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> "I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore": ducks, the taliban, life, the universe and everything
anarch
post Jun 10 2007, 08:48 PM
Post #261


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Posts: 873


GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD

Crawford , Texas (AP) - April 3rd, 2007

A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where the books were kept.

Both of the books have been lost.

A presidential spokesperson said that Bush was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.

The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.
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culturehandy
post Apr 16 2007, 11:24 AM
Post #262


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From: Oh boobs


YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID

These people prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates this year are...

Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.



Seventh Place A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.



Sixth Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.



Fifth Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.



Fourth Place Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.



Third Place After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.



HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M., so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.



RUNNER UP Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.



AND THE WINNER IS... Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves ........ "Shit happens."



--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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tesao
post Mar 4 2007, 10:17 AM
Post #263


olha, que coisa mais linda.....
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Posts: 1,361
From: somewhere south....VERY south


Water vs Wine

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each

day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of

Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poo. However, we do not run

that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor because

alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or

fermenting.

WATER = Poo

WINE = HEALTH


Ergo: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be

full of crap.



There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I am doing it as a public service.
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culturehandy
post Feb 23 2007, 12:53 PM
Post #264


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From: Oh boobs


Anarch I love it!

I remember we used to have a joke thread! But I do believe it is long gone. sad.gif

hee


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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totomoto
post Feb 21 2007, 07:44 PM
Post #265


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 212
From: SoCal


http://comics.com/wash/opus/archive/opus-20070218.html

Best Valentine's Cartoon

Good one Anarch!!

Hello again everyone!!
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anarch
post Feb 17 2007, 10:57 PM
Post #266


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 873


Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese ," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?" The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says






"Liver alone. Cheese mine."
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tesao
post Feb 10 2007, 09:39 AM
Post #267


olha, que coisa mais linda.....
***
Posts: 1,361
From: somewhere south....VERY south


love my pugs, there is a voting thread called suffering sufferagettes somewhere here.

let me see if i can find it and bump it for you. there have been a number of people talking about hillary. not so much rudy.

*runs out with bloodhound to search for missing thread*

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LoveMyPugs
post Feb 10 2007, 09:24 AM
Post #268







Ok, so I'm really irritated with having to vote in 2008. There are too many people running. It's hard to decipher who is for or against what. Are there any websites that list all the candidates, their stance on all the issues and all on one site so I’m not jumping from site to site. This one talks about abortion but not gay marriage. This one talks about Iraq but not healthcare. This one talks about jobs but not social security. Driving me crazy. I’m trying to build my own little excel spreadsheet so I can see it all for myself but I’m not find what I want on the individual websites. HELP!! This will be only my second time voting and I want to make a responsible decision but I’m having a hard with each candidates’ individual website. I know I have a lot of time to research but I'm getting frustrated.

What’s everyone’s opinion on Hillary Clinton and/or Rudy Giuliani?

*wondering if this is the wrong thread to be asking these questions*
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tesao
post Feb 10 2007, 04:06 AM
Post #269


olha, que coisa mais linda.....
***
Posts: 1,361
From: somewhere south....VERY south


AP, you are cracking me up with your spam "bot" posts!!!

BUSH BUMPER STICKERS:

Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.

If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President.

George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will
Have to Fight

Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blowjobs Anymore

America: One Nation, Under Surveillance

They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It

No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?

Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full
Of Crap

We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One
Language

We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them

Impeach Cheney First

When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46

The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century

One Nation Under Clod

Bush Never Exhaled

At Least Nixon Resigned




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auralpoison
post Feb 6 2007, 11:38 PM
Post #270


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


Out out damned bot!


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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Aese4
post Feb 6 2007, 11:35 PM
Post #271


Newbie
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WOOOOW!
http://amazing-videos.info/
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totomoto
post Jan 28 2007, 12:01 PM
Post #272


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 212
From: SoCal


An Old farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked
on the door and a very pretty young lady dressed in a very
sheer negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked "would
you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and ask "are they
as firm as this?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes" and a little tear ran from
his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking "are
they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said "yes" and another tear came from the other eye.

Then lady then opened the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are
they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said "yes" and broke down crying.

The lady said "what in the world is wrong with you?"

Drying his eyes he said, "The drought got my corn, the flood got
my cotton, and now I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches."
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culturehandy
post Jan 24 2007, 01:26 PM
Post #273


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Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


High School Coolness Test


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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tesao
post Jan 22 2007, 06:36 AM
Post #274


olha, que coisa mais linda.....
***
Posts: 1,361
From: somewhere south....VERY south


more levity:



Aging

An elderly couple visit McDonalds. He orders one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the old man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man says they are just fine - they are used to sharing everything. The surrounding people notice the little old lady hasn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally takes turns sipping the drink. Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finishes and is wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who has yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "What is it you are waiting for?"



She answers....























"THE TEETH"


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totomoto
post Jan 21 2007, 01:26 AM
Post #275


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 212
From: SoCal


NWW,

I have thought about this. A conspiracy is planning by two or more people, to commit a felony, with a significant step done in perpetrating the felony. That is from memory.

The CIA Director told Bush the WMDs were a slam dunk. Congress was finessed into authorizing the invasion before the November elections. I think the fake Nigerian document could be used against them, but it came from the Brits. It was definitely used even though it was known to be fake.

The problem is that these are the policy makers for the nation. If we go after them for conspiracy it should be because they didn't have the nation's interest in mind. The worst part is they DID have our interests in mind, it is just a different view of our interest than most of us have. We gave them credit for a lot of knowledge that they did not have.

The surge will not work. We are just doing a last gasp effort before ultimate withdrawal. The jockying for control and power in Iraq will not be pretty. Iran wants to be recognized as a nation and not to be invaded. Many Americans can't understand Iran, but Iran has been successful in becoming a focal point in the Muslim world. They have accrued much prestige. It is in their best interest to make sure our armies are preoccupied with Iraq.

Our biggest problem is getting out of this mess. I don't want to be distracted with special investigations and prosecutors. The watergate era was extemely poloarizing and depressing. I kinow we will have investigations, I am not looking forward to them.

As I tell people, let's become Iran's best customer.

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notwearingwords
post Jan 15 2007, 02:08 AM
Post #276


BUSTie
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Posts: 34


I've been reading this thread and I thought I'd share a book I'm reading that I think some of you may enjoy. It is called U.S. v. Bush by Elizabeth de la Vaga, who is a former federal prosecutor. The book is basically a fictional transcript of an indictment presented to a Grand Jury charging George W. Bush, Richard Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell with conspiracy to defraud the United States. All of the facts presented in the book are real and completely factual, this charge could legally be brought against these defendants if the US Attorney's office were inclined to prosecute. I may be biased because I am in school for political science and women's studies and plan to go to law school when I've completed my degree, but I think the book is fascinating and I think it would be wonderful to hold these people accountable for tricking most of America and Congress to engage in an unnecessary war. Let me know if any of you decide to read it, whatever your opinion of it may be. It's so fascinating I've been craving a book club, just to have someone to discuss it with.
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totomoto
post Jan 5 2007, 12:10 AM
Post #277


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Posts: 212
From: SoCal


A chuckle for your new year!


This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Even the font is easy to read. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping.

This chain also brings good luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below.
----------------------
Bill Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

Billy Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Billie Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

B. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. Jeff Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. J Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

W. Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton
780 3r d Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Willem Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Wilhelm Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Billy Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017

Willie Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York , NY 10017

Will Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton
780 3rd Ave.
New York, NY 10017
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totomoto
post Jan 3 2007, 07:46 PM
Post #278


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Posts: 212
From: SoCal


for those of you old enough to remember Gracie:

Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef

1 large Roast of beef

1 small Roast of beef

Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done


An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U. S. Government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the Government Officials for over a minute and then
calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it."

"No taxes."

"No debt."

"Plenty buffalo."

"Plenty beaver."

"Women did all the work."

"Medicine man free."

"Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing."

"All night having sex."

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
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anarch
post Jan 2 2007, 07:21 PM
Post #279


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Posts: 873


cool map.

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."







"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
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totomoto
post Dec 23 2006, 09:38 PM
Post #280


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Posts: 212
From: SoCal


5,000 years of religion in 90 seconds

http://www.mapsofwar.com/ind/history-of-religion.html
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