The Lounge Guidelines Help Search Members Calendar Blogs

Welcome Guest [ Log In | Register ] ]

17 Pages V  « < 6 7 8 9 10 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> "I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore": ducks, the taliban, life, the universe and everything
toto5
post Aug 10 2012, 12:40 PM
Post #141


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 184
From: Newport Beach


http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4...224893966_n.jpg
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
toto5
post Aug 8 2012, 12:40 AM
Post #142


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 184
From: Newport Beach


Adios. Thought everyone enjoyed this thread.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
toto5
post Aug 7 2012, 11:45 PM
Post #143


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 184
From: Newport Beach


What happened?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
qaz999
post May 28 2012, 07:04 AM
Post #144


BUSTie
**
Posts: 11


Always believe that good things are possible, and remember that mistakes can be lessons that lead to discoveries. Take your fear and transform it into trust; learn to rise above anxiety and doubt. Turn your "worry hours" into "productive hours".While taking new york asian escort my boat new york asian escorts down the inland waterway to Florida a few weeks ago, I decided to tie up at new york escort Georgetown, South Carolina, for the night and visit with an old new york escortsfriend. As we approached the Esso dock, I saw him throughYou will find happiness when you addopt positive thinking into your daily routine and make it an important part of your world.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
spearss91
post Mar 21 2012, 04:24 AM
Post #145


Newbie
*
Posts: 2


QUOTE(totomoto @ Dec 6 2010, 08:15 PM) *
Dour hands, One guitar

http://www.wimp.com/fourhands/

-------------------------

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

"Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

----------------------------
Japanese on TSA

http://videosift.com/video/Japanese-TV-mocks-TSA-security

---------------------------------
Four guys Make one woman happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQSMlnJo36g

---------------------------------

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NtOKxG2lfQ...feature=related

-----------------------------------------
Nationa Geeographics Photography Contest

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/11/n..._photograp.html

-----------------------------------
A Father-Son Moment

http://dotcomjoe.com/clips/rockettooth.wmv
------------------------



Thanks for sharing this youtube videos...


--------------------
View movies online at 10starmovies with great features.
Youth Magazine India for free time pass...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Anne_Ecdote
post Mar 7 2012, 10:15 PM
Post #146


BUSTie
**
Posts: 18


died november 2009
a few hangers on
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
archegonia
post Jan 25 2011, 09:29 PM
Post #147


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 140
From: an octopods garden


sparkledust: i saw that earlier today and was *floored*. it made me want to do quite the opposite of "be corrected". it'd be nice to "correct" them somehow. uuuughh.

i posted this on my face book and thought the whole world would "like" it. its the kind of good news i long for daily, i'm quite sure you gals will like it:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jan/1...n-girls-schools



--------------------
leashed only to the wind
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
sparkledust710
post Jan 1 2011, 02:13 PM
Post #148


Newbie
*
Posts: 4


I am posting this in most of the threads here because this is a serious issue that does need attention.
Please everyone click the link and sign the petition.
http://www.change.org/petitions/view/south...pe_a_hate-crime

"Corrective Rape" is a term used to describe when a male rapes a lesbian with the aim of 'turning' her heterosexual! This heinous crime is prolific in South Africa, especially in the "townships". Most of the victims are tortured, grievously assaulted and sometimes murdered! The South African government and justice system are failing the victims of Corrective Rape by letting the perpetrators out on ridiculously low bail, and taking literally years to bring the court-cases to a conclusion. In the meantime the victims have to live with seeing and being taunted and threatened by their rapists every day, as do those who help the victims!

In the last 10 years:
*31 lesbian women have been murdered because of their sexuality
*More than 10 lesbians a week are raped or gang raped in Cape Town alone
*150 women are raped every day in South Africa
*For every 25 men accused of rape in South Africa, 24 walk free

This is very serious and people of the world need to come together and stop this injustice from continuing to happen.
http://www.change.org/petitions/view/south...pe_a_hate-crime


--------------------
The South African government and justice system are failing the victims of rape by letting the perpetrators out on ridiculously low bail, and taking literally years to bring the court-cases to a conclusion. In the meantime the victims have to live with seeing and being taunted and threatened by their rapists every day, as do those who help the victims!

In the last 10 years:
*31 lesbian women have been murdered because of their sexuality
*More than 10 lesbians a week are raped or gang raped in Cape Town alone
*150 women are raped every day in South Africa
*For every 25 men accused of rape in South Africa, 24 walk free


Please sign the petition to help stop this injustice.

Click Here to Sign

And please repost this wherever you can to help spread the message.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Dec 6 2010, 08:15 PM
Post #149


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


Dour hands, One guitar

http://www.wimp.com/fourhands/

-------------------------

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....



2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"



3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

"Who was THAT?"



4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"



5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.



6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."



7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"



8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."



9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."



10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."



11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."



12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."



13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."



14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!



15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

----------------------------
Japanese on TSA

http://videosift.com/video/Japanese-TV-mocks-TSA-security

---------------------------------
Four guys Make one woman happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQSMlnJo36g

---------------------------------

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NtOKxG2lfQ...feature=related

-----------------------------------------
Nationa Geeographics Photography Contest

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/11/n..._photograp.html

-----------------------------------
A Father-Son Moment

http://dotcomjoe.com/clips/rockettooth.wmv



------------------------
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Nov 19 2010, 09:08 PM
Post #150


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


The Substitute Teacher

Having served his time as an Army commando, a man got a job as a
part-time teacher in the toughest neighborhood of the city. But before
school started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster
cast around the upper part of his body.

Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't even noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned as a substitute
teacher to the rowdiest class in the school. Walking confidently into
the noisy classroom, he opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a stapler and stapled
the tie to his chest.

Nobody gave him any lip the rest of the day.
---------------------------
She got Balls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WwacQQChaE

------------------------------

Although they won last weekend...

The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas.

For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Dallas Cowboys

Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old

Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.

Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

------------------------
Things you can say only on Thanksgiving:

01. Talk about a huge breast!

02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

03. It's Cool Whip time!

04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

05. That's one terrific spread!

06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

07. Are you ready for seconds yet?

08. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
-----------------------------------
London:

http://www.360cities.net/london-photo-en.html

-------------------------
Golf Shots have names now:

A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.
A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.
A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.
A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.
A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.
An 'O.J.'- got away with one.
A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.
A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver.
A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good.
A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole.
A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right.
A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds.
A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read.
A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out.
A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist.
A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees.
A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole.
A 'Tiger Woods' - wrong hole.

------------------------------------
Astiornomy

http://www.flixxy.com/hubble-ultra-deep-field-3d.htm

---------------------

http://i.imgur.com/v2X3F.jpg

--------------------------
Mandatory Retirement Age

http://dotcomjoe.com/1112f1








Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Oct 22 2010, 08:05 PM
Post #151


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb..

(Now that's more like it !)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.Heck!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm.... ...)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light..

(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out . )


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure..

(What about that pig??, Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

-------------------------
I'm giving up pork.

http://www.wimp.com/swimmingpiglet/
------------------

Murphy applied for a fork lift operator post at a famous Irish firm based in Dublin. A Norwegian applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the Norwegian the job."

Murphy, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish surely I should get the job."

Manager, " We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

Murphy, " And just how would one incorrect answer be better than another?"

Manager, " Simple. On question number 7 the Norwegian wrote down, 'I don’t know.' You put down, ‘Neither do I.“
--------------------
Small Garage Parking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cgMQdB5S2A
--------------

Linguists have discovered a new language spoken by a remote tribe in India that's understood by only 1,000 people. I believe the language is called "tech support."
-------------
Can't see this one, but there is a good response:

http://dotcomjoe.com/clips/TheRedSparrows.wmv
------------------
Redneck Haiku

Beauty
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

Remorse
A painful sadness
Can’t fit big screen TV through
Double-wide’s front door

Options
Unemployment’s out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability

Blaze
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Vern’s been playing with
Gasoline again

A New Moon
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we’ll gig some frogs

Exuberance
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

Alone
Seeking solitude
Carl’s ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order

Desire
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
you are my cousin

Offerings
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert

Drama
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O’Clock

Deprived
In Wal-Mart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants ’rassling doll
Mama whups his ass

No Signal
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
needs new descrambler

Impounded
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino

Gathering
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man

Pride
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed
-------------------

How pumkin pies are made

http://twitpic.com/q19jf
---------------
A stark naked, drunken Australian woman, jumped into a vacant taxi in down town New Delhi .

The Indian driver was immediately beside himself
and just kept on staring at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

“What's wrong with you mate, haven't you ever seen a naked white woman before?”

“I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you that would not be proper where I am coming from".

"Well if your not bloody staring at me mate, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am telling you, I am thinking to myself where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with."
----------------------

Wolves

http://vehiclevideo.blogspot.com/2010/10/w...on-highway.html

--------------
A German travels to Paris by plane. In the airport, at the ID check desk, the
French officer, looking at German’s ID, asks him, "Occupation?". The German
answers, "No, no, no! Just visiting."

----------------------------
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.


I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you,. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify ____________:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check with their finger when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
----------------------------
I am not sure what this is

http://i.imgur.com/1vdlo.jpg

---------------------
A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior.. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."


"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight !"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother..
"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the f**?!@# putt, didn't you???
---------------------------
Dog Saviors

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmB_foyYuas

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Oct 8 2010, 07:09 PM
Post #152


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


What if Famous People had Jewish Mothers?

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
" I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written."

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"All right, if your're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something with your hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
" That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years!"

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"At least Monica was a nice Jewish girl!"


Friends

http://pics.kuvaton.com/kuvei/cat_parrot.jpg

Can't see it , but it gets a good response: Radio Flyer Car

http://www.ktuu.com/news/ktuu-radio-flyer-...0,1784245.story
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Oct 6 2010, 07:33 PM
Post #153


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


First Picture on the Web

http://musiclub.web.cern.ch/MusiClub/bands.../firstband.html

What? You were expecting Al Gore?

http://funnyandcoolvideos.blogspot.com/201...vs-student.html

Kid fotos

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/...-who-creatively

And read Epi in the travel thread.





Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Oct 1 2010, 07:18 PM
Post #154


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/09...children_bu.php

http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=19448*

http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/whalethanks.asp

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/campus-ov...d=sec-education
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Sep 29 2010, 04:48 PM
Post #155


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


Always take life with a grain of salt...

plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

http://themondayfunnies.com/hh_w_09-27-2010/

Time to Dance


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYL3j27sSH8

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"


"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"


"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."


"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."


"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."


"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."


A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"


"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."


"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."


"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Who mucked up your hair?"

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Sep 23 2010, 08:19 PM
Post #156


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


http://yeli.us/Flash/Fire.html

Haven't seen it yet, but the reaction is good.

Likewise this one - free vertigo.

http://io9.com/5639113/the-scariest-video-...ever-watcheence

A couple was dining at an upscale restaurant when a stunningly beautiful young woman walked over to their table, gave the husband a long, openmouthed kiss, then told him she'd see him later as she sauntered away. The wife was furious, threw her napkin on the table, and said to the husband, "Who the HELL was THAT?"

"Oh," said the husband as though everything was normal, "that was my mistress."
"I've had it!" yelled the wife. "This is the last straw! I'm divorcing you."
"Well," said the husband, "I can understand, but if you do, that'll mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in the Bahamas, no more summers in the villa in Tuscany, no more Porsche in the garage, and no more tennis club. Your call."
Just then, a mutual friend entered the restaurant with a beautiful young woman on his arm. "Who is that woman with Eric?" asked the wife. The husband replied, "That's his mistress."

The wife calmed down, put her napkin back on her lap, smiled, and said, "Ours is prettier."


Men who lack adult supervision:

http://themondayfunnies.com//hh_v_09-20-2010/
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Sep 20 2010, 06:38 PM
Post #157


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


Microsoft Word

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kyhrxzBN...z527qo1_400.jpg

Richard Dawkins on the pope equating atheism with Nazism;

http://richarddawkins.net/articles/518808-...#comment_518842

'This statement by the pope, on his arrival in Edinburgh, is a despicable outrage. Even if Hitler had been an atheist, his political philosophy was not based upon atheism and had no connection with atheism. Hitler was arguably (and by his own account) a Roman Catholic. In any case he enjoyed the open support of many of the most senior catholic clergy in Germany and the less demonstrative support of Pope Pius XII. Even if Hitler had been an atheist (he certainly was not), the rank and file Germans who carried out the attempted extermination of the Jews were Christians, almost to a man: either Catholic or Lutheran, primed to their anti-Semitism by centuries of Catholic propaganda about ‘Christ-killers’ and by Martin Luther’s own seething hatred of the Jews. To mention Ratzinger’s membership of the Hitler Youth might be thought to be fighting dirty, but my feeling is that the gloves are off after this disgraceful paragraph by the pope.

I feel like bombarding every newspaper in Britain with letters of protest.

I am incandescent with rage at the sycophantic BBC coverage, and the sight of British toadies bowing and scraping to this odious man. I thought he was bad before. This puts the lid on it.'



http://i.imgur.com/xJ15z.jpg

911 Call:

911 Op: What's the emergency

Caller: Send help quick, my son swallowed a condum.

911 Op: What's the address?

Caller: Yadda, yadda, yadda

911 Op: The EMT's are on their way.

Three minutes later

911 Op: What's the emergency?

Caller: It's me again, cancel the EMT's I found another condum.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Sep 15 2010, 07:23 PM
Post #158


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


Should you remarry?

http://dotcomjoe.com/0915f2

Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London .... After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Google map: RE\ead Steps 56 & 70


http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&source...ie=UTF8&z=3

You Tube, Twitter, and Facebook have announced plans to merge.

The new company will be named YouTwitFace
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Sep 9 2010, 07:16 PM
Post #159


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


Tea Party T Shirts

http://i.imgur.com/1pWX5.jpg

Get'em while they're hot!

The Known Universe

http://www.bitoffun.com/fun-stuff-known-universe.html

Card Trick

http://www.bitoffun.com/video_vault/great-card-trick.html
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
totomoto
post Sep 3 2010, 06:51 PM
Post #160


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 212
From: SoCal


So, this 'One Laptop Per Child' thing Obama is talking about..... Where do I drop off the child and where do I pick up the laptop?

10 Drugs Not to Take While Driving

http://funnyandcoolvideos.blogspot.com/search/label/germany

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman
Said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put
On a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a
Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said,
"A Chihuahua? They gave me a f.........g Chihuahua?!"
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

17 Pages V  « < 6 7 8 9 10 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
2 User(s) are reading this topic (2 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: October 21, 2014 - 10:44 AM