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> Maybe Baby?, For people on the fence about parenthood
anarch
post Apr 1 2011, 03:57 PM
Post #1


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Should I have a kid if I don't have a burning maternal instinct?
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anarch
post Dec 14 2010, 03:10 PM
Post #2


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Posts: 873


from Ask Metafilter: Did you always want kids and then at some point change your mind?
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kittenb
post Jan 25 2010, 05:20 PM
Post #3


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Thanks ladies, for your support. Samiam, I'm not in any physical pain, although 9+days of bleeding is not damn picnic. dry.gif
It all feels very abstract. I could be wrong, there might not be a fibroid. And if I am right it still doesn't mean for sure that I would have a hard time with a healthy pregnancy. Hell, I don't know. rolleyes.gif There was a large measure of relief, though, in hearing that he would be open to adoption. We can do that in a few years. Pressure was removed from me just hearing that.
My doctors appointment is Thursday morning. I'm seeing the woman who did my first surgery so she knows my history and I trust her opinion. After my appointment, I am planning on seeing a silly romantic comedy and eating ice cream. By chance I even have a therapist appointment scheduled for that afternoon. I figure that all of my basis are covered if I get upsetting news.


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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samiam
post Jan 25 2010, 09:54 AM
Post #4


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((kitten)) so sorry to hear that you are in pain. Will be thinking of you!
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stargazer
post Jan 24 2010, 10:24 PM
Post #5


brown delicious
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From: here, there, everywhere


(((kittenb)))


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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dayglowpink
post Jan 24 2010, 06:51 PM
Post #6


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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


Wow, kitten, sounds like a relief. I'm glad you guys were able to work that out and that your guy was supportive when you were having a rough time. Sorry you are having to go through the possibility of having another fibroid, though. That sucks.
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kittenb
post Jan 24 2010, 04:33 PM
Post #7


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


I haven't been on Bust in awhile due to very limited internet access. But stuff has happened for me in this conversation.
A few years ago, I had to have a myomectomy to remove a fairly large fibroid. At the time, I had no symptoms from it which is how it got so big without me knowing it was there. This surgery required the doctor to basically give me a c-section minus the fun of having a baby.
Anyway, that was about 3 years ago. Now, I think I might have another fibroid growing. In November, I had a period that arrived early and lasted 2 weeks and, this month, I had a period that also arrived early and lasted 9 days. As I am on the Nuva Ring, I don't think that my cycle should be so irregular and it is very unusual for me to go that long.
Neither a fibroid nor a myomectomy mean that I cannot get pregnant. However, the scar that I already have on my uterus makes it likely that I will need a C-section to deliver. And, if I have another fibroid and another surgery, that means 2 scars on a uterus that is getting closer and closer to 40. Miscarraiges become more likely after two surgeries.
Thinking about all of this started making me very scared so I had to talk to The Geek about it all. It kind of poured out w/o warning, almost overwhelming him. unsure.gif But the end result of the conversation is that he would be okay with adopting a child if I (or medical science) decide that I cannot have a healthy pregnancy.
This took a load off my mind. Adoption doesn't have to happen as RIGHT AWAY as pregnancy was begining to feel. I like the idea of it and it was nice to hear him say that he is open to having children.
I have a doctors appointment on Thursday. Hopefully I will have some idea of what is happening in my body by then. Thanks for reading all of this.


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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dayglowpink
post Jan 21 2010, 09:49 PM
Post #8


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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


How's everyone doing? Any changes or new insights? I'm making it, I guess. Just trying to focus on one day at a time. I've been in contact with my ex more, which I know isn't a good idea, but I'm having a hard time resisting. dry.gif I need to break things off so I can move on and date other people.
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nickclick
post Jan 5 2010, 05:41 PM
Post #9


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From: jersey


well a comfy duvet and other new bed accoutrements all sound like good birthday presents! do something awesome.
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dayglowpink
post Jan 5 2010, 05:39 PM
Post #10


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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


(((samiam))) That sucks majorly. I don't know what else to say. I understand the part about missing him despite him hurting you like this. I also understand about wanting to know what else is out there. I am in no way ready for another relationship, but some parts of me would love to jump right into something new to be able to go back to having a companion and avoid some of the hurt. It probably wouldn't be in my best interest in the long run, though. Maybe if nothing else pans out we can do an east coast/west coast sperm donor search together. tongue.gif
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stargazer
post Jan 5 2010, 04:04 PM
Post #11


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
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Huzzah samiam!!!

**does snoopy dance**

Many continued strength vibes for you as you move on with your life. Good riddance to the x-factor! smile.gif


--------------------
"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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samiam
post Jan 5 2010, 02:52 PM
Post #12


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Posts: 91
From: San Francisco


A pox! I think that he is couch surfing and stashing his stuff at a friend's warehouse. It seems to be his preferred method of life, the dirtbag mode. Almost everything in the apartment was mine, or was acquired by me or for us at my request. I paid for and shopped for almost everything, and sometimes would ask for money.

I love that duvet's quality! I think that I want something bold and interesting to counter the lack of bed frame and white walls. I need to be me again. My bed has always been my refuge, even when it was in a tent, my truck, on the floor of a friend's house... I gave that up when I moved in with him, and tried to convince myself that that was ok. It's not.

So, maybe baby? yes. Now I just need to recover and find a willing accomplice before I turn 40. I will be 34 a week from Thursday. yeah me.
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auralpoison
post Jan 5 2010, 01:18 PM
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From: Citizen of the world


A pox upon his new digs! A pox, I say! May he have bedbugs, weevils, fruit flies, roaches, pigeons fucking outside his windows & a neighbor with yappy dogs or a foulmouthed, very vocal parrot!

May yours be blessed, cozy & ready for eventual new, kind, dependable, sexy, awesome peen!

You likes duvet? Niiiiice duvet!


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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nickclick
post Jan 5 2010, 12:57 PM
Post #14


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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


yeah get all remnants of that stinking bag of scum outta there asap. your new nest awaits!
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ketto
post Jan 5 2010, 11:46 AM
Post #15


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Posts: 695
From: Winter Land


(((samiam)))

Good for you! You deserve everything you've given yourself permission for and more. What a scumbag!


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Meow.
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samiam
post Jan 5 2010, 10:16 AM
Post #16


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Posts: 91
From: San Francisco


You are all amazing! I went out and spent a lot of money on a nice mattress last night that not only is more eco-friendly than most, it comes folded up in a box that let me take it home and use it right away (keetsa.com, check it out). I still want to buy sheets and a new duvet cover, and I might be bad big sister and take back the down bed I lent my brother when I moved in with cheating scumbag who didn't like it. I plan on making my bed my nest, and not letting anyone with a penis into it for a long, long, long time.

Here's an interesting fact: while I have an army of wonderful, incredible, beautiful, amazing, supportive (not enough adjectives to describe you all and all my IRL friends) people surrounding me, he had NO ONE to help him move last night. He could not find anyone with a truck (and he works in the trades, everyone has a truck) willing to help, and he was left to move everything himself with his Toyota Corolla. The irony is that I have a truck, but I'll be frozen in hell before I help him move the bed he used to cheat on me. By the end of the night, when it became obvious that I will be living with his stuff for another few days, at least, I offered to let him borrow it. He commented that I was only doing that to get him out as quickly as possible. Well, yeah?! Of course I want him out!
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nickclick
post Jan 5 2010, 06:14 AM
Post #17


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


i propose a Bustie Bitch Brigade (love it, kittenb!) collection towards new bedding for samiam for plenty of future restful, happy sleep and hot, non-baby makin' nookies. ap, really do you have a mattress hookup?
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auralpoison
post Jan 4 2010, 09:46 PM
Post #18


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


Girl, right here, right now: I will buy you a new bed. Seriously. Word is BOND. There's got to be a Mattress Mart, I will call my friend Mike & have him help you. Fucker owes me.


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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samiam
post Jan 4 2010, 05:19 PM
Post #19


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Posts: 91
From: San Francisco


You're all right, I should be here. Finally got through to my dad to talk about all this (my mom tends to block him a little, even though she is of no help whatsoever when I am upset, and he is) and he agreed, I should be here. I should probably have someone else here, too, but I don't know who to ask. Everyone has already done so much for me in the last two days.

My dad helped me make a few decisions, the biggest being that I should give myself permission to stay here in San Francisco or the Bay Area generally. I belong here and running away to Colorado or New England to live with generous, wonderful friends is only going to make me more antsy. I also give myself permission to stay in this apartment until at least the end of February, even if the landlord will not negotiate on the rent (haven't heard back yet). I can cover one month on my own and it will give me time to wrap my head around moving. I don't want to move more than once if I can help it. I have lived out of my truck before, and it sucks. I also give myself permission to buy a new bed. I will not sleep on this mattress again and he is taking it. I gave my mattress to my brother when I moved in here, and I won't ask for it back. I am going to buy a new one and I am going to buy all new bedding to go with it. I deserve that. I give myself permission to go forward and take the trapeze and aerial arts class that starts tomorrow. I hesitated because of the money, but my dad helped me have perspective on it and it is not all that much in the long run, especially when compared to how excited I am to try something new and possibly meet new people.

I cannot thank everyone enough for how supportive you are being. This sucks, but knowing that others are as angry as I am makes me feel better in some twisted, evil way.
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kittenb
post Jan 4 2010, 04:10 PM
Post #20


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Sounds like he needs the Bustie Bitch Brigade to have a "talk" with him about how this is going to be.


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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