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> Death Of A Loved One
sukouyant
post Jul 7 2010, 05:56 PM
Post #1


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From: Canada


I was thinking today how soft and privileged my life must be, because I still have a lot of problems accepting the concept of "never" like, never again.
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epinephrine
post Jun 10 2010, 12:47 AM
Post #2


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Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


((((Foryoursplendour)))) How are things?


Not someone I loved, but someone I knew and went to school with for years, committed suicide in December. I'm so out of touch with my old high school crowd that I didn't even find out until a few weeks ago. I was still vague on the details until this morning, though, when I had coffee with an old friend from school. It turns out that he was the subject of a particularly gruesome news story I kept hearing about on the radio all winter. I woke up every morning to news updates about the guy and had no idea. They never released his identity to the public. We didn't know each other well, but we were in the same program, so we were always in the same classes and had the same friends. I always had a crush on him, but he was so out of my league it was just peripheral, a diversion, like having a crush on a celebrity. This dynamic, outgoing, talented, charming, gorgeous, confident guy, the guy everyone liked, who always had something funny to say, who never lost his composure....apparently he was bipolar, not coping well. He doused himself with gasoline and torched himself in the hospital parking lot.


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To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
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ketto
post Feb 3 2010, 11:00 AM
Post #3


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From: Winter Land


(((foryoursplendor)))


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Meow.
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stargazer
post Feb 2 2010, 05:28 PM
Post #4


brown delicious
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(((foryoursplendor))) Make sure to take care of yourself however it feels best for you.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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sassygrrl
post Feb 2 2010, 04:42 PM
Post #5


sassygrrl
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(((foryoursplendor))))
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foryoursplendor
post Feb 2 2010, 04:25 PM
Post #6


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So, she died this morning. She'd been sedated since last week. I feel weird, and foggy. I went to work today and was trying to decide if I should stay or come home. I stayed for a few hours, and I'm going to try to hang out with some friends tonight. I don't feel like being alone right now.
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foryoursplendor
post Jan 22 2010, 07:52 PM
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Wow, thanks for all the well wishes. I wasn't expecting so many! You guys are awesome.
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anna k
post Jan 14 2010, 11:44 PM
Post #8


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(((foryoursplendor))))
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stargazer
post Jan 14 2010, 08:41 PM
Post #9


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(((foryoursplendor)))


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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deschatsrouge
post Jan 14 2010, 12:08 PM
Post #10


A symphony of atrocities.
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From: The Sage Brush Steppes


(((foryoursplendor)))


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"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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ketto
post Jan 14 2010, 12:02 PM
Post #11


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From: Winter Land


(((foryoursplendor)))

Watching someone you're close to go through something like that is so hard, but it's even harder when she's so young. Having recently gone through the death of my uncle due to cancer, I know how helpless it feels. I wish there was some advice I could offer but it sounds like you're an amazing support for your brother and his partner.


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auralpoison
post Jan 14 2010, 04:15 AM
Post #12


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(((((Foryoursplendor))))) I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. Much love.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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foryoursplendor
post Jan 13 2010, 09:38 PM
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My brother's girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer in early 2009, and she went through chemotherapy. We were told it was considered terminal on Boxing Day, and that she has about a month to live now. This is the first time in my adult life that I'll have to deal with death of someone I see often, and all the emotions that my brother will be having too. My brother is only 37 and his girlfriend is just a few years older than him. She's much, much too young to be dying.

She was brought home yesterday. Today I had to go buy her some comfortable clothes to wear while she visits her family on the weekend. I felt awful, like I was going to burst out crying at any moment while holding up shirts and thinking, "Is this comfortable enough? Is this what someone is going to wear the last time they see their famly?".

It feels like a horrible dream. It really doesn't even feel real.
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anna k
post Sep 13 2009, 02:14 PM
Post #14


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((((stargazer)))) It felt like he was visiting you, and was a reminder of how much he loved you, and letting you know that he's OK. I hope you have peaceful dreams tonight.

(((ketto))) I'm glad your uncle is released from his pain and can be at peace. And your note about your grandmother speaking to her husband almost made me tear up.
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sybarite
post Sep 3 2009, 06:09 AM
Post #15


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(((Ketto and family)))) I am glad he passed peacefully. Take care (((you)))

SG, that's some dream/experience. Hope last night was more tranquil.
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pollystyrene
post Sep 2 2009, 08:15 PM
Post #16


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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((ketto & family)) I'm glad he's finally at peace.

((stargazer)) Sweet dreams, tonight.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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ketto
post Sep 2 2009, 07:27 PM
Post #17


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Well, he finally passed today around 12:15. My best friend works with me but we're usually at different locations. Today we happened to be at the same one. Her Grandma is in the same Hospice but not at the same stage of cancer. We spent the lunch hour talking about my uncle and her grandma. We were just about to go into staff meeting when I saw there was a call from home. I called my younger brother and he told me. I'm really grateful that my friend was there because I got off the phone, grabbed a kleenex and burst into tears and she just hugged me and held me. Another co-worker realized what happened and she came and gave me a hug and told me to go home right away and don't worry about the rest of the week.

Today has been kind of a blur. My mom was shopping at the mall and doesn't have a cell phone, but I know where she usually parks so I managed to drive to the mall and find her right away and then we both went to get my aunt from work. We all went to the hospice with my aunt, mom, dad, older brother, and cousin (my uncle's daughter). When my mom and I walked in the door of the hospice a volunteer was waiting and he just hugged my mom and held her and said that he was with my uncle when he passed and it was very peaceful. The Chaplain came and said some kind words and then a bunch of my relatives came to our place for dinner. So exhausting.

It was such a long process and he deserved to let go. I'm glad he was finally able to. We stopped by at 8:30 last night and his breathing was quite laboured so I figured today was the day. A lot of mixed emotions going on right now.


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Meow.
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auralpoison
post Sep 2 2009, 12:50 AM
Post #18


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(((((Stargazer)))))) How dreadful! I would make you some tea & rub your tummy until you went back to sleep.

Ketto, when my maternal gran (Round the same age as your uncle, cancer of the bowels that spread.) finally passed? She had a helping hand. She was basically begging to be free & cried for help every lucid few moments she had. They chose to keep her at home, they discussed it, & her hospice worker basically OD'd her on the powerful opiates she was on. Not on the up & up medically, but in the long run it saved everybody a lot of pain, *especially* my gran.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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stargazer
post Sep 1 2009, 11:59 PM
Post #19


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So, I just had a dream with my good friend who passed away little over 2 years ago. I was in my room and I remember laughing and seeing him there. He was making me laughed like he always did. Then, I remember him being a little blurry and moving closer, wondering if I could touch him. Next thing I knew, he was holding my hands and I swear it felt so real. I never saw his face, but, I could feel him there. I just remember having my head down, crying really hard, and holding his hands. It was a good feeling to touch him in my dream. And, I thought I felt a tear fall on my head like maybe he missed me.

I woke up and was alittle freaked out. Definitely anxious. Then, I've started crying and the tears haven't stopped. I really need to go back to sleep since I have work in a couple of hours. Damn. This dream was so out of left field. And it just reminded me how much I miss him and still grieve the loss of him in my world. sad.gif


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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ketto
post Aug 27 2009, 04:16 PM
Post #20


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From: Winter Land


This last stretch is awful, for everyone involved. On Tuesday the hospice staff told us my uncle would go at anytime. He certainly looked like it and we all gathered, but he's hung on still. He's very heavily sedated but today he woke up a bit and said to my mom "help me". He's like a skeleton. He hasn't had any water since Sunday.

On Tuesday my cousin (who lives out of town and hasn't been able to see him too often) said she thought he was ready to go. I didn't say anything but I sure as hell don't think he is. I think he's fighting with all his might because he's terrified. He's only 63 and he's had such a hard life. That's one of the hardest parts of watching him go through this. He's not ready. When my grandma went she was 82 and it felt like she was ready, there was no fight in her, it was peaceful. This is pain.

I feel so awful for my other cousin, his daughter. She's had it rough all her life, taking care of her brother who is developmentally disabled and dealing with a mom with severe mental problems and my uncle who's had drug issues. She's not doing well at all. I feel even worse for my nana because she's 91 and didn't want to live to see this. On Sunday (the day my granddad died in 1992) she went to a little memorial thing where my granddad's name is and touched his name and said, "James, you've got to help your son."

I just wish he could let go.


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Meow.
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