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> A Virgin's Questions
tommynomad
post Nov 5 2008, 02:12 PM
Post #41


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 331
From: Auckland, ANZ!


Hi eleanorrigby,

I'm a guy, and I can tell you there's no such thing as a formula for a "good" handjob. You have to ask your boy, because everyone likes different things. I know it can be weird talking about sex during sex, so you don't have to talk about it in the moment. But you do need to talk about it. He should tell you what feels good, and you should do the same for him about your pleasure. Consistently great sex is first and foremost about open communication.

And you should know that even among women experienced with their bodies, orgasms during sexual intercourse aren't always easy. Shenomad and I don't even try for them: we just enjoy them if they happen. If we're really chasing an orgasm that day, we usually end up getting there manually or orally.


--------------------
"If I help women to have babies when they can give them love and affection, [those babies] will not grow up to be rapists or murderers.
They will not build concentration camps."
--Dr. Henry Morgentaler
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eleanorrigby2008
post Nov 5 2008, 09:43 AM
Post #42


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I'm not too worried about having an orgasm the first time. We obviously know that he can get me off manually. It's more about the two of us being ready to take the next step, grow closer and become more intimate.

This may be the wrong thread and I may have already asked this somewhere else (it's really early and I was partying for Obama late last night), but can anyone give me tips on how to give a [good] hand job? When we tried it didn't really seem to work and I definintely want it to. Thanks! These boards are great biggrin.gif
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pollystyrene
post Nov 5 2008, 09:08 AM
Post #43


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


QUOTE(humanist77 @ Nov 5 2008, 02:39 AM) *
I'll definitely jump in with self-exploration..not only to orgasm on your own, but so you'll be comfortable with your own body. This is very important to enjoying partner sex.

And when you do the deed, take things VERY SLOWLY. You must be in control-not him. Eye contact is good, and close communication. It might be beneficial if you are on top, so that you'll definitely have control. Also, lube is your friend. All that said, don't take this toooo seriously or get frustrated-let it be a fun and pleasurable event.


Agreed, especially on the position and lube. Don't beat yourself up too much (unless you're into that sort of thing! tongue.gif ) if it doesn't go well the first time. If at first you don't succeed....


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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humanist77
post Nov 5 2008, 03:39 AM
Post #44


belligerently lazy
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Posts: 903
From: Chicago


I'll definitely jump in with self-exploration..not only to orgasm on your own, but so you'll be comfortable with your own body. This is very important to enjoying partner sex.

And when you do the deed, take things VERY SLOWLY. You must be in control-not him. Eye contact is good, and close communication. It might be beneficial if you are on top, so that you'll definitely have control. Also, lube is your friend. All that said, don't take this toooo seriously or get frustrated-let it be a fun and pleasurable event.


--------------------
I pledge allegiance to and wrap myself in the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.
-Matt Groening, Life in Hell
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erinjane
post Nov 4 2008, 04:13 PM
Post #45


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From: Winnipeg


Eleanor, are you also saying you've never had an orgasm? I wouldn't wait until the first time you actually have intercourse for this either. I seriously doubt I would have been able to have an orgasm at all the first time I had sex and it was months before I relaxed enough for a partner to get me off (I've been masturbating since I was 13). Now it's easy but that has a lot to do with being comfortable in my own body and with my partner. I get the feeling you would benefit from the book "I love female orgasm". I bought it last year out of curiousity and for my partner to read and ended up passing it around to a bunch of female friends. It's a great brush up and a good introduction for anyone new to sex, masturbation, orgasms, or just exploring your own body by yourself or with someone else.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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prophecy_grrl
post Nov 4 2008, 04:07 PM
Post #46


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Posts: 201
From: Chicago, Illinois


Just another plug for scarleteen - I have two sisters 14 and 16 years old who often come to me with sex questions (I'm not complaining, but I admit it can be awkward). I ended up getting them Heather Corrina's book, which is awesome.

As for masturbation, don't be discouraged by not enjoying it. I know it took me awhile just to figure out how to do it - our anatomy is complex and the path to orgasm is not as self-evident as it is for guys. Vibrators really do help - you can try out a bullet or egg vibrator, those are discreet and cheap. Of course, you should do whatever feels right to you, but I would caution against waiting for intercourse to try for an orgasm, as it puts added pressure on you and your partner.
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erinjane
post Nov 4 2008, 02:06 PM
Post #47


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Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


Eleanor, just wanted to give another shout out for Scarleteen. When I was in my mid-teens I visited that site every day and was even a mod for a while. I'm really glad I had access to all that info before I had a sex and I don't feel like I had ANY unreal expectations when I did finally start having sex.

I agree with what others said about getting to know your own body. You don't even need to buy toys. Even if you don't find masturbation enjoyable, just exploring your own body can help you answer a lot of questions and will help you figure out what you might like during sex. (FYI, my favourite 'sex toy' is the bathtub fawcet...I just lay underneath and let it do it's job) tongue.gif.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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pollystyrene
post Nov 4 2008, 12:53 PM
Post #48


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


Is your roommate is a prude and a snoop? tongue.gif Seriously, be creative- they're not that hard to hide. I had one in high school, while still at home with my parents and while at college and it was never found (although, maybe my snoopy sister would tell you otherwise!) Google "vibrator cozy" and you'll find all sorts of cute things you can hide it in. I assume you're either not fooling in your dorm room, or you've got some sort of system set up so your uptight roommate doesn't walk in on you (remember the scrunchie on the doorknob, ladies?) If you've got enough privacy to have sex, you've got enough privacy to hide a vibrator. You can order one off that website, it gets shipped in a totally discreet package- no one would ever know what's in there (could you have it delivered to your dorm? If not, maybe your boyfriend, a trusted friend or sister who lives on their own?)

I wasn't able to orgasm as a teenager either until I got a vibrator. Have hope! It made it so much better when I was eventually with someone.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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eleanorrigby2008
post Nov 4 2008, 12:02 PM
Post #49


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Thanks, ladies! You're all being so helpful. We fooled around a bit more last night, but we didn't have much time. I decided that we should wait until we do it the right way. He says that it's completely up to me.

I've never really been able to masturbate. It's just not satisfying. And I can't get any toys or vibrators because a) I need that money for gas and cool.gif my roommate is super prude and I wouldn't have anywhere to keep them. I'm 18 and live in a dorm.

I really love this guy. I'm ready for this, I just wanted to know what to expect. I'm going to head over to that website, though. Thanks!!
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pollystyrene
post Nov 4 2008, 11:29 AM
Post #50


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Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


Wow, that is a good website rose!


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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roseviolet
post Nov 4 2008, 11:16 AM
Post #51


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Posts: 3,064


Eleanor, there's a great website called Scarlateen that has honest, frank, sexual info for people who are just starting to learn about sex & sexuality. I found an interesting article over there called "Ready or Not? The Scarlateen Sex Readiness Checklist". There are tons of other great articles there, too.
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pollystyrene
post Nov 4 2008, 10:51 AM
Post #52


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Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


I think moonpielove's advice is good, eleanor- find out what you like and how your body works first. Get some toys (this is a great place to get them- good quality, very informative website) and experiment, whether it's alone or with each other. It will definitely make the experience more positive for everyone.

I don't feel like replying in the other thread you posted in, so I'll just do so here- yeah, sometimes it feels like you have to pee. Could be the g-spot, could just be the "loss of control" feeling that orgasms sometimes have (in a good way!) Either way, it's always a good idea to pee right before and after sex anyway. Besides making sure it won't happen while you're in the moment, it flushes out bacteria and prevents urinary tract infections.

Here's a page that answers that question, and talks about peeing before sex.

Whatever you do, being safe is the most important!!!


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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Moonpieluv
post Nov 4 2008, 01:37 AM
Post #53


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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


how old are you if I may ask eleanorrigby2008? Not that it truly matters, but I find that women that have been virgins for a bit discover masturabation..and learn about penetration and orgasm without necessarily having a person involved.
When you say... I DON't want to orgasm...it rings as, i dunno...SPAM. does that mean you do orgasm or you are just SPAM?

as for the others... bj are the bestest. for me to give..and any guy that I've ever encountered. They love it. hold your own and get yours the way you feel comfortable with... all will come as you like it.
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eleanorrigby2008
post Nov 4 2008, 01:17 AM
Post #54


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Okay, so I'm a virgin, but I'm getting very serious with my boyfriend. We've fooled around a bit, but I don't want to orgasm until we do it right. I'm going on birth control soon, we're going to wear a condom, etc., so we're being smart about it. I just wanted to know what to expect. What's going to happen? How long will it take until I enjoy it? Will I be able to orgasm the first time? Thanks for the help smile.gif
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ericamamerica
post May 4 2006, 11:17 PM
Post #55


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Posts: 32
From: Wisconsin


Giving head is one of my favorite things to do! It's one of my specialties!

Do not be afraid to have a "juicy" mouth with lots of saliva, especially if the guy is circumsized. Kind of cover your teeth with your lips, and make an "O" with your hand starting with your thumb and index finger.

Make an "O" with your mouth and now put the "O" you made with your thumb and index finger up to your mouth. That is how you will give head -- and having your hand there allows for control of how far in you are willing to take his penis.
As you move up and down the shaft,use your tongue and do swirling motions around the penis -- it sounds more difficult than it is. Do not actually SUCK hard, but suction is good and I find it works well if you increase the suction as you move up the shaft as well.

Your tongue swirling around will increase the sensation to the head of the penis which is really good because it is a very sensitive area. Do not be shy about using your hand to provide a firm grip that slides up and down the shaft as you give head -- that pressure feels AMAZING to them -- but be sure that the penis and your hand are lubed up either with saliva or lube (as I said before, especially on an circumsized penis).
Increase the pressure and speed steadily, keep good rhythm. Breathe through your nose. If you need a quick break, grasp the penis firmly with your hand and lick/play with the head of the penis with your tongue.

And when you start giving head, don't just dive into it and start sticking it in and out of your mouth. If you are comfortable enough, lick his balls (this can also be a "quick break" in the act while moving your hand up and down his shaft still to keep the motion going)

Also, in the beginning, place your lips over your teeth and wet your lips well and slide them from the base to the head of the penis a few times on the different side of the penis, and/or lick the underside, swirl your tongue around the head -- all that before you begin will help to use your saliva to lubricate it.

Yes, sometimes it takes awhile but the hard work is worth it!

Good luck and HAVE FUN!
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bklynhermit
post May 3 2006, 08:57 PM
Post #56


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Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


if anybody dumps you for giving bad blowjobs, they weren't worth practicing on in the first place.

also, if it helps any to know this, apparently most guys think anything even resembling the attempt to give head is super hawt and amazing. i've never seen a man turn down a blowjob, and i don't think it's because i'm some kind of oral sex genius.

nobody is gonna ridicule you due to your inexperience -- they're just grateful that you're there and that they get to be your guinea pig.
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anna_k
post May 3 2006, 07:55 PM
Post #57


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Posts: 23


Sweet, sometimes I've been into the idea of giving head, and other times a foreign pulsating thing in my mouth turns me off. I feel embarassed about being a virgin because I don't want to feel like an inexperienced twit who has to have everything taught to her, and to be dumped for giving bad blow jobs.
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sweetn_low
post May 3 2006, 01:45 PM
Post #58


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anna_k, that's how i feel about oral sex too. and my bf has a tongue ring and that's supposed to help i guess but, u know, i don't really give a shit. i still don't get the point of a tongue ring. and i'm totally afraid to give a guy head. i don't know why but it does not turn me on. i've never done it, btw.

currently, i just feel kinda like a sex fiend. since it's so new to me i want to explore everything about it but i don't want to cheapen our relationship since it's still very new and growing. i haven't had an orgasim or anything, i'm just courius as hell, you know? and...honestly, i like that my bf totally gets off on it, he said he never had sex w/ anyone like he does w/ me so i must be doing something right. and i like that feeling. it's like...powerful that i can do that. am i just being a totally dink or do other girls feel this way???

((god, should i even post this?...lol))
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maddy29
post May 2 2006, 01:43 PM
Post #59


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oh my gosh, anna_k, that's how I felt about oral when I was in college. I don't know if the guys just didn't know what they were doing, or what. But I'd always be laying there like, ok, this is nice and stuff, but I'm kinda bored. Ha! Now I'm like YUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!! But before it didn't really do much for me.
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anna_k
post May 2 2006, 01:32 PM
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I haven't had penetrative sex, but I felt like that when I fooled around with a guy and received oral sex. I was really bored and was surprised that I wasn't turned on or orgasming or having any fun, it all felt very clinical and routine.
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