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> Frustrated Singles
anna k
post Sep 28 2006, 05:57 PM
Post #821


Hardcore BUSTie
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"when you least expect it." Or "when you're busy with your other interests." I have been a published writer, took ballet classes for several months, interned at two famous publications, traveled to Charleston to research the living situation after college, and have met NYC writers and artists, some of them celebrities.

Despite all of those accomplishments, not having a boyfriend or satisfying sex can make me feel like a prude or a nerd.
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sassygrrl
post Sep 28 2006, 04:13 PM
Post #822


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From: Bumblefuck


I hate that cliche. I want to seriously hit people with rocks when they say that to me.

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katiebelle2882
post Sep 28 2006, 11:30 AM
Post #823


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From: NYC


you werent SG! i was just saying how basically i agree with you but my post didnt make sense at all, so i know why you thought the wrong thing:) and i totally agree with you on the expectation thing. i know many people who are single hate the cliche "when you least expect it" but its true and i am single!


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“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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stargazer
post Sep 28 2006, 09:57 AM
Post #824


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sorry katiebelle. i was hoping i wasn't being too pandering in my post. and i agree with what you said about not going with expectations. the best things in life that have happened to me are the ones i was least expecting..


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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katiebelle2882
post Sep 28 2006, 07:24 AM
Post #825


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i just re-read what i wrote and it didnt convey what i meant SG lol. i meant while some things in LIFE are cut and dry, relationships usually arent so if you set out thinking they are, there is a good chance things wont work out. lol ok that made more sense.


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stargazer
post Sep 27 2006, 08:32 PM
Post #826


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they've been together for 6 years. met in college. she's 26 and he's 29. and she had the whole butteflies thing too initially. even though they fought like cats and dogs in the beginning. but, i think they were just meant to be together. they are very involved with each other. it is a very real relationship, fighting, loving...i like them as a couple. they look out after each other. she told me how on their first date when he grabbed her hand to keep her from falling...she remembered thinking, "i'm gonna marry this man."

so, katiebelle, while there are some cut and dry things to relationships...there is also alot of ambiguity. the point is to remember you are still connected. not every relationship follows a set of rules and textbooks. and feelings also have a big part to do with relationships. if you stay in your head and always function from logic, then your partner will question your emotional involvement. i've had to learn this point the hard way. so, i find out that if i'm open and honest, don't hold back, then i receive alot in return. if this freaks a man/woman out, then they are not ready for a relationship...and not the person for you.

it can and will happen to you katiebelle...you just have to stay open both body, mind, and heart.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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katiebelle2882
post Sep 27 2006, 01:46 PM
Post #827


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From: NYC


six,

i meant more along the lines of, if you think you are with the perfect dude until you find out he doesnt brush his teeth for the Dr recommended 7 min and you dump him, maybe you need to compromise. i dont think basic values and beliefs should be compromised often, however, sometimes you do need to compromise with the little things. i do know of many guys who "thought" their core beliefs were very conservative and backwards, yet with the right person, they came around to be much more tolerant. thats an example of how you CAN change core beliefs by compromising and the result is better for you.

i dont know, some things are cut and dry, relationships i think, if you set out thinking they are going to be that way, end up badly.

that would be cool if i found a guy like that stargazer. how long have they been together? i dont think a feeling like that will ever last with me the longer i am with the guy. maybe i am being cynical but i absolutely dont see it happening ever.


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stargazer
post Sep 27 2006, 11:28 AM
Post #828


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omg, i lurv you sixelacat!

i totally agree with you. there is the initial reaction of speechlessness and butteflies. this feeling continues as the unfolding of things occur. i have a best friend who said that she still gets a little flustered when her fiance walks in the room. like, "omg, i can't believe i'm with him."

i love this thread.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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edie52
post Sep 26 2006, 12:23 AM
Post #829


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Stargazer, I really love that Neko Case song. The first few lines are what I hope I'll feel like when I fall in love again, that all the time being single and mistakes and regrets were worth it because it led to meeting that person....

"now that we've met, we can only laugh at these regrets
common as the winter cold, they're telephone poles
they follow each other, one after another, after another...."
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sixelacat
post Sep 25 2006, 11:12 PM
Post #830


Creating demon-radical feminist hybrids since 1974
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From: Savoir Faire is Everywhere!


I've never liked that adage "relationships are about compromise". It's too flimsy and easily manipulated. The things that should NEVER be compromised (your morals and beliefs), too often go undefined or unidentified, leaving them open to "compromise". I don't think it's possible to be "too logical" about a relationship. That feeling of butterflies comes from knowing you and the other person are on the same page about all the important things. Being able to define and identify your beliefs makes it easier to identify them in a potential mate. And by beliefs I don't mean "I believe chocolate is better than vanilla", I mean the important underlying philosophies of your life, such as "I believe humanity is inherently good" versus "I believe humanity is inherently sinful". Obviously these two philosophies would not mesh, nor would either statement be likely uttered on a first date. BUT, I do believe that your underlying philosophy shows in all of the everyday things that you do, your face, and your overall body language. Which is why I think love at first sight can exist, because we pick up those cues like body language almost subconsciously. And if those important things DO mesh, and you two just jam, then the smaller things just aren't that big a deal. Oftentimes it is harder when you are younger, and still forming your core beliefs. Many of my friends have gotten married in their early to mid-twenties, only to realize after a few years that they just hadn't solidified what was really important to them before the marriage and that what is important to one isn't important to the other. They are now either divorced before 30, or "compromised" and unhappily married. It's entirely possible that I'll never come across someone who shares my essential beliefs (especially since my dating pool is an alleged less than 10% of the population), and I'm okay with that because to me they ARE essential.

/my two cents


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sassygrrl
post Sep 25 2006, 09:28 PM
Post #831


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From: Bumblefuck


I so want butterflys!!

Stargazer, I plan on buying Singles this weekend. I really love that movie. And I love a guy who can challenge me.... it's a thrill to see if they can.


GB, I can understand wanting that perfect mix of everything. I want that electricity that I keep hearing about in books. I know that some couples just have it. I want whatever that is, but don't want to compromise my ideals or morals. Or risk losing my independence....I'm sorry it didn't work out.

KB, you're right at that. Normally when someone is described as "nice" is very kiss of death. It's almost like calling them a total asshole.


My parents are still HONRY teenagers around eachother. It used to drive me nuts as I kid, but I really admire it now. They just celebrated their 35 wedding anniversary two weeks ago... and my grandparents were so in love with one another. It's not that I neccasary want to know about thier sex lives (who does?) , but it's great to know that my dad is head over madly in love with my mother.


And, being a musician, I love the term "jam..." Great!! Listening to Miles Davis at the moment...

This probably belongs in the roommate thread, but I so LOATHE living with a crazy old woman. I was down house-sitting for my roommate, watching her cat. And, I lost her house key. No big thing. It's just a fucking key, and Margaret went completely ape shit crazy on me. I can't believe she doesn't own a duplicate. I am so getting a key this weekend b/c I'm over there a lot. M lives in the basement apartment, so it's just sort of a refuge away from the room I rent in the house. Strangely enough, I have Margaret(landlady)'s daughter's first name. So, she automatically tries to shove her unresolved issues on me.

So looking for a new place!!!

Grrrr....





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katiebelle2882
post Sep 25 2006, 08:11 PM
Post #832


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with my last crush (who some may remember me talking about cause i worked with him and now hes a very good friend of mine) it took a few times of being together for their to be butterflys. so while i agree that perhaps things like this arent immediate, they should certainly develop in the amount of time you have spent with him GB< and if they havent, theres nothing you can do i dont think.

and yeah, perfect for me is something i would like to achieve as well!

to me, GB, if you describe your time you spend with a dude as "pleasant" its like the kiss of death! its like when you hear someone being called "nice" and thats the end of the description. generally, at least to me, its a euphemism for boring lol.


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greenbean
post Sep 25 2006, 07:44 PM
Post #833


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Love this thread!
so yeah, when I say perfection I do the air quotes because obviously no one is perfect...I just wanna kind someone with that perfect-for-me mix of respect, humor, sexuality, etc. I know one couple that have been together for years and they are perfect for each other. I know they have issues like everyone else but whenever I see them together they are just oozing with love. When I see one of them apart and I ask about the other, he/she beams. The girl in the couple once told me that they 'just jam'. Thats what I want. I wanna just jam with someone. Like feel totally comfortable and excited at the same time.

stargazer, my mom TOTALLY was telling me that i should give it time to develop. She really likes the sound of him,..she'll be devastated when I tell her that its not working. Things were nice with Nurse and I dont regret taking a risk, but it was all to pleasant, and I need more than pleasant. I need butterflys. You cant force butterflys.
ps stargazer...I'm Latina too (half) and I've also been suspicious of boys wanting me to be their 'fiesty', 'hot tamale' and what not. (altho I was not blessed with a booty sad.gif , I'm a total surfboard!)


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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stargazer
post Sep 25 2006, 06:34 PM
Post #834


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whoa. i have the movie singles playing in the background. no joke. seriously. and then i read sassygrrl's movie quote. weird...

greenbean~sorry about things not working out. at least you can say you took the risk to contact him and see if anything was there. reading your posts made me think about my last couple of years of dating. i felt like i was trying to sell myself on the guys i was dating. i was being very logical. i would have some women tell me that i should give it time to develop. i would try. but, i never felt the spark with these guys. i pretty much function on a gut level with someone. and, yes, there has been times where i've been wrong about people....but, i would say for the most part that i'm an intuitive person. i keep thinking of that neko case song, "that teenage feeling." i want that feeling of BAM! intensity when i meet a man. and at the same time, i wonder if i am going about things all wrong and the reason why i am single. i'm not looking for perfection. i'm just looking for someone to challenge me to where i want to see him everyday and just hang...once i fall in love with someone, i can be pretty accepting of him...i'm a pretty accepting person in general....

sassygrrl~i just need a guy to have patience with me. patience is the one thing 'cause i am stubborn and have my opinions. as if you cannot tell by my posts. and i'm not always right. yes, shocking, i know that i'm admitting this....but, i need a guy who will challenge me. i need to feel his involvement. i'm really just trying to enjoy the company of men that i meet right now in everyday situations with no destination.

i find this approach for me to be liberating. i feel a sense of freedom and openness. trust me, i'm still frustrated and at the same time, i observe the people who cling to empty relationships to avoid being alone, to avoid relationships. i still question if i have right now what a relationship requires of me, but i know i'm ready for it now more than ever in my life...i guess i need to have patience with myself right now....


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sassygrrl
post Sep 25 2006, 04:35 PM
Post #835


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From: Bumblefuck


I also agree with katiebelle on the dissappointment angle. It's like that line in Singles about the list that Bridget Fonda makes, and it's finally down thru the years to like, "A guy that says Bless You when I sneeze".. I remember I had a roommate in college that had literally laundry list of traits, and I think although it's good to have a list, she NEVER went on dates! I would just be like, "Girl, it's just COFFEE!!!" I wonder if she's changed any since then.

I'm not looking for perfection by any means. I just don't want to set myself up to fail. I know there is no fairy tale out there.

I have been keeping getting into unequal relationships as well. I think things should at least be getting to a happy medium. I just hope McGeek understands this. I have no idea. I'm just trying to BREATHE as Stargazer told me the other week.

I, too could have written Stargazer's post. I am super analytical, and classic classic overachiever. And, I read somewhere that you make up impression of person that you meet within 5 seconds. I think I give off this vibe of just a super bitch. Even though I'm not, once you get to know me. I don't think I give men the chance to even fall for me, b/c once they do, I start freaking out, and then it's over. Also, High Fi is one of my favorite movies.... smile.gif Could be just for Cusack though.

GB, that makes perfect sense to me.

((busty vibes)))





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katiebelle2882
post Sep 25 2006, 02:37 PM
Post #836


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From: NYC


i think being too picky sets yourself up for dissapointment. i DO think you can be too picky, as in having expectations no person can live up to, even yourself. some people may say never compromise, but relationships are always about compromise, and if you dont, you really cant expect any relationship to work out if you ever even end up with one in the first place.

i dont however you should force affection, thats just stupid!

i had a feeling that was going to happen GB, i was hoping everything would work out for you, but i can tell you are a wee bit similar to me and its happened to me so many times before. dont feel bad though, you will find someone where the chemistry is good AND he treats you the way you deserve to be treated.


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anna k
post Sep 25 2006, 02:32 PM
Post #837


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Mine have been unequal too. I used to be really shy and adore guys who would never be interested in me. Now that i've grown up and out, guys who are into me I can't get worked up about, and there's no equal feeling of he wants me and I want him, it's always wrong.
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greenbean
post Sep 25 2006, 01:02 PM
Post #838


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ARRRRGGG!! arg arg arg.
I am officially a frustrated single! I went out with the Nurse last night and I really dont think its gonna work out. He is sooooo good on paper but I cant force a chemistry that isnt there. I really really want to like him.
I wish I could.

I agree that being picky is a good thing, but also scary. I wanna conquer love, does that make sense?
I wanna be soooooo in love with someone who is soooooo in love with me. So far all my relationships seem unequal in one way or another. I'm still a little young and dewey-eyed so maybe it still a good idea to hold out for 'perfection'....but the scary part is what if there is no perfection and I'm just gonna hold out forever?


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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sassygrrl
post Sep 24 2006, 09:51 PM
Post #839


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Being PICKY is a good thing. I think.

I'm still sort of figuring out if any man can deal with my independence. It's always been a dealbreaker.

Why do random old crushies keep popping in right when I start dating good guy?? And, what do I do with this?? I got three emails from crushes from like last month?.

Bleh.



Stargazer, going to go watch Eternal Sunshine now... I'm beginning to think I'm the Clementine character sans the crazy red hair. Although it was crazy red for a while back in the day... smile.gif
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stargazer
post Sep 24 2006, 08:59 PM
Post #840


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sixelacat~thanks for the reassurance that i'm not picky! even if it was after many cosmos. *giggles*


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