[erinjane]

Actually, he's been going for a year. He's feels a lot more comfortable talking to family about it than strangers. I'm feeling better about the whole thing today. He seems really sure that this time it's over, and it's very bittersweet. But on my end I'm doing alright. So go me!

[stargazer]

(((erinjane))) i would refer your brother to al-anon. he could get support there from people dealing with loved ones who are alcoholics. maybe ease the pressure off of you to be everything to him. just listen and support him. i know it is easier said than done.

((whitelightning)) by law, all health care professionals are obligated to report when someone is having suicidal/homicidal thoughts and feelings. if you are not feeling suicidal, then you have nothing to worry about. if your safety is a question, well, then it is up to the therapist to determine if you meet criteria for in patient hospitalization. most therapists/community mental health centers will conduct a sliding scale fee for clients. i hope you are able to find a job where you can get benefits.

((annelise)) i would encourage him to get help. maybe accompany him to the doctor or therapist. or, else, things will just stay the same. i would check in the caregiving thread also for more advice and support.

[annelise]

there was a program through a local church that i used for a while--they offered counseling with psychology doctoral students for a sliding scale rate. the counselor changed every year, which sucked, but i got a guy i liked much better the second year. it did help, and because of my income, they only charged me $10 per visit. those kind of programs probably vary a lot, though.


is your boyfriend seeing a therapist or on medication?


he's not, though since his recent depressive bout i'm hoping that he'll at least see a doctor to help anxiety/disordered sleep. there is so much that needs to be treated, but it's (understandably) overwhelming for him. he really really needs professional help.

i'm trying to be there for him without allowing it to be a drain on me, but he really worries me sometimes.

-----

for those that also have loved ones facing serious depression, a friend recommended me a book called "how to survive when they're depressed: living and coping with depression fallout". (i just looked it up on amazon, but i don't know how to link).

[maddy29]

wow, whitelightning, that really stinks. are you on meds? i'm assuming not since you don't have health insurance. are you in the US? is there a possibility that you could get free care? in my state you can apply for it and get a lot of therapy visits...

also, some mental health clinics have a sliding scale that goes down very low, for people without insurance.

what was this waiver you had to sign? who would the counselor report to? the school? i mean yeah, if you say you are going to kill someone, they have to report that to the police and whoever else. and if you say you're going to kill yourself, they can't just say ok, and let you walk out of the session. just curious about this waiver, and why that was a deal-breaker for you?

[whitelightning]

that sucks, erinjane, i'm sorry to hear that. is that an anti-anxiety med she left you??

i've been posting in the "mooooving on" breakup thread and octinoxate suggested i come in here...basically, my boyfriend and i just broke up (i think); we've been in a relationship for about 3 years now. we're still on good terms, we're just trying to figure out how we're gonna do this since a) we still love one another and like being around each other and we live together.

basically, my depression has crippled me to the point of exhausting us both. although we love each other very much, he simply can't be in a relationship with me at this point. he wants to continue to support me and help me but he's wondering when i'm going to "get better". my problem is i'm in terrible financial straits and have no health insurance. i have been to therapy before and i feel like it definitely helped, but i know i need more one-on-one. i feel isolated and out of control.

it's been suggested to me that i should look into churches or community clinics. i tried talking to a counselor at my community college and that experience totally backfired...i had to sign a waiver that said the counselor was obligated to report any statements involving harm to *myself* or others. okaaayyyy.....that was that.

so here's my plan (and i cannot think beyond this): find a part-time job that offers health benefits (like starbucks - barf! - or trader joe's or something) so that i can see a therapist. jobs are extremely hard to come by in portland, but it's the only option i can see right now.

p.s. i don't know why that weird sunglasses emoticon showed up in my previous post. i totally didn't put it there...!

...i really can't help but laugh at that ridiculous emoticon with shades. i didn't put it there - it placed itself (creepily, i might add) in my post.

[erinjane]

Oh god, my parents left for florida for two weeks two days ago and today my brother kicked his wife out of the house because she won't stop drinking even while she's (again) in treatment. He calls me because we don't want to disturb my parents after my moms breakdown, we want them to have a vacation. But he doesn't realize how much pressure it puts on me and how stressed it makes me.

My mom was nice enough to leave me a bottle of her lorazapam though because she knows I've been freaking out lately. I miss my mom.

[_octinoxate]

Bump for whitelightning.

[stargazer]

is your boyfriend seeing a therapist or on medication?

sometimes, all you can do is be there for someone. i know it has been hard for my family and friends, but i have to get through this. but, let me tell you...their support has helped me tremendously. just giving me the emotional space to work through my problems. depression affects everyone it comes into contact...family, friends, partners...

[annelise]

my depressed boyfriend called tonight and sometimes i just don't know how to deal. i want to help, but he's too stubborn to let me. i don't always feel so fabulously positive about my life (understatement), but his depression is in a whole other league. i love him so much, and he's so important in my life--it's so hard when he's in one of these vicious cycles of depression and illogical thinking. i know that he's worth it--he's amazing--but the lows are so bad. i worry about him, and i get insecure that there's somehow something better that i could be doing to help him, and that whole gamut.

i feel like this should be a separate thread, and that i shouldn't be bothering the depression thread about it. i just have no idea how to deal with this sometimes, emotionally. he needs help, and i keep trying to subtly encourage without nagging, but it's ultimately on him--he has to do what he's ready for. it's so difficult to see him having such a hard time with things, just flailing against his life. i feel so helpless.

i feel like i do enough of that flailing myself, dammit. blah.

[WasabiNinja]

So glad I found this thread! I've been in therapy for about two months. Did lexapro for a short while because it made me this drooling booger eating zombie. Stopped seeing that doc. The one I see now has me on prozac and I am definitely having less panic attacks but I still have a very hard time leaving my house. I'm still dodging phone calls and sleeping all the time. Depression fucking sucks because I scare people that I love and I can't simply pretend that everything is okay. So rather than alienate everyone by letting myself be vulnerable I hide out in my cocoon of five blankets and a pillowfort. It feels like living in perpetual darkness and as much as I want to get out for air, the idea makes me panic. Like I'm going to see someone I know and they will ask me how I'm doing. Then I'll freak out and scare the hair off them.

I know I'm not the only one. I'm sorry that all of you are suffering too.

[erinjane]

[color=#3333FF]
erinjane, i don't have the same exact problem, but i do get THE DREAD after i've committed to something. even something fun, that i'm looking foward to. i get anxious and just wish i could stay HOME. and i know this may come out condescending - and i don't mean it to be - but someday you're gonna love it when someone thinks you're younger than you really are, i promise you.

I hate that feeling. It happens even when I haven't committed to anything. My mom's given me one of her lorazapam before to calm me down.

I actually have no problem with people thinking i'm younger than I am because I'm so used to it, but I do have a problem with people who reply in such a rude way and downright don't believe me. I've never had that happen before and it's a little thing, but even now it makes me really angry because she was so damned rude about it.

[stargazer]

keep coming in here to vent if you need to missconduckt!

Mando~like any other relationship, it takes time to build a relationship in the very beginning of therapy. i wouldn't expect my client to be 100% honest in the beginning. i know eventually you will let her know what she needs to know. plus, the whole not revealing everything will be discussed because i'm sure the underlying issue is permeate in other areas of your life. be easy on yourself.

i just visited my psychiatrist this week and he noticed i'm doing better. he said i'm getting the sparkle back in my eyes, which means alot. i've known my doc professionally for several years so i feel he knows how i am when i am well. i am feeling pretty well. the meds are really working for me. my mind isn't racing like before. the anxiety is starting to subside. i think the combo of meds and making dietary changes have helped my mood overall. it is still scary to know i have to continue with these changes...i so want to return to my old ways....stop meds, yada yada yada...but, then i remember how i was feeling before....not good...

i hope everyone else is doing well.

[mandolyn]

misconduckt, do you have anyone to talk to? do try to stick around and vent here as needed. it just might help.

erinjane, i don't have the same exact problem, but i do get THE DREAD after i've committed to something. even something fun, that i'm looking foward to. i get anxious and just wish i could stay HOME. and i know this may come out condescending - and i don't mean it to be - but someday you're gonna love it when someone thinks you're younger than you really are, i promise you.

i wish my psychotherapist swore. and did drugs. not that she's judging me. i don't know, i can't explain. i just wish she seemed cooler somehow. i'm fessing up to certain things, but i've already lied about doing coke. (only once in 9 months, but still.) and if this is going to work, i need to be 100% honest, right?

i nixed the psychopharmacologist plan and gave her permission to discuss my progress with my regular MD. so fingers crossed they click, and the doc doesn't think i also need a psychiatrist. (so can't afford it, fucky insurance.) heading into week #2 of wellbutrin 150mg/ativan as needed, and feeling a teency bit better. and even a teency bit braver. i think. or maybe it's just the relief of the holidays being over, and finally getting my period after 50 days. (the joys of perimenopause. *heavy sarcasm*)

she's damn good at getting at the root of things. i've been avoiding The Major Issue for 4 sessions now, but she honed in today. *heavy sigh*

[erinjane]

Things have been going pretty good for me lately, except this week because I've been sick and it just makes my mood crappy. I played a soccer game on Friday and was so weak from being sick. After some lady said we should register in the under 20 tourny, and pointed at me. I said I was 21 and she laughed and said, "Yeah, right!" And it really ate at me and i started bawling in the car on my way home.

I had my first session with my psychologist last week. I really like her, we clicked well. But I realize that I have a serious problem saying no. I'm at the point where I can say it, but I get extremely anxious afterwords. Last week a neighbour asked if I could come over to meet his dogs for when I babysit their kid, and I was sick and said I'd do it the next night, and I honestly could not sleep. Bizarre.

Anyways, Here's hoping to a good start to 2007 for all!

[annelise]

hugs to all. here's hoping for a better new year.

[misconduckt]

Hey
I am glad the holidays are over...they were the worst ever....my daughter took off to Pennsylvania while I was at work...I am so sad I cry a lot....She came back to live with me last year and I was a little apprehensive about that she had been gone for four years...since she came back we were having so much fun...then she up and leaves shit I feel abandoned and I shouldnt but I miss the hell out of her...I wish I could get over it ...sigh... life sucks right now..

[mandolyn]

anoushh, thanks much for clearing some stuff up for me. i appreciate your perspective.

hope everyone else is doing well.

[anoushh]

There's nothing inherently wrong about going to your GP re: anxiety and depression first. In fact, usually that's the best move. Some GPs know more than others about these problems and the meds, but that's true of any condition you'd start with the GP for.

A good GP will refer you to a psychiatrist if you need it. If you don't have a good GP, well, you need a different one for other reasons besides treating depression. Not all psychiatrists are that great, just like any profession. Some are, of course but I'm just saying... In part it depends on their interest. I know more about antidepressants and anxiolytics (anti-anxiety drugs) than some GPs I've known--I'm a social worker. So be careful about generalizing on that.

I've had great care and poor care from both.

Also, I don't agree with the "of course a psych would give you xanax." The benzodiazepines, of which xanax is one, are extremely addictive and need to be used with caution, and are really only meant for short term treatment. It also has a significant street value, so a doctor needs to be cautious with prescribing. That's just good practice.

That's not to say there isn't an appropriate use of them in treatment. And I know personally how frustrating and scary it is for a doctor to tell you "no" when you feel you desperately need--or at least want--some relief from the anxiety and you want it NOW! But I also know that as a professional this isn't always the wrong decision for a doctor to make.




Mando, klonopin is in the same family (benzos) as xanax. It is sometimes preferred because it is longer acting and takes longer to take effect than xanax, which means you don't get the big sleepy hit after 45 minutes. It's supposed ot be more gradual, and therefore less reinforcing to abuse.

Everyone's different, of course. It might make you less sleepy, but it might just make the sleepiness more spread out. I'd guess the former, though, as a general rule.

[maddy29]

hey all-i'm leaving for the holidays in a few hours, just wanted to say hey to depressed busties i'm feeling decent, although i know the week ahead will be stressful-going back home always is, even though i like my family now.

just fyi-i take 60 mg celexa, and 150 wellbutrin. i added the WB because the celexa was killing my sex drive. i also take .25 xanax three times a day, which i'm working on slowly weaning myself from. i don't think i "need" them exactly, but cutting back is incredibly painful, cause my body is soooo used to them.

i was on 10 celexa, then 20 for a bit, and my GP gave me like 20 xanax, but it wasn't until i was on about 40 celexa and had a full xanax prescription, that i really started to feel better. part of the thing for me about having the xanax, is just knowing i have it, if i need it. so having to ration it to myself in the beginning was really bad....

anyways, hope everyone has a great weekend and low-stress holidays (ha ha!)

i'll be back next thursday and i know i'll be in bust withdrawals by then. my parents don't have internet, much less cable tv....

[candycane_girl]

mando, as other people have said, a psychiatrist is your best bet for getting a prescription that's right for you. I had kind of a weird route. I started seeing a psychologist and she told me I could ask my family doctor for a prescription for anti-depressants. Then after getting the prescription she decided to also send me to a psychiatrist so that he could monitor me and make sure that what I was using was right for me. I started off on Paxil which wasn't so great cause when I got depressed it was like, I would want to drive into oncoming traffic. Plus I gained 20 pounds in two months and wanted to sleep all the time, not even depressed sleep like, just worn out physical tiredness.

ggg, I just have to say that I LOVE your icon. and of course, I'm glad you found a psychiatrist to work with who could give you a better prescription.

Welcome to the thread Chingus! I'm on Celexa as well and I feel that it's working pretty well for me. Well that and of course seeing my psychologist regularly. I agree with you, sometimes it's hard to accept that you actually have to work to make therapy successful but I think we're all better for it and it helps us in the long run.