[skindeep1991]

Now, I say the following not as an excuse for his behavior, but hopefully to help you out of your funk a little. Remember that "online" is a very safe, anonymous place where people often do and say things they otherwise would not and; guys in particular are prone to the male "pack" syndrome, where he may say things to go along with the crowd (even an online one) and feel like one of the guys (asshole guys, yes...but he wants to belong). So keep in mind that his asinine comments are no reflection of YOU, your worth, or sexiness.

Right now I would like to slap him but you say he has redeeming qualities so I trust that. Just lookin' out for my fellow busties and feeling protective!!

Thank you karate it's funny you say that because that's what my mother said and when I asked him why he even said 'I don't know I was just showing off for comments, I didn't mean them' ...but he must have meant them to some extent because the thought wouldn't have crossed his mind to say it anyway. He spent hours crying to me last night about how he's 'sorry' and about how he doesn't want to lose me. I told him that I need time to calm down and think about things because at the moment I feel like everything he's ever told me about my body being gorgeous, about loving me the way I am and about how there's no one else for him is a massive lie.
And you know the breast comments he made, those are the ones that hurt me the worst. I cant believe he did it, I honestly would have bet my life that he wouldn't have done this. I was always telling people how amazing he is to me and about how comfortable I am with him . I know it's a cliche the whole ' I never expected it from him ' but I really didn't he's the crying type usually really shy and I had to kiss him first. I just feel so betrayed right now.

To be honest I just keep thinking about what is wrong with me for these things to happen, there must be something wrong with me if a nice guy that claims he loves me and talks about wanting to move in with me will do these things.

I dunno, It's not been a very good few days.

Thank you so much for your kind words though

[karategrrl]

Hey hey, sending special love to you, Skindeep. Forgive my being a little blunt, but if I may be so bold, it seems like:

1. He's acting like a bit of a douchebag (notice I didn't say he IS one; he's acting like one)
2. You have the right to be hurt
3. You don't have to apologize for the way you feel or make excuses for him.
4. This is less about "your insecurities" and more about your right to be treated with respect.

I admit I have a big problem with the "he'd never cheat" thing. Sure, lots of men would never actually insert their penis into another woman's vagina but they do a whole host of other shit that is inappropriate, disrespectful and just plain not right. Being monogamous is more than just not cheating--it's having respect for your partner, your relationship and their gender in general.

I also have a biiiiig fucking problem with women expected to be "secure" and "confident" in the face of their partners doing disrespectful shit. You are reacting in a completely understandable way, my girl. There is nothing wrong with YOU! An interesting way to test this theory is to flip the situation around. You say he's bothered when you post pics of hot guys, but he expects you to be unaffected by all he's doing? Would he flip if you were looking at pics of big cocks and posting, "Awesome fucking COCK!"?

The fact that you've posted pics of guys just to get back at him sounds like a cry for help, a desperate attempt to make him feel what you feel, when all other logical, grownup attempts to make him understand where you are coming from fail. I know--I've been there! So don't apologize for that, either.

Now, I say the following not as an excuse for his behavior, but hopefully to help you out of your funk a little. Remember that "online" is a very safe, anonymous place where people often do and say things they otherwise would not and; guys in particular are prone to the male "pack" syndrome, where he may say things to go along with the crowd (even an online one) and feel like one of the guys (asshole guys, yes...but he wants to belong). So keep in mind that his asinine comments are no reflection of YOU, your worth, or sexiness.

Right now I would like to slap him but you say he has redeeming qualities so I trust that. Just lookin' out for my fellow busties and feeling protective!!

[skindeep1991]

Oh and to make the whole thing worse he commented pictures of a girls large breasts saying 'beautiful fucking titts' I don't know what to do I've been in a state

[skindeep1991]

Good idea. I hope it works out!!! Or you could just do what Skindeep is doing and skip the bras entirely? Save money at least. lol

haha yeah its the cheaper way...although unintentional. Just get a puppy they save the money for you haha.

I've had a very VERY bad past 10 minutes D= ... My boyfriend left himself logged into this website he goes on and out of curiosity i wanted to see what kind of things he likes looking at. Anyway I found him posting comments about other girls saying things like 'she's so hot' about some other guys girlfriend and some stupid pictures of famous girls he's like 'i'd destroy that so hard that there wouldn't be any fillings left" and now I feel like shit.
I know he wouldn't cheat but I'm extremely insecure when it comes to boyfriends and he's gone and made me feel like shit. Things were going so well, so passively aggressively I posted pictures of hot buff topless guys on my tumblr cause he hates it when I do. I feel like shit now I dunno what to do =[. I know this is crazy but I have trust issues due to previous relationships as I'm sure a lot of you understand and my insecurities have all come flying back, especially cause I was thinking of how happy I am with him and how he makes me feel better about myself. I'm just really upset.

[KeraBear]

Well, I finally ordered from The Little Bra Company. Considering that I've never had a bra that fits properly in the first place & the petite sizing complicates it further, I just ordered a small range of the same style with the intention of finding my proper size and returning the ones that don't work. When I get them I'll let you guys know what I think. I really hope one of them works out. I kind of feel like this place is my last hope!

Good idea. I hope it works out!!! Or you could just do what Skindeep is doing and skip the bras entirely? Save money at least. lol

[KeraBear]

YAY that's great news!!! How did you feel about it and how did he take it, is there a second date planned? =D you go girl!!!

Well, at first i was a little self conscious yea and at first i did think about it a lot. But then as the evenign wore on and on, i was thinking about it less and less. He seemed to take it well. I mean he didn't say anything about it. I am glad too because i would've turned a million shades of red! And it's not like i was gonna ask. lol He said that he had a great time and wanted to do it again. But that was like a few weeks ago and the we've been out together with a group and that's it. Does that count? Now i am not so sure.

I've let my boobies run free recently and seeing as my dog ate my favorite padded bra and my other one hurts my nipples cause of the piercings at the moment I'm going unpadded too...it feels great actually. I recommend it to all of the busties.

Niiiiice!!! I rarely do that, except for when i am at home i like to set them free. lol Since you have piercings though, doesn't that draw MORE attention to your boobs? Not that that's a bad thing i guess, because booblets are hot. Have you gotten any comments? Your dog ate your bra??? LOL!

but recently I've realized that my weight issue has a lot to do with my boobies. Because my breasts are on the smaller side of small, it means that my tummy pokes out further than them... Now I think if I had bigger breasts that I probably wouldn't have so much of an issue with my weight, but seeing as I've learned to love my boobies and I constantly make jokes about them and talk openly about them opposed to making them something to be ashamed of I guess I will either have to step up the exercise or embrace the fact that my breasts will never ever EVER stick out further than my belly...EVER. *sigh*

awwwwwwww sorry to hear that you are struggling. Yeah... i guess you will have to learn to embrace it. All sorts of tummys can be cute though. Maybe get a belly button ring to dress it up a lil?

also Dee you can't blame yourself for this, if he's never had problems before then you know it's not you...I think sometimes as a self conscious girl you're willing to see the negatives in yourself rather than the positive and when something happens like that you automatically twist it so you take it personally and make it something negative about you. I think you're fantastic and you should think of the awesome things you have, you're beautiful and you should be confident about that as for this fwb...he's probably feeling REALLY self conscious about this issue also as I know guys get easily self conscious about there man parts.

Took the words right outta my mouth!! But yea, i second this. It's not you. I'm sure of it.

[discowombat]

Well, I finally ordered from The Little Bra Company. Considering that I've never had a bra that fits properly in the first place & the petite sizing complicates it further, I just ordered a small range of the same style with the intention of finding my proper size and returning the ones that don't work. When I get them I'll let you guys know what I think. I really hope one of them works out. I kind of feel like this place is my last hope!

[skindeep1991]

omg me toooooooo... way to bring a lil small boobie love back to the board, karategrrl!! Not much has been going on in my life... well, except i went on a date recently! *giggles like a school girl* It was notable because I did something i've never done before - it was the FIRST first date where I didn't wear a padded bra. Yep, all natural Kerabear.

YAY that's great news!!! How did you feel about it and how did he take it, is there a second date planned? =D you go girl!!!

I've let my boobies run free recently and seeing as my dog ate my favorite padded bra and my other one hurts my nipples cause of the piercings at the moment I'm going unpadded too...it feels great actually. I recommend it to all of the busties.

but recently I've realized that my weight issue has a lot to do with my boobies. Because my breasts are on the smaller side of small, it means that my tummy pokes out further than them... Now I think if I had bigger breasts that I probably wouldn't have so much of an issue with my weight, but seeing as I've learned to love my boobies and I constantly make jokes about them and talk openly about them opposed to making them something to be ashamed of I guess I will either have to step up the exercise or embrace the fact that my breasts will never ever EVER stick out further than my belly...EVER. *sigh*

also Dee you can't blame yourself for this, if he's never had problems before then you know it's not you...I think sometimes as a self conscious girl you're willing to see the negatives in yourself rather than the positive and when something happens like that you automatically twist it so you take it personally and make it something negative about you. I think you're fantastic and you should think of the awesome things you have, you're beautiful and you should be confident about that as for this fwb...he's probably feeling REALLY self conscious about this issue also as I know guys get easily self conscious about there man parts.

I love you all ^.^
xXx

[discowombat]

it was the FIRST first date where I didn't wear a padded bra. Yep, all natural Kerabear.

Yay!! This also makes me very happy.

[KeraBear]

Helllloooooo all you hotties!!!

I've been off the board for so long--just up to my ass in life--but awesome to see things rockin' here!

omg me toooooooo... way to bring a lil small boobie love back to the board, karategrrl!! Not much has been going on in my life... well, except i went on a date recently! *giggles like a school girl* It was notable because I did something i've never done before - it was the FIRST first date where I didn't wear a padded bra. Yep, all natural Kerabear.

[KeraBear]

Oh my!
You're right!
Let's have a dinner.
You know you love me.
XOXO
Gossip Girl.

Wait... what?

___________
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Oh.

[karategrrl]

Helllloooooo all you hotties!!!

I've been off the board for so long--just up to my ass in life--but awesome to see things rockin' here!

Skindeep, I am going to check out the link to those photos--the preview in my browser looked hot!!!

And discowombat, OMG, that Photoshop thing was awesome!!!! I am SO posting that on Facebook!

Love you guys!

[JanetteNixon]

Oh my!
You're right!
Let's have a dinner.
You know you love me.
XOXO
Gossip Girl.
___________
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[DeeRayy]

thanks strongirl and secretsights, i really needed to read those responses. i think i've just been feeling more self conscious than usual lately because my fwb seems to be dealing with some form of erectile dysfunction and it can really wreak havoc on my confidence. i can't help but get self conscious when the guy i'm sleeping with loses his erection all the time =/. he gets frustrated too and i know you're not supposed to take it personally when that happens to a guy but it's hard not to feel unattractive when that happens.

[strongirl]

"Sometimes it's hard to be body positive, but it is possible. I've learned to appreciate all kinds of beauty, and the hardest one to appreciate has been my own. But I'm getting there "

That is just so...what this forum is all about. Big electronic hug out to you, Secretsights!

[KeraBear]

wooooo!! Welcome back Secretsights88!!!

I hate when people feel the need to put one group of people down just to bring others up. I don't question that curvy women like Marilyn Monroe or Bettie Page were beautiful - they were. But so is Keira Knightley. I am curvy except for my small breasts, I have thick thighs, wide hips, a big butt and a small waist (therefore a low waist to hip ratio), but I don't think I'm superior or hotter than thinner women with their delicate, *feminine* bodies.... both curvy and delicate (as I like to call it) are sexy and feminine. Proof of that: I was just watching "Catch and Release", with Jennifer Garner and Juliette Lewis... and god are they beautiful and SEXY... especially Juliette... that woman always takes my breath away.

I know!! I enounter this all the time. Especially in the "body image" message boards on some teen web sites. If a gal posts something complaining about her small boobs, someone will say, "be glad you don't have big boobs. They are ugly and saggy" OR if a gal comes on complaining about having big boobs, it turns to comments like, "well just be glad you aren't flat!" It's just such a backwards messed up way of looking at things.

[secretsights88]

Well, long time no see ladies.

I agree about "Evo Psych" being crap. If what they said was true, then beauty standards would be universal, and tribes in Africa would value what our culture values... same with tribes in Brazil and other countries. I think it's really sad that we've been taught that "science" has the ultimate truth, when it doesn't. After taking a course on Scientific Research I learned that it's pretty easy to manipulate studies to get the results you want in order to pursue some sort of agenda... so I'm really skeptical now whenever someone mentions "scientific studies" to prove a point... especially when it comes to the human psyche, which is something you can't really measure or generalize upon, since we're all unique.

Recently a Facebook "meme" really pissed me off... there were several pictures of Keira Knightley, Nicole Richie, etc (though there was a pic of Heidi Montag post implants, which I'd taken out). And then there were pics of Bettie Page, Marilyn Monroe, etc... with a caption that said "When did this?" (over the pics of thin women) "Become hotter than this?" (over the pics of "curvy" women). I hate when people feel the need to put one group of people down just to bring others up. I don't question that curvy women like Marilyn Monroe or Bettie Page were beautiful - they were. But so is Keira Knightley. I am curvy except for my small breasts, I have thick thighs, wide hips, a big butt and a small waist (therefore a low waist to hip ratio), but I don't think I'm superior or hotter than thinner women with their delicate, *feminine* bodies.... both curvy and delicate (as I like to call it) are sexy and feminine. Proof of that: I was just watching "Catch and Release", with Jennifer Garner and Juliette Lewis... and god are they beautiful and SEXY... especially Juliette... that woman always takes my breath away.

As a woman, I think "ethnic" noses as you called them, DeeRayy, are really gorgeous and bring uniqueness to a face... I've realized that not everyone has to have typical "feminine" features to be gorgeous. Sometimes an ethnic nose can bring more beauty than if it were smaller... I've always liked Middle Eastern women's noses... I don't think a naturally small nose is better than a bigger one. They're just different, and just as beautiful.

Likewise I've had acceptance issues with myself. Like I have a strong jaw. I always felt it looked manly and ugly, but for example, Olivia Wilde has an evern stronger jaw than mine and she is beautiful too. Same with my eyes, I have brown eyes and hardly ever get compliments for them, as oppossed to my friend with big green eyes, who always gets compliments on them. But I've learned that any eye color can be pretty... maybe brown eyes are more common where I live so they don't stand out, but it doesn't mean green eyes are better. And that's the way it happens with everything.

Sometimes it's hard to be body positive, but it is possible. I've learned to appreciate all kinds of beauty, and the hardest one to appreciate has been my own. But I'm getting there

[KeraBear]

I agree with Strongirl and call BULLSHIT!!

Dee, I am equally astonished that your roommate would be so insensitive...

[skindeep1991]

Hey ladies this is off topic just quickly wanted to leave this link here to cheer some of you up:
http://www.reddit.com/r/gonewild/comments/..._angel_breasts/

=] see we are attractive... (those aren't my boobies btw haha)

also there is a whole sub reddit called http://www.reddit.com/r/xsmall that is basically dedicated to the appreciation of small boobies =]... have a look through ladies and cheer yourselves up =]

[strongirl]

OK, I've gone off on this in here before I know but it's been a while. Cue rant.

DeeRayy, those "studies" come from the field of Evolutionary Psychology. This field is so questionable that there is an entire Wiki article devoted to "Criticism of Evolutionary Psychology". The article is pretty dry and adademic but the main thing to note is that the material generated by "Evo Psych" is NOT regarded as valid science, not widely agreed upon, and in the view of its many critics, simply reflects the cultural and social biases of its researchers.

That stupid waist to hip ratio thing has been kicking around for ages even though it's been seriously questioned by other studies and found to be highly influenced by culture and ethnicity. Like many of the "studies" done in that field, it seems to serve primarily to validate the prejudices of the researchers themselves - big shocker there.

You say it bothers you that "that these concepts are being taught to university students as simple facts of life". Well, sister - it ENRAGES ME!

If you want more ammo against this crap, the book "Sex at Dawn" by Ryan and Jetha, is a juicier and more in-depth read than the Wiki article. It serves to answer some of the same questions as Evo Psych but in a much more rigorous and un-biased manner. Throughout the book, the authors skewer the faulty science and bias-laden logic of conventional Evo Psych. As a long-time skeptic of Evo Psych, I couldn't stop smiling while I was reading it! They are not without their own biases, but they recognize this and try hard to get past it. A recommended read.

But whether or not you read the Wiki or the book, just take this with you: those "studies" are not based in valid science and say absolutely NOTHING about you or your attractiveness. They're bullshit and should be called out as such.