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> Frustrated Singles
themeiu
post Oct 19 2007, 11:42 PM
Post #461


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 104
From: Bay Area (South) California


mumble,
I know how you feel about the aquaintence thing. I just moved to a new city about 3 hours from my home area of 10+ years. It seems that the older we get, the harder it is to form deep friendships. Both parties have to be interested in putting in the time/effort for it to work and that can be really hard to coordinate.

The way I would suggest meeting people is to create hobbies or try new things, especially active ones (which tend to be more social). I have been taking several dance classes recently and am also in a small college dance company which provides ample time to talk with people. I'm also getting exercise, which I have a hard time maintaining if I don't have someone to kick my ass. (I suggest Jazz, it usually comes with a killer strengthening/stretching portion.)
Something else you could try is rock climbing. I don't know if you have a climbing gym in your area, but they are a valuable resource. If someone told me I would be a climber someday, I would have laughed at them, but it's really the kind of thing you can do at your own level and see progress. There really nothing like getting to the top of a route you thought was too hard for you. Most gyms will have Intro classes to get you started and you can always boulder by yourself if you don't have a partner. Renting equipment is also relatively inexpensive. Climbers are also generally pretty friendly, down to earth folks and make easy conversation. And guy climbers are wicked hot. Just the right amount of muscle and that rugged outdoorsy look. They often climb w/o shirts which is very distracting.

OK, I'm rambling, but the point is, if you do activities you are really passionate about, you will meet like-minded people. And if you can't think of something you want to do, try something new, something you never thought you'd do. Volunteering is also a great way to meet good people.
Lordy, I wrote you an essay. Well, anyways, I hope you feel better about this soon.
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mumblestutter
post Oct 19 2007, 09:24 PM
Post #462


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 103
From: michigan


uhhh... needing to vent here, but not quite sure where to start... i guess i'm at one of those akward points in my life... most of my friends have moved away. I have some aquaintences in town... but apparently no one who cares about me enough to ever invite me out or return my phone calls when I call them & ask to hang out. On top of that, I've been single since the end of February (with the exception of an 8 week relapse). It's so hard to be single AND without any local friends. I REALLY want some one to share my time with, some one to share experiences with, but I don't even know where to start. I have NO social network right now & am really left with no idea of how to meet people. I do what I can to get out of the house, like going to cafes & exhibits, movies, etc. but these things don't really require social interaction. I'm not exactly up to going to the bar by myself & have never had luck meeting people in those places anyway.

I've responded to a couple of Craigs list ad's... but i don't hear back from anyone.

All of my friends say I'm a really good girlfriend... I'm not psycho or over-posessive... I like to do little things to suprise guys, I'm smart, good looking & funnny as hell. Yet, I can't seem to meet anyone. On top of that, all of the girls I work with are CRAZY, manipulative, ego-centric messes & they have guys fallowing them around, calling them all the time, begging them for attention. I don't get it. I'm nice & down to earth & no one will pay attention to me. I feel like I'm stuck in some kindof "nice guys finish last" story... but I'm not a guy. This sucks.

Anybody got advice on how to meet people after college in a college town? Anybody just wanna commiserate? smile.gif
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candycane_girl
post Oct 10 2007, 06:48 PM
Post #463


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


Squeeee, the wondering is over! I sent him an email and he responded and said that yes he definitely wants to get together again! I can't wait.
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kittenb
post Oct 10 2007, 06:16 PM
Post #464


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


I would think that there must be some kind of attraction but I know that guys can be really stupid when it comes to phones and the like.

Am I a total dork that I am so excited that I have a date this Saturday that 1. I posted here that I have a date and 2. I was trying on clothes today to wear on said date? Yes, I am a bit of a dork.


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In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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candycane_girl
post Oct 9 2007, 06:31 PM
Post #465


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


Argh, I'm so frustrated! Okay, so there was the guy I mentioned down below, the one who seemed interested but then never answered his phone. Anyway, I tried calling him but then I just gave up because there was never any answer. So then a week after that, last Tuesday, he calls and I was quite surprised because I truly thought that he had just lost interest. Anyway, we ended up meeting in person and (I think) really hitting it off.

Okay, if two people make out for well over an hour then there's basically some attraction right? Because I had been really nervous as I hadn't really told him that I'm fat so I wasn't sure if he would be into me (physically) or not. But then with the crazy making out I figured that he was. Anyway, I told him that I had a great time and that I'd call him sometime this week. And surprise, surprise he never answers his phone.

What is the deal? I am back at square one! I was worried that despite the kissing maybe he wasn't that attracted to me but would you really kiss (and do other stuff) with someone for over an hour if you weren't attracted to them? Is he just really busy? Does he not understand how to use a cellphone?
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erinjane
post Oct 5 2007, 09:39 PM
Post #466


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


Luckily I'm still feeling satisfied. We'll see how the weekend goes though.

Exactly what I was talking about, with guys looking at me and making assumptions happened this week. There's this short, nerdy, younger guy that I was in a group with in my class. He's not my type AT ALL and I'm not attracted to him in the least but I could tell he was in to me. A mutual friend showed him some shots from a nude shoot I did (I wasn't nude in the shots he saw) and he emailed me this:

"I learned quite a bit today. My friend thought it was interesting that I knew you and she showed me a *ahem* website. I... had no idea that you were... you just appear so... like no offense please, but you seem so quiet and reserved..."

Too funny. I sat there laughing out loud when I read it.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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Sststststutter
post Oct 4 2007, 08:42 PM
Post #467


BUSTie
**
Posts: 30
From: Philadelphia


i just want to say that in a world where i am surrounded by married, engaged, and boyfriend-laden friends, it's such a relief to come in this thread sometimes and read things that you girls are saying that i also am feeling. some people just don't understand, but you girls do, and i love you for it!


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all you need are drums to start a dance party:::...
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erinjane
post Oct 3 2007, 07:46 PM
Post #468


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


Saturday I had such a bad night. I was out with one of my friends, we weren't out looking for anyone, but she met this really cute guy from France who was really sweet and they hit it off right away. He wasn't even my type but I got jealous and miserable and ended up going home so they could hang out. She felt really bad about it, but I probably would have done the same thing. He's not even her type either, but like I would, she enjoyed the attention. Luckily the next day I felt a lot better and the two of us went out and had a great time for my pre-birthday celebration.

I go back and forth so much between feeling satisfied and feeling lonely. Right now I'm satisfied to be single, but on Saturday I felt so bad about it. It's so frustrating.

Oh, and one of the things I noticed on the singles site I was one, is that every guy seems to describe himself as "sweet, romantic, caring". That's all well and good, but I can't see myself falling for a guy who describes himself that way. When someone calls themselves romantic I find they're really idealistic, wanna shower me in flowers and gifts, and are a bore in bed. I want someone who wants to have fun with me, who can laugh at themselves, who knows I'm not a high maintenance girl, and who has the same political/activist interests that I do. I don't give a damn if you're romantic because I'm super laid back. One of the reasons I'm so hung up on the guy I've been talking about who gives me mixed signals is because we really have the same interests and I wouldn't have to educate him on what my life is about. I hate when I'm talking to a guy and I mention I'm in women studies or work at a women's centre and they ask me if I hate men or try to explain to me how feminism is obsolete.

I think a lot of guys look at me and think, "there's a cute, short, sweet, vanilla girl, she probably wants to be smothered by my affections". When people find out what kind of music, movies, books, sex, and politics I'm into they're always really surprised. It's the same thing that's been happening to me since I was in high school. Damn this cute exterior!

/rant that ended up a lot longer than I intended.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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greenbean
post Oct 3 2007, 10:41 AM
Post #469


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 954


((zoya)) Going to the UK sounds tempting..but the men are just as fickle!


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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zoya
post Oct 3 2007, 04:17 AM
Post #470


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


ok, forwarning... here comes pity party...

I'm just so fucking frustrated lately. It seems like a whole bunch of my friends who have been through some of the same shit as me with guys are now meeting great guys and all the work they've done on themselves, (not putting up with crap in a relationship, setting boundaries, etc etc) is coming to fruition and they're starting up remarkably healthy relationships. And the guys they're meeting are totally cool, fun, hip guys who are into it. I'm happy for them, but fuck. I get so fucking frustrated because I meet these seemingly great guys and then it just goes to shit. (like I said below, at least I'm meeting ones who aren't otherwise attached anymore, whether it be to another human being or drugs / alcohol!) and I don't understand it. I mean, it could just as easily go well. I know the whole 'you're a great girl, those guys are stupid for fucking it up' (I hear it from both my girl and guy friends) and 'the right person will come along for you' but I get so sick of hearing it.

I think back to when I was younger, and I had a couple of relationships with guys who were totally in love with me, and I think back to how they treated me and it was great - I was the fucked up one who couldn't deal - (plus I was just young) so they got pushed away. Now that I'm much older and have really grown hugely as a person to someone who's together, successful, relaxed, etc etc.. and more ready to have a healthy relationship than ever, everything just constantly goes to shit. It just seems like the universe is playing some big cosmic joke on me, sometimes, and that everyone around me gets to have it, but not me. I get really fucking tired of it.

I do know that I need to make a change in my work / career before I can expect to really have something - I have such an unstable lifestyle that I've decided I need to make some changes - for me personally, and also if I ever want to be in a relationship, which I do - so I do remind myself that honestly, this is probably not the best time to get into something anyway... but beyond the rationalization, I just wanna be with someone. I just wanna have that best friend / lover relationship with a man. fuck.

ok, wah. I'm done bitching and having the pity party for myself. Sorry for venting, but I just needed to get that off my chest to some people that understand.
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nickclick
post Oct 2 2007, 07:24 AM
Post #471


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


thanks starg!!!!!

well, next time they "see you around," you're going to be with a hottie who's smart enough to date a cool girl, and they're gonna go home to sit on their thrift store couches alone with their buddy holly glasses.
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zoya
post Oct 2 2007, 06:44 AM
Post #472


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


argh - greenbean, I think that you and I have the same issue - we meet guys who are cool, have tons in common with us, we have a great time with... and who are not ready for any kind of relationship or sometimes even taking the plunge into a date. I feel like I've accomplished something, finally attracting good, available men.. but I'm realizing that available doesn't mean ready and for a guy, ready isn't something they think about - they just are or they're not. It's a royal pain in my ass, I tell you. feh.

ps - I still think that you should enroll in a class in the UK, then find a job (it's not so hard to get a work visa) and stay for awhile.
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greenbean
post Oct 1 2007, 10:09 PM
Post #473


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 954


Aww, shucks, thanks stargazer. I guess it must be my personality then, doh! wink.gif Nah, but I swear if I hear "see you around" one more time I'm gonna throw a fit.


--------------------
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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stargazer
post Oct 1 2007, 07:13 PM
Post #474


brown delicious
***
Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


greenbean, i hear you about the buddy holly glasses. my downfall. amongst other things. damn. if a guy won't go for you, then he's really dumb cuz i've seen pics of you and you're gorgeous. that's crazy.

nickclick, you and the mr. are a cute couple. adorable.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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greenbean
post Oct 1 2007, 04:16 PM
Post #475


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 954


AAAAArrrrrrRRRRRGGGgggg!
!!!!

I am so frustrated with boys who seem kinda interested, but don't ask me out. What the hell?! I'm so sick of the line, "I hope to see you around". Do you really? Cuz if you really did then tell me where and when. Gah!


--------------------
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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candycane_girl
post Sep 28 2007, 03:20 PM
Post #476


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


I've only ever had two real boyfriends. They weren't the bad boy type at all and they still both ended up dumping me and leaving me unhappy.

I went on okcupid today and looked at some "matches" and tried to message guys that weren't necessarily my type. We'll see how this goes. Sometimes I feel like I just shouldn't try.
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greenbean
post Sep 28 2007, 01:31 PM
Post #477


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 954


Nickclick, for a long time my 'type' was the punkish, loud and tattooed boys (and I'm a sucker for Buddy Holly glasses) but so many of those guys are stubborn brats who aren't very responsible with either their careers or maintaining a relationship. Lately I've been trying to remain open to guys that aren't my type, but its hard. Like right now I have a crush on someone who is very plain in dress and hairstyle, he likes music but is not a scenester at all, and he is a teacher (I bet his students think hes such a square tongue.gif) A friend told me that he asked about me, so I think there may be some interest on his part, but even though I have a crush on him (hes really goshdarn cute) I can't help but wish he was more exciting. BUT, boys that are "exciting" tend to break my heart, so I'm really hoping that I can grow up and realize people dont have to be showy to be fun. (I get this intellectually but cant seem to emotionally yet...bah)


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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erinjane
post Sep 28 2007, 11:38 AM
Post #478


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


I've flipped through profiles on the bust one before and almost everyone hasn't logged on in 3 or more months. I registered at plentyoffish and okcupid, because they were both free. I deleted both accounts today. I wasn't comfortable with it, and the guys who were replying were really scuzzy and obviously hadn't read my profile at all. I'm just gonna stick with real life encounters I think.

I did meet my last serious boyfriend off livejournal, but I wasn't specifically looking for someone that time.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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nickclick
post Sep 28 2007, 07:33 AM
Post #479


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


i met mr.nick online! we've been together 1 1/2 years and just moved in together.

i tried to be open about who my type is. my type was always a punk rocker with a steady job. online i met punk rock boys with no jobs, punk rock boys with jobs that were a-holes, and guys with jobs that never heard of punk rock. then i met mr.nick, and he's a classically-trained musician who likes rock n' roll too and works hard at a job he loves. so while he didn't exactly fit what i thought i would meet, we had loads in common - love for music, fun and responsibility. and despite his lack of tattoos or creative hair, he's super cute.

i dunno, can't hurt to keep up a profile. you never know. also, which sites are you girls on? eharmony seems to be for bores, but match.com seems pretty open, and this bust website has one that seems to be more for hipsters.
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snow white
post Sep 27 2007, 06:49 PM
Post #480


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 345
From: upstate new york


i just flipped through some personals in our area... is there anywhere besides a bar to meet ppl?

i'm in a lonely place in my life right now, my friends are in different places than me, some are getting married and some are into their 'scene', you know. i enjoy both but i'm just feeling like, where are my people? i need someone to monopolize my time so i can say, "omg, me too!". i haven't felt that in a long time.

good eye contact, knowing smiles, feelings of comfort...damn, where's my person???


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I'm not loaded, I'm just tired of being nice
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