[maddy29]

errands, ha ha!

i find that hearing other people having sex is not a turn on to me. it's just annoying. and sometimes funny. and then i think of how goofy i probably sound when i'm doing it, and that's just embarrassing

maybe you do need to tell her fullout how loud it is, i mean it sucks-ideallyl everyone should be able to yell or whatever, but in reality, put a sock in it!!!!

[annelise]

i'd asked her a while ago (before the loud-orgasm problem with her) if she ever heard anything when i was in my bedroom with my bf, and she said she'd never heard anything at all. i figured it helped that our bedrooms are on opposite sides of the apartment, but i can still hear her from my bedroom nonetheless!

so yeah, we might have thin walls, but not so thin that you can't have very enjoyable sex (i'm not always quiet myself, though i try not to be loud when i know she's in the next room or something).

i'm glad that she's a good enough friend that i can say something. she really is embarrassed, although i tried to be tactful. (not telling her fullout, for instance, that the noise really creeps my bf out. he'd thought it might be hot to hear lesbians getting it on, but it turned out not to be that way at all for him. otoh, it's a great way to get him to go run errands for me)

[maddy29]

lol, that's great that she was embarrassed! at least she's not just one of those annoying "i'm having such a loud orgasm so that everyone can hear what great sex i'm having right now" people....

yeah, keep talking about it-i mean good lord! i don't know if you have thin walls or what, but i've rarely heard my roomie-only when i've walked right past her door can i hear (on the way to the bathroom).

i like my roommates a lot, but those little things just drive me nuts sometimes-the other day i couldn't find the remote, spent 10 minutes searching for it-finally found it-of all places- under the couch cushion wrapped up in a quilt that had been folded up and placed under the couch cushion. wtf???

other roomie liikes to conduct work conference calls on her cell in the kitchen, and will "shush" me if i come in talking or whatever. grrr! it's the fucking kitchen! you can't expect to do a phone interview in the kitchen when you have roommates-that's what your room is for!!!!

roomie whose fish sauce container (no lid) spilled all over the fridge about 3 months ago-i cleaned up some of it but it's still in there stinking-i don't think she'll ever notice....

i like them both so much as people, and it's just little dumb things, but some days i'm just like arghhhh!!!!!

[annelise]

my roommate is awesome, and a good friend--i don't have many issues with her at all otherwise. i'd said something to her about it last week, finally, and she was cool about it. she was really embarrassed that she was being that loud when having sex.

then her gf was over last night and i could hear muffled bed-thumping sounds but nothing too bad, so i thought, great! and then, this morning, earlier than i wanted to be awake, AGAIN with the loud orgasm noises. i'll have to talk to her again or something. arrrrgh.

[maddy29]

annelise-omg, that's awful! she needs to keep it down, geez-scream into a pillow or something. i mean, it's one thing in the middle of the day or something, but in the middle of the nigth? grody dude. have you ever said anything to her? is she nice? geez.....

[kickitkickitkick...]

I kicked my boyfriends friend out today. I feel a little guilty, but it needed to be done. The man LITERALLY sat online all day as supposed to looking to find a way to work legally in this country or even making the smart decision to go home. He claimed he needed money to go home, so I gave him a couple hundred and sent him on his way. It was so nice to have the place to my boyfriend and I once again (insert sigh of relief!).

[annelise]

is it unreasonable to ask a roommate to keep her orgasms to a less-audible level? i'm happy for her that she has such a great sex life lately, but it's also waking me up and disrupting my everyday life.

i had a really really bad night with my own personal problems and i just hear her coming over and over and over again and it's driving me mad.

[sassygrrl]

I actually lived with one of my best friends. As long as we had a cleaning schedule, a bill schedule, etc we were okay. I'm really amazed it didn't fuck up our friendship. I guess it helped that we had different work schedules at the time. This was a couple of years ago. Honestly, he was one of the best roommates I had ever had.

Now, I live with crazy landlady and bitchy housemate. Ugh. I know they both care about me (as I do for them). Yet, space is a big thing with me. Margaret (landlady) is so damn nosey. I believe that she thinks that I am her daughter. I'm just her tenant. I still can't believe I've been here 10 months. Now, we don't have much heat. Ugh. I'm hoping that I don't get a cold.


I will be so glad to reaching a point in my life where I can live alone! I realized that I haven't lived by myself in like 5 years. It's been five years too long.

[misspissed]

oh man...i think the worst thing you can do is move in with a friend.
you go into the situation thinking everything will be awesome, fun, a constant party....

you wake up 5 years later and realise this person is a complete and utter procrastinating cheap selfish lazyass.

i have problems confronting her on stuff, because part of me has just given up at this point! i am moving back in with my mom in a few months anyway (to save money so i can buy something instead of rent).

the best things you can do prior to moving in with someone is to have a defined chore schedule, & a defined financial plan (who pays for what, what you split, do you take turns buying stuff? etc)--and try to get it in writing!

if i had known this years ago, i believe my living situation would have been much more smooth.

[stargazer]

uh, i was looking for this thread a couple of weeks ago.

yeah, i found it!

my roommate was also a friend. actually, living together didn't make things bad. our friendship and the other people i used to be friends with was dissolving. unfortunately, we were living together as roommates with the dissolution of our friendship. there was no screaming or yelling. just a clearing of old pictures of our shared group of friends...of him and i together as friends. we used to be civil and cordial to each other. then one day, he just stopped responding to my hellos and goodbyes. oh well.

i'm just pissed that he doesn't let me know if he will be gone for a couple of days or what. he went away for a week and didn't tell me. i figured it out of course. oh, and i think he went home to his folks house last night. but, he didn't tell me. i just came home to an empty place. he is too weird.

[nickclick]

glass, i hear ya, my roommate was also my friend first, and it's not until we moved in together that i realized the extent of her annoying-ness. her messiness was somehow charming a couple of years ago. JESUS CHRIST WHY IS THERE 8 GALLONS OF WATER ON THE SINK AFTER YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!!!! ok thank you for letting me rant.

messiness is not even the real issue. we used to shop together, see concerts together, etc. etc. etc. now we live together, shop together, go to concerts together, go to shoprite for milk together, eat dinner together, etc etc etc. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL BE HOME FOR DINNER TONITE!!!!! thanks again.

[glassk]

wow. that is anal. sorry, laurenann. I think you sound perfectly reasonable- these are all little things that would be obnoxious on a regular basis- maybe your neighbour wants to nip them in the bud, but going about it ALL WRONG. argh.

I'm glad you bumped this thread. I'm having ISSUES with my roommate.
Any time away from him and I start to build up this huge grudge. A ridiculous amount of pent up anger and frustration at everything. when he's around he's easy going and it's easy to put off, but then he's gone and i keep thinking about how cruel he is to me, in things he says to and about me and does to me.
like actively making sure I would miss my flight to visit my parents= a trip that he recommended I do.
bitching to me about cleaning the place but when i get home from the holiday it's a mess. I didn't even get a note for when I got home and he knew I was coming home (this is petty on my part, but notes are often the only way we connect).
he ate two of my cinnamon buns without asking, not that I mind that they are gone, (I made them when craving them, and don't want to eat more of them.) But- I never said he could. And he always thinks I ate his food when I don't and complains about it so it bothers me that he eats mine.
he says things about my ex.bf that only i'm allowed to say. i don't want him to tell me i'm better off without him. I know that. But I don't want to hear it.
everytime I do something at home I can imagine him saying something- now i always wonder if i'm leaving streaks in the toilet, even if it's just pee. I don't want to think of him every time i'm on the freaking toilet.
how he knows so much about me but only brings it up to make me feel bad (secrets I told him when we were better friends- and still tell him when we're chatting and i'm drunk, cuz i still half-trust him)

[laurenann]

*bump, bump, bump*

geesh, JUNE? man.

i had to find this thread, though. i am not having roomate problems, but neighbor problems. actually the neighbors are having problems with my roomates and i seem to be the only one who cares that they are having problems with each other.

half of the problem is parking. my one roomates friend asked "can i park in the lot by your house" and he said yes, thinking the friend meant the city lot across the street and not the resident-only lot behind our house. so when our neighbor came home he parked at the end of the driveway and blocked us ALL in. kind of a jerky move - couldn't he have just one floor up and ask if we knew whose car that was? i have no idea how the friend got out - drove over the lawn? - but i had to wake the neighbor up in the morning so i could get out from work. and i apologized profusely, even though it wasn't my fault at all. later that day my roomate aplogized too and explained what happened. then i guess the guy on the 1st floor was all "um, could you tell your friends not to park in our spots, okay?" and my roomate was like "uh, yeah, i know, it was a misunderstanding." why the guy on the 1st floor got involved, i have no idea. so this was like two weeks ago, and today we get an email from the property manager saying "parking is a privellage that can be revoked, please let me know if there is any confusion about parking, etc etc." i emailed her back to clear up what happened (it was a mistake that happened once and we apologized) and to say that i couldn't believe our neighbors wouldn't just come and talk to us.

anyway, the other half of the problem is that my back door key stopped working so i left the back door unlocked when i left for work in the morning for a few days while i procrastinated about getting a new key made, thinking my roomate would lock it when he left for work 15 minutes later. but i guess we all just stopped locking the door for a couple of days. our bad. but can't you just tell us - hell, even yell at us - rather than sending an email to the property manager?

i really wanna know who sent the email to the property manager. our 2nd floor neighbors seem cool and we have never had an issue with them, but the guy was pretty peeved about his parking spot. the 1st floor neighbors are total ninnys - they left a note saying "please do not slam the door" when i accidentally slammed the door ONCE at, like, 9pm - and i suspect it was them getting into other peoples business. sigh. what a pain! i just want everyone to like eachother.

thanks for the rant!

[glassk]

I do struggle when trying to decide if an issue is worth confrontation. I hate disagreement, but it is true about the value of friendship over simmering resentment/issues.
and funny enough- this guy is often asked if he is gay. so close enough to let my parents think he's gay and not going to be sleeping with me. :D good call.

mornington- it is a trouble syncronizing move-in dates. the person i would most love to live with has a lease that doesn't expire until after I need a place.

I really appreciate the advice about a seperate bank account. that is very do-able, and extremely practical. also something i can do immediately. thanks!

i am sure division of labour is important, but i do prefer my own laundry.

Surprisingly, my dad seemed fairly supportive and gave me a few questions to knaw on, mainly related to the art school. so i'm feeling pretty good about this right now.

[bklynhermit]

oh my god. my dad is so Mr. Roper.

if only my dad was actually Don Knotts. except that i probably wouldn't be nearly as hott as i am now...

[jemisoutrageous]

So your father is Mr. Roper and he think your roomate Jack is a little (makes high pitched noise, wiggles hand in faggy way,rolls eyes 'comically).

[bklynhermit]

i have a male roommate, and the only way my father can get his head around it is to assume he's gay. even though i've explained several times that he's not. my father refuses to acknowledge any of these conversations, and insists that because there is a framed snapshot of roomie and another guy hanging in our entryway, and because he exhibits a basic understanding of interior design, dresses well, cooks, etc. that he MUST be gay. by which he really means, "anyone who lives with my daughter and doesn plan on marrying her had damn well better be..."

as to other roommate stuff (less about living with a guy, more about general issues):

if you move in with somebody, make sure it's someone you can REALLY communicate with. while we did cover all the bases before i moved in, roomie and i have had issues to resolve as they occurred (even some we thought we'd already figured out). don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. one well-justified argument (sorry, "intense discussion") about the phone bill is not going to destroy your friendship. and if it does, he wasn't worth your friendship in the first place.

[tyger]

mornington, have i ever told you how much i love that you write so englishly? which makes sense, because you're not american or canadian, i guess. you guys just have way cooler words :P

glassk, i think living with a guy is most likely easier than living with a girl. you have to train them (toilet seat down, you aren't his maid or his mother, stuff like that), but in my experience guys are just easier to get along with for extended periods of time. for the most part you're safe from random girlish drama and (with my friends, anyway) they're a lot more easy going about most things.

if'n'when i move out, i'm going to live with one of my guy friends as a housemate, because i could honestly never see me living with one of my female friends for more than a month or so (with one exception)

[mornington]

glassk - you're pretty much at the same stage I am. I'm moving in with a male friend in september (my biggest issue can be found down thread). Luckily my mother is cool about it, and my father has agreed to keep paying my rent. I'mn assuming you're living at home or in catered dorms right now?

ok... first off. If you're worried about money, can you get a separate bank account for rent & utilities - water etc - from your everyday account? This will stop you spending the rent money. Are your parents willing to make a contribution to your keep? Otherwise... student loans or maybe a job? Agree with your roommate how you're splitting rent, utilities, even food (for example, we've already agreed to shop together)

Get both of you on the lease - that way if something happens, both of you are protected. If you want, draw up a list of responsibilities each of you have.

Division of labour is really important. Agree - and enforce - how you're going to deal with laundry, cleaning etc etc. (again - H does the hoovering, I will deal with the kitchen. H does the laundry, I deal with the cooking). This is especially important when it comes to shared spaced like the lounge & bathroom.

As far as resources... pots, pans, plates, a healthy supply of washing-up liquid and enough forks to eat three meals without having to wash up. See what your roomie is going to bring with him. Yes, buying all these is expensive, but it's a one-off payment that hopefully you won't be making again for several years. Your parents might have some old stuff they're willing to part with, or there's a cheap place you can shop at.

If you haven't got somewhere yet, you should be looking for somewhere furnished. Beds, lounge furniture, washing machine, cooker. Hopefully they'll provide a hoover too. Before you move in, once you have somewhere, walk around and make a list of what you're going to need. If your male roomie hasn't done any independant living, he'll need instructing in the basic arts of the toilet brush, hoover, and picking up after himself. They always do.

On the male roomie front... have your parents met him? Maybe even arrange for them to meet him with his s.o., making it very very clear that you're not having sex with him (this is always thier first worry). Male roomies are no different from female ones really, except they occasionally need more housetraining first. As long as you use your common sense, you really will be fine.

'scuse the essay

[glassk]

Hello.
I hope that you all don't mind - I'm here more often lurking then not- i find a lot of the advice here I can apply to my own life itself. And I'm not wise enough to give advice most times. But perhaps you can answer me this:

I'm going into university, second year, this fall, at the university I am currently employed at. What i'd really like to do though, is move in with a male friend and go to an art school. but i haven't talked to my parents (who are currently paying for my education) and am not sure how viable this plan is. Rent would be $600 a month. I've never done any independant living, and I have never had a non-female roommate. (He's taken. If that helps) He's a good friend. Issues? Concerns? Resources? I need some support for this decision, it's not going to come from the parents, and friends dont' have the neutral rationality I need.