[buttercups]

This place has done wonders for me as well and I don't know where I would be today without all of you. Having little-to-no breasts has plagued me all of my adult life, and I can honestly say that there are times now when I feel less down about it because of all of you. Even right now I am struggling with my body image again, and every time I think how ugly I look I think about you guys and how you would kick my ass, and it helps haha! I can't say I love my body, because truth be told I really don't. I see flaws in it every where I look and being out in the world has so many triggers for me in our society, but at least I have this place to talk about it. I did appreciate the dialogue with spot-on because I sorta see myself as one of the weaker ones- like I can't guarantee that I will never fall victim to the pressure of getting implants because I do have such a negative body image. On the other hand, whenever I bring up implants to my bf or anyone else what I am really searching for is for someone to talk me out of it, so I think that says a lot. It terrifies me and I really want to find a way to at least live in my natural body and not feel abnormal or out of place. I think my breasts are a lot smaller than most people's here, and that can make it hard because if I even had half of what you guys do and could classify them as "small breasts" I know I would feel better about myself. I could see myself getting implants just to bring me to an A cup for chrissake! In that respect part of me feels as though I would be justified in getting my breasts done because I see what I look like as almost a deformity or a medical problem that anyone else in my position would fix, but the method of fixing it does scare me and I rely on this place to try and continually talk myself out of it.

All this being said, I guy that I had hooked up with in the past and am still in contact with was talking to me about his trials and tribulations with online dating. I made a joke that at least any girl he could possibly be with would be more "stacked" than me, so in that respect he couldn't really lose out. He told me that my body was his physical ideal and that it was like "art" to him. He said that he would truly take my breasts over any other (and I'm sitting here thinking what breasts???) and that he thought they were "shaped perfectly". He said after all these years he still thinks about me and if he were to compare me to any other woman he's ever been with, that I would always come out on top. I didn't know what to say, it was really weird to hear that. I don't understand how any man could like what I have, much less consider it his "physical ideal". Sometimes I worry that the only man that could ever like me would be one resembling a pedophile as I look like I haven't developed at all, but I try not to think about that too much anymore. I guess you never know what other people will think about your body, sometimes it can be surprising. I wish I could see myself the way that this guy does, the way that my bf says he does. I just can't imagine that they could possibly think that as I am so far away from everything that has ever been drilled into their heads that they should be attracted to.

P.S. I love when you guys post links to clothes! If only I had money right now I would buy all those VS tops!!

[limousine]

I haven't posted since the summertime, but I've lurked on a religious basis.

The group is a one-of-a-kind place. It has been a reliable source of support and insight for me. I am especially grateful for the opportunity to vent and express difficult feelings to an understanding soul. Shame, anger, jealousy, envy and fear come to mind.

On another note, when dressing for an informal debate recently, I felt uncomfortable with the sexiness of my outfit. Namely, I was wearing heeled booties with a tight skirt. Before leaving, I decided to change to a more discreet outfit. I have an active (or healthy?) sense of modesty. And I thought, why do I covet boobs when I feel uncomfortable flaunting what I've got? Now, of course, having them does not imply flaunting them, even if minimally. However, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that I'd love to, once in a while for a special occasion, sport some cleavage. But I'm not even sure that I could mentally stomach wearing cleavage in public...and I wonder how the women that do it do it? Do you get used to it? I mean I can't help but look at cleavage so I'm assuming the women that display it are aware of the attention it generates. I just wonder how it feels...but at the same time maybe I know because on my own sexy level, I feel uncomfortable. Perhaps that is the answer to my query : even if I could, I wouldn't, so just let go.

[dj-bizmonkey]

i don't have much to add, just that i totally agree with anarch's post. i couldn't have said it better myself. i went on vacation this weekend and forgot my computer cord so i was away from the interwebs reliably. i think this thread is very special, and as i said before, it is what originally brought me to bust in the first place. the fact that it is so active is a testament to the challenges we face in our western, breast-obsessed media saturated culture.

have any of you seen this documentary? http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/busting-out/

i thought it was just o.k. though there are some interesting parts. interesting information but obviously a kind of self-serving first-time filmmaker documentary.

[karategrrl]

Hey strongirl, thanks for wanting to jump up and support me. Ha, I have to laugh--I'm always the one jumping up to defend others. Nice to get that back!

That said, cofeebean, no harm done. I realize this is the typed word we're communicating through here and things can get misconstrued. Glad you finally got "unlurked!" Woot! (I am drinking coffee as I type...ha.)


I have to echo others' sentiments in that I first came here, years ago, completely frustrated about size and wondering if there was anyone else in the freaking world who understood how I was feeling--about small breasts, implants, and the influence of society on body image, etc. I did a Google search for "small breast support group" really tongue-in-cheeck and NOT expecting to really find anything. I then stayed up for 3 hours--til like 2 a.m.--reading all the back-posts in total awe. I feel that frustration on a smaller scale now than I did then. and I owe a lot of that to all of you. This is no longer just a "support group" for me, but a place where I can go for some truly INTELLIGENT discussion about lots of things--not just breasts!

When spot-on first posted about her decision to have the surgery, and as she gave updates, On one level I read the posts with great interest and curiousity, but on another level I wondered how it was going to affect the group and where we were all going. I'm sorry to see her go but glad this space still exists. My bain will starve without it! Ha.

You all rock mightily.

[nbdx0645]

(Also, sorry the previous post got long. I re-wrote it a few times to try to make my disagreement as respectful as I could. And then it was past bedtime, so I went "Wordiness, so what" and hit post.)

I don't care if posts get long when they contain content like that.

That top is so cute (and it's fully lined!) That'd be a great top sans bra.
Edit: I found this bra this bandeau on clearance.

I kept browsing through the shirts and really liked this button-down and this daring top and this going-out top and this work appropriate button-down omg I can't stop this too!

[anarch]

I hope we all can continue to hash out what we need to around this. I don't want to have inadvertently silenced anyone. I think y'all are cool and have perspectives I enjoy learning from. This afternoon I was thinking about all this, and I suddenly wondered, was there ever a cosmetic surgery thread in the Lounge? I half-remember some talk of one, a few years back, but maybe I'm just wrong.

On a lighter note, I like this lace V-neck Victoria's Secret top.

(Also, sorry the previous post got long. I re-wrote it a few times to try to make my disagreement as respectful as I could. And then it was past bedtime, so I went "Wordiness, so what" and hit post.)

[nbdx0645]

What they said.

I stand back in awe when I read the recent posts. There's really no place like this. I don't need this space like I used to; what Angie said holds true for me, too. My body once consumed every day of my life for multiple hours a day, and now it's way, way down from that. It also helped ease my fears about aging and injury. It did more than teach me to find peace with my breasts; it made me place less emphasis on the body (mine and others.) Does that make sense? I hope so.

I'm hoping that the small breast support group sticks around and that the recent posts could serve as a great backlog.

[coffeebean]

Anarch, great post! I can completely empathize with the feelings of ambivalence that you were having with regard to the way this tread was going and do concur with you and the other ladies in supporting a tread that supports/embraces/celebrates women with small breasts. Regardless of my protective comments of spot-on, I do want this community to remain supportive, protective, tolerant, and safe for all members to post.

I apologize to you Karategrrl for centering you out! I chose to quote your words in haste and realize that it would have been better to speak more generally about my perceived change in feelings towards spot-on and her decision. I have to admit that there were a several comments made by a number of members that got my 'alarm bells' going off with regard to spot-on not being able to empathize/support/contribute because her outward appearance changed. With that said, I have been following the thread long enough to fully acknowledge that everyone was very supportive of spot-on throughout the time she was considering getting implants right up until after her surgery!

I guess my hope in moving forward is that we can continue to support each other in whatever bra size we find ourselves in!

[strongirl]

anarch, that was a long post but I agree with karategrrl, very well said.

"There's enough validation in our culture for boob enlargements as it is, I thought. It's freakin' everywhere."

Exactly.

[strongirl]

Karategrrl, I kept wanting to defend you because I thought you had been misinterpreted and you really have been extremely supportive to Spot-on throughout. But I was worried I might be misinterpreted myself or that worse, I might mis-represent you, so I thought it was better to keep my trap shut and let you speak for yourself. I'm glad you did.

[karategrrl]

anarch, very well said. I can't really add anything much except to echo that it seemed like the tone was changing--we all were supportive of spot-on in her decision (and I am, too), but it could potentially change what this forum is all about. You put it best when you said:

"So if more regular commenters went for implants and also kept on posting in here, then it'd be difficult to critique the mainstream unquestioned "boob jobs are improvements on genetic defects" culture without triggering conflicts and hurt feelings."

Coffeebean, you misunderstood me. What I meant about spot-on was that WE had nothing to offer HER as far as small breast support because well, she no longer has them. I admit I'm a tad pissy to have my comment singled out because I've been a long-time poster here and was VERY supportive to spot-on both on- and off-board (despite my personal feelings against them), and have always tried to contribute to this forum and support everyone here. I would think I would be given the benefit of the doubt. But we are all here to discuss things out in the open, so I'm glad you said what was on your mind.

That said, welcome, coffeebean! And lurk no more.

[anarch]

I agree with y'all. I really admire Spot-on for her intelligence, honesty, and generosity and I will miss her posts. (And Spot-on, I also think it'd be lovely if you decide to pop in now and again to share.) At the same time, the purpose of this thread is to celebrate the positive experiences of life with small breasts and to support each other through the negative experiences.

I've been debating whether to voice my own opinion, but since this comment captures the ambivalence I've been feeling, I'll just voice it. If people take exception to what I say, I may decide to clarify my meaning once or twice, but I won't draw it out into an argument.

Spot-on's contributions have been consistently thoughtful, compassionate, and well worded. Her account of her decision and the surgery was generous and informative. I'm glad she made a decision that feels right for her.

And...this forum's original purpose (somebody correct me if I'm mistaken) was to give small-boobed women and girls a place for consistently hearing and saying stuff like "Hey, small boobs are not defective. They're perfect, sexy, and beautiful just as they are. Social messages that tell us that small boobs make a woman unsexy and undesirable -- those messages are what's defective. People in our lives who sneer at and put down women with small boobs, for having small boobs, their attitudes and behavior are defective too. Not small boobs." It created a safe space, a rare niche, where we could get away, some, from the idea that small boobs are a problem. In so much of mainstream culture, the assumption "Small boobs are defective" goes unquestioned, it's just taken as a given. Here, we questioned it. I hung out here because I valued that.

coffeebean (I'm sorry, I can't figure out how to quote more than one person at a time) said: This implies that spot-on would not have been able to cheer on/support/empathize with other women who were happy with/struggling with breast body issues just because her breast size changed. I don't think that it is mandatory that someone have small breasts at this exact moment to be able to relate to many of the stories shared on this board. What about the woman who developed breasts in her 20's but still carries around negative feelings about having small breasts because she was teased throughout high school (this is me by the way)? What about the woman who had small breasts all of her life until a sudden weight gain and then her breasts also became larger. Internal feelings do not always change just because the exterior does.

This is true. At the same time, I've been trying to reconcile sentiments like (even a lighthearted) "you MAY find in the future that your opinion and attitude towards [implants] may change," (I would have interpreted this comment as entirely respectful, just as all of Spot-on's comments always have been), with "Small boobs are perfect as they are. They're not defective." Trying to reconcile, and failing. Maybe y'all have perspectives on this that would help me see it in a different light, but at the moment, they look incompatible to me. I think the original purpose of this thread could handle an occasional remark along those lines. But not if it became a regular thing. It seemed to me that this could very well open the door to implants becoming a regular thing generally talked about in here with approval, since of course women have to make decisions that are right for them, and it's wrong to attack them for doing so. So if more regular commenters went for implants and also kept on posting in here, then it'd be difficult to critique the mainstream unquestioned "boob jobs are improvements on genetic defects" culture without triggering conflicts and hurt feelings. If most people in here were comfortable with this forum going in that direction, then...

Well, I didn't see many people airing these kinds of reservations during one of the intermittent times that I checked in here during Dec-Jan, so I thought to myself, "This is different. I very much prefer being around 'small boobs are not inferior. They are perfect just as they are and women who have small boobs are also perfect just as they are' messages. But it looks like the small boobs thread is evolving into something that conflicts with that message. And it looks like most of the posters there are comfortable with it. I'm not. So instead of upsetting people with my reservations, I'll just leave the thread to the people who are happy to embrace this change."

There's enough validation in our culture for boob enlargements as it is, I thought. It's freakin' everywhere. It was nice to have this one place to go to, where we could both freely critique the popular assumption that small-breasted women should want to get boob jobs because they're unsexy without...and get encouragement and validation for loving our bodies just as they are.

[angie_21]

I'm a bit sad about so many people leaving, but I suppose I have been one of them! I still lurk here from time to time, but have stopped posting for a few reasons, the biggest one being that this particular thread is very active and I just plain don't have the free time to keep up anymore. But also, I have reached a point in my life where I just don't care about my breasts anymore. I think I am beautiful as I am, and so are they. Not only is there absolutely nothing wrong with them, I think they are pretty fantastic. I don't need support about it. And I don't want to keep exposing myself to the idea that I do, its harmful to my well-being. I've had so much positive attention to my physical appearance after losing weight last summer (and losing a little bit of my already limited boobage in the process) that I just don't see how I could complain about how I look. I love that I can change my appearance depending on my mood or outfit using different bras, and option I wouldn't have if I was naturally well endowed - you can always add padding, but you can only minimize whats already there so much.

I love all you girls, and miss talking with you. I hope spot-on continues to be happy with her decision and I understand why she made it. If I was still unhappy with my appearance, maybe I would consider it in the future too, but I am relieved to be thrilled with how I look without having to spend that kind of money or any health risks. The point of being here is that we want to stop obsessing about our appearance and feeling bad about ourselves. Whether or not implants are a part of the problem for many girls, I have been able to love myself and how I look regardless of what other people out there look like. I hope everyone else here is one day able to do the same, because it is emotionally damaging and limiting not to be able to. There will always be someone out there who is in some way prettier, smarter, funnier, luckier, wealthier, etc, it's inescapable. And to others, we may always be that other "better" person in many ways as well. There's too much going on in the world to waste time worrying about it!

Love to all my small-busted girls out there! May you find your peace as well

[buttercups]

Why are all my small boobied sisters leaving?? Implanted, formerly small, small now, or even never been small- I don't care I love all of you and I don't want you to go. I value all of your opinions and I think we all have something to offer on this topic. I haven't had a chance to read everything posted here recently, but even if there were some disagreements well that's what happens in families and we are a small-bustie family (even if we all aren't necessarily small-busted) and we need to stick together! I respect all of your views and love hearing everyone's perspective. A lot would be lost from this place if you guys should leave. You have all contributed to helping my self-image immensely and I would hate to no longer hear from any of you! Please reconsider!

P.S. Thanks for posting that link AP- I always like to stay informed, especially about something like that!

[insideout]

Hmmm I suppose I'll leave after this post too, I don't seem to fit in here at all although I've lurked for years as well. I think it was a mistake trying to become an active member. Just some parting thoughts: I hope my comments were not taken to be malicious - it was not my intention to hurt or attack anyone. Good luck and stay strong

[auralpoison]

I have been a long time lurker here and I feel horrible that spot-on felt as though she had to leave! I really don't think that she had a choice, but rather the recent comments on this board made her feel so uncomfortable that leaving was a form of self-preservation.

Also, not to put you on the spot Karategrrl, but this comment really got to me: "I feel bad that spot-on is leaving the forum but since it's a small breast support forum, well, I understand." This implies that spot-on would not have been able to cheer on/support/empathize with other women who were happy with/struggling with breast body issues just because her breast size changed. I don't think that it is mandatory that someone have small breasts at this exact moment to be able to relate to many of the stories shared on this board. What about the woman who developed breasts in her 20's but still carries around negative feelings about having small breasts because she was teased throughout high school (this is me by the way)? What about the woman who had small breasts all of her life until a sudden weight gain and then her breasts also became larger. Internal feelings do not always change just because the exterior does. Moreover, even if spot-on's internal feelings did change as a result of exterior change, I think that she should have been given more credit (as a long time poster) that she would not have tromped all over the feelings of others.

I know my opinion is meaningless, but, uh, THIS. Really well done.

That being said however, more news today on the link between implants & a rare cancer.

[coffeebean]

I have been a long time lurker here and I feel horrible that spot-on felt as though she had to leave! I really don't think that she had a choice, but rather the recent comments on this board made her feel so uncomfortable that leaving was a form of self-preservation.

Also, not to put you on the spot Karategrrl, but this comment really got to me: "I feel bad that spot-on is leaving the forum but since it's a small breast support forum, well, I understand." This implies that spot-on would not have been able to cheer on/support/empathize with other women who were happy with/struggling with breast body issues just because her breast size changed. I don't think that it is mandatory that someone have small breasts at this exact moment to be able to relate to many of the stories shared on this board. What about the woman who developed breasts in her 20's but still carries around negative feelings about having small breasts because she was teased throughout high school (this is me by the way)? What about the woman who had small breasts all of her life until a sudden weight gain and then her breasts also became larger. Internal feelings do not always change just because the exterior does. Moreover, even if spot-on's internal feelings did change as a result of exterior change, I think that she should have been given more credit (as a long time poster) that she would not have tromped all over the feelings of others.

[discowombat]

Random thought, but I watched the Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo movie and Noomi Rapace is smoking hot and a total badass in it. She has small breasts but the character she plays is clearly comfortable with her body.

[strongirl]

I agree with y'all. I really admire Spot-on for her intelligence, honesty, and generosity and I will miss her posts. (And Spot-on, I also think it'd be lovely if you decide to pop in now and again to share.) At the same time, the purpose of this thread is to celebrate the positive experiences of life with small breasts and to support each other through the negative experiences. Post-implants, there's not much we can offer her and vice versa.

And I so agree with you, Karategrrl, about how awesome this place is - that is the real reason I continue to read and post here. Somehow, it has attracted an absolutely amazing bunch of women who are not just smart but wise. The insights go far beyond body issues and into social dynamics, relationships, and just plain how to live life well. I've been deeply moved by the things that folks in here have dealt with and impressed by the level of intelligence and just plain good-heartedness. I honestly don't think about boobs that much and truly do love and enjoy mine, but I keep coming here because you all are just so freaking cool!!!

I really liked that article, Karategrrl - and I think there are lots of men who think that way, they just need more encouragement to speak up.

nbdx, so much is going on in here but I don't want to miss commenting on your post below. I thought the way you addressed Spot-on was very graceful and sensitive. I admired the way you handled that. And the same in your perspective on your mom. You are coming from a high place, and your balance and dignity shows.

[karategrrl]

It was weird because for awhile it felt like we were celebrating plastic surgery. And I was like, "noooooooo not in the small boobie forum!"

Me too. I was hoping this forum wasn't going to go too far from small boob support. I wasn't thrilled at first, but I'm really glad she shared. I've never known anyone I was close enough to who had it done, and I guess here there's a certain amount of privacy--I mean, she sent before and after photos when I asked, and answered any and all questions we all asked. So I must say I learned a lot. But she never pushed any of it on any of us, never said any of us should do it--she just spoke purely from her own experience. And, considering a lot of our own anti-implant feelings, I think we all kept it very civil and surprisingly supportive. That's why I love you guys.

And I have to say I posted, on Facebook, that article DJ shared. Not ONE person commented. Of note was that I posted, right after it, something unrelated that was kind of stupid-funny, and of course, I got 4 "Likes." I've given up on FB for anything remotely intellectual. I'll get that here.