[sareybelle]

I should add something which may be of use ladies! I have not really dated anyone in about a year, main reason being that one of my bandmates is my ex and it's been tough enough to negotiate that minefield without having additional men to worry about. But after about a year of romantic quiet time & getting things with my bandmates on an even keel, I figured it was time to dust off the wonderbras. If anyone else is in a similar position, get your ducks in a row. For me that meant,

1) full STD check. Nothing like a tabula rasa to make you feel good about getting it on
2) getting a prescription for the pill. I don't love the pill. I don't even like the pill. But I figured that if things were going in a monogamous type direction, they'd be a good thing to have around.
3) LUSH bath products. I don't know why, but for the last year I've been in a contest with myself to have the world's softest most heaven scented skin. Invest in your flesh ladies! The man or woman of your dreams will appreciate it. That is all.

[silverhalide]

anna k- I completely understand how you feel. I enjoy the emotional and intellectual attraction to someone so much more. I can't even imagine having sex without that. I have to really develop a trust with someone emotionally before I can trust them with me physically. I think this goes hand in hand with being very sensitive and self protective.

[girltrouble]

yeah, i think that's what i miss about being a teenager/highschool/young love is the endless make out sessions-- just being excited about 'heavy petting" god. it all seems and sounds so old fashioned. but it always seems so much better than sex to me. it's not like i am a prude, it's just that i loved that whole touching for it's own sake kind of thing. i was posting about this in the bdsm thread-- i was seeing this girl who was always teasing me saying no, and we would just make out for hours when we'd see each other, and to me that was heaven. i think she thought i wanted more, but i never did. i loved coloring within her lines, playing within her borders, and just feeling her breath, her touch. just exploring and learning a person's body, seeing where touching made them shiver and shudder, where it made them giggle, and where it made them hot. and there was never any rush. goddamnit, i want that back. now i'm really frustrated.

and i don't know, stargazer, for me the least messed up ones were the best kissers.... but then i'm pretty sure i was the messed up one at the time...lord knows i was running from some issues... to say the least...lol

[culturehandy]

Raisin, I totally agree about missing make out sessions.

I miss kissing so much. The last few men I've kissed, haven't been so great. Aside from Friday night bar boy from a few weeks ago...but he had a girlfriend.

[stargazer]

um, why are the messed up ones the best kissers??

[raisingirl]

Oh damn, I really miss kissing and full-on hot & heavy makeout sessions. One guy who was the best kissers I've ever encountered is still available (thanks, MySpace) -- I'd totally consider getting in touch with him again if we still lived in the same city. He was such a mess in the head, but he was a damn fine kisser. There was electricity between us and I'm still hot for it.

[crazyoldcatlady]

girltrouble, i LOVE badu and that song is awesome
"...it's been a long time, forgot that i was fine..."

i was thinking about my hs/early college boy in when i was driving into work this AM. he wasn't my best kisser, in fact he was a little sloppy, but he did it with such earnesty. and those skills carried over into, ahem, other areas.

gave me a big ole grin

[stargazer]

omg, girltrouble!! you are so right!! i've been saying that to alot of my friends. kissing is what gets me going. i once briefly dated this guy who i would have great conversations with. alas, the passion wasn't there and it showed in his kissing. so boring! too reserved. i can tell he was holding back. the last guy i was with was a great kisser. really passionate. granted we were drunk at the time we hooked up, but it was still a damn good kiss. it wasn't one of those slobbery kisses either. he just had very strong lips. oh, wait, and there was another guy too with a strong kiss. not that i go around kissin' every guy i meet.

i don't know the song off of my head, but i love that lyric girltrouble.

[anna k]

The best kiss I ever had was two years ago, when I hooked up with a guy. I was apprehensive towards kissing, as it's something I never really enjoyed (crusty lips or too much tongue or an ick factor to it), but during sex, I pulled the guy towards me and it was a deep and great kiss. It's felt so long since I've had that, but it was a wonderful moment.

I've felt like a loser about being single, but I've found that I enjoy guys the best when I'm just chilling out with them and having good conversations, and sometimes developing crushes. I miss that intimate feeling.

[girltrouble]

samiam, just be glad that you aren't married to that dicklick. who says there's nothing worse than being single. having to deal with that guy every.single.day. shoots to the top of my list of personal hells. can you imagine what he says to his wife? ugh. and he was talking about your shit?!? sounds like he needs to look in his own back yard. (he's got a nuclear waste dump back there.)

ejane i miss GOOD KISSING. i had a casual date (the basics of this guy are in the write a letter thread) and i so wanted to kiss him, and when we did kiss... nothing. he wasn't horrible, he was just blah. is it really that hard to be a good kisser? the last good kisser i dated was 3 people and 5 years ago. and kissing is the best. i miss a good slow kisser who knows how to tease and communicate just kissing.
yes, prease! more prease!
sigh.


has anyone else heard that erika badu song with the phrase "i wish somebody would come up behind me, and kiss me, on my neck, breathe on my neck." god, i would kill for that...

[erinjane]

Y'know what i'm really starting to miss? Having a guy be super turned on by me just because I'm turned on.

And kissing, i miss kissing.

[lunasol]

Omigod, I just saw samiam's post and that guy is bullshit. Just total and utter bullshit and it pisses me off that he even exists in this world. So what, if you were married that would make everything ok? In a certain misogynistic mindset, that actually is the case: women are meant to be married and have kids. If they are doing that, then they are good and well, maybe happy, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is whether or not they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. Which is making babies. GRAR!

I would have dumped a beer on that guy's head and told his wife how sorry I am for her.

[stargazer]

sareybelle, first things first. RELAX. BREATHE. ok. just take things slowly. don't force something to happen that might not even be a thing. just use each meeting as a chance to get to know one another. nothing wrong with building a relationship out of friendship first. nothing wrong with meeting up for trivia again. perhaps, you can use that face to face meeting to suggest another get together, doing a different activity, and asking/giving your number. i wouldn't analyze the whole only contacted by email. you can change that.

i hope that helps. oh, and you look like a newbie. make sure you stop by the newbie thread to introduce yourself if you haven't already. welcome to the lounge!

[sareybelle]

Is it fairly normal for people to do most of their date planning via email, and not calling? We honestly don't know each other well, and I'm not much of a phone person so I don't mind, but I don't know if the emailing v. phoning shows any insight into whether he thinks of me as date or just a friend.

[p_176]

i'm just frustrated at having these really great dates, then the guy decides he's not interested or 'too busy'.... how to keep the interest going (on both sides)?

[girlygirlgag]

Ok, last night was a total fucking waste. Went to an event here where there is endless beer, all for charity, and tons of people. There were several in my group, including a good friend from work and her roomate. Said roomate brought a friend, a guy who is married, in his 30s, a bit of a cowboy (Skoal mark on the back pocket of his Wranglers, camo baseball cap, etc.). After a few hours of fun and drinking I made a comment about being 31 and single. The conversation went to how I was going to be an 80 year old spinster because I was such a negative bitch and had so much "shit" to deal with, I was going to have to find a guy who will put up with all my "shit." This went on for awhile. He started to tell me that I should not be proud of my singlehood, how I reminded him of his sister (that's actually how the conversation started,) and needed to "be slapped" so I better understood my situation. Fucker. When I brought up how my life was pretty good, I take care of myself and have done pretty well. He let me know that I was not independent, I was isolated. Ugh. He kept going, his wife just nodded and smiled, and by the time the tears were coming and no one noticed, I got up and left. Took an expensive cab home and hid.

The worst part is that I know that he is correct, in some way.

What a friggin prick!

31 and single is nothing! And so what , everybody has "shit" to deal with, just because you have not settled just to be a "couple" does not mean there is anytihng wrong with you!

Argh. I would have smacked him. Even if I just overheard that crap.

[shinymoonrox]

I'm so sick of being single. I just want to be in a couple already. My last relationship was about a year and a half ago. I haven't been in anything serious, but I'm always talking and going out with guys, but nothing serious, at least not on my end.

Plus it seems as soon as I imagining myself with a guy, I start to see him for who he really is and I cut him off. Im so afraid of getting hurt myself, that I immediately cut things off with the guy before he cuts me off. Or I diminish the relationship to a friendship without him knowing it.

I'm having such a hard time finding guys that live in my college town. It seems I keep finding guys that aren't in my close proximity. I went out with some friends the other night and I had fun, but I wasn't really that attracted to the guys that we were with. I mean they were cute, but at the same time, I just wasn't really attracted to them. It just that seems my feelings for my current crush are becoming a thorn in my side.

What do you do when you can't find your ideal guy in places where you think that your ideal guy should be found?

[samiam]

Ok, last night was a total fucking waste. Went to an event here where there is endless beer, all for charity, and tons of people. There were several in my group, including a good friend from work and her roomate. Said roomate brought a friend, a guy who is married, in his 30s, a bit of a cowboy (Skoal mark on the back pocket of his Wranglers, camo baseball cap, etc.). After a few hours of fun and drinking I made a comment about being 31 and single. The conversation went to how I was going to be an 80 year old spinster because I was such a negative bitch and had so much "shit" to deal with, I was going to have to find a guy who will put up with all my "shit." This went on for awhile. He started to tell me that I should not be proud of my singlehood, how I reminded him of his sister (that's actually how the conversation started,) and needed to "be slapped" so I better understood my situation. Fucker. When I brought up how my life was pretty good, I take care of myself and have done pretty well. He let me know that I was not independent, I was isolated. Ugh. He kept going, his wife just nodded and smiled, and by the time the tears were coming and no one noticed, I got up and left. Took an expensive cab home and hid.

The worst part is that I know that he is correct, in some way.

[faerietails]

*sigh* my ex is getting married today. hell, for all i know he's taking his vows right this second. i'm not taking it well.

i don't even know what my problem is. it's not like i'm still attracted to him or like i ever imagined us getting married one day. i'm the one who broke up with him. it's just...i don't know. weird. i think it's just that i've been single for a long ass time now. i'm usually fine with it (in fact, most of the time i prefer it), especially since i have to focus on school and finishing my freaking thesis this semester, but it would also be nice to meet someone new and go out every once in a while, ya know?

[knorl05]

anna k: the grass is always greener. everyone's got relationship issues. there's more opportunities than online dating. just imagine if the internet didnt exist.. how would you go about finding someone to date? from my experience, bars dont lead to fulfilling relationships. what do you enjoy doing? how do you feel about: book clubs, crafts, classes, library, support groups, plays, wine tasting, art openings, bake sales, concerts...?

it also helps to consider hanging out someplace you think that your ideal man would hang out. what is your ideal man?