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> General Relationship/Dating Advice
nbdx0645
post Oct 12 2010, 10:08 PM
Post #1


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Posts: 134


Aww, buttercups, I'd definitely be your roomie. =)
Living with people who respect you and look out for you is paradise. I hope that whatever living situation you have, it supports you and gives you comfort. My advice is that whoever you live with, make sure that you have a room of your own. Having a space that is yours, and is sacred, allows you to escape from stressors that can take place inside the home.

QUOTE(buttercups @ Oct 10 2010, 03:18 PM) *
p.s. I'm sure JAG is still lurking *covers up small boobies* Hope he's getting the damn picture already!


Ha ha ha. This makes me wish that I had bigger breasts, too...
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anarch
post Oct 11 2010, 03:11 PM
Post #2


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QUOTE(koffeewitch @ Oct 10 2010, 11:06 AM) *
There is nothing more valuable than having a clean slate in life and total POTENTIAL to do anything you want to do. Once your youth and potential are gone and you are left with nothing but responsibilites and the consequences of your mistakes, there is no going back. Not ever.

please, please, take a moment to fully realize what a wonderful, valuable time this is in your life. You have all your ducks in a row...keep it that way. Graduate and get your OWN place...not with a guy.


koffeewitch, your comment hits it out of the park. Damn. Applause from this corner too.

buttercups, it's not surprising that getting your own place didn't occur to you. We're all influenced by our friends and the example they set, even if the examples are DEstructive, not constructive. It's natural for us to take our cues from what we see around us.
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buttercups
post Oct 11 2010, 01:56 PM
Post #3


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Aww thanks koffeewitch, and living with a group of gfs does sound like it would be awesome. Sadly most of my gfs are either 10 years older than me and settled or my age and living with a guy (which may not last long, who knows). haha anyone up for a roommate? Anyways, yea I would think that my interest would fade too as it has with other relationships, but for whatever reason this ones just got me. I'm not the real commitment type and the idea of marriage actually terrifies me, but I can see myself with him for a long time given he gets his act together- which lord knows if that'll ever happen. *sigh * But I do feel so much better since reading your post and I'm going to enjoy what I have now and stop trying to live in the future and being upset that it's not reality. And I do think it's wise to move out on my own first and not immediately live with my bf- who knows what that might do to our relationship? Don't know if I'm ready to find out just yet!

*eagerly takes boobie shield* thanks Persi! Yeah I don't know what I've been thinking going along as though I can't just get my own place or something. And thanks for saying that my friends are insane so I know I'm not the only one who thinks so! One of them just sent me a message today saying she bought her wedding dress (not officially engaged until this december and known the guy for 2 months) and that she is thinking about moving the wedding up to an even sooner date. I think it's completely nuts! All my other friends don't see a problem with it (though they're just as crazy) and have been making me feel like there's something wrong with me. Glad it's not just me. I predict a divorce in the near future...
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koffeewitch
post Oct 11 2010, 12:44 PM
Post #4


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From: the Hundred Acre Woods


I remember living with my girlfriends being one of the very best times of my life. And when I was living with guys...I would sometimes find solace over at my girlfriends and be so jealous that I wasn't just living with a group of women anymore. I remember the little things like hanging out in each others beds, smoking weed and talking until 5a.m. or going out to coffee together, sitting on the front porch watching the stars, crying in each other's arms when we were heartbroken over death of a loved one or a relationship or whatever... I know this all sounds just sappy as fuck, but seriously those years were golden.


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Persiflager
post Oct 11 2010, 04:20 AM
Post #5


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*hands buttercups a boobie shield*

I can really relate to your post! I lived at home throughout my first long-term relationship, and one of the major frustrations was that my ex insisted on waiting until he could afford to buy somewhere (and that wasn't going to happen any time soon). Looking back, I have absolutely no idea why I didn't just move out myself and live with friends.

Koffeewitch is completely right - you don't need to have all your dreams for the future riding on your boyfriend's actions.

(Also, I think your friends are insane - that's way too soon to move in together! It sounds like what you're envious of is their independence and not having to live with parents any more, but you don't need to move in with your boyfriend to get that. In fact, you'll much more independent if you move out by yourself. I'm guessing that the reason your friends moved out is because they were also desperate to get out from under parental wings - anyone taking bets that they'll regret it, and then move straight in with another guy?)


--------------------
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koffeewitch
post Oct 10 2010, 03:32 PM
Post #6


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Wow, you sound like a very strong and ambitious woman. I doubt that someone who is not your equal in that area will interest you for much longer.

I hate to predict doom for people's relationships, but I've noticed that big life changes often go hand in hand with ending relationships that are less than satisfying. So many times I've moved into a new apartment...and then decided I wanted to break up with my boyfriend. Staying with someone just because they are familiar and comfortable just keeps you from finding someone exciting and wonderful.


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"The U.S. is the only nation on Earth to pass from barbarism into decadence without once passing through an era of civilization."
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buttercups
post Oct 10 2010, 03:18 PM
Post #7


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Thanks so much koffewitch, you really made me look at this from another perspective. I haven't really done anything yet to get myself tied to another person and maybe I am not seeing the freedom in this whole situation that I have going right now. You really made me feel a lot better about things, so thank you. I'm gonna get off my bf's back and just focus on myself and if I feel like moving out I'm not going to wait for him to do it. I guess moving in together does kinda take the romance out of a lot of things and maybe being apart as much as we are isn't such a bad thing. My friend was complaining the other night about how her new guy doesn't pick up his shit and leaves it all over the house- who wants to be bitchin about that kinda crap that early on? Guess I should stop being jealous and just appreciate what I have now.

Oh and yeah it's great that he has all these plans for going for advanced degrees, but the problem is that he was never that hard of a worker before and now he doesn't really have what is necessary to get into these programs. Instead of taking the time to figure out what to do to get where he wants to go he just puts his head in the sand and avoids and ignores it. Like right now he hasn't done anything for his applications for his second masters degree and he won't get on it unless I nag him. They're going to be due soon and when I don't nag him it just doesn't happen. And when I say I'm sick of nagging him and I'm not gonna do it anymore he says he's going to do the work on his own and then he never does. It's so frustrating. That's what I mean by not being able to get his shit together. He just gives up or remains clueless about what he's supposed to be doing when all he has to do is put a little work into it to figure it out- ugh!

p.s. I'm sure JAG is still lurking *covers up small boobies* Hope he's getting the damn picture already!

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auralpoison
post Oct 10 2010, 02:54 PM
Post #8


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QUOTE(koffeewitch @ Oct 10 2010, 03:32 PM) *
I noticed J_A_G has stopped posting, anyway. I 'spose he's off talking about what uptight man-hating, sexist beeyotches we all are.


Yeah, he still lurks; I'm hoping that he's taking the time to shut the fuck up & get a feel for the community/checking out other forums like everybody suggested. But I am heartily doubting that he will post anywhere but in the smallies thread. The guys that start in the boob threads almost never bother to try to look into anything else once they've gotten the business. And god knows his "apology" or whatever was loaded with lame excuses as to why he hasn't even attempted to look around. Meh.

/derail



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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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koffeewitch
post Oct 10 2010, 02:32 PM
Post #9


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Posts: 474
From: the Hundred Acre Woods


QUOTE(auralpoison @ Oct 9 2010, 12:37 PM) *
Word. My online profile is fucking hysterical. Seriously.

J_A_G mentioned something about me liking to have an audience (Because, y'know, I'm only here to get props from strangers on the intarwebs! I do not actively engage or try to be a part of the community. dry.gif ), which is all well & good, but honestly I think the only person that ever rereads what I have written is me. In my own mind I am a purveyor of comedy GOLD!


Shit, girl. I still giggle about your great "my vaginer is a workin' vaginer..she gots a doo rag on" from some post long time ago. I noticed J_A_G has stopped posting, anyway. I 'spose he's off talking about what uptight man-hating, sexist beeyotches we all are.


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"The U.S. is the only nation on Earth to pass from barbarism into decadence without once passing through an era of civilization."
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auralpoison
post Oct 10 2010, 01:37 PM
Post #10


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*LONG SLOOOOOW CLAP* I could not have said it better myself. Koffeewitch is straight up on the muhfuckin' money here.


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koffeewitch
post Oct 10 2010, 01:06 PM
Post #11


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Posts: 474
From: the Hundred Acre Woods


buttercups, you may not believe me here...I remember living with the folks and feeling like a kid. but girl, the world is your oyster right now. You are young, bright, and you've made no BIG mistakes yet in your life to trap you into a place that you resent. Months from now your girlfriends will realize that the guys they marriedin haste are not everything that they'd hoped. So many times, I've looked at other people's lives thinking they had great houses, marriages, jobs, etc...then little, by little, I learned how fucking miserable they all were behind closed doors. There is nothing more valuable than having a clean slate in life and total POTENTIAL to do anything you want to do. Once your youth and potential are gone and you are left with nothing but responsibilites and the consequences of your mistakes, there is no going back. Not ever.

please, please, take a moment to fully realize what a wonderful, valuable time this is in your life. You have all your ducks in a row...keep it that way. Graduate and get your OWN place...not with a guy. A guy can sign a lease with you and then just disappear leaving you stuck with the bills and the headaches. Just get your own life together...you can have your guy spend the night there, but on YOUR terms. Then you can let your relationship progress more naturally (and you won't be stuck with him just because you've signed a lease together).

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone getting advanced degrees, etc. Are you implying you kind of think that he's going for the eternal student role to avoid going out into the "real" world? (Maude knows, it's common enough). At any rate, this is the time to really start thinking about you and your goals in life. Every door you open will shut other doors; you pick one opportunity and leave others behind. Don't let your boyfriend, your parents, your friends influence you into making the wrong choices for you. Mistakes that you make in your twenties have a tendency to stick around and affect you decades down the road. When you have your own place and your freedom you'll probably be able to see how you really feel about your boyfriend. And believe it: when you have your own place and freedom, your friends will be the ones who are envious of you.


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"The U.S. is the only nation on Earth to pass from barbarism into decadence without once passing through an era of civilization."
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buttercups
post Oct 10 2010, 08:20 AM
Post #12


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Hate to break up the fun, and for the record yeah hottest personal ads ever ladies, but I need to know if I'm being a mega-bitch or not and this is always my favorite place to find out!

So my situation right now is this: 25 years old, been dating my boyfriend for over 2.5 years now. He's the same age as me and we're both in school and living at home. Total suckage. We have no privacy and very little time together because I'm so busy with going to school, my clinical rotations, and work. He's kinda in school now, he's just taking one class to finish up his masters. His degree, even though it will be a masters, is in psych so pretty much he can't do anything with it at all because he needs a Ph.D. He does not have any of the requirements right now to even get into a Ph.D program in the area that he wants, so he will probably have to get a second fuckin masters that focuses more in the area that he wants to go into and work harder doing research and crap to get published before he can even apply- so we're looking at another million years of school and broke-ness here. I, on the other hand, will be graduating in May and will finally be looking to start real big-kid life. So we are kinda in different places here where he's still working his high school job and has years of school ahead and I'll be done and ready to be an adult in less than a year from now.

Over the past 2-3 months about 4 of my friends met guys and subsequently moved out of their parents' houses and moved in with their new boyfriends. One of them has even gotten engaged. Yes, if you are anything like me you will think this is crazy fast and absolutely insane. And it was just weird how it all happened to them at the exact same time. But while I'm happy for them (at the same time thinking they're out of their minds), I can't get rid of my horrible feelings of jealousy and its been putting a serious damper on our relationship. I get angry whenever I hear about them being in their own place with their boyfriends, living the life I want to be living, and I take it out on him. It feels like I've put in a million times more time and effort into my relationship and I don't have anything to show for it, whereas these girls have done next to nothing and their guys are ready to move right in and propose! Of course finances and such are the big issue here, and my bf has said that he really wants to move in with me but that he just can't right now, but I'm getting so sick of waiting for something to happen. It seems like our relationship is just stagnant and exactly like mine was in high school. I can barely even have him over my house past midnight, and his parents are strict too and won't let me stay over. It's like being 13 years old. Even my little brother has just recently moved out with his gf of about 6 months. I'm the one who has been in the relationship the longest and I just have nothing to show for it. And it seems like there won't be an end in sight to this problem for quite some time. There's no way he'll ever be able to afford a ring in the next 5-7 years, and if we do move in together when I get a good job (assuming he doesn't end up going somewhere far away with all his schooling), I will be the one paying for it and supporting his ass because he'll still be in school and that will be the only way it can work out money-wise. Who knows if I'll even be able to afford that with my monumental student loans.

It just seems like our relationship is not progressing in any way and I really want to start living a grown-up life. It may not be his fault at this time, but anger and resentment is building up in me because of it. I am lashing out and saying horrible things (am also PMS-ing at this time) because I am so goddamn sick of this situation and having to hear about my other friend's wedding plans and how great it is that they can have sex whenever they want blah blah blah. I think we have sex once a month if that! I really care about him, but I wish I was with a guy who had his shit together. One who has graduated from all necessary school programs or soon to be graduating and has a great job and is ready to move out. Meanwhile I'm the one who's motivated and has all my ducks in a row for the most part and ready to take the next step and I'm being held back. I'm trying to decide if this is worth it to me and I can't. One the one hand he is a great guy who treats me like gold and has a wonderful personality, but on the other hand he is in a completely different place than me and slow to take action on anything. In fact he never takes the initiative on a single thing that has to do with us or his life. He's a head-in-the-sand kinda guy when the going gets tough and I constantly have to shovel his head out, which is another issue altogether. He says he is working hard to get everything done and trying as hard as he can to get his shit together, but then I don't see any progression on it. Don't know what to do. Am I being a total jealous bitch??

I think my personals ad would go something like this right now:

Jealous, PMS-ing, raging bitch seeks aggressive man-with-shit-together for hours of intense, passionate hate sex. Must live away from parents and be able to fuck loudly past midnight.

Is that too much to ask??




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auralpoison
post Oct 9 2010, 11:37 AM
Post #13


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Word. My online profile is fucking hysterical. Seriously.

J_A_G mentioned something about me liking to have an audience (Because, y'know, I'm only here to get props from strangers on the intarwebs! I do not actively engage or try to be a part of the community. dry.gif ), which is all well & good, but honestly I think the only person that ever rereads what I have written is me. In my own mind I am a purveyor of comedy GOLD!


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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Persiflager
post Oct 9 2010, 11:18 AM
Post #14


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From: Babylon


I would so do us


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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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koffeewitch
post Oct 9 2010, 08:42 AM
Post #15


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Posts: 474
From: the Hundred Acre Woods


Whew. Are we some hot chicks or what? biggrin.gif


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"The U.S. is the only nation on Earth to pass from barbarism into decadence without once passing through an era of civilization."
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sybarite
post Oct 9 2010, 07:39 AM
Post #16


it's cards on the table time
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'Self-indulgent, moody but intellectual woman with definite left sensibilities seeks similar in male form for extended and multifaceted caffeinated or possibly drunken conversations, lots of making out and frequent but ideally surprising sex.'
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koffeewitch
post Oct 8 2010, 02:10 PM
Post #17


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From: the Hundred Acre Woods


I rather liked yours. The "attractively disheveled" and "frenetic sexual congress" are priceless. I was hoping some others would jump in on this game...I think it's fun, too. Especially since I'm not the type to post a personals ad, I've never had the chance to think about this sort of thing before.


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Persiflager
post Oct 8 2010, 03:00 AM
Post #18


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From: Babylon


Niiiice.


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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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koffeewitch
post Oct 7 2010, 02:47 PM
Post #19


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From: the Hundred Acre Woods


"Bare foot gypsy grrl seeks earthy, bookish companion (cloven hooves a plus) for late-night coffee drinking, communing with forest spirits and undermining capitalism."


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Persiflager
post Oct 7 2010, 09:58 AM
Post #20


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From: Babylon


Fun game!

What would you post as a personals ad?

If I was single, mine would be: "Short, geeky woman seeks attractively disheveled man for boozing, conversational rambling, and possible frenetic sexual congress."


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Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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