[nbdx0645]

Hi limousine, I'm glad you delurked. I read through your story and felt the need to respond.

I've been depressed about my breasts since I was about 14. Deep down inside, I knew they'd never be noticeable. If I got implants, it wouldn't be because I wanted them. I would do it so I wouldn't worry about people judging me or making fun of me. I was teased by 'friends' all the way through college. I also had family issues about breasts that really ruined my relationship between me and my mother. You spend a lot of time wondering, "What does my lack of noticeable breasts advertise to everybody else?" It sucks because breasts can be directly linked to sexuality and femininity.

It's hard to cut through the clutter, and some of it is coming from outside forces, some of it can come from those we love, but we can be the filter that stops the message from getting through. I have to believe that the 'whole' is greater than the sum of its parts. Breasts simply cannot be the key to having happiness, confidence, sexiness, or whatever else is quintessential to a perfect life.

The biggest issue with small breasts is when the seething hatred for your body comes from within. I still miss out on large social events because I can't handle my anxiety. And why is it so hard to see that a gaggle of 14-year-olds are more developed than you? I have apologized about my chest to every partner I've been with, and the good ones have been really supportive. I do wish that I could take my top off and see my man's jaw hit the floor, or catch a guy staring at them, but what would that really do for me and my sense of 'self?' Would I finally feel the validation I've been so starved for? What will finally make these feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment go away?

...Or is the issue deeper than mammaries? For me, I still don't know that answer.

This forum has been a big help for me. I was too scared to talk about it to others. I no longer wear a padded bra, and I'm much more comfortable physically, and that helps me think about it less. I wish the sadness could go away completely. It's amazing how small breasts can really get in the way of your life.

[buttercups]

Wow limousine, it sounded like I wrote that! I can completely 100% relate to everything you said and I have BDD too. I know that if society did not put this huge emphasis on big breasts, then I would feel fine about my super small ones. That fact just infuriates me because I know that if this wasn't the way things were then I would have had a normal life without all my depression and anxiety. I would be able to have a normal relationship without worrying about my bf thinking im inadequate or checking out ANY other girl with breasts bigger than mine (which is pretty much everyone cause I'm like a AAA). I see bigger boobs as freedom- my sister has much bigger boobs and she has never worried about any of the things that I do. She has a healthy relationship with her husband and has always felt beautiful and never once was ashamed to take off her clothes in front of him. She has just been spared all the humiliation that I've felt throughout my life and I'm grateful that she has, but at the same time I really long for that freedom from my body. My body has held me back in so many ways and I even stayed in a bad, loveless relationship for years because I was too insecure to find someone else and was too terrified of the idea that I would have to show someone else my chest. I even remember the moment my now bf of a couple years first reached for my chest and the horror I felt, especially because there was so much padding! Girls who have regular to bigger sized breasts don't experience this. I have let my small chest run my life in a lot of ways and I've improved a lot since I came here, but I still feel incomplete and wonder what it would be like to even be an A cup. It's sad when I feel the need to get breast implants just to be an A, I really wouldn't go much bigger than that. Though I try to work on myself every day, implants still crosses my mind alot. That was just a vent I wasn't expecting to have...

Anyways, thanks for posting because it helps to have one more woman in the world to relate to. That's why I love this forum, you all help so much just by sharing your stories.

[limousine]

Hi everyone!

I've been lurking on this thread for a few months now and thought I would share my story and contribute. You have all been of great support to me.

I just started therapy for BDD as well as taking an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety (Cipralex - sidenote: I never thought I'd get to the point of taking medication for BDD!). I've had BDD for about 10 years, although undiagnosed. My focus has been on different aspects of my appearance but my breasts are one of two revolving doors. In the past 5 months I've really gone downhill with the BDD on small breast focus.

I've experienced a lot of frustration over the fact that I must change since society will not change. Either I change how I feel about my appearance or I change my appearance (breast augmentation). I know that my problem is closely related to social perception, meaning that if small breasts were highly valued that I would not have this disabling insecurity. Another one of my strong beliefs is that women with small versus large breasts will lead different lives; the impact of breasts is huge and invades in all these little areas of life that those with big breasts can't know or understand. Another one is also that in the appearance department breasts are a trump card; I could get all dolled up to go out (dress, heels, makeup, hair, jewelry) and any random girl with no effort but showing off her cleavage would outshine me. And of course, the classic "I can't be with a guy who doesn't prefer small breasts" or "I can't be with a guy prefers big breast" has made me cry quite a bit.

I have had four therapy sessions (going weekly) so far and our goal has been to identify this make believe reality story that is BDD. The more you are affected by BDD, the more elaborate and airtight (or bulletproof) is your story. Not only do you only see selective parts of reality, you find explanations for any incoherence that just come to prove your point about small breasts.

In reality however, and that this the other story I am trying to better develop, breasts are just one of hundreds and thousands of things about a person. I've been working on making neutral and/or positive affirmations about my appearance in general, and a bit about my breasts. For example: "my appearance is in the norm", "my appearance will not be detrimental in my job/career", "my breasts can be pleasing to others". I have a longer list that I try to read as often as possible to give more weight to this new alternate reality.

The point I am at right now is realizing that the breast focus tends to be geared towards sexual desire. In other words I admit that if some relatives were evaluating my appearance against somebody else's that my breast size wouldn't really be a huge deal (even if the other girl had big ones). However, if we are talking about boyfriends, guy friends, random men then I would say that its a huge weight on the scale. Apparently BDD is closely tied with sexuality.

I have to admit that there is something deeper behind BDD; focusing on something you can't change is a very convenient way to transfer all the blame....blame for failure, rejection, etc. After all there are aspects of my appearance that could be improved easily (ex: nail chewing, teeth whitening) and who do not preoccupy me at all (I guess you could reply that are less sexualized socially). BDD offers a coping mechanism for pressure (especially anxiety). I would also comment that prior to taking Cipralex I would have sworn I was not an anxious person, just depressed. However, the truth is that I was experiencing so much appearance anxiety that it was becoming just negative and causing me to be depressed!

I figure this post is a lot about BDD, maybe more then small breasts. I get the drift that many of the posters on the forum are struggling with BDD.

[nbdx0645]

I was linked to a site "Things Republicans Hate" today. (The article I was linked to was about yoga, which I enjoy doing. It made me chuckle.) And when I saw the archives, look what I found at number 14 (out of 65) it's "Women With Small Breasts"

http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/?p=55

I don't want to get the Left and the Right into a tizzy over the article, but I thought it was kind of interesting. Do partners feel that they need to confess and/or convey their sexuality through the appearance of their 'other half'?

[anarch]

Late to the party, but just wanted to say,

finally found it! you definately couldnt be mistaken for a guy and those are some smokin hips you got there:)

seconded! We're always our own worst critics...

[strongirl]

LOL, me too, that is just too funny.

I am taking burlesque classes and (maybe) getting ready to perform with this really awesome burlesque group and last week there was a class taught by a (very nice, I must say) chick who is a professional swimsuit model. But she has the bleached blonde hair, the fake tan, the fake boobs. My BF went along for the class since it is held at a bar - he drinks beer and reads a book while I take classes there. And on our break, he looks at me and says "I just gotta tell you, you're WAY hotter than her, just so you know." What a sweetie. We had a very good conversation (not really new territory for us but nice to revisit) about implants and why he does not like them. The "ick factor", the texture (or lack of the 5 ounce bounce), the bizarre proportions, etc. As I said, not really anything new, but so nice to just have him to talk to about this stuff in such a supportive and open way. I don't think I'm really hotter than her (I mean she's a swimsuit model and I'm a software developer, right?) and besides, it ain't a competition, but I do agree with some of the recent posts below. Lots of guys don't like implants. nuff said

[spot-on]

hahaha love it! Gonna be using that for sure!

5-ounce bounce

[karategrrl]

No bouncing NOTHING! Shit I have small tits but DAMN they MOVE when I jump up and down! Life in plastic - it's fantastic?

I'll take my ittie bittie 5-ounce bounce over that!!

[spot-on]

Yep I live pretty near Los Angeles, just far enough out to avoid the traffic, but close enough for day trips, just how I like it! Yep plastic is prevalent here, not just in the breasts either, butt implants, lip enlargements, botox and who knows what else!!! Yes men generally don't like the falsies, sure they look (they are men afterall) but most of my guy friends say they are only interested real women with all their own body parts.

Interesting Book buttercups! Glad it's helping you feel better!!!!


On a side note we watched "american virgin" over the weekend, some american pie type film with a 'girls gone wild' spin off within the film. One girl lifted her top up to reveal implants and jumped up and down a'la Girls Gone Wild, and THEY DIDN'T EVEN FREAKIN MOVE!!!! No bouncing NOTHING! Shit I have small tits but DAMN they MOVE when I jump up and down! Life in plastic - it's fantastic?

[karategrrl]

I had to share: I met a friend's brother this weekend. He lives in Los Angeles, Land of Plastic-ness. He's single, and was kind of laughing about how every other girl he meets in that city has breast implants and says, "I feel so much better about myself now!" He was like, "As soon as I hear that, I know the conversation is over and this girl in NOT someone I'm interested in." Men who like real women in their natural form DO exist, ladies.

thanks for the "Body Wars" mention, buttercups. Another cool book I've been reading is the classic, "Your Erroneous Zones." Great section in there I read over the weekend about how advertising gets us to dislike ourselves--just so we can then buy some product or service to "fix" ourselves.

[buttercups]

Off-topic, but I've been reading the book "Body Wars" and i think its really helping me to feel better about this whole small chest issue. If anyone else is struggling right now with their bodies (it is summer and all!) then I really recommend it. It makes you feel almost stupid for buying into all this societal crap about what we're supposed to look like. The only thing about it that pissed me off was she referred to girls with thinner, less-curvy body types as "boyish". I frickin hate that! I understand that you're trying to send the message that girls shouldn't starve themselves and should be proud of their size, but that shouldn't come at the expense of us straight up-and-down ladies without all the curves. Once you get past the boyish, its a great read though.

[spot-on]

EXACTLY! What's healthy about putting plastic in your chest??? And we're supposed to be promoting NATURAL ways to shape the body, if your gonna go the plastic surgery route, then why not get lipo etc when you get the implants? Kinda screwed up if you ask me!

Yep she is great, and knows what she's talking about too! Brains and looks!

Yeah! How can one promote health while sporting implants (full of potential complications and health consequences)?? How can one promote love and pride in one's self while sporting evidence that you didn't accept your breasts the way they were?

OMG yes, she's GREAT. Thanks for sharing.

[karategrrl]

she's NATURAL! Yay! I am so sick of seeing fit and healthy women with plastic breasts popping out of magazines! urgh!

Yeah! How can one promote health while sporting implants (full of potential complications and health consequences)?? How can one promote love and pride in one's self while sporting evidence that you didn't accept your breasts the way they were?

OMG yes, she's GREAT. Thanks for sharing.

[spot-on]

adding a pic

[img]http://www.fushionmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/jackie_warner_new.jpg[/img]

btw this is the kinda 'bra' I wear a lot. It looks like the ones I buy by Fruit of the Loom.

[spot-on]

Yep Olivia Wilde is HOT! Girl got class and rocks the small booblets!

Ok I kinda have a new heroine work wise. Jackie Warner. Fitness 'guru' who has small boobs and she's not gone the implant route of MANY MANY MANY fitness women - she's NATURAL! Yay! I am so sick of seeing fit and healthy women with plastic breasts popping out of magazines! urgh!

[karategrrl]

Olivia Wilde? Yeah, I'm feelin' it. Check her out in this "leave almost nothing to the imagination" top:

Olivia Wilde

Rock on, girl.

[karategrrl]

I have to chime in on the bra/band thing. I think I really wear more of a 34 band, but on 34-band bras, the cups are placed too close together for me. I have to get the 36 band to accommodate my (I guess somewhat far-apart) booblets. The 36's are great in the beginning for me, but then they do stretch out a bit (every bra band does, over time) and then I feel like I should take them in on my sewing machine, like I do my pants.

Okay, don't know if I should share this or not, but I know you all will support me in this, so here goes: I am doing the Wendi Friesen breast enlargement hypnotherapy program. It's only been like a week, but I must say I feel overall pretty darn good about my breas-tuses. Don't know if they are actually any larger yet, but doing the meditations is really FUN! (Kind of makes me giggle..."Feel your breasts getting larger, rounder, heavier...") Seriously, I appreciate what I see in the mirror FAR more than before. I'm having lots of post-shower "Dang, my breasts, and I, look good!" moments rather than the look-and-feel-the-lack moments.

Program was $100 and I was not able to find it anywhere for less. There's a 1-year money back guarantee so I sprang for it. I found other programs with male hypnotherapists but I knew I wouldn't be feelin' it with a guy's voice, and I listened to Wendi's voice on her site and liked it. If nothing else, it's helping me get to sleep very nicely in the evenings. (You listen to one before-bed track and one morning track each day, ideally. I don't always do that so if I can't, I listen during my car commute and just disregard the "go to sleep" message!)

[spot-on]

32C isn't much in the boobage area, and you'll find once you remeasure to the 'new' style of measuring that you'll go up a cup size. I still don't have 'boobs' but the new size bra's make what I have look better and so I feel better! It's not like a 34C which is HUGE boobage, lol!

discowombat - yep many of their bra's now come in smaller sizes. Yep I had to order online cos the stores don;t carry the smaller sizes. The bra's seem to run true to size, but talking to others I heard that they run small. That may account for my C cup I will say the strapless ones are pretty small in the band so go bigger if you want strapless

[discowombat]

Spot On, I've never had anything from Victoria's Secret but I was amazed to see that the Pink line comes in 30A. I realize the small stores around here are never going to carry it but I may order one online to try. How's the quality? Do they fit pretty true to size?

[buttercups]

Hey ladies, I miss you all I've been so out of the loop lately it feels like. Wow spot-on, a 32C, I'm jealous! You go girl! I wish a band size could make me up to a C, but my problem definitely isn't the band, its the lack of boobage itself.

Starship I don't feel particularly petite either, I'm short and I've got quite the booty to boot! My tummy is pretty round and I often wish I was stretched out a foot to make everything look more "right". I've recently started over-exercising and cutting some serious calories cause I thought at least if i have the small boobs I should have the body to match. This is probably pretty flawed thinking and I'm getting pretty sick of feeling hungry and unsatisfied with my body no matter how many miles I run or crunches I do. Just want a little rest of my body to match the little boobies (and it would be nice to get rid of some cellulite too!)

How has everyone else been feeling about themselves this summer? And yes nbdx I just saw the pic and you are smokin hot! Bet all the men die when they see you on your motorcycle!!