[secretsights88]

I know what you mean karategrrl, sometimes I've looked at pictures of implants just to make myself forget about that idea... because God knows I've thought about it... only to remember why I wouldn't do it...

1. Implants just don't look natural, 9/10 times. Just based on aesthetics, I wouldn't do it.
2. I'm a chicken when it comes to surgery.
3. I know implants have come a long way, but they're still risky.
4. I don't wanna be a clone.
5. Possible loss of nipple sensitivity. I know some say it increases nipple sensitivity, but still. And too sensitive nipples can't be good either.

I know they're a valid option for many women (like it was for spot-on), but not for me. Some women have no issues with implants the same way I do. And that's fine. But it's not for me, even though from time to time, I wonder what it'd be like to have big breasts. Ahem, "breasts".

In the end I just put things in perspective, and how my body is awesome the way it is, how healthy it is and well, that in itself is something to be grateful for. Sometimes I feel like such an ungrateful bitch when I worry so much about my breast size, or any other part that may bother me. But then, it's hard not to, with all the shit from the media. They have brainwashed even the best of us, them fuckers.

Oh and buttercups, I also have brown eyes. I live in a country where practically everyone does. So yeah, sometimes I feel they're a bit unspecial, but I guess that's just because I'm so used to them. Just like karategrrl said she's used to her blue eyes. Like her, I also prefer guys with dark eyes. So yeah, brown eyes are great too, I'm sure you have gorgeous brown eyes, which is cool too, because from what I hear, practically any eye shadow goes well with brown eyes. I'm not much of a make up junkie, but that's always good to know!

[karategrrl]

Wait a minute...we had PHONES in the '70s. I meant "answering machines."
...Gad, I'm not THAT fucking ancient!

[karategrrl]

>Karategrrl, that post was like a good book! It was LONG but so much good stuff in there.

Aw shucks, thanks, Strongirl! Um, I DO tend to be long-winded when I write. Sometimes I have to reel myself in.

I’m so glad you and others can relate to my rant—makes me feel saner. Not that my own feelings don’t have weight in and of themselves, but to have other women like you guys say, “Yeah, I know!” really goes a long way toward helping me feel like LESS of an alien! I so appreciate this place!!!! It helps me SO much!! Later at the gym that night (after I met the woman with the rocket-launcher implants) I was sitting on a machine just thinking about you guys and feeling less lonely, I swear.

“ I don't think there is any way to live in this society and escape the thought that there is something wrong with you for being "different", even if we are only different because all of a sudden everyone around us has altered themselves to look the same. “

Buttercups OMG, so well-said! I SO relate to all the rest of your post, too—the “normalcy” of repeated surgeries, ruptures, casual surgery, people’s blasé attitude about it. I could go on and on. If I actually had the surgery, I, too, would probably freak the fuck out if anything went wrong. More likely, actually, would be to wake up one morning and just say, “what the hell have I done to myself? I’m not 100% ME!” I have literally gotten NAUSEOUS looking at breast implant before and after pics on the internet. I think that alone tells me enough about my unsuitability for the procedure.

“I wish I lived in a time before this crap existed so that maybe I could see a woman who looks like me for once and feel more normal about it.”

Buttercups, I was a kid in the ‘70s. The implant thing didn’t start really gaining momentum until I think the early- to mid-‘80s. I remember many women with small breasts wanting to be bigger, stuffing their bras with tissues and such, but I also vaguely remember lots of women with those polyester leotard-type tops with little boobies and great nippies. I love technology and modern living, but there’s something about that era I really miss—no computers, no phones, no fake tits. I feel ya totally.

buttercups, I LOVE brown eyes! See, mine are blue and I’m used to them. I looooove brown eyes of all shades—to me, they seem so dark, mysterious, endless…Always preferred guys with dark eyes. So there! See, whatever you have, someone loves it!

Welcome aboard, Secretsights88!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“A lot of other women have told me they think my body is fantastic, and I'm like "Really? well thank you, here I was thinking your body is fantastic".

OMG yes, I’ve had this experience many times too!

Alright, I’ve never had a nipple-stimulation orgasm. I’ve had, like, third-eye energy rushes following intense orgasms, but not the nip Os. Hmm… one day!

[secretsights88]

Hey! I'd been lurking around these forums for a long while but finally decided to sign up. It's so strange, because even though it's an online forum, it doesn't feel like it. There's just an "atmosphere" here that I have never experienced reading any other forum. It really does feel as some of you say, as a safe place, really warm and body positive. It's amazing. Sometimes when I've felt bad about my body I come in here and the blues just go away.

That's what I love about this forum. It's very body positive and accepting. You know what has helped me with my insecurity? People watching. Of course sometimes I feel "Oh I wish I had her legs", or more often "Oh I wish I had her hair", but you know what, I've learned to really appreciate different types of beauty. And I think it's just human nature to focus so much on what we don't like about ourselves... but only we see it. A lot of other women have told me they think my body is fantastic, and I'm like "Really? well thank you, here I was thinking your body is fantastic".

Beauty is so diverse, so yeah, fuck the media. It's hard to ignore the messages they give sometimes, but the real world is just so much better.

Another thing that helped was that prior to breaking up with my ex, I discovered that I can orgasm by nipple stimulation! It was such a nice surprise, especially because the sensation is so different. I really, really loved it!

I think there's beauty in everything, really. It takes a bit of time sometimes to open our eyes to it, but once we do, it's really liberating. That's the vibe I get from this forum, and it's so great that such place exists.

[buttercups]

Karategrrl I can totally relate to that rant- 100%! I'm tired of it too and everytime I think this whole fake mindset might be fading I look around and it's still everywhere. I don't think there is any way to live in this society and escape the thought that there is something wrong with you for being "different", even if we are only different because all of a sudden everyone around us has altered themselves to look the same. I also hate how people talk about implants casually sometimes-like "oh you hate your breasts, get implants!" and it's like the health risks don't even matter or factor in at all. Even that article that someone posted a little while back about the woman with the implants that keep rupturing frustrated me to a point. She goes on and on about how she should love her small boobs and how the implants have caused her so much trouble health-wise, and then goes and gets them put in again and she's a new woman. The good thing about that article is that it really made me think. What the hell would I do if I woke up and one of my inflatable breasts was gone?? I know myself and I would totally freak! What if it happens in a time of financial difficulty and you just don't have the money to go out and buy yourself more surgery to get it repaired?? I just find it hard to stomach how some women around here are so carefree about the whole process and don't even think about it or any of the risks. And I think that the more people get surgery and look alike, the more strange and abnormal the natural people will seem. I wish I lived in a time before this crap existed so that maybe I could see a woman who looks like me for once and feel more normal about it. I know like Karategrrl said that the grass is always greener, and I am grateful for my healthy body, but how much more of an outsider am I going to feel as people augment themselves all over the place??

Hahaha KeraBear you are not lettin me get away with this one! Hmm if I had to pick something I liked about myself, it would probably be...I guess my eyes. They are huge and I used to hate that they were dark brown and think it was boring, but I'm more ok with it now cause it's easier to make "sad puppy dog" faces with brown puppy dog eyes than without haha. It's funny cause my eyes are actually one part of my body that have caused me a lot of health problems and that is what I can tolerate the best. Boobies, aside from emotional shame, have caused me little physical problems and yet I hate on them. Eyes have ended me up in the ER and ruined my vacation on a couple of occasions but I give them the ok.

[KeraBear]

Awww, thanks for the compliment, BC! You aren't so bad yourself. Speaking of COMPLIMENTS...

So... buttercuppies...let's start turning that self-criticism around! What DO you like about yourself? Tell us!! Force yourself! There must be something! Just one thing!! (Or two...or three...)

<More HUGS!>

I don't believe you ever answered this question. C'moooooooon! Inquiring minds want to know.

[strongirl]

Karategrrl, that post was like a good book! It was LONG but so much good stuff in there.

Re. your rant - OMG, I so relate. Totally totally totally. To all of it, from your feeling like an alien for being natural, to not knowing how to relate to a woman whose implants are "bridging the physical gap between us" (that was so well put), to just wanting to escape from it all (maybe we can share a hut). I have felt all of those things and really appreciate the way you articulated them. <<<hugs>>>

[karategrrl]

Ladies, you all rock so mightily!!

I already feel better, reading your posts. I’ve been a little down. <Warning: rant ahead.> Long story short, it just seems like everywhere I look lately everyone’s got the fucking implants, and I am so goddamn tired of it. Seriously. I joined a new gym only 5 miles away from my old one, same chain, but somehow the clientele is completely different from the old one. At my yoga studio? Zero implants. At my old gym? A few implants. At this new place? EVERYWHERE. It’s like I’m a fucking alien just for being natural. Hubby’s been at this gym a few years and been introducing me to his friends there so I have a few acquaintances when I go. His workout partner’s GF? Implants. Awhile back, he mentioned a woman I might like to be workout partners with, she’s so nice, yada yada. Met her last night. Yep, implants again. Obvious ones. (And a sing-songy voice that was like nails on a chalkboard.) Now, I KNOW, I shouldn’t judge. Maybe she had breast cancer, and the implants are a reconstructive thing, I tell myself. I dunno. But right off the bat I’m standing there making stupid small talk while thinking, “OK, probably not much chance of any meaningful girl-friendship here…totally different mindsets…I know…don’t judge…but it’s HARD. I like genuine people, and though this woman may indeed be very nice and genuine on the inside, there she is, fake boobs pointing at me, physically bridging the physical gap between us, practically waving hello. My brain practically exploded from the effort of trying to process it all.

I’m just tired of it. There is something so fucking wrong with being different because you DON’T surgically alter yourself. Makes me want to run away and live alone in a hut on a mountaintop in Tibet or something, where people <gasp>have other things on their minds. Sorry for the rant. I’m angry. (And if I did run away, I’d take my laptop so I could stay in touch with you guys. ) But reading your posts makes me feel better already. <Rant concluded.>
Random responses to your posts:
Strongirl:
I totally know what you mean, Karategrrl, re. the aging thing - I'm not going down without a fight. For me, it has to do with my identity. I don't want to look like some 18 year old...I want to keep looking like myself. "
Strongirl, yes! I know I bitch about wrinkles, but also I must say I find it a bit intriguing to watch the new look I’m taking on. And no, I don’t’ wan to look “younger,â€� really. I want to look as good as I can while simultaneously looking somewhere near my real age. And buttercups, that is wonderful what you say to the oldsters you work with. I LOVE old people. And, I see some BEAUTIFUL older folks. I smile, they smile back, and they just freaking glow. Awesome.

“It reminds me of a woman I know who got implants and said she never felt really naked again, it was like she was always "wearing" something, her fake boobs. Personally, I like being able to get naked.�
I can so relate, and this is the reason why I think I’d lose my sanity if I ever got the surgery. I’d feel fake, and I wouldn’t be able to remove them myself.

Kerabear:
“One thing I appreciate about this forum is that it doesn't tolerate self criticism. The last time I tried that, karategrrl gave me a verbal smack! ha ha... I also appreciate how the members here have proven that I will only get better with age. �
Yes, this is our happy place. And I must say, I AM personally coming to realize the empowerment, confidence and fun of not giving a shit, which is something you gain as you age. I’d take the insights, knowledge and confidence I’ve earned over the last 20 years over looking “youngerâ€� any day.

Nbdx:
“I also used my chest as a storage facility. I'd place my life "failures" (for a lack of a better word) on my breasts. Be gentile on yourself because it's more than just the body part, it's the feelings and experiences that we attach to that body part which makes it so difficult.�
WOW! WOW! AND wow AGAIN! You totally hit the nail on the head. Everything that plagues us is totally about the feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc. we attach to that thing. One of my fave quotes ever is,â€� We see things not as they are, but as WE are.â€� (Anais Nin, I think.) I am finding this to be a major theme of finding happiness in life—I am finding great relief and power in changing my feelings/beliefs about something rather than changing that thing (if it’s something I can’t change). We can’t change others or, often, our circumstances—only ourselves. (And yes, I realize it's not that woman's fake breasts that bothered me--it's my own feelings about them...processing...processing...)


buttercups:
“It's like my body is incomplete with a part missing. At the same time I guess I'm glad that at least I can hide this deformity from the world so no one has to know unless I'm at the beach or something.�
Oh, I feel a virtual love-slap coming on…
Buttercups, you are NOT deformed! Just the fact that you EXIST in your present physical form is evidence of that. I know what you mean, though. Sometimes I also wish I knew what it was like to have breasts with weight, to fill out bras. Hell, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a penis to play with, or what it would be like to live in a body of a different color, size, shape, etc. But remember that there are plenty of women out there who are disabled, old, or who have painfully large breasts who would give their left eyetooth to live in YOUR body. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with those bodies either—just that the grass is always greener, you know?

God, I’ve written a lot. Your fault--you all have inspired me.

PS: Sorry for all the weird characters. I had to make a small edit and everything got wonky...Hope you can still understand my post.

[strongirl]

Sometimes a phrase that someone uses in here just resonates with me and I'm struck by it. Yesterday it was "wearing cleavage". Today it is "used my chest as a storage facility" for failures. Wow. That is really a profound insight, poignantly described.

Buttercups, I am also struck by the contrast between the way you see yourself (deformity???!!!) and the way your past lover described you in that recent conversation - as a "work of art". There is a vast distance between those two points of view! And I'd love to see you scootch your butt over to his side, for I'm sure it is much more in line with reality.

[buttercups]

Sorry for the double post, I missed nbdx- we mustve posted at about the same time haha!

Those are good suggestions, your bf sounds great too! I really like your thoughts on your chest being an emotional storage facility- that is definitely what I think I've done over the years. Oh man I've been a hoarder! I think I also get sad when I think about all the experiences that I miss out on by looking this way- I will never feel what it's like to truly have breasts- ones that are actually measurable and have weight to them. As a woman that is just something that I want to experience- what it's like to have some weight on my chest. I think I need to accept that that wont happen to me in order to move on from this. It feels like I have an arm that is missing a hand or something and I keep waiting for that hand to appear, but it's not going to. It's like my body is incomplete with a part missing. At the same time I guess I'm glad that at least I can hide this deformity from the world so no one has to know unless I'm at the beach or something. For the majority of my life I can keep it from everyone as my own secret. If I was missing a hand a lot more people would notice! and when I was having problems with my contacts and had to wear glasses that distort my eyes I realized there are worse things than small breasts bc at least those I can hide. So I do get some comfort from that, thank god we live in the era of the 2 cup size bra!

[buttercups]

Thanks guys, I love you all, you're the best! Karategrrl, for what its worth I'm in geriatrics and of course you're nowhere near that now haha, but I just wanted to say that I've seen so many beautiful women with wrinkles. I think they look so much more gorgeous naturally than all the alien women that are being created with botox and plastic surgery and facelifts. They all have that same look- like we've talked about so many times before. I especially love the smile lines because it shows me that the person has had a happy life. Those ones are the best! I hope maybe you can look at yours differently and see them as just a sign that you have enjoyed many great times and good laughs, that's what I see anytime I see them anyways. But aging can definitely be hard and I'm getting the lines to prove it too! I think I'd rather age naturally and beautifully though than become an ancient alien. I wish our culture had a more positive outlook on aging as well as everything else. We are all held to such impossibly high standards. When I see my patients they all comment about how young and beautiful I am. I tell them that beauty has no age, and surprisingly whenever I say that they all agree with me.

Strongirl I will definitely check out that book, thanks! I also love Susie, she is so inspiring! Mirror work scares me cause I really hate what I see. I don't know why I have such deep-set self-hatred, but it's something that I really need to work on. I wouldn't want any other woman to feel the way about herself that I feel and I always try and encourage others to see their beauty, I don't understand why I can't do that for myself and it makes me feel like a hypocrite. In any event, I will give it a good try. I keep hoping for some miracle fix, but I think I'm just going to have to keep trying to work through this issue and hope that with time it gets better. It already has but I still fall in those slumps. At least I'm a little more self-aware of them now thanks to all of you.

KeraBear you are so cute! And I mean that as a compliment cause I know we've all struggled with "cute" around here from time to time, but your posts just make me happy : ) I will also add that you are such an incredibly insightful young woman- I wish I had that insight at your age!

[nbdx0645]

Eep! There's so much good stuff going on here it's difficult to address it all.

Strongirl, I think you recommended "Fat is a feminist issue" for me a little while back. I ordered the book from Amazon and I'm flying through my queue to get to it. I'm really looking forward to it. The Fat-acceptance movement and Health At Every Size really, really, REALLY helped me through the "beauty barrier" I was experiencing, especially since it's hard to find print material that's directly related to small boobs.

Buttercups, I've done some mirror work too, but the results in the beginning weren't very good. I'd get really emotional and I'd reinforce bad feelings verbally. My boyfriend suggested that to start, I couldn't say anything negative about my breasts out loud. Also, when I started looking at myself in the mirror, I'd wear a sexy unlined bra to start with, and it felt like a nice stepping stone into full frontal nudity. I also found that looking at them in the shower is nice, because the water feels so warm, comforting and relaxing.

I also used my chest as a storage facility. I'd place my life "failures" (for a lack of a better word) on my breasts. Be gentile on yourself because it's more than just the body part, it's the feelings and experiences that we attach to that body part which makes it so difficult. <BIGHUG>

I'm also digging all of the holistic healthcare talk that's going on. Inner health radiates outward, definitely. And I love Strongirl's past experiences of positive reactions to her body and confidence. So awesome! Ladies, you all rock so hard. I agree with KeraBear; I'm hoping that I too get better with time.

[KeraBear]

I wish there was something I could say that would magically, instantly make you feel confident and great, but that must come from you. All I can do is remind you that there is SSSOOOOO much more than damn fucking breasts that make up a woman--physically, there's her hair, smile, skin, eyes, how she carries herself, her voice, how she moves, etc.--and that doesn't even come close to the really important, non-physical stuff--brains, intellect, sense of humor, how she communicates, body language, interests, kindness, etc. I could go on and on. It's that unique cocktail of attributes that makes up each one of us.

I am glad you mentioned this, Karategrrl. It reminds me of when I was 15 (three looooooong years ago, ha ha) and only barely out of a training bra and waiting on my first period, and pretty down on myself. An older, wiser girlfriend told me, "being a woman is so much more than boobs and blood." So true!

One thing I appreciate about this forum is that it doesn't tolerate self criticism. The last time I tried that, karategrrl gave me a verbal smack! ha ha... I also appreciate how the members here have proven that I will only get better with age.

[strongirl]

Ya know, it's funny about the mirror avoidance thing, Buttercups - when I was recovering from an eating disorder during college, I read Susie Orbach's book "Fat is a Feminist Issue" and a big part of what helped me overcome my body dysmorphic disorder was "mirror work", in which you stand in front of the mirror naked and appreciate your body, focus on various parts and just let your own love and esthetic appreciation flow, pose and preen, and bask in the positive image you project. Like Karategrrl says, focus on what you love about your body to start. At first it was really hard for me - my automatic response to looking in a mirror was a hawk-eyed critical sweep, shining a harsh spotlight on any perceived flaws - but after a while it got to be fun and very healing. I still do it. I highly recommend mirror work (read Orbach for more detail on how to do it).

I totally know what you mean, Karategrrl, re. the aging thing - I'm not going down without a fight. For me, it has to do with my identity. I don't want to look like some 18 year old...I want to keep looking like myself. Really old people and babies all look alike. I want to keep my individuality. So nutrition, exercise, good skincare, sleep, hydration, and stress management are all a big part of my strategy...and they're actually good for my health! Ya can't really say that about implants or facelifts.

Circling back on limousine's post below, I've always had a complex reaction to "modesty". In non-sexual situations like debates and office jobs and schools, I go out of my way to dress appropriately which to me means no sexual suggestiveness at all, so I probably would have made the same outfit adjustment you did, limousine. No cleavage, no nip show thru, no short skirts, etc. I wish it didn't matter but it does and if I want to be taken seriously and get my points across, sex needs to be out of the picture. On the other hand, I'm a shameless, lifelong skimpy, scanty, sexy dresser whenever I can get away with it! So at home, at bars, at parties, on the beach...I'm a terrible flaunter. And no, I don't have big boobs. But I flaunt all my assets including my little boobs, and I have many happy memories of positive responses ranging from looks to compliments to sexual adventures that I can reminisce about in my old age. In fact, I'm going to a bar tonight with the BF and another male friend, to party with the Burlesque troup that I took a class with last summer...so maybe I'll make some more memories.

I also thought your wording about "wearing cleavage" was interesting. It reminds me of a woman I know who got implants and said she never felt really naked again, it was like she was always "wearing" something, her fake boobs. Personally, I like being able to get naked.

[karategrrl]

I'm sorry--I must have gotten your pics confused with someone else's, buttercups! But you know, if I saw pics of you I'm sure I'd love them! You certainly sound like you have a ton of stuff going for you, physically and otherwise.

I'm REALLY sorry you feel so self-conscious. I feel bad thinking of the inner turmoil you're going through. But, you know, I feel ya: sometimes I get a look of my backside in the mirror and--oh, the horrors! and that's right after I come back from the gym, feeling all strong and empowered, and then I go "Whoa! WTF!! Cellulite! Droopy skin! Fat ass!" But lately I catch myself before I get too far in that self-hatred rut, and I consciously focus on what I DO like, and try not to get down on what I don't like. I'm very conscious of the fact that I'm getting older, and have lots of LINES now when I smile and shit. Things wrinkling, drooping, on top of all the usual standards we women impose on ourselves. Gad, it could depress the fuck out of you if you let it.

So... buttercuppies...let's start turning that self-criticism around! What DO you like about yourself? Tell us!! Force yourself! There must be something! Just one thing!! (Or two...or three...)

<More HUGS!>

[buttercups]

Aww thanks karategrrl, you are amazing! I don't think it was me that exchanged pics though- at least I've been trying to remember if I ever have and I don't think that I have. I know its been mentioned before though so I've been trying to remember. But in any event, thank you so much and it's true that there is so much more to beauty than breasts. I just tend to fixate on that, but lately I've moved to other areas of my body as well that I don't like. I can name a flaw for everything, as I assume most women can unfortunately. I just wish our society wasn't so focused on looks- and on looking a certain way at that. I really want to get to a place where I can at least accept myself and not avoid looking in the mirror because I'm scared that what I see will make me feel bad about myself. I've found that if I avoid mirrors though and get dressed with my eyes closed and don't really see myself then I feel a lot better about myself. Sounds weird but it works for me. I just try to avoid seeing how my chest looks altogether and it helps me to ignore it and not worry so much about it. Does anyone else do this?

[karategrrl]

My dear buttercups sistah! You are totally gorgeous. I know--I've seen your photos when we exchanged them way back. I wish you could see you the way I and your boys do--beautiful, elegant. I also have to laugh b/c one of the best comments I EVER got in my life was from someone who also said my body was a work of art. So I guess us busties are built like fine works of art!?? Shit, I'll take that!

I wish there was something I could say that would magically, instantly make you feel confident and great, but that must come from you. All I can do is remind you that there is SSSOOOOO much more than damn fucking breasts that make up a woman--physically, there's her hair, smile, skin, eyes, how she carries herself, her voice, how she moves, etc.--and that doesn't even come close to the really important, non-physical stuff--brains, intellect, sense of humor, how she communicates, body language, interests, kindness, etc. I could go on and on. It's that unique cocktail of attributes that makes up each one of us.

I know we aren't concerned overly with men's opinions of us here, but as long as you brought that up, keep in mind that it's a woman with depth that has "staying power" in a man's heart--regardless of the size of the mammaries on her chest.

Hugs! Hugs! HUGS!!!!!!!

[buttercups]

This place has done wonders for me as well and I don't know where I would be today without all of you. Having little-to-no breasts has plagued me all of my adult life, and I can honestly say that there are times now when I feel less down about it because of all of you. Even right now I am struggling with my body image again, and every time I think how ugly I look I think about you guys and how you would kick my ass, and it helps haha! I can't say I love my body, because truth be told I really don't. I see flaws in it every where I look and being out in the world has so many triggers for me in our society, but at least I have this place to talk about it. I did appreciate the dialogue with spot-on because I sorta see myself as one of the weaker ones- like I can't guarantee that I will never fall victim to the pressure of getting implants because I do have such a negative body image. On the other hand, whenever I bring up implants to my bf or anyone else what I am really searching for is for someone to talk me out of it, so I think that says a lot. It terrifies me and I really want to find a way to at least live in my natural body and not feel abnormal or out of place. I think my breasts are a lot smaller than most people's here, and that can make it hard because if I even had half of what you guys do and could classify them as "small breasts" I know I would feel better about myself. I could see myself getting implants just to bring me to an A cup for chrissake! In that respect part of me feels as though I would be justified in getting my breasts done because I see what I look like as almost a deformity or a medical problem that anyone else in my position would fix, but the method of fixing it does scare me and I rely on this place to try and continually talk myself out of it.

All this being said, I guy that I had hooked up with in the past and am still in contact with was talking to me about his trials and tribulations with online dating. I made a joke that at least any girl he could possibly be with would be more "stacked" than me, so in that respect he couldn't really lose out. He told me that my body was his physical ideal and that it was like "art" to him. He said that he would truly take my breasts over any other (and I'm sitting here thinking what breasts???) and that he thought they were "shaped perfectly". He said after all these years he still thinks about me and if he were to compare me to any other woman he's ever been with, that I would always come out on top. I didn't know what to say, it was really weird to hear that. I don't understand how any man could like what I have, much less consider it his "physical ideal". Sometimes I worry that the only man that could ever like me would be one resembling a pedophile as I look like I haven't developed at all, but I try not to think about that too much anymore. I guess you never know what other people will think about your body, sometimes it can be surprising. I wish I could see myself the way that this guy does, the way that my bf says he does. I just can't imagine that they could possibly think that as I am so far away from everything that has ever been drilled into their heads that they should be attracted to.

P.S. I love when you guys post links to clothes! If only I had money right now I would buy all those VS tops!!

[limousine]

I haven't posted since the summertime, but I've lurked on a religious basis.

The group is a one-of-a-kind place. It has been a reliable source of support and insight for me. I am especially grateful for the opportunity to vent and express difficult feelings to an understanding soul. Shame, anger, jealousy, envy and fear come to mind.

On another note, when dressing for an informal debate recently, I felt uncomfortable with the sexiness of my outfit. Namely, I was wearing heeled booties with a tight skirt. Before leaving, I decided to change to a more discreet outfit. I have an active (or healthy?) sense of modesty. And I thought, why do I covet boobs when I feel uncomfortable flaunting what I've got? Now, of course, having them does not imply flaunting them, even if minimally. However, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that I'd love to, once in a while for a special occasion, sport some cleavage. But I'm not even sure that I could mentally stomach wearing cleavage in public...and I wonder how the women that do it do it? Do you get used to it? I mean I can't help but look at cleavage so I'm assuming the women that display it are aware of the attention it generates. I just wonder how it feels...but at the same time maybe I know because on my own sexy level, I feel uncomfortable. Perhaps that is the answer to my query : even if I could, I wouldn't, so just let go.

[dj-bizmonkey]

i don't have much to add, just that i totally agree with anarch's post. i couldn't have said it better myself. i went on vacation this weekend and forgot my computer cord so i was away from the interwebs reliably. i think this thread is very special, and as i said before, it is what originally brought me to bust in the first place. the fact that it is so active is a testament to the challenges we face in our western, breast-obsessed media saturated culture.

have any of you seen this documentary? http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/busting-out/

i thought it was just o.k. though there are some interesting parts. interesting information but obviously a kind of self-serving first-time filmmaker documentary.