' I do.'

I feel drunk though I haven't had anything, I think it's all on the inside.

heart: stop hurting, you're really scaring me now.
or is just that you're actually breaking?

do not forget the deal made w/ the jerk about signing up for a class.
it's legit. you GOTTA do it now.
me


ep: it's high time you & I had a little Big Sister to little sister TALK.
co-dependent? not on MY time. damnit. and he's no better and I called him out on it. but still, as I don't trust him one flying Fuck anymore, I'll deal w/ you directly to make sure we have no "misunderstandings." I thought you were My friend? I had you sleep over at my fucking house while both of them were deployed.
really.
what.
the.
fuck.
?!
you're the potentially scary type to get delusional and all grandious about what might be. as if. try leaning on your Own husband for a change? marriages don't get better if you go to someone else's, as shocking as that might sound to your innocent virginal ears. (bitch)

looking forward to chatting soon~
your former big sisterly person who once trusted you

ps: tell your husband bc if you don't? I WILL.


--------------------
I am a *spark* in this world; get lit.
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lucizoe
post Jul 13 2006, 09:22 PM
Post #3171


Mr. Flibble's very cross.
***
Posts: 870


Dearest Children of the World,

Yes, the doggies are cute. They are soft and they are fuzzy. They are also animals. They can be dangerous if treated poorly by larvae such as yourselves. See how I'm wrapping the nice doggy's leash around my wrist and dragging her to walk between myself and the building? That is to protect you both. So don't come running up to that doggy, threatening to hit her with a plastic bottle. It will only upset her, and frankly, her safety is more important to me than your hurt feelings, so piss off.

Oooh, it's a big fuzzy smiling golden dog! I know she looks like a Nana dog, Peter Pan-style, but she is not. She is a dog who gets very very excited around children such as yourself. She will jump. She will knock and scratch and love you to pieces, but you will interpret that as hurt, because you are smaller than she is. And then you shall cry or something, and that will suck.

Where are your parents? They really need to teach you better manners, or ask your nanny to make some effort in that direction if they won't do so themselves.

And finally, three little girls in the park - I love you. Seriously. You were awesome. You asked permission to pet the doggy, you listened carefully and attentively to my instructions about petting her, you followed them, the doggy was in doggy-bliss and you were all smiles. Yay for polite children!

Dear cat,

Why the hell did you pee on my clothes again?

Jeebus!
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catsoup
post Jul 13 2006, 08:55 PM
Post #3172


Sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
***
Posts: 861


Dear People Having Wedding #2 of 5 I will be attending in the next 8 weeks, also known at TB's Annoying Friends --

Fuck you for not putting my name on the invitation. Fuck you for putting "TB and Guest." TB and I have been together longer than you two have. Bride, you have only known TB as being in a relationship with me. You have met me at least half a dozen times. You have been to our apartment. Groom, I knew you back when you were engaged to that other girl. YOU KNOW MY FUCKING NAME! Put it on the fucking invitation!

I'm so irritated with this that I might leave the gift-buying responsibility soley up to TB. Which probably means you won't get one.

Grrrrrr,
Catsoup


Dear World,

I hate feeling like my relationship is not as important or valid as others' because we are not married. I hate that we got an invitation addressed "TB and Guest" and it has pissed me off more than I can express. I hate that I am so defensive about this. I hate that society has me feeling like we need to get married even though I really truly am happy the way things are.

Blech,
Catsoup
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doodlebug
post Jul 13 2006, 06:32 PM
Post #3173


I know it's only rock 'n' roll. But I like it.
***
Posts: 7,808
From: a riverbank in BC, Canada


Dear girlbomb,

Gosh!

*toes ground bashfully*

bustielove,
doodlebug

*pulls girlbombs hair like a cowardly boy with a crush and runs out of the thread*


--------------------
Check out my band's new demo online! You can DL my original....and please fan up if ya like it!
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raisingirl
post Jul 13 2006, 06:27 PM
Post #3174


PANTIES! ew.
***
Posts: 1,762


For the adorable male cardinal who was perched atop the telephone pole I can see from the living room window in my treetop apartment:

Please come back tomorrow. Your sweet singing totally made my night. I hope you found a girlfriend cardinal tonight, but that doesn't mean you need to abandon your human friends. I'll be waiting for you.

Fondly,
RG
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starpiste
post Jul 13 2006, 04:51 PM
Post #3175


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 142
From: Vancouver, BC


Dear self,
I had no idea trying to improve would be this hard. Please stick with me through it. Help me sleep soundly without meds and dreams. Help me make smart financial decisions. Help me feel secure with my relationships. I don't feel my mostly negative state of mind is justified by my mostly positive life and asserting that I'm doing things for the right reason helps some days but others it doesn't at all.
Try not to think about planes and moving. Just slow down and focus and enjoy the people around you who are amazing because there are a few of them. January will be another time of change where moving can be looked at. For now I just need to focus and progress. I know things are getting better.

K.
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zoya
post Jul 13 2006, 04:11 PM
Post #3176


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


Dear Mr. HMCHH -

oh good god you rock. And you are a good student too! An A- for you! (because there is always room for improvement... hahahhaha)

I really hope you were serious about coming back to visit. It would be so fun and I would be completely stoked to have you here and show you around for a bit!

oh yeah.
oh yeah baby.
zoya.
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girlbomb
post Jul 13 2006, 08:17 AM
Post #3177


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 181


Dear doodlebug,

You have no idea how hard I sweat you.

Like, "maybe you should get a restraining order" hard.

For somebody I've never met, you bring me an awful lot of comfort and joy. I really like knowing you're out there doing what you do. If you ever wonder if you're making a difference in the world, I hope you'll know that you are, to me.

Yer Frend,

JE
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junkdeluxe
post Jul 13 2006, 07:55 AM
Post #3178


Newbie
*
Posts: 2


dear shmp,

you know this may shock you but i forgive you for L. i dont forgive the things you told her about me, but as far as cheating goes, i can get over it.
however, honestly... il never forgive you for K. why? because you made me feel like i was the most unimportant person in the world to you when she was around. call me bitter, call me pathetic but whatever, i was standing right infront of you and you couldnt even see me. that was and is the only time you ever broke my heart. despite it being 5 months after we broke up. you dont need me to "melt into you" you have sexy exciting K to do that with. it makes me so angry to think of you together. pure anger and i cant help it. im sorry, but as long as shes around, there cant be a me and u.
question for you... how am i supposed to love you when i dont know who you are anymore? you dont have to pretend and you dont have to be strong, ive seen every side of you, i know you better than anyone. come back to me. be the person i know you are. i miss you.
after harry and eddie, despite the fact that it broke us it also sealed us together thru time, as something that we will never go thru with anyone else. something not L or K or J or G can touch.
i know ive been a pratt. but im still hurting. you seem to be ok. im happy for you.

i want you to know, no matter what il always be your fc, you just have to work out how to find me x
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doodlebug
post Jul 11 2006, 02:07 PM
Post #3179


I know it's only rock 'n' roll. But I like it.
***
Posts: 7,808
From: a riverbank in BC, Canada


Dear girlbomb,

Yesterday I was stuck in a tiny town with a broken down car, and I felt pretty awful. And then I was flipping through the April Marie-Claire, which someone had thoughtfully stuffed into a pile of Popular Mechanics magazines. And I saw the written blurb about your book. And "seeing" somebody I "knew," from a place I feel at home...it was the only cheerful thing that happened to me in that tiny town, until they told me my car was ready. So thank you.

And yes, I now know it's a sign I need to buy your book. (Just as soon as I finish paying for the car repair.)

Love,
doodlebug


--------------------
Check out my band's new demo online! You can DL my original....and please fan up if ya like it!
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pixiedust
post Jul 11 2006, 10:01 AM
Post #3180


Tink's Red headed Step Sis
***
Posts: 1,810
From: oklahoma


Dear lounge,
I am soo glad to be back! I missed you so much the last week and a half(was it really only 10 days)! I can not wait to learn how to use all of your new features!
Love, Pixiedust


--------------------
~May the Fleas of one thousand camels infest the crotch of any person who messes up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch!~
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