[stargazer]

having worked in a hospital and observing doctor-patient relationships...i would see patients be more emotional when they did not feel understood by the doctor. bedside manner is important and they teach it terribly to doctors. BUT, not all doctors are that way. i'm glad your mother was able to be seen and her anxiety decreased.

Now, erinjane...

don't forget about yourself! i'm glad you are going to get a referral to a clinical psychologist. if you feel you need meds, then don't be shy to ask for something. remember you need something longer acting. good luck with everything! keep us updated on how you are doing.

[erinjane]

Thanks for the support! (slight update) My mom went to a walk-in tonight and the doctor found she has a bad rash on her chest and under her arms that he thinks is from stress. He said that the pain in her chest and back looks to be a pinched nerve and muscle stress. That was all it took, and she's calmed down so much. Our doctor did not examine her once in her four visits.

[chachaheels]

I can't believe someone would pass over a patient with your mother's symptoms. They sound like something that really needs attention--like a case of pneumonia, something for which your mom should be watched during treatment. I'm glad you changed doctors and I'm glad you were able to do so without too much trouble.

I really hope you can get some help with your clinical psychologist, too. Good luck Erinjane, I have my fingers crossed that you and your mom will finally get the attention you need.

[maddy29]

good job erin-that seems like a great decision. this dr. seems very weird! i can't believe they said that to your mother, that's awful. it's the whole "oh she's just a hysterical woman" thing. grrr....and yeah, why couldn't she talk to you about your anxiety? That makes NO sense! I'm glad you found someone new, hopefully you'll get some relief.

[erinjane]

Oh man, I am NOT going back to my doctor. I've only been seeing her for three weeks, but this is it. My mom and I are going through similar problems but hers is much more serious, extreme anxiety attacks, etc. But she also has a legitimate health problem that she can't get anyone to look at. She has this chest pain and it goes around to her back and under her ams. They told her at the emergency room that she has a risidual bronchial infection and that her doctor could take care of it, but she keeps getting passed around like she's crazy when all she wants is this problem to go away.

So today she went in to see our doctor for the second time this week and she told her that she's making too many appointments and if shes "going to be like that" then they can't treat her there. My mom just called me in tears and I could hear my dad being angry in the background. I mean, what the fuck? She has a problem that she just wants treated and you tell her she's coming in too much?

I cancelled my appointment immediatly and called the Find a doctor Line and have an appointment with my new new doctor on Monday. I'm just going to start over with him, tell him the pills I got don't work and that I want a referral to an actual clinical psychologist. One of the weird things bad doctor said is that she couldn't talk about my anxiety, lack of sleep, etc, in the first appointment, but the secretary at this new place said it would be no problem.

I did get a decent nights sleep last night so I'm doing okay right now. I'm feeling better about cutting ties with this doctor because I didn't feel like she was doing much. She seemed really promising at first.

/vent.

[stargazer]

persimmon_grrrl~i blame those damn pharmaceutical ad for some medications, which make people feel they should be happy 24-7. it is unrealistic. society plays a part in how people feel. i would tell my patients that happiness is a temporary feeling like sadness, anger, anxiety. if we were constantly happy, then we would be like stepford wives...mechanical. i thought i was functional this summer with my depression, but, given the time to step back and look at my emotions and feelings...i realized i was not managing myself well. i was irritable, sad, and crying off and on. i hid my pain. maybe you could see a therapist to help with some of the feelings of self-worth. or, journal your thoughts. keep in contact with us in here. running does help with endorphines and promoting self esteem.

[persimmon_grrrl]

does anyone feel like they are "functionally" depressed?

i've been going through the motions, job hunting, trying to get out of a shitty geographic/housing situation, and at the end of the day, i don't feel very good about myself.

i despise my family and i need to be away from them to sort it out, and i even drove to several out of state jobs for interviews. none of them are biting.

i feel stuck. i'm not sure what would help me. i've been running to help me breathe.

[maddy29]

yeah, i agree with stargazer. i'm suspicious of why this person gave you trazadone, instead of referring you to a psychiatrist, or giving you a sleeping aid that's not an anti-depressant. i mean, why would you dr. give you an anti-depressant sleep aid and tell you you aren't ready for psych meds? cause that IS a psych med. and why would she say to take it only 3 times a week, that's weird.

can you see a psychiatrist? also, maybe you can make a list of your symptoms so you remember whenyou see the dr. i alllllways forget stuff cause i get all anxious and spacey. tell the dr. about the nightmares, and how often they are waking you up. tell them about the waking up earlier and earlier, and the not being able to fall asleep. tell them about the constant crying/long crying jags. maybe even take a look at a depression screeing tool online-to see what your symptoms are.

here's one from NIMH:

Depression

* Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
* Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
* Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
* Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
* Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
* Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
* Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
* Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
* Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
* Restlessness, irritability
* Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain


Also, I think the ruminating is part of it too. I don't know whether you are also struggling with PTSD stuff...?

[stargazer]

erinjane~i hope you are seeing a psychiatrist. general practioners are not schooled in psychotropic medications. their knowledge in prescribing meds is poor. trazadone is a strong medication used to help with sleep. it is for temporary relief. you need an antidepressant and/or antianxiety medication. pronto! i am on lexpro, which helps with depression and anxiety. my psychiatrist gave me klonopin to help with the panic attacks i was having. but, it is used only when needed. the lexapro is meant to help manage the depression and anxiety symptoms in the long term. it has been 3 weeks and i'm starting to notice a difference.

my knowledge of psychotropic meds comes from being a counselor at an inpatient unit. i saw many people put on strong meds by their GPs. i have strong opinions about them prescribing psych meds to patients. see a psychiatrist if you can. i was fortunate to be seen by a psychiatrist who is a colleague of mine. you need something longer acting.

good sleep is not gonna cure your depression. there are underlying issue which need to be addressed. counseling coupled with medication will help you manage your feelings. let us know how you are doing.

[erinjane]

(Feel like I'm going back and forth with you, maddy)

I made another appointment for Thursday because I'm pretty skeptical now. I looked up more stuff online and I found some forums where people had used it as a sleep aid, but usually when they were one something else for depression and all of them said it took at least 2-3 weeks before it started to work. Apparently it is commonly prescribed for insomnia, but it's not FDA approved for that.

I think I will try the higher dose tonight and see what happens, but I keep getting closer and closer to the end of my rope in terms of being able to cope. Thank goodness classes end in a week.

[maddy29]

hmm, ok. i started at 100mg i think, and that did the trick for me. it worked for me pretty much right away. it seems weird though, that the dr. would give you that, since it is an antidepressant. yes, it helps you sleep, but it wasn't made for that. i don't know why you weren't prescribed a plain old sleeping aid? especially since she said no to meds for now...weird. and it's clear you can't wait 3 weeks to be able to sleep....

taking it up to 3 days a week-maybe she doesn't want you to get too used to it?

i'd try taking 75 mg tonight. i'm a big person, but i used to take like 200mg of that stuff before i weaned myself off of it.

but, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and you may be a person who it doesn't work for.

[erinjane]

Just 50mg, which apparently is the standard when used to help with sleep. The pharmacist says it can take up to three weeks to work, which makes sense to me if you're taking it for depression, but my doctor didn't mention anything like that and told me to only take it up to 3 times a week. Wouldn't she have mentioned it won't work right away?

I tried looking up stuff online about it being used as a sleep aid but came up with a lot of conflicting stuff from "doesn't work for most people" to "effective, quick, and cheap".

[maddy29]

hey erin, what doseage of trazadone did she put you on? i used to be on it for awhile and it made me sleep for like 12 hours at a time.....

[erinjane]

My doctor put me and my mom on trazodone as a sleeping aid yesterday, but it did nothing for either of us and instead i spent the night crying and frusturated and now i'm exhuasted and feel like crying again.

I hate doctors appointments where they ask me a lot of questions like that because i feel very put on the spot and leave stuff out. I did the same thing with my TMJ appointment when they asked me about my symptoms, then i get home and realize...oh, i do have that. It was the same thing yesterday, except I feel like I was trying to downplay how I feel because I have this paranoid fear people are going to think i'm making it up. I even feel silly posting in here.

She said she wants to get me into counselling but she didn't think I was at the need for meds yet. She said she wants to see if getting my sleep under control will help, but now I think I'm going to make another appointment and ask for something because as the day goes on I'm feeling worse and worse about having to continue like this with no help, not even counselling or therapy because I have to wait to hear back about waitlists.

Gah, frusturated today. I just want to go to sleep.

[stargazer]

erinjane~i can only speak for myself, but i know medication has helped me in the past month. there is a strong history of anxiety disorders in my mother's side of the family. i've definitely felt some relief. i might not need it long term, but my doc and i agreed for the time being that meds would provide me some relief. and it has.

[erinjane]

That's why my doctor says that medicating for a while is probably best. My brother and my nana have also been diagnosed with anxiety disorders at one time or another, but I don't feel so much anxious as I do down...but I guess a mix of both.

My mom and I get along great, which is the reason it takes such a toll on me, I'm worrying about her all the time and my older brother.

[blakcherry]

erinjane-i'm not therapist but it does sound like you have some anxiety issues. some of it also sounds like it's transferred from your mother (perhaps genetically or just because her anxiety is making you more anxious). i am sorry you are having a hard time. do you and your mother get along?

sassy-your co-workers sound like a fun bunch. do you mind my asking what you do?

[erinjane]

Oh my god, it's like I get through one thing then get dragged down by another. My poor mom is freaking out. Two days ago she was stressed and crying and then was convinced she was going to get addicted to the lorazepam she was prescribed...she's taken 5 in 15 days. She called the pharmacy and they told her "dont' take more than 6 a day". Then yesterday she went to the ER for this heartburn type pain she's been having for a while. She was convinced it was cancer or something...turns out it was a problem from bronchitis she had 7 weeks ago. But christ, the worrying about her takes a toll on me.

So while she was in the ER last night I stayed in bed crying over ridiculous things. Then today I wanted to take a bath but she started cleaning the bathroom and told me she'd be 5 minutes. 40 minutes later I was in tears because I couldn't take a freaking bath! I know how ridiculous that sounds but it makes me want to cry thinking about it!

I met my new doctor (who i already love) on Monday and she told me to shedule another one for this monday so we can sit down and talk about possibly getting on anxiety meds or anti-depressives. Originally I just wanted therapy but I feel like I'm going insane.

[sassygrrl]

BC, you know in a weird way, that makes sense. Today, we lost two more people. They quit. So, you're right. They do need me. They may hate me for being sick, but they need me.

And my boss (wait for it) is being nice to me, b/c we're in the middle of a 2 week deadline.

One of the co-workers made a rude comment about eating disorders. Then a few hours later, made a comment about my epilepsy. Yes, I work with the most compassionate people. One of the woman that made the epilepsy comment had enough nerve to call me "un-compassionate" b/c a co-worker was coughing, and I didn't rush off to see if she was okay. I did say, "Are you okay?" Then I get this whole fight about the fact that I have no compassion.(did I mention that the word compassion is tattooed to my neck?) Ugh.

I hate this job. But, I need it to pay the bills. I also really want to get into that new flat.

And, don't worry about being a thread hog BC. You weren't hogging the thread.

Maddy, I sobbed for two hours tonight. Sucks. But, glad you're feeling better.

[blakcherry]

sassy-this may sound totally nutty,but it might make the experience less horrible if you reminded yourself that they are doing this because they value you enough to punish you for making them deal without you? maybe,after every annoying comment they make about your performance or any ambigious comment about your employment situation, you could just think "yah,that's right,you bastards missed me, you bastards can't manage without me."

it has been my experience that the people you work for/with are not the most compassionate and understanding. my job sucks ass too. i'm a paralegal (i.e. whipping child for several lawyers who all want things done NOW and are always finding something to complain about). this one lawyer (who isn't even a partner or anything) is most frustrating because he is Mr. Cool; friends with all of us underlings and a part of us one minute and standing over me using MY computer to check something (eventhough his is literally 3 feet away) the next. i just have too friggen many bosses, sometimes this one attorney's friggen MOTHER comes in and gives us this stupid little assignments. did i mention i hate my job? sorry,i know this is a total rant and unrelated to the topic, i just couldn't help it. *begs the forgiveness of the thread gods*