[anna k]

I feel like I'm picky too. I've dated guys who were more into me than I was into them, but I couldn't fake liking them to have a boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like plenty of guys are not worthy of me or wouldn't know how to handle me. I've never been anyone's girlfriend, and I've always been independent and used to being alone, so when I date guys it's for a temporary thrill rather than having them become an intimate part of my life.

I'm reminded of a comedian who talked about being picky about dating in her twenties, and dancing around, going, "You're too tall and you can't dance, and I don't like the pleats in your pants." By her thirties, she would see all the good guys snatched up or with babies, and she goes, "Where's the guy who liked me too much?!"

[sixelacat]

Oh, I don't THINK so! There is no such thing as TOO PICKY, stargazer! That particular phrase needs to be stricken from your vocabulary with a quickness! It is only used by people who are pissed off that they settled, towards others are waiting for an actual MEANINGFUL relationship! If you have not found anyone worthy of you yet, it is most definitely NOT because your standards are too high! Is there even such a thing?! I think NOT! Try again, sister!

[stargazer]

glad i could be of help to you flanker_ji.

dude, no guys really interest me. i went out tonight. no one. i think my friend was trying to get something going with this guy tonight 'cause he fit my type...really just bald...but, i didn't feel anything...he was really nice...but, didn't ask for my number and i'm not willing to just give it out anymore like i use to. offer myself up. like i said...just tired of chasing...and the combo of cosmos doesn't help...but, i really am giving up on men...ugh...but, i still want a guy...damn, maybe i'm too picky...

[flanker_ji]

i'm definitely holding out for a relationship. sex outside of a relationship is very empty for me.

sometimes i fear i am too independent. i probably give off that vibe. i've been told i'm unapproachable by some and very accepting and easy to talk to by others. so, it's pretty confusing for me. i know i'm judging people by the minute i start talking with them. being analytical and all. but, i need to know you can handle my shit. really. there's a part in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind where clementine says that men think of her as a concept...that she's exciting, yada, yada, yada...but she's just trying to find some piece of mind...working on her own shit...that's how i feel...and it makes it worse being Latina 'cause I get hit on by alot of white guys...so already i'm assuming they are hitting on me 'cause they have the "I want to be with a Mexican woman" fantasy...and i have a booty if you know what i mean...so, yeah, i feel i get automatically put into sex object role by men...

i just want a man who is interested in getting to know me. and at the same time, i need to give him a chance to get to know me. it's not really complicated, i know. but, i'm so tired of chasing guys. i'm usually the one to initiate contact being the overachiever i am. it would just be nice to be asked out by a guy and not get "hit on." i don't know if i'm making sense here. i just want respect.

AP~you're not retarded. i've been making mixtapes since college about people. friends, lovers...a reason why i love high fidelity so much...i tend to indentify with male characters more than female characters...wanting a relationship and the fear of commitment/intimacy at the same time...i like to feel the sense of freedom...i need my space....

OMG, stargazer. I could've written this post! You covered all the nuances of my frustrated singleness (with the exceptions that I'm white, and have huge knockers, instead of a huge booty). Reading this thread has been really helpful lately. I am in such a non-dating rut. I think dating is complicated for those of us that deviate from the norm in any way, in terms of our attitudes toward relationships.

[stargazer]

yeah, i was just writing to aural about the whole men as friends thing...

i definitely buy into the whole when harry met sally thing of women and men can't be friends 'cause the sex part is always there. and i'm freudian and i know the sex is ALWAYS there. even the ones you don't find attractive...as billy crystal said in the movie, "you pretty much want to nail them too." i also think because of the whole "friendship" thing...men don't work as hard to make women feel special...spoiled puppies...they are very passive aggressive...don't take the risk to ask women out on a date...probably why i have respect more for the aggressive types 'cause at least i know where i stand with them...a fuck or a date or a girlfriend....i'm pretty direct and to the point....but, alas, not everyone is like me...and i don't mean to sound all 50s donna reed...it is just the way i feel...some guys have watched too many john hughes movies and try to be ducky...

i don't need awhole bunch of male attention...i really just want the attention of one man in a relationship...

[sassygrrl]

I agree with you stargazer. I really love me some sex, but I went thru a stage in my life where I was screwing anything that moved. I realize now (years later) that it was just empty voidless sex. I really need to have at least a good connection with the person now.

I also fear that I give out that too much independant vibe as well. No man has ever been able to deal with it. I have a LOT of male friends, and I'm not sleeping with any of them, but most of my men in my life has been so UBER possessive about it.

One of my best male friends just got married this past year. Anyways, I think their marriage is so great. They both came into it very independent people, and they haven't merged into one of those smug married people. Both have seperate lives, and meet in the middle with certain things. She knows me, and knows that our friendship is of great importance to me. This is eventually what I want.

We'll see about McCrush. He's still trying to pass all my tests... .ha. My friends are very wary about him, as I am. I know that neither one of wants to get hurt on either side.

Yet, I know me. I know I fall hard and quite fast.

And what about JCrush?

Also got weird text message from Starbucks boy. We're supposed to grab some coffee after he gets back from LA. He got all angry at me about McCrush, but I know that was just about jeolously.

When it rains, it literally pours eh?


And, AP, so not retarded about making mix tapes. I'm making one myself right now....

[stargazer]

i'm definitely holding out for a relationship. sex outside of a relationship is very empty for me.

sometimes i fear i am too independent. i probably give off that vibe. i've been told i'm unapproachable by some and very accepting and easy to talk to by others. so, it's pretty confusing for me. i know i'm judging people by the minute i start talking with them. being analytical and all. but, i need to know you can handle my shit. really. there's a part in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind where clementine says that men think of her as a concept...that she's exciting, yada, yada, yada...but she's just trying to find some piece of mind...working on her own shit...that's how i feel...and it makes it worse being Latina 'cause I get hit on by alot of white guys...so already i'm assuming they are hitting on me 'cause they have the "I want to be with a Mexican woman" fantasy...and i have a booty if you know what i mean...so, yeah, i feel i get automatically put into sex object role by men...

i just want a man who is interested in getting to know me. and at the same time, i need to give him a chance to get to know me. it's not really complicated, i know. but, i'm so tired of chasing guys. i'm usually the one to initiate contact being the overachiever i am. it would just be nice to be asked out by a guy and not get "hit on." i don't know if i'm making sense here. i just want respect.

AP~you're not retarded. i've been making mixtapes since college about people. friends, lovers...a reason why i love high fidelity so much...i tend to indentify with male characters more than female characters...wanting a relationship and the fear of commitment/intimacy at the same time...i like to feel the sense of freedom...i need my space....

[anna k]

I keep considering dating guys I meet online and hooking up with them if I feel the instant attraction, but I rarely do feel that. A couple of times I messed around with someone (making out, sex without intercourse), and that was a couple out of several guys I had dated but felt bored with. Dating can feel like a job interview, and I never feel sex vibes or attraction at first sight. I've noticed that I get more into guys when I've known them for awhile and build an interest in them, but that's a rarity right now. I miss that, it felt more sweeter and more exciting.

It also doesn't help that I'm apprehensive to have intercourse with guys I don't know at all, and I don't trust just a condom or spermicide or going on the pill and gaining ten pounds and feeling sick. So I remain a virgin out of fear of diseases and pregnancy and not trusting just anyone to touch me that intimately. It's been one thing at a time, getting used to sex and physical affection. Me and a guy who hang out and flirt together saw a movie, and he put his arm around me, and I played with his fingers. It's different for me to be intimate or physical with people, so it felt like a rarity that I could be comfortable with really touching someone and not just letting them use my body and being bored with the experience.

[Kalevra]

As a guy... I have GIVEN UP on the spontaneous 'fucking' that most guys consider the be all and end all of being an Alpha Male.....i get no enjoyment out of it......I am looking for something deeper....I like it that way because I am a fussy male, I may have no right to be, but I am going to be that way because I KNOW I deserve it....I. WILL.NOT.SETTLE.FOR.SECOND.BEST.

as a result, my posting in this thread will become more frequent....and so be it!

[butterfly]

Hi Edie, I'm feeling kind of the same way- recently I've been asked what seems like a million times why I'm not seeing anyone, and it's starting to get to me a little. (I just NEVER know what to say- all my smart ass replies feel a bit defensive if that makes sense.)

I've been feeling like I'm stuck in a little routine that I want to change- and it isn't always easy. Random drunk sex can, in my experience, be great, and has led to relationships of all sorts, but I kind of don't want to do it anymore.
But yeah- how else does it go? That's a stupid question, I know, but because it's the way I've always done things I think maybe I have to go for re-training.

I'm sitting on my hands today, because I could make a call, but I know it would not be a good idea in the long term.... And I feel good that I've been resisting for quite a while now (months), but bad that it's still so tempting. (He's a lovely guy, I've known him for years, and the sex is superfantastic, but a) we're not meant to relationship with one another, and b ).....I don't know what b is....

I think I just find it really hard to admit to myself, let alone anyone else, that I would like to be loved and cherished, and so I give off the opposite vibe. Hmmm.

/self absorption.

[edie52]

Being single is kind of sucking for me right now... though usually I'm okay with it. It's mostly the sex part. I don't want to have casual sex, though I sometimes do it, but I mean, I don't enjoy it the way I do boyfriend sex. And I usually regret it. It's also usually when I'm drunk. And sometimes I'd like to stop after a bit of making out, but don't. I know these are all bad signs. Also, I think this has been mentioned here before, it's hard to meet someone and start a relationship BEFORE sleeping together. I believe someone used the words "fuck first, then get to know you" (maybe brooklynhermit?). I don't want to feel like I'm out of the dating pool if I become celibate.

Fuck. I should do it anyway. Celibacy starts now! Until I don't feel this way anymore.

[auralpoison]

OMG! I often make iPod mixes dedicated to boys. Retarded, I know. My first Jcrush mix has both of those songs.

[stargazer]

OMG!!

I was just singing that song today. I have it on a mixCD followed by the Ramones, "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend."

Damn Liz Phair!

[sassygrrl]

Me too stargazer....

"I want all that stupid all stuff, bitter and sodas.... I want a boyfriend..."

Damn, love Liz Phair.

[stargazer]

damn. i try to pretend that i don't care...focus on myself...i don't need anyone...

but.

i.want.a.boyfriend.

that's all. i just wanted to rant...

[dani837]

I used to txt mssg my hookups when I was drunk. NOT GOOD. so embarassing, but then they would become funny moments, like th etypical "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME" to your friends

[katiebelle2882]

ohhh texting is THE BEST. it means i dont have to actually talk to someone on the phone and i can multitask which is always cool. i dont have time to talk on the phone and listen to your shite. i mean its not good for getting to know someone, but whatever it beats having to sit around and talk on the phone to people who you can easily get the job done with over a text like "be there in 5 min".

then again, i am NOT a phone person. i cant live without my cell phone and would have been in major trouble more then a few times if i didnt have one, however, i never call anyone back.

if it wasnt for IM, i wouldnt be in touch with about half of my old friends that i normally would have lost contact with simply because i cant stand to talk to people on the phone. its made my life so much easier. that being said, it isnt necessarily a good way to actually get to know someone, but to stay in touch easily it rocks.

[sassygrrl]

Yeah, cell phones are for text messaging....

[pepper]

omg, i LOVE the booty call.
i dunno about text message anything, don't you need a celery phone for that kinda thing? i ain't putting that nuke box next to my head man, my BRAINS are in there!! forget it.

[stargazer]

no problem sixelacat!

rereading my advice to you. i was trying to think about what it is i like to do. i know this sounds funny. i've been so busy with school for the last several years that this past year has been spent reconnecting with the things i love. i really love music. and i don't know if it is still an adolescent thing for me to be so connected with music, but i really want a guy with an interest in music and to be creative. i have the whole intelligence thing going on...i'm gonna be a doctor. i need someone to help me get out of my head. i'm pretty turned off by other intellectuals. i mean, i have great conversations, but i tend to connect with people on a deeper level when there is a great emotional connection.

my whole issue with technology has been ongoing for the past year. tired of my own dependence of it and trying to get to know people in real life. i seriously believe people's social skills are dwindling as a overdependence on technology. but, then again, i've made some great friends on here and other places on the 'net. just frustrated i guess...and part of it is with myself...so, i've just been flirting with many people, working my magic, it's actually been pretty freeing...but, i think i've always been flirty...i just never gave myself credit...