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> "Say WHAT?" - Iditotic Things Our Dates Have Told Us
enfermera
post May 13 2010, 05:45 AM
Post #1


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QUOTE(Persiflager @ May 12 2010, 10:03 AM) *
Him: No, It's objective and we all have the same taste. All men know which women are hotter - we just settle for what we can get.



persiflager, my roommate actually was starting to get to know a guy who said this exact thing, pretty much. that there is a universal standard of what is attractive and what is not. this guy, too, i might add, is a lawyer, very successful, and single. he also told her that she made decisions based on her emotions (how horrible!) and that the only emotion he felt on a daily basis was anger. what a terrible way to live! he also advocated beating his future children, and said that she, a middle school teacher, shouldn't provide her students with tissues; that way the poor ones could easily be identified by their snotty noses!

needless to say, after this conversation, she did not see him again. *shudders*
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Persiflager
post May 13 2010, 02:25 AM
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I know! One the one hand I felt really sorry for him - I think he also thinks that because he's short, no woman will ever find him attractive unless he becomes very successful and earns lots of money (which is why he works so hard). On the other hand, I was just so cross that he completely dismissed everything I've learned about sex and relationships and men as meaningless - I hate that he tarnished all those experiences.

Ah, I probably won't hang with him again. Such a numpty - the truth is so much better than the version of reality he believes in!

On a less annoying note, I have this gem from a co-worker:

"I don't care if you have sex with a thousand men - if you ever sleep with one woman, then you're a lesbian and I was right all along!"


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stargazer
post May 12 2010, 04:53 PM
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Persi, Wow. I think, if anything, his comments reflect WAY more about him. Such as, how much he has lied to women about how he feels for them.


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ketto
post May 12 2010, 10:04 AM
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rolleyes.gif

Oh geez, it boggles my mind that some people really think this way.


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Persiflager
post May 12 2010, 09:03 AM
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This isn't from a date but paraphrased from a recent conversation with an old university friend - I think it started with him commenting on a good-looking make friend who'd recently got married to an (apparently) less attractive woman.


Me: Well, I think you can have objective standards of beauty (subject to cultural variation), but sexual attraction is completely subjective. I bet your friend fancies the pants off his wife.
Him: No, It's objective and we all have the same taste. All men know which women are hotter - we just settle for what we can get.
Me: Ignoring lads mags, that's certainly not been true in my experience.
Him (with pitying look): Well, your experience is based on what you've been told by men who are sleeping with you or trying to sleep with you. Obviously they're going to tell you what you want to hear.
Me: And your experience of other men is based on what, conversations in the pub? Do you really think that's more reliable than, say, three long-term relationships?
Him: Yes. Because they have no reason to lie to me.

And he was so smug! And called me naive!

The sad thing is I've never known him to have a girlfriend and would lay good money that he's still a virgin.


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nickclick
post Feb 1 2010, 09:20 AM
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epi, you shouldn't worry about potential harm to your 'friendship' or her feelings, as she seems to be too selfish to consider yours. i agree with AP that a 'fuck off' is in order. any reasonable mutual aquaintances would understand and likely back you up in case of confrontation.
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auralpoison
post Jan 26 2010, 11:41 PM
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Y'know what, Epi? Because you didn't outright tell this chick to back the fuck off initially, she probably doesn't know that you are not down with her attentions. Some people, particularly INTENSE people like this gal, do NOT pick up on the subtle social cues of "Dear cod, BACK THE FUCK UP!" They think you just "fell out of touch", not that iy was a decision on your part to nip the bud.

She's gonna be drama no matter what. Either bite the bullet or resign yourself to having to fuck with this bitch until she gets tired of you. Sometimes you just gotta woman it up & cut a gal loose. I think it'll be good for ya.


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epinephrine
post Jan 26 2010, 12:36 AM
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Well, I put her on a list and discovered that on FB chat I can sort of switch that list off so she can't see I'm online, because whenever I log on and she happens to be online she messages me within seconds. I also deleted her comment on my post. Just before I figured out how to switch her off I logged on and she immediately sent me a message asking me what's the deal with the party and telling me how much she'd love to see me. Yikes.

I know that honesty is the best policy when dealing with everything, especially friendships, but I just don't know what to do when someone is kind of crazy and the normal code of conduct doesn't seem to apply. Just passively ignoring her and hoping she'll go away feels like such a shitty thing to do to someone, but I honestly don't feel like I could have a discussion with her about this. She just always comes on really strong - like, willfully oblivious to my personal space strong - and it totally freaks me out. The fact that she doesn't seem to have a clue that she makes me uncomfortable makes me even more uncomfortable, and also kind of worried. I hate confrontation, and this girl is very confrontational.

There's gotta be a diplomatic way to talk to her about this so she'll cool it and I won't have to deal with a lot of drama over something I have no reason to feel bad about. Fuck it. Maybe I should just do what I want and let the situation come to a head so I can just deal with it and get it over with. I just want her to leave me alone.

...God, can I ever pick 'em.


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ketto
post Jan 25 2010, 09:18 AM
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epi, I'm sort of dealing with the same thing. I dated this guy two years ago who just will not get out of my life. Reading your post, my instinct was to say just cut the ties and let it go but I haven't done that either. He has a bunch of my DVD's but at this point I'm ready to let them go. He texts me or emails me every so often trying to get me to go out and I've got his favourite belt (yeah, i know) so he's always asking if he can come by sometime to get it. I don't want him to know where I live though because he texted me on NYE and said, "Happy new years, I love you". I've been in another relationship for a year and a half and we LIVE TOGETHER.

I think we should both just delete these people and hope they disappear forever. tongue.gif


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zoya
post Jan 25 2010, 01:09 AM
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epi - you don't have to delete her, just create a friend list for her and her alone, then set the privacy settings on that list so that she can't really see anything. You can set it so she can't see your status updates or even your wall, only the photo albums you want her to see, etc etc. that way she's not deleted, but she has very restricted viewing of your FB page....
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epinephrine
post Jan 24 2010, 11:53 PM
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Ugh. I'm having Facebook issues with a crazy girl I dated a million years ago who won't leave me alone. I've been afraid to delete her because of the potential for upping the craziness, as we live in the same city and know the same people and we run into each other occasionally, and also because I haven't had any kind of beef with her recently that would justify it to her and thereby deflect some of the craziness. I know she'd notice if I deleted her, and I know she'd be really hurt and upset about it. I made the mistake of posting an open invitation to a possible Anti-Valentines party I'm thinking of having in my status, and she immediately invited herself. The girl's just really codependent and dysfunctional. She totally ignores things like boundaries and common courtesies, and she doesn't seem to notice the negative response people have to this behaviour. As they withdraw from her, she just tries harder. She has a way of inviting herself into people's lives, and when she quickly wears out her welcome with her neediness and lack of respect, she makes it really hard for them to get rid of her. She takes everything really personally and flies off the handle easily, making it difficult to do something proactive like just tell her straight up to back off and leave you alone. I don't know what to do about her.

Incidentally, so this post isn't completely off topic, this girl had some real gems, too. Like I said, it was a million years ago, so I don't remember the exact phrasing, but she used to talk incessantly about her exes and how - horror of horrors - they all dated men after dating her. She got a total complex about it and viewed it as a kind of betrayal. I've always identified (hesitantly) as bi, and I remember her telling me, not long after I finally managed to break it off with her, that "bi girls always screw her over." And no, I wasn't dating any guys. She just thought anyone who broke up with her was screwing her over, and it was because they weren't 100% lesbian. Which she actually wasn't either. Every time she brought it up, I wanted to say they were all scared to date women after her. And I did end up dating a guy. I just never told her!

Yeah. And all the times when she tried to defend her view that she "could never date someone who wasn't the same race as her." That shit was the deal-breaker. Well, her whole personality was a deal-breaker, but that was the most obvious deal-breaking feature. That was like the eject button. She actually told me, quite proudly and self-righteously, as if she was the most progressive person in the world, that she "almost dated an Asian chick, but then she didn't, because they were too different."

And the now-infamous line she used on me three weeks after we first met and went for coffee, which I'd thought was just coffee and which I'd only agreed to because I was drunk when she asked: "Guess what! We've been dating for three weeks!" Aaaaaaagh!

Yeah. She tricked me into dating her. I should have just listened to the little voice screaming at me to run away when I heard that, but...I was bored, I guess, and wanted to get laid...stupid epi.

So...should I just delete her and suffer the crazy, needy, unpredictable consequences?


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auralpoison
post Dec 15 2009, 04:39 PM
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This? Was awesome. Like awesomely awesome. I laughed so hard a little pee came out, even.

The guy from my post from 07/20/09 right down below? Fucking contacted me the other night. He'd apparently been neglecting his Yahoo & wanted to know who I was. I told him not to worry about it, delete me & move on. He said okay, but didn't really mean it. Every few minutes he came back asking for hints as to my identity, I kept telling him to forget it & move on. He finally had his "aha!" moment & figured out who I was. And started FLIRTING with me in his awkward, back-handed way. I was "secretive, but very funny". How much he liked my style, I remind him of some incredibly talented writer, blahblahblah. The kicker: HE ASKED ME IF I'D SEND A PICTURE OF MYSELF TO HIM. What the ever-living motherfuck? I had not IM'd with this guy in literally years, I severed our association because he was a big baby, but he still wanted a picture of me to call his own?! Yes, the crazy is strong in that one!


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lilacwine13
post Sep 25 2009, 03:05 PM
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The morning after...

Him: So I fingered you, huh?....It's weird, like some sort of instinct or something, but I've smelled my hand two or three times now and I've had this thought of asking you for a blowjob. Maybe I should wash them.


Sigh...I didn't have the heart to tell him that yes, certain odors can do that to a person. laugh.gif


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auralpoison
post Jul 20 2009, 03:54 AM
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I thought I might post this to tickle the funnybones: Psychotic Letters From Men. At one point or another, we've all known that guy. That guy that that read waaaaay too much into things, was simply clueless, or an outright psychopath.

A few years ago, I started talking to a guy in a writer's group I was in. He seemed nice enough, he was also interested in screenwriting. He lived/matriculatedl/worked about sixty-five miles away, so we exchanged IM info.

We talked a few times in one week, we got to know each other a little better, but I always turned the topics back to writing from personal talk because he threw up a few red flags. Like, he was pretty immature, had a poor relationship with all of the women in his family, he seemed a bit needy. He was also overly-effusive in his compliments to me, always telling me what a great find I was & how glad he was to have met me. I always brushed it off with, "Yeah, it's always nice to meet somebody else with unrealistic ideas about being a successful writer, haha." I didn't want to encourage his growing interest in me, but I also didn't want to lose a valuable filmic resource: he was a clerk in a HUGE indie video store, my own little personal QT & he *said* he said he was in the local uni's film program.

In the middle of our fourth conversation he abruptly asked me, "Do you think of me as a boyfriend? I just want to know now because that's where my mind is heading." I politely explained, not really, I didn't really know him very well, I wasn't into the LDR thing, & was fairly newly broken up. He was disappointed, claimed he understood, but did ask that I keep him in mind. Whatevs, right? Things got progressively worse.

He started trying to take it from the web (He tried to get me to friend him on Myspace, um, NO.) to the phone & when that failed he suggested I make a weekend trip up to visit him. Which I wasn't comfortable with, I barely knew this guy from Adam, I felt IM was enough. I didn't want him knowing my number, nor did I want to enter into his basement apartment in his mom's house (The mom he called the "Shrew"). Again, he was a resource, I didn't want to use him, but I didn't want to lose him either. I again explained I wasn't looking for a relationship, but that perhaps if we got to know each other better, I might feel more comfortable with talking on the phone. Basically, lets talk movies & get to know one another so that I know you aren't a total psycho.

And so the pouting & attempted manipulation began. "I had a really bad day. Could you please call me, I just want to hear your voice again. It would make me feel so much better." No, I don't know you, I don't trust you. This made him stamp his feet & pout. "Why don't you trust me?" Because trust is *earned*, not demanded. You don't get it just because you want it. He started sending me bad POETRY (If you'd like a sample, PM me!) & little missives about not trusting him, why didn't I trust him, why did I continue talking to him if I didn't trust him, how was he to get me to trust him if I didn't give him a chance. Again, I explained that if he'd stop being such a pushy dick & just talked to me like a normal person, he'd probably earn my trust much quicker than he was by making demands like a spoiled little kid. "If I act so much like a spoiled little kid, then why are you still talking to me?" Y'know what? You're right. Good luck with your writing, have a good life. "Fine. Whatever. You're a bitch just like the rest of them."

I thought that would be the end of it. I did. Then once, twice a week I'd get an "I'm sorry, please talk to me." or else a "Why don't you trust me?", "Why don't you like me anymore?" IM. But, because he was so darn clever, he'd send it in Latin or he'd hit up Yahoo Babelfish & send it in French or something. I let it go on for a bit to see how long he'd keep it up before I got bored & just deleted/blocked him.

Oh, he didn't go to the uni. He did work at the video store, but he was, again, that guy. The one all his seventeen-year-old coworkers & twenty-year-old manager had a pool on to see how long it took for him to crack up. The one that was thirty-three & had theme costumes for various horror/comedy movies. His pics on his social networking page? Were of him in the various costumes, most prominently a topnotch Ghostbusters suit with proton pack surrounded in the smoke of a ghostbusting gone well.


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roseviolet
post Jul 7 2009, 06:47 AM
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Ditto what Angie said. Plus it seems weird that he felt a need to burst out such a blunt statement in that environment. I'm hoping he wasn't sober because then he'd have a decent excuse for that odd outburst.
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angie_21
post Jul 6 2009, 02:10 PM
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Full of himself.. assuming you hadn't even talked since you slept together. Why the F would he think just because you slept together, you wanted a relationship, if you hadn't yet pursued any relationship before or after sleeping together?
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zoya
post Jul 6 2009, 07:41 AM
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uh huh.
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....I dunno about that, I honestly think that he somehow thought that I wanted to pursue a relationship with him after that night. I'd told him we should keep in touch, but it was because I thought he was cool, and we have mutual friends. Not because I thought we'd end up in some kinda thing.... christ.
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Persiflager
post Jul 6 2009, 02:47 AM
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Awww, I think he likes you!


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zoya
post Jul 5 2009, 11:12 AM
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Honestly, I think this might take the cake:

So last night at a party I see this guy who I hooked up with last time I was in town. We have a mutual friend who we're both very close with, so most likely we're going to cross paths when I'm around. No biggie. I don't feel weird about things at all, and I think the guy is cool. So this guy and I had some light conversation during the course of the evening, nothing strained or anything, but I just kinda felt a small vibe that there was this pink elephant in the middle of the room, and decided to just address it and diffuse things completely. So the next time I'm standing talking to the guy, I say "SO......we were pretty fucked up last time I was here, and you know, shit happens...." and was preparing to say something about how it's all good, etc.. when he says "Here's the deal, I can't have a relationship with someone who lives 5000 miles away."

WHAT???!!!!!! who the fuck thinks "relationship" after a drunken night running around with friends and subsequent hook up???!!! HUH???

I was so caught off guard, I was dumbstruck. All I could do was gape at him and say "wow. WOW. Uh.. that was not what I expected to hear, at all." I finally just had to tell hi m that I'd like to finish the conversation another time, because I really just didn't know what to say after that.

so either this guy is totally full of himself, or he's used to girls who actually think that, or I was not that far off base when I thought to myself back then that if I lived here, he probably would have asked me out. who the fuck knows.... dork!
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treehugger
post May 2 2009, 08:08 AM
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OMG persiflager...I just spent three hours at that site! Hilarious. smile.gif


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