[DeeRayy]

hey girls!

i just wanted to pop in since it's been kinda dead here lately. one of my new year's resolutions is (of course) to be less harsh on my body and just more positive all around because it's really easy for me to become a debbie downer when it comes to my physical appearance.

i'm really happy that i've discovered miss Betty Dodson. what an inspiration! i can't stop reading the articles on her website and watching her video blog with carlin ross (i'm honestly not a big fan of carlin because i don't think she's nearly as insightful as Betty, but then again Betty has like forty or fifty years on her). i really recommend the other young busties to check out her website- dodsonandross.com. and she's also a fellow smallie so that makes her advice even more relevant

I've become such a regular on her website that I actually decided to submit my current boobie dilemma that I asked you guys about recently (you know, the fact that i can't take my bra off during sex) to the "ask Dr.Betty" link. well, she answered it and i really enjoyed the last sentences of her response- "Of course you can leave your bra on but frankly, I think that looks silly and actually draws more attention to what you imagine to be a flaw.C'mon girl! Off with the tit bag on to the new empowered orgasmic you." haha, and while i don't know if i can really muster up the courage to take off my bra just yet, i really appreciate her words of encouragement. i'm planning on purchasing her books as soon as i can get the money.

i also want to purchase miranda kerr's book "treasure yourself". yes, she may be a victoria's secret model and i know victoria's secret may seem like the devil to small busted women. however, she was extremely small before she had her recent kid, and had a fairly straight up and down figure so to me she's very relatable.

http://heybitch.net/wp-content/uploads/201...-topless-03.jpg

btw, that pic was taken while she was already modeling for vs, and ironically, a lot of the victoria's secret models have become small boobie beauty icons to me somewhat. i mean, they portray themselves as waaay bigger with their ridiculously padded bras and gel inserts, but a lot of them are small boobed beauties. so if you think about it some of the most lusted after women on earth are rocking the a's and b's.

examples-
candice swanepoel
alessandra ambrosio
rosie huntington-whiteley

so now i personally don't feel very envious of the forced cleavage anymore when i see a victoria's secret ad.

i'm actually pretty nervous this week. i'm coming back to university from break this weekend and i don't really know what's gonna happen with my fwb and if we're gonna continue sleeping together. but if we do i will definitely try to bare the boobies and tell you all how it goes if i do!

much love to you all and a happy new year too

[KeraBear]

Dee - Omigosh i sooooo totally feel you about the way my booblets look when i am on my back!!! I am glad that you have reached a decision that you feel comfortable with as far as your FWB. And no, i don't think you should feel "slutty" at all. Embrace your sexuality, girl! Isn't college about experimentation anyways? . btw, why is it when guys do those sorts of things, nobody ever has any concerns of "sluttiness"? What's up with that???

Strongirl - Hawaii??? Awesome!!!! Welcome back! And no, i am not surprised the Great Boobinis managed to escape yet again. lol. Thanks for providing a, umm... snapshot of what your vacation was like. i've never thought about the way boobs look underwater before... interesting. Glad to hear your booblets were well received, ha ha

[DeeRayy]

thank you for all the advice ladies! i know it's a weird problem and i guess i'm just frustrated that at nearly 20 years old i still can't be naked with anyone.

What exactly makes you feel uncomfy? (Forgive me if I missed that.) Do you think he'll laugh or be mortified, or not want you anymore? Or you just don't like the way you look at all, without your bra? Maybe getting REAL specific about what's bugging you might help you move past it.

good question, karategrrl. i honestly don't think that he'll react badly. it's just moreso that I myself don't like the way i look without a bra, especially how they flatten out so much when i'm on my back. so for me i just feel safer and, yes, more in control when i have a bra on. and since it's a casual relationship i don't feel obligated to really expose all of myself to him because, well, he doesn't really NEED to see everything. i just wanna clarify- i don't think me taking off my bra will make the experience less enjoyable for him (i haven't asked him about it but i don't think he really cares), it's just that i feel like it will make the experience less enjoyable for me because of my anxiety over the way my boobs look without a bra.

I personally have had many sexual relationships that did not involve love or commitment, and in some ways I think that type of relationship is perfect for sexual experimentation, including experimentation with what is and is not comfortable. I find it easier to experiment in casual relationships and deep, long-term committed ones...it's the in-between ones that I tend to close up in (thinking "where are we here? does he love me? do I love him? what if I love him and then I make a mistake and he rejects me?").

i agree very much that casual relationships are better for sexual experimentation. yeah, my current relationship may not be the most emotionally fulfilling one but it's a fun deal for now. and during this winter break from the school year i've been really thinking about this and i've decided i'm completely fine with it. if anything i was feeling a little bit of anxiety about how what i was doing was kind of "slutty", but i've gotten over that and decided that i shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying myself, just so long as i practice safe sex.

[strongirl]

Hellooooo sister small-busties! I'm back from Hawaii and just wanted to catch up a bit and say hit. Lots of good stuff in here as usual!

Wanted to share a funny story from my trip. I was with my bf and his two sisters and their husbands. The sisters and hubbies are about a decade older than us, around 60, and I love them all, they're just great and a lot of fun. Every day we'd all take photos then share them each night on a big screen. One day the bf and I were playing in a really cool spot where a river meets the ocean and I took my top off (as I am inclined to do) and he shot a bunch of photos of me. I didn't think a thing of it...forgetting about our nightly group photo sessions! When the time came I was like...uh...uhh...hmmm. So he explained, and they were all like, "let's see 'em!". He took the clicker from his brother-in-law so that the bro-in-law couldn't stay on them too long or switch back and forth (he's a bit of a prankster). I was nervous - but you know what? It was fine. Just not that big a deal. They were all very complimentary and not shocked and it was just sort of a non-event. Some of the shots I liked the way I looked, some not so much (warning: underwater shots show a distinct "squishing" effect on boobies, fyi). But hey, just another illustration of the fact that boobs are not the be all and end all and small ones are just fine.

DeeRayy, re. your reluctance to bare your breasts for your FWB...I think it is first and foremost a REALLY personal and individual decision, so be sure to filter any advice in here through your own comfort level before acting. I personally have had many sexual relationships that did not involve love or commitment, and in some ways I think that type of relationship is perfect for sexual experimentation, including experimentation with what is and is not comfortable. I find it easier to experiment in casual relationships and deep, long-term committed ones...it's the in-between ones that I tend to close up in (thinking "where are we here? does he love me? do I love him? what if I love him and then I make a mistake and he rejects me?"). But if you're really cool with the casual, temporary nature of this (and to me it sounds like you are but don't take my word for it, look inward) then you might consider using this as a good place to try exposing your breasts. As Karategrrl said, since you're not wearing padded bra's, he already has a fair idea of the size of your breasts and he's still interested. For all you know, he's a small-boob guy and starting to feel frustrated that you're depriving him of the complete tour. If I were you, I'd take the plunge. But I'm not you, you are, so as I said, filter that through your own comfort level.

And I agree with Karategrrl's suggestion re. getting more specific about what bothers you. That's a good idea regardless.

[karategrrl]

Such great advice here, regardless of the age of the one giving it.

DeeRayy, let me throw out another possibiity. You spent a lot of time explaining how you feel about the "casual sex" situation, so reading between the lines it seems it's really weighing on your mind. Would you have an easier time being naked with him if it were a different (non-casual) kind of relationship? Is keeping your bra on a way for you to protect yourself (maybe from the inevitable hurt that you'll experience when you two part ways) or does it give you a feeling of control? (And I mean healthy "control"--that word has gotten a bad rap, as if wanting to have some level of control over our lives makes us into control freaks. We all have that right, and it is healthy.) And even if you've felt this level of anxiety before, with other partners, I wouldn't assume it always has to be that way, as each partner, relationship and stage you're at when you get involved brings something different to the picture.

What exactly makes you feel uncomfy? (Forgive me if I missed that.) Do you think he'll laugh or be mortified, or not want you anymore? Or you just don't like the way you look at all, without your bra? Maybe getting REAL specific about what's bugging you might help you move past it. If you're not wearing padded push-ups, I imagine he already has a really good idea what your boobies look like, and between porn and real encounters, I'm sure he's seen breasts of all shapes and sizes before and he is still hot enough for you to sleeping with you. Just another thought which I hope is comforting.

You've got some great things here others have provided to think about. Only YOU know what's best for you. We'll support you as you figure out what that is. xxoo

[KeraBear]

That does sound better than just ripping off the band aid. The thing is, it's not really his reaction that i'm scared of. It's just that I myself am still not comfortable enough with my own breasts to show them to anyone else. I mean, we're already having sex and i don't wear push up bras or anything so i know my bra size probablyh isn't that big of a deal to him. i just really don't feel emotionally ready to show them to anyone, and i have a feeling that even if he did offer me reassurance that i still wouldn't believe him. this video really explains the phenomenon that's going on with me here (it's very 90's, haha, but what she's saying is SO true). she basically says that when you've believed such negative thoughts about your body for so long it becomes impossible to allow someone else to tell you otherwise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_cAUp397N8...feature=related

Yeah... that makes sense. Unfortunately I don't see any magic "cure" here.  I guess the best remedy here is ... time. Yes, i know, lame answer! But seriously it will be a process as with a lot of us here and our separate issues. But i am sure that it will take finding that special someone - the one that loves you inside and out, who appreciates everything that you are. But really you have to learn to love yourself though... that's where things get real tricky huh? i can speak from personal experience on that one...

[DeeRayy]

I do think you should just mention it though as I think he needs some sort of understanding because he could be thinking the worst case scenario like i would be thinking and he could think that you're scarred or something else.

well the thing is, i AM kinda scarred. i don't think you were a member yet when i first came to the thread, skindeep, but the event that triggered me to come onto this thread was a bad experience with an ex. i've basically moved on from that but i still carry a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to men, sex and my boobs.

i do think you have a point though when you say that women in general can't really have sex without becoming emotionally attached. i don't really feel extremely attached to him but i do feel some amount of affection, and i do somewhat care about him. i'm not expecting a relationship to form from this, since he is a senior and is graduating from university this year. he's also 24 while i'm only 19 so there's a bit of an age gap there. so realistically i know that this probably isn't going anywhere, but it's nice for the time being.

What about baby steps? First, have him play with them with your shirt and bra on. Then as you gain confidence, remove the shirt. Then when you see how he isn't completely mortified- take another baby step... and so on.

That does sound better than just ripping off the band aid. The thing is, it's not really his reaction that i'm scared of. It's just that I myself am still not comfortable enough with my own breasts to show them to anyone else. I mean, we're already having sex and i don't wear push up bras or anything so i know my bra size probablyh isn't that big of a deal to him. i just really don't feel emotionally ready to show them to anyone, and i have a feeling that even if he did offer me reassurance that i still wouldn't believe him. this video really explains the phenomenon that's going on with me here (it's very 90's, haha, but what she's saying is SO true). she basically says that when you've believed such negative thoughts about your body for so long it becomes impossible to allow someone else to tell you otherwise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_cAUp397N8...feature=related

[KeraBear]

You are right, i do recommend to just "rip off the bandaid" so to speak - the next time you are together just abandon all your fears and rip off your shirt and bra. Witness his delight and voila! Problem solved. But i know, i know... it's not that easy... as you've already said. So forget that.

What about baby steps? First, have him play with them with your shirt and bra on. Then as you gain confidence, remove the shirt. Then when you see how he isn't completely mortified- take another baby step... and so on.

Skindeep raises an interesting question though... is it possible to be invested in a sexual relationship without emotion entering into it? hmm... i dunno. I've never had a "FWB" myself, but I would have to say it would be hard not to on at least some small level. I agree with Skindeep though in that you shojld talk to him about it. He probably knows something is up anyways. I think it would make you feel better getting it off your chest (pardon the expression!).

But judging from the fact that you've even entertained the thought that maybe you are not ready for this means that there is at least something to it.

Sorry.... that's all I've got. I'm only 19, after all!

[skindeep1991]

hey girls,

I wanted to hear some thoughts on a certain bedroom problem i'm having. As I've written before, I still can't take off my bra (or shirt, for that matter) in front of my current sexual partner. He's asked me to get completely naked about twice but saw how uncomfortable I was with the idea and doesn't ask anymore. We haven't actually talked about it so he doesn't know about my issues with my boobs and how crippling they can be sometimes. I'm currently home from winter break so I will not be seeing him for a few weeks. So my question is- how should I proceed from this point? Should I just do nothing and leave the subject un-discussed? Should I talk to him about it, and if so, how should I go about doing so? Our relationship is pretty casual (it's almost strictly physical) so I feel like it would be a bit much to talk about such a personal issue and expect emotional support from him. Or should I just take a break from the whole casual sex thing for a while? I really enjoy the sex, but I feel like if I can't be naked with another person then I'm probably not emotionally ready/healthy enough to be having sex (especially casual sex). For instance, one time when I had slept over he thought it would be fun to shower together the next morning, but when he proposed the idea to me I was literally frozen with anxiety at the mere thought of having to take my clothes off in front of him, especially in daylight in the bathroom. Yet I had just had sex with him the night before. This no strings attached relationship has its perks and regular sex has great benefits, both mentally and physically, but i"m starting to question whether or not i can really handle it.

so what's your take on this, guys? i know a lot of you are probably thinking "why not just take it off and see his reaction?" but it's really not a possibility for me at the moment- it's just too triggering.

What I can suggest is that you should talk to him about it. Just explain casually though don't go into it unless he asks but I'd just explain 'no I don't really like my breasts' and leave it at that. He might let it go and carry on as normal or he might ask about it.
Another point I'd like to make is you're saying that you guys don't speak about any personal issues or need emotional support but do you know if that's what he wants?...how would you feel if he got a girlfriend?...my thoughts are as females even if we don't want to a lot of us tend to get emotionally attached through sex, so the no-strings relationship doesn't really work well. Well that's unless you think otherwise but if you tell him whats the worst that can happen? he's either going to agree and be like 'oh ok I won't ask again sorry' or he's going to ask you more personal questions and possibly speak about feelings with you and what he thinks of your appearance....It really just depends on what you're willing to answer. I do think you should just mention it though as I think he needs some sort of understanding because he could be thinking the worst case scenario like i would be thinking and he could think that you're scarred or something else.

[DeeRayy]

hey girls,

I wanted to hear some thoughts on a certain bedroom problem i'm having. As I've written before, I still can't take off my bra (or shirt, for that matter) in front of my current sexual partner. He's asked me to get completely naked about twice but saw how uncomfortable I was with the idea and doesn't ask anymore. We haven't actually talked about it so he doesn't know about my issues with my boobs and how crippling they can be sometimes. I'm currently home from winter break so I will not be seeing him for a few weeks. So my question is- how should I proceed from this point? Should I just do nothing and leave the subject un-discussed? Should I talk to him about it, and if so, how should I go about doing so? Our relationship is pretty casual (it's almost strictly physical) so I feel like it would be a bit much to talk about such a personal issue and expect emotional support from him. Or should I just take a break from the whole casual sex thing for a while? I really enjoy the sex, but I feel like if I can't be naked with another person then I'm probably not emotionally ready/healthy enough to be having sex (especially casual sex). For instance, one time when I had slept over he thought it would be fun to shower together the next morning, but when he proposed the idea to me I was literally frozen with anxiety at the mere thought of having to take my clothes off in front of him, especially in daylight in the bathroom. Yet I had just had sex with him the night before. This no strings attached relationship has its perks and regular sex has great benefits, both mentally and physically, but i"m starting to question whether or not i can really handle it.

so what's your take on this, guys? i know a lot of you are probably thinking "why not just take it off and see his reaction?" but it's really not a possibility for me at the moment- it's just too triggering.

[wondermist]

http://missrepresentation.org/

This looks extremely promising. You guys always manage to find the most amazing of articles!

[karategrrl]

OMG, I can't wait to see this documentary when it comes out on DVD.

http://missrepresentation.org/

[KeraBear]

No matter what your size, you're most welcome here if you're looking for (pardon the pun) support, and to feel great about yourself! You will find an outstanding group of intelligent, witty ladies here. Please feel free to express whatever you need to. <hugs>

I second this!! I hope you didn't take my comment as in you aren't welcome here. Far from my intent! The common thread here is improving body image.

[karategrrl]

omg, a Karategrrl sighting!
ha ha... I know right? I was thinking the same thing. I almost said, "SHUT. UP." lol But like i said before, 13 is a reaaaallly difficult age, so I showed compassion. I needed ALOT of reassurances and encouragement when i was that age. Heck... still do...

kikyochan, just want to clarify, as I certainly want you to feel welcome here.

Some of the ladies on this board (including me) have expressed frustration at times when much younger women (teens, even) have larger breasts. And if the younger woman also feels "small" and expresses sadness at this, it can be doubly frustrating for those of us who would give their left toenails for those "small" breasts.

That said, another thing we've often discussed here are the messages from media and other sources that seem to constantly bombard people--especially youth--with the idea that there is a very narrow "ideal" of beauty, be it thin/large-breasted, etc, and that one must go to extremes to "fix" the "flaws" to fit into that narrow mold. To be made to feel anything less than the awesome young lady you are is certainly unacceptable, and if you feel that you are too small, then there must be something wrong with the media and/or people who gave you that impression.

No matter what your size, you're most welcome here if you're looking for (pardon the pun) support, and to feel great about yourself! You will find an outstanding group of intelligent, witty ladies here. Please feel free to express whatever you need to. <hugs>

[KeraBear]

omg, a Karategrrl sighting!

I've been outboobed again! By someone less than 1/3 my age! Argh!

But seriously, welcome.

ha ha... I know right? I was thinking the same thing. I almost said, "SHUT. UP." lol But like i said before, 13 is a reaaaallly difficult age, so I showed compassion. I needed ALOT of reassurances and encouragement when i was that age. Heck... still do...

[karategrrl]

Hey! I am thirteen, and I am having a diffucult time accepting that my boobs are never going to grow past being a small c cup. (I've finished growing). Any advice on how to accept my body as it is?

I've been outboobed again! By someone less than 1/3 my age! Argh!

But seriously, welcome.

[anarch]

Wondermist -- huh, reading your words and and Skindeep's reminded me of a friend I had in elementary and junior high school, who hit me. She was emotionally really messed up and I was her only friend. I drifted away from that friendship in high school, because she was taking way more than she gave me, emotionally, and I got tired of being (as skindeep puts it so well) her emotional (and physical) punching bag. I stayed as long as I did because I felt sorry for her. In retrospect, it sure as hell wasn't my job to make her feel better about herself when she didn't respect me enough not to hit me. I should have walked away years earlier. Maybe that would have clued her in that asshole behaviour has consequences.

Vendetta -- thank you for posting your portfolio. Wow. What an eye you have. I think that if we were to have a small breast support group meetup and you took photos, you'd be able to bring out the beauty in all of us that we too often think we don't have.

I actually came in here to post this bebe top, which I bought on sale and it arrived today and is indeed tres sexy for my little boobs. So looking forward to warm weather so I can try it out in public. It's got a low back though so I'll need to wear those chicken cutlet things on my boobs to smooth out the headlights (it has a bra shelf support, thankfully).

[KeraBear]

Starship - Thank you for posting!  It was a great source of encouragement to me. I'm 19 and still struggle so much. And knowing that you are 23 and fairly well adjusted, well... it gives me hope! But i suppose i shouldn't underestimate how far i have already come. i've made some serious progress since i started posting here when i was 16 and i was a huge small-boobied mess back then. Wow.

Wondermist - I agree with Skindeep on a lot of points, especially the bit about distancing yourself from her. It doesn't sound like this is a healthy relationship, especially if she is using you as a punching bag. I wouldn't completely drop her as a friend, though. If she is as socially awkward, like you say, she probably doesn't have a lot of those. It sounds like she needs a positive person in her life in some form or another and you totally fit that bill. You are such a warm, caring person! It might be part of the reason why she is so drawn to you... but you definitely need to have a serious one-on-one convo about curbing these violent tendencies of hers. It would have to be a prerequisite for continuing the friendship for sure...

DeeRayy - Good link!  I can always count on you to post a link that is thoughtful and well-written.  I appreciate how the links you pick are more body image oriented more than anything - not just for small busties like us!

To answer the question about feeling pressure to be "sexy."  YES!  I think for me, more than anything, i feel like pressured to find creative ways to compensate for my small breasts. I know, I know.  Wrong attitude. I should feel attractive BECAUSE of my small breasts, not despite them, huh?  That article actually made me sad because of how it talked about how girls barely into puberty are getting "sexualized" and feeling all sorts of these same pressures.

Skindeep - interesting about how you feel more pressure to be sexy now that you are no longer single. I would have thought that it would be the opposite, but now that you've explained it, it totally makes sense.

 

 

[skindeep1991]

Do any of you use Tumblr? if you follow the right people on there you'll see tonnes of beautiful small-boobed women daily. you start to realise how it's not something freakish or shameful at all

I do have a tumblr but all it's seem to do is find anorexic people or really skinny women I wish I looked like =[ I haven't stumbled across any small breast tumblrs...what is your tumblr I will follow you =]

[skindeep1991]

Do any of you use Tumblr? if you follow the right people on there you'll see tonnes of beautiful small-boobed women daily. you start to realise how it's not something freakish or shameful at all

I do have a tumblr but all it's seem to do is find anorexic people or really skinny women I wish I looked like =[ I haven't stumbled across any small breast tumblrs...what is your tumblr I will follow you =]