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> boys? girls? BOTH?
niki
post Dec 31 2008, 05:59 PM
Post #41


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QUOTE(bob4both @ Dec 5 2008, 02:05 PM) *
I don't let many people know that I am bi, unless the issue comes up in the heat of the moment. ... it's tough to find a unihibited woman who is actually unihibited enough not to pass judgement on her partner craving an occassional cock. My other issue is that even though I'm bi, I really only enjoy men when there's a woman involved (even if only watching). ... And so I haven't truly found a relationship that really does share the best of both worlds.


Hi, Bob

I've had similar experiences, though I eventually found I could enjoy sex with the right man alone (and loved it), even though I initially wanted a woman watching. The best of all relationships for me, I thought, would be a polyamorous connection with a man and a woman who were a couple. Never found it. What I found instead was a relationship with a woman who, like me, is gender-queer, and likes taking the male role. We've been together for three year now, and married for 6 mos. It's working!

niki
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bob4both
post Dec 5 2008, 02:05 PM
Post #42


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I don't let many people know that I am bi, unless the issue comes up in the heat of the moment. My problem is that many of my gfriends end up enjoying their submissive side with me. From what I've gathered they just wish to "escape" the decision-making, tough-portrayal, or whatever world & enjoy giving in the the abandonment of having decisions (and hot sex) forced on them; giving up the control, so to speak. Now enter the thought that their "dom" wishes to have sex with a guy; it seems to contradict their opinion of me & usually becomes turn-off. It may not seem like it in this forum, but it's tough to find a unihibited woman who is actually unihibited enough not to pass judgement on her partner craving an occassional cock. My other issue is that even though I'm bi, I really only enjoy men when there's a woman involved (even if only watching). I have ventured out into 1-on-1 land, but usually feel intimidated & guilty after. And so I haven't truly found a relationship that really does share the best of both worlds.


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Carrpet
post Nov 22 2008, 11:21 PM
Post #43


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Posts: 4
From: Chicago suburbs


QUOTE(stargazer @ Aug 16 2008, 03:39 PM) *
one of my male friends who considers himself "bi" felt the same way. he tried to date a guy, but he wasn't into it. he has enjoyed having sex with men and sees it as being strictly sexual for him. he is currently in a committed relationship with a woman and still considers himself bi.

That's sort of how my boyfriend is as well. He's fooled around with men on more than one occasion and considers himself bi, but just prefers to date women mostly.

I'm also bi. I was always somewhat attracted to other females, I had a huge crush on my best friend in 6th grade. I just never really explored the possibility until last year. I kissed a girl.. and liked it...[and yes, she actually did wear cherry chapstick.] Afterward, I did a trial-run with another girl who was also experimenting her sexuality and realized that I was for sure bi.

I'm comfortable telling most people, but my family will probably never find out. My mom is very accepting of the gay lifestyle...just as long as it's nobody too close in connection to her, I've noticed.. I've tried to bring it up to her many times, but she shoots it down. There was one time where she brought up her concerns with my membership with my school's GSA [Gay-Straight Alliance] club and told me that kids probably wouldn't talk to me because they would think I was gay. I couldn't believe it.

My dad would just be totally confused if I told him.

One of them will look at my internet history and figure it out eventually, I guess.
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tankgirl
post Oct 29 2008, 03:18 PM
Post #44


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From: N to the C


QUOTE(luminiousgoddess @ Oct 26 2008, 09:20 PM) *
I love everyone. Boys, Girls, and everything in between. It doesn't matter the catagory because one day you may be attracted to someone who doesn't fit inside of a catagorical box. It's all about what you like. Nothing is forbidden to me, but thats just me.


agree completely
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stargazer
post Oct 27 2008, 12:17 PM
Post #45


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well, it sounds like you are enjoying being single, go_kayte. don't limit yourself and have fun!


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luminiousgoddess
post Oct 26 2008, 08:20 PM
Post #46


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I love everyone. Boys, Girls, and everything in between. It doesn't matter the catagory because one day you may be attracted to someone who doesn't fit inside of a catagorical box. It's all about what you like. Nothing is forbidden to me, but thats just me.
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go_kayte
post Oct 26 2008, 11:43 AM
Post #47


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Bumping this thread.

I am now single for the first time since I was a teenager and starting to date. I find it interesting who I am thinking about and getting crushes on and what I want. Blah blah blah. Hooray!
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girltrouble
post Aug 19 2008, 11:30 AM
Post #48


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yeah a lot of guys want to be fucked. i think it's always kind of funny how sexual mores change. about 10 years ago it was impossible to find porn where the trans woman was anything but the catcher, and with guys only. now there are trans/female movies (yay!) trans/male movies with trans women being the pitcher, there are trans/women with strap ons, it's like they've figured out there are more possiblities, uh duh. but congruently what people are willing to do or try has expanded too. that's why i have mixed emotions when it comes to porn, yes, it can be degrading, over dependant on racism and stereotypes and sexism, but for minorities, like queers, it is, like it or not, the gateway to social acceptance. porn makes sexuality viral. what is sexy constantly changes and before we can be taken serious, we, unfortunately have to be taken as simply sex objects. it's not something i like to admit, but it's true.

that said, bob, it might be a good idea in the future to refer to transwomen as their chosen gender, i.e. as she, not he. many trannies have been in the military, and will cold cock you (no pun intended), right in your snot box for as much. personally, i find it an insult. if i didn't think you didn't know any better i'd have read you the riot act, and you would not have liked it.


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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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bob4both
post Aug 18 2008, 10:59 AM
Post #49


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I have been with trans woman & it has been great mind-blowing sex. And I enjoy kissing them as long as they are feminine looking. They've been surprised when I asked to be on the receiving end (I guess being feminine they're used to being asked to be fucked). They haven't been as dom as women with strap-ons, though (another obsession better left to the BDSM board). But it's the extent I sometimes go to to experience it all that confuses me when I think about it. For example, while on business I once called an escort service for a woman with a strap-on to come to my room. I got a transwoman (pretending to be a woman) who used a vibrator on me. For the life of me I don't know why I didn't just tell him to do me himself, since I knew he was a guy. The fantasy was the woman. But there are also days where I'll go to the local bookstore just for guy sex....then the guilt sets in.

Thanx, all, for the comments & responses


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girltrouble
post Aug 17 2008, 06:54 PM
Post #50


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just out of curiosity, bob, lol have you ever met any transwomen? i know some guys get squicked, but honestly i think much of that is trans/homophobia. and here's why:

i'm rarely attracted to guys, where as i get crushes on women like clockwork and fall hard very easily, but when it comes to boys, i just like the dick. *shrugs* i lurve sucking it, making it hard, playing with it, rubbing my dick on theirs. it just gets me hot.

trans men, on the otherhand, soooo turn me on. they have masculinity, but it's not got that edge that genny boys-- sorry genetic boys-- do. and well they still have a vajayjay. me likey!

trans women are awesome because it's that feminine quality plus a dingus. and for lots of guys, that's the thing. it always kind of slays me, when i used to practice honing my voice on the chat lines i'd always get a guy who loved watching tranny films and was scared that he was gay. i'd always explain that there was a chance of that, but more than likely they were a touch bi. from my perspective, gay guys i knew were attracted to masculinity, either boys, bears or, lol, tom of finland architypes. but what they liked was the femininity with a bonus. the flip side of me and transmen. soy, unless they were attracted to boys, they were at best bi. that said, there's a bit of competition with transwomen, so most times they just prefer boys, so i don't get much play. but there are more transdykes (like me! yay!) or bi ts girls every year so it's changing.

and i believe in the spectrum star was talking about but with if your trans the definitions/binaries of m/f gay/straight kind of get murky.


and muffy, i'm in a *technically* open relationship. meaning it's open but neither of us have gone out side of the relationship. daddy knows i'm not good at monogamy, i told her as much on our first date. but it's not that i've given her cause to be jealous, i've just not made it easy for her. she's kind of the jealous type, and i've broken up with her several times. not to date someone else, but because she's more serious about the relationship than i was/am. i love her, but i don't know if she's the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. she's the only person i've dated since transition, and to me that's like marrying your highschool sweetheart-- it's a recipe for disaster. you still have so much growing to do, and you don't know what direction that growth will happen in. for all i know i could want nothing but boys in a year or two. trans peoples sexuality sometimes changes after transitioning.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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Queen Bull
post Aug 17 2008, 05:58 PM
Post #51


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Posts: 228
From: the rainbow of self discovery


QUOTE(bob4both @ Aug 15 2008, 05:48 PM) *
Ok, so to throw a thought in from the other side...

I am a guy who's considers myself bi. The problem is it's purely a sexual consideration; I don't like kissing guys, I don't like flirting or picking up guys. In fact, I only look for sexual gratification situations and then have a ton of guilt afterwards. But 3somes or situations involving women (with the guy) such as watching us or participating is OK. So then I wonder if I'm just some type of sex addict & not bi because I don't really have an emotional connection with men. any thoughts welcome



im the same way with women, bob. i have often wondered the same thing.s its nice to know im not alone in that sentiment. smile.gif



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I love gentiles. In fact, protestant spotting is one of my favorite pastimes. :) ooh.. whats that? me thinks its a blog
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Muffy
post Aug 16 2008, 05:58 PM
Post #52


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girltrouble, speaking from the perspective of someone who can't seem to even get a date on a saturday night. I kind of feel like you should appreciate your girlfriend. It sounds like your into this guy and want to explore it maybe you should do yourself and your girlfriend a favor. Does she have reason to be jealous? I think I would be jealous if I were seeing someone who was crushing on someone else that wasn't me..*shrugs*... but that's just me.

bob, I agree stargazer. I consider myself bisexual but I'm not totally into dating men, which confuses everyone. I don't understand why everyone has to be pigeonholed into a category.


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stargazer
post Aug 16 2008, 02:39 PM
Post #53


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bob, one of my male friends who considers himself "bi" felt the same way. he tried to date a guy, but he wasn't into it. he has enjoyed having sex with men and sees it as being strictly sexual for him. he is currently in a commited relationship with a woman and still considers himself bi.

the kinsey scale shows that there is a wide range of bisexuality. nothing odd about your situation.

it does make me think of a joke margaret cho said about thinking she was bisexual, but then she realized she was just a slut. laugh.gif


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bob4both
post Aug 15 2008, 04:48 PM
Post #54


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Posts: 107
From: the land of Jack Daniels


Ok, so to throw a thought in from the other side...

I am a guy who's considers myself bi. The problem is it's purely a sexual consideration; I don't like kissing guys, I don't like flirting or picking up guys. In fact, I only look for sexual gratification situations and then have a ton of guilt afterwards. But 3somes or situations involving women (with the guy) such as watching us or participating is OK. So then I wonder if I'm just some type of sex addict & not bi because I don't really have an emotional connection with men. any thoughts welcome


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girltrouble
post Aug 5 2008, 04:48 PM
Post #55


new highs in personal lows daily!
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so my art opening is next week and there is a distinct possiblility that my crush boy will show up. problem is, my daddy-- my gf is gonna be there. she knows about crush boy and how we made out when she and i were broke up, and she tends to be a bit jealous. honestly i kind of wish she wasn't going to be there so i could walk off with him for a bit. i kind of miss how he used to pursue me. he was so all about me in this i'm a man, and i want you bad kind of way. i know he's got game, and i know what he's doing it, cos i was like that when i was a boy, but fuck if i don't want to throw him on the floor and do dirty things. he's the closest thing i've ever had to a boyfriend, and part of me wishes i'd pursued things with him. he's an artist, and we talk art and it's like this nuclear bomb went off-- we both just glow and---meow!

i'm thinking, if there is energy there i might want to see if daddy would let me see him on the side...


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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geekchickknits
post Aug 5 2008, 04:33 PM
Post #56


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QUOTE(p_176 @ Aug 5 2008, 01:54 PM) *
<delurks> what I wanted advice on....my boyfriend and I (ok it was my idea more than his...!) are interested in having a threesome, with another female, but I have no idea how to meet a girl who would be willing and interested. Can you tell me how best to meet women?


Profile in the steamy section of a dating site. You'll have to weed through, and end up getting a bunch of people who didn't read the ad, but I have been the guest star with three couples I've met through online sites. If you want to know the one I used, feel free to PM me.
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p_176
post Aug 5 2008, 12:54 PM
Post #57


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<delurks> what I wanted advice on....my boyfriend and I (ok it was my idea more than his...!) are interested in having a threesome, with another female, but I have no idea how to meet a girl who would be willing and interested. Can you tell me how best to meet women?
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persimmon_grrrl
post Jul 14 2008, 05:53 AM
Post #58


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i'm so glad this thread exists.

i can find myself attracted to people of all sexual and gender identities. sometimes i am also asexual, and sometimes that means navigating my own desires that challenge(d) my own ideas of who i was, how i identified.

(((everyone)))
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beck
post Jul 8 2008, 04:12 AM
Post #59


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aw themeiu, i don't know what the answer is but i do really sympathise with the dilemma - finding the right person at the not-quite-right time. good luck in working it out.
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geekchickknits
post Jul 7 2008, 12:42 PM
Post #60


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QUOTE(themeiu @ Jul 7 2008, 01:34 PM) *
beck- I hear what you're saying about the girl thing. I think it's also that I'm still pretty young. He's 30 and I'm 23. When I met him I had just gotten over my last bad breakup and was feeling really good about being single and excited about dating casually for a while. I had just moved to SF and I met him that same night! He was just ending a 2 year slut/oat sowing phase and was clearly ready to be more settle. So when you meet the person that you work so well with, you can't really be all "Um, I have to go do casual sex, sorry", can you? So I guess some of it is frustration at being done. But at the same time I see the wisdom in desires being craving and attachment and not necessary.
neuroticnelly- I've definitely mentioned that to him and it actually almost happened a few months ago when all four of us when to a hot spring. But he's just not that interested. He's wired a little different than most guys in that the girl/girl thing doesn't really do anything for him.

At this point I'm also afraid of hurting the girls feelings.... stupid, but it's hard because nothing was ever super explicit but strongly implied, so it might be awkward to all of a sudden out with it.


23 is pretty young. He says things are solid, but do you think you would be having these urges if you were? If this is something you really need to explore for YOU then it isn't going to go away. Maybe take some time apart - a set amount of time like one month, or three months - for you to do some exploring. After a year and a half, if the relationship is truly strong enough, you should both be able to handle that. And then you're not cheating, which most relationships aren't strong enough to handle.

Just my two cents.
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