[sassygrrl]

I just want someone to help with the goddamn chores, you know? Just getting things done is getting tedious, and I am sick of partnered friends not understanding that when I need to stay home on a Sunday to get things done, I really can't just "blow it off" because _no one_ else is ever going to do it!

Been frustrated today trying to get things done that require more physical strength than I really have.

Okay, sometimes I still feel like a single person in a committed relationship which is weird. But, it's very hard being with someone who has such intense baggage from a divorce. And, now it's really showing it's ugly face.

He seems to want to stay in Georgia for another 2 years, and I just can't take that. I loathe it here now. I just wanted him to say, well if you go out west, so will I. He didn't really seem to care. Which pissed me off even more. And I sure as hell am not going to stay here just for some bloke. That's just dumb. Yet, moving costs money..and money neither of us have right now... a need a cool fairy godmother that tells me that I have a job waiting for me and a cool loft and german shepherd puppy, and if Mcgeek doesn't work out..an hot guy that reads and watchs great movies...


I just want someone that feels passionate about me. But, I'm such a damn hopeless romantic. It's hard to figure out when an IT guy is being romantic no? I just don't want someone that is giving me less. I want more. Because, what the fuck's the point. Life's too short to be in a bad relationship.

[samiam]

I just want someone to help with the goddamn chores, you know? Just getting things done is getting tedious, and I am sick of partnered friends not understanding that when I need to stay home on a Sunday to get things done, I really can't just "blow it off" because _no one_ else is ever going to do it!

Been frustrated today trying to get things done that require more physical strength than I really have.

[erinjane]

i was never the type to date someone mediocre. i'm either pursuing a relationship with you or it's just not happening. not to sound harsh, but i've put alot of time and effort into myself (therapy) and my career (school, conferences) so he better be able to do the work to meet me halfway. i'm mature enough to accept someone and i know i deserve the same in return. i know i'm not the type to just follow any man. really.

This is exactly the way I am. I'm looking for someone I can connect with for a lasting relationship, and if I don't get that vibe soon on, then forget it, it's just not worth it to me, and I don't want to have to worry about babysitting someone who's not at the same level as me.

[anna k]

I wouldn't know how to handle a relationship. I've never had a boyfriend and never felt used to being that romantically close to someone. I've dated from time and time and liked guys casually, but didn't have the urge to make it really serious, it was just playing around. My life is busy with moving and jobs, and I don't have the patience for a relationship or hanging out several times with a dull guy who says "That's funny" to whatever I say and is a lame dude. I prefer seeing men as interesting people to talk to and hang out with, not to push sex as a thing to do unless I am truly attracted to them, not just touching various guys as a way to increase my number. I feel good when I go out to places alone and interact with various guys in a friendly, inviting way, I'm not much of a flirt or overtly sexy girl.

[stargazer]

yeah, i hear you zoya. i was talking with another professional single woman at a conference and we were both saying how we need to find a man who is understanding of our work. we need a man who is supportive of our career. we don't need a man to take care of us financially, but we need a man who will care for us. make sense?

i'm my own leader. and i don't see myself settling where a man is. i want to move back to chicago. my family is here. and if i'm having the kids, then he is gonna have to move where i can get support from my folks. that is one thing i'm not willing to back down from. and i think it is good to know what you want and don't want. it really cuts down half of the population with the whole dating thing. which is good. i can scope out the serious contenders.

i was never the type to date someone mediocre. i'm either pursuing a relationship with you or it's just not happening. not to sound harsh, but i've put alot of time and effort into myself (therapy) and my career (school, conferences) so he better be able to do the work to meet me halfway. i'm mature enough to accept someone and i know i deserve the same in return. i know i'm not the type to just follow any man. really.

oh, and zoya, i'm sure patience is part of the thing to work on, but i kinda think that "that relationship" or whatever it was with that guy just ran its course. i'm sure you had a role in it, but i don't think you should take the blame for things. i just don't think it was meant to happen with him. but, that is just me.

[zoya]

I haven't posted in here for awhile..so here goes...

Stargazer, I hear you. Along the lines of a woman who takes care of herself...I totally want a relationship - I've done a lot in my career for myself, but the job I have right now, with all the travel and weird hours, etc. is just not condusive to having a relationship. I see other people in my line of work do it, but it seems that the guys I'm meeting, though they're great - attentive, intelligent, fun, available, etc.. are not ready to be in a relationship (not by my decision, they're actually telling me they're not) and not into doing the work it will take to even see if they might be into taking steps toward a relationship, under the parameters of my lifestyle. I know it could be said that I just haven't met the right guy, but it happens so often that I'm starting to see that it may be ME that needs to make the change if I want a relationship.

What I'm saying is that I AM starting to meet the kind of guys I want to meet. It's just becoming apparent that my lifestyle (which is tied into my work) is not condusive to having a relationship with the kind of guys I want to meet.

Also, because of my line of work, I meet guys who are from all over the world - which doesn't phase me at all, LDR's are fine with me as long as there is a solid plan to be together at some point. Add to that the fact that I've always wanted to live somewhere else - another country even.. I've realized recently that there's been this part of me that has just kinda figured I'd meet a guy and end up where he is. That the guy would kinda be the catalyst for me getting my ass out and ending up somewhere else.

I'm starting to realize that what really needs to happen is that I need to follow my goals myself, move somewhere, and then meet the guy. ...That the whole romantic fairy tale thing of meeting the guy and being swept to some far off land is just not gonna happen for me. I know that is like a huge feminist transgression right there, but I really have just realized that deep down, that's what I've been hoping would happen when I meet the guys I meet.

So I'm kinda at the point where I'm looking at where I want to be, and starting to pursue the work in that place which will give me a more solid lifestyle and figuring that the relationship will happen at some point. At the very least I will have put myself where I want to be, without having had someone else just decide for me by default. I already know where I want to be and what I want to do, it's just moving toward that and getting there.

I, too want a relationship NOW.. and I need to exercise patience, too. That's what kinda blew a sort of play it by ear, but really really great thing, with a guy I met a few months ago, out of the water. Overall, things were going good. We weren't mutually exclusive, but we weren't seeing anyone else either, it was just kinda going along. I just lept in way too soon and said I wanted to pursue a relationship, and I think really freaked him out - to the point of complete retraction. If I'd just had some patience, I think everything would have been fine, and continued moving along. (although I did get to find out that part of the reason he didn't want to pursue a relationship was that because of our lifestyles (we are in the same line of work) we didn't know when we'd see each other next, and it is really difficult to make plans. So that aforementioned lifestyle thing jumping up and biting me in the ass yet again...)

[bettieblank]

Moonpieluv, have strated to feel the same about moving. At first i was nervous about it, but now It is a place to almost start over. There will be a new batch of men and I wont be connected to them in any way. I live in a very small state and you always know someone through someone. I think it is wise to be cautious with the almost newly divorced man. I dont have anything else to say about that, I just think it is a good idea for all of the resons you say.

[Moonpieluv]

Stargazer, to clarify my convoluted mess of a post, I don't think that I'll find the man of my "dreams" simply by relocating, but I just feel like my town is a bit limiting... I have other reasons for moving, as well. My town doesn't have a school I want to attend, and I want to live closer to my family.

But with my ex around and trying to adjust to interacting with him in the same town, and my dumb moves with dewds over the past year, where my head is in terms of self-worth and value, I feel like moving would give me anonymity, fresh start with school and independence, and the new-ness.

I was crafting with my lady friends and listened to the gossip...I like my friends, but it would be nice to expand. feel the same about men one day.

I really like this guy who isn't finalized with his divorce... but that's just it... it isn't FINAL. I would feel more comfortable waiting until we don't feel like we have to sneak around. Plus, him having just gotten out of a divorce... I feel like I'd be a rebound..some feisty fun. I'm not feeling okay with that. So, I'm not judging him, I'm being cautious.

and obviously I don't feel okay with just the sex. that's why I hate that I still want it! oh me oh my.

[stargazer]

moonpieluv, you say some very interesting things. but, i don't buy into fantasy thinking anymore. if i can't make it happen where i am at now, then i don't believe that a change of location will make a radical difference in the men i meet. i'm trying to take ownership of what i put out (no pun intended-- ) when i meet men. it would be nice to think that i will meet some awesome guy when i relocate myself, but i'm not getting my hopes up.

plus, i realize if i want a guy to accept my imperfections, then i need to do the same of him. so, as i get older, i know i'm gonna meet more men who are divorced or have children. there is no perfect situation.

i related to the strong desire for sex with a man. but, that feeling is temporary. maybe because i've been screwed over too many times, but i want a relationship now. sex without strings is just too empty of a feeling for me and short changes me in the long run. i'm not willing to settle just for sex. i want a partner. i'm also not gonna completely avoid men to focus on myself. i've learned from my male friends that nothing is more attractive to a man than a woman who takes care of herself...however that is defined for you. i'm trying to finish my degree and take care of my personal health.

but, i do get frustrated because i want a relationship NOW. i need more patience with myself. sometimes, i feel like veruca salt in willie wonka when she sings "i want it now."

[Muffy]

bettieblank, no prob about the mini-rant... there have been days where I too become convinced that I am going to be single forever.
I've actually always had a problem with being single, not that I've always been in a relationship, this is probably a break-through
for me to be somewhat at peace with it.

Moonpieluv, I completely understand the want of sex... its been waaaay too long, I keep telling myself that relationships are more than just sex.. I wish I could tell that to my libido!

[bettieblank]

I wont lie and say that I never want to come home to someone, because i do. Some days I want to come home and relax and talk about my day with someone other than my roomies. I want a warm body in my bed some nights and I dont want that body to be my dog lol.

Fuck buddies can suck so bad sometimes! They are great for a while, but it gets old fast.....or at least that is what i find. I dont want a relationship right now and I dont want a fuck buddy either so i see your problem Moonpieluv.

[Moonpieluv]

I hate it that I want/need sex. It really complicates me trying to do the alone thing... I mean I know just because I'm single doesn't mean I must deprive myself of some hot lovin' but that's just it....
I hate it cause that's what I can count on right now... just sex. It's a love hate thing. I'm physicologically craving it, but emotionally wanting to suppress it cause well.......... my ex sniffs around. such a loser, too.... but good in bed and in my present situation, that is wanting to focus on my goals, keeping on track with myself, acting on what I want instead of being all talk.... I DON't want another relationship, but I don't want a fuck-buddy either.

uh... I know this is convoluted and confusing, but like I said before... I don't want someone if they don't fit the bill. I want the sex, but not the dude. masturbation works but.... there's also this other part of sleeping next to someone that I like. I just feel like dudes just want to get a piece. Ah the power of sexuality and the vay jay jay.

Seriously need to find some single peace... derrr.....or accept the booty as a form of stress release from time to time and continue forward. I know it's happening in my mind and heart, but I'm still not getting enough accomplished. derrr, too hard on myself and likey the bloody mary too much.

boy crazed and hated it. I need my mind prioritized rigidly right now.

((Bettie)) good for you for being so cool with singleness. I wish I was, as well, or at least the okayness would hurry the F up. The only thing I will say about the couple envy is that, if you're single, you don't get invited to things as much. I don't get to see some of my friends as often as I would like because they are Always with their boys.

((Erin)) I know what you mean about having someone... the companionship. But I've learned that while that's entirely human and okay to want after some time and peace with yourself, I fear I want the companionship/the relationship to hurry up and happen. The fear of being alone. urggghh.
But I can sit at home and not feel the need for someone, too.

(Opens a self-help book) tee hee.

[erinjane]

I go back and forth too. Lately though, more frustration. I mean, I like that I can come home and relax and feel no pressure to go out if I don't want to, but I really miss just having someone. I miss the new relationship feeling and the anticipations and all that good stuff.

[bettieblank]

I have never had a problem being single. As a matter of fact I kinda like it. I have never been one of those girls who are jealous when their friends are couple up or when I hear of an ex with someone new.

I am moving in Speptember and I have this irrational feeling that once I move I am going to be single forever. Thats crazy right? I mean I live in a small state now and you would think that if i was going to be single forever it would happen here because everyone knows everyone and you are so likely to be dating your exes second cousin twice removed or something like that.

I go back and forth. Some days I really couldn't care less about being single and other days I have a little issue with it.
Muffy and Moonpieluv, I feel the same. i want to focus on goals and be established and then be concerned with meeting someone after or maybe during the process of achieving those goals.

Sorry for the weird mini-rant. lol

[Muffy]

Moonpieluv
I'm with you on focusing on goals opposed to focusing on meeting someone.
I figure I'll eventually meet someone while achieving my goals, besides I'll be a happier, better person once someone special comes along.

[Moonpieluv]

Pink--I think the reason why the kind of guy I would be willing to date, the kind of guy that is either deserving of what I have to offer or is in non-drama situation, is not around now is because I truly need this time to be single and be at peace with that.
I hear ya about "hunting ducks". It's just a wee bit frustrating for me because those ducks don't seem to be around these parts. I have plans to re-locate once I get accepted to a master's program. An academic, scholarly kind of guy would be up my alley, I think. I feel like if I just got out of here and into a more promising, populated, diverse environment... I may find someone to date that fulfills my criteria.... which is becoming more rigid by choice. It needs to be rigid.
I just feel like this is some sort of fate thing, or past life lesson I'm learning right now. whatever.

I'm trying to embrace my singleness. I'm sorta talking to this guy that's not final on his divorce... but I don't want more than just talking because of that. If the only dewds that seem to be coming around are either douches, ex's, or drama, then I really need to take a step back from all of it. Focusing on my goals, happiness, what I want, etc. And I know that... and it has been hard to do that because I was ALWAYS in a relationship.

And It annoys when people mention marriage and grandchildren and how I'll find that great guy one day.... ugh. It's like a Catch22.

[LustfullyPink]

There used to be a lot of slimeball, creepy guys who liked me as well, Until I learned the quote "If you want to hunt ducks, you must go where the ducks are." I was like "OH!!!" If I want to meet a good guy, I shouldn't be hanging around where the gross ones tend to hang around! (That may not apply to everyone, it's just my personal expierence)

[rositachiquita58]

Wow, so glad I found this thread! I went out with a guy last night and had a really good time, but I don't want a relationship with him. I have this idea that maybe I'm being too picky, but how do I know what is too picky and what is just having standards?

Example: I used to go for skinny blue-eyed blonds before falling head-over-heels for a pudgy Latino (who wanted to marry a South American girl...not a gringa like me...sigh). Result: I don't have a physical type anymore--I like 'em all.

But I do want someone I admire, not just someone I respect. I want someone I want to be more like and someone who has the same qualities that I like best about myself (or at least some of them).

My female friends and relatives are pretty clueless about dating, so I'm pretty confused!

Little Lulu---I often get into this situation by accident! I think it's because I act playful and sexual from the beginning of the first conversation and often don't really bother getting to know the person. I've learned that, if I want to have a real relationship, I should be less physical and connect in other ways...maybe you need to do the opposite!

Good luck! Tell us how it goes!

[fantaz]

Sometimes the guys know that I like them, but they end up liking my friends instead!

Also, I do not tend to like that many guys, so that doesn't help!

[glassk]

I managed this by, when I was 18, asking hot guys to "walk me home" from the bar. Then we'd walk through the parking lot of the elementary school linking arms (i was drunk) and make out on the playground. Never had sex with any of them but it was a lot of fun. Basically, get them on their own. lol.

So, aim for a makeout. Put condoms in your purse. Have fun.