[angie_21]

I know the family situaiton is annoying - I used to feel that way too about a few of my cousins, like, why did they get the boob gene and I didn't? But you know, it's life. One of my friends always said that I must've stolen her "tall genes" because I was 5'7 and she was 4'10. For a while she was trying to get growth hormone treatment while she was still young enough for it to affect her bones. While I was busy worrying about where my boobs had gone as a teenager, my other friends were complaining because they weren't tall enough, weren't skinny enough, weren't perky enough, their noses were too big, etc. But by the time we're past puberty, it's just the way things are. We can gain or lose weight, but we can't even choose where the weight goes. All my friends kept saying they wanted my body because at the time it was super cool to have hip bones that stuck out visibly. So if you see what I'm saying.. there's nothing to feel left out about. Everyone hates their bodies. and that's very sad. Yeah, people talk about boobs sometimes, but if you keep focusing on it, it's going to keep making you depressed. You can just start talking about how awesome your legs look, and probably some of them will be jealous of that!

And you went back to the negative self-talk! You have a body just like everyone else, and to say you have no body based on one part of it, is over-obsessing about your chest size. Especially when he likes your boobs anyways. Every time you say things like that, you have to ask yourself why am I saying this? Why am I letting myself believe that when it's really not true? And in terms of looking at other girls.. guys will look at other girls who are pretty, but when they do it has nothing to do with how hot their own girlfriend is in comparison to that girl. Guys like to look at pretty girls, end of story. All different kind of pretty girls, not just girls with their boobies hanging out for everyone to see. Hopefully your boyfriend won't be checking out your family though, because that's a bit gross!

If working out makes you happy, go for it! I've found it really helps me love and appreciate my body. I've also found that, despite my hopes and fears, weight gain an dloss doesn't do much to my chest size. Like I said, I gained almost 30 pounds in the last few years and my boobs grew, not as much as the rest of me, but now it's 36AA instead of 34AA so they are bigger. And you know what.. I really don't care whether my belly's flat except occasionally when wearing tight pants and not being able to wear a tight shirt at the same time. I also don't don't care if my boobs fall right off if I lose 20 pounds. Either way, I have my long legs and my boot-ay, and I have my good health. I'm still within the healthy range, I'd like to have more endurance but I'm in better shape than some of my friends and family, pretty average I guess. Most days, I just don't think about it. I would sure miss my boobies if I lost weight, but I also miss the flat stomach I used to have.

[buttercups]

Thanks KeraBear!

I went to my little cousins party today and was doing fine until my sister ran up and told me that my cousin is so excited bc since going on the pill recently her boobs have gotten huge. she did go from a small B to a large C in a short period of time and was spilling out of her bathing suit- a feeling i have never gotten to have. Idk why but it makes me feel even more inadequate and self-conscious. I guess this is partly bc we are all going away together and now im going to be the only one who is even close to small chested and def the only one who cant even fill out an A cup. I wonder what happened to me in my family that i am like this. All these big busted girls also like to flaunt their chests and talk about their boobs a lot- which always leaves me feeling so self-conscious and left out. I also hope my bf can keep his eyes on me..though who can blame him if he cant bc his gf really has no body.

in other news, was anyone on here ever hesitant to start exercising? i was for years bc i was terrified that i would lose any tiny breast tissue i had, but then i started getting a gut and really really couldnt stand my body back at the beginning of may. i decided that i already got pretty much nothing on top so id rather be fit and flat than fat and started walking/jogging. ive been doing it consistently and now can go for about 3.5 miiles and i havent really lost too much up there i dont think-though u cant really notice anyways i guess. were any of you scared to exercise?

[KeraBear]

Yay buttercups! I am quite happy for you. Having a boyfriend who loves and appreciates my tiny booblets has improves the way I see myself. Of course, we shouldn't have to rely on others to validate ourselves and our bodies, but it sure helps. Good times...

Oh yes, and i LOVE the new SN

[buttercups]

Thanks girls, and I will try to refrain from a lot of the negative self-talk. I guess everyone around me has always called me flat, but that doesn't mean I have to call myself that. I know I shouldn't fully validate myself by what a guy says about me, but I am going to remember a lot of the things he says when I feel down on myself. I shouldn't rely on it entirely, but it does help to make things easier so I'll take it for now. Karategrrl I love your story, anytime anyone pays attention to small breasts I want to hear about it- its like a victory for all of us!

[starship]

really happy for you buttercups:). and slightly jealous of your awesome man....

any UK busties...a program called "Boob Job: my big decision" is on BBC3 at 9pm tonight (short notice but it'll probably be repeated a few times during the next week too). About two teenage girls deciding whether to get a boob job. might be worth a watch

[strongirl]

Wow, Buttercups, what a wonderful experience you had with your bf and I am so happy for you! Beautiful, moving, and awesome! It sounds like both of you are working through some stuff and it sounds like you can really help each other and grow together. That's what relationships are all about.

I agree with Edie that it's still important to have your sense of self-worth come from within. That's the goal. At the same time, I also agree with Crinoline, that you should "Try to replace some of the negative language in your head with your bf's sweet words". One of the great things about falling in love is if you are open, you can glimpse yourself through the other person's eyes, which will most likely be a better view of yourself than the one in your head. Then you can work to internalize that vision, so that your self-image is enhanced by it, but not dependent on the other person to provide it. I hope that makes sense.

From the beautiful things your bf said and the way he said them, he not only finds your body attractive but he reveres it. Bask in that and try to see yourself the way he sees you.

Ain't love grand? (happy sigh)

[karategrrl]

Just catching up on the posts...

buttercups, AWESOME story!! I'm so glad.

About the inserts, it made me remember a little thing from my past...I was gettin' jiggy with this woman I was seeing. The evening was planned and so I was all dressed in a hot little number. At the last minute, I put little inserts in the cups b/c I didn't fill them out. Well, I was trying to be all sexy as I undressed in front of her, and when I took off my little outfit, the pads flew out onto the bed with the rest of the stuff, and I was utterly humiliated.

...until she, without a word or any indication of any negative reaction at all, just picked up all my stuff, and the pads, and proceeded to ravage me. And she had pretty large breasts. It was a small gesture, but just goes to show if someone's really into you, they truly don't give a shit. Afterward, she thanked me for my efforts of getting all dolled up. There was never any mention of the pads.

[angie_21]

When it comes to vocabulary.. I've always been one to try to see things in a positive light. We were once talking about crazy names our society has made up for breasts, and hopw they don't really apply to small boobs "melons?" give me a break. Those barely apply to anyone! "fun-bags" was one that I felt sounded creepy. I don't have fun-bags anyways, I said, mine are more like giggle-bags. Oops, well, my boyfriend thought that sounded so cute, it's still stuck with us.

[crinoline]

"Buttercups, I just wanted to chime in and say I've been following this thread (and have posted here quite regularly in the past). I haven't posted lately because you've been getting great advice from everyone else, but one thing I wanted to suggest is that maybe you should try to replace the negative vocabulary in your head with something more positive. "
-ditto, edie. The way you speak to and about yourself can make a huge difference emotionally. I have battled body dysmorphia since puberty, with periodic bouts of bulimia. Most of the time this is actually triggered by the language I use in my own head (fat, ugly, etc.). It really does help to make a conscious effort to change the vocabulary to positive words like sexy, fabulous, strong, etc. I firmly believe that a woman can be totally sexy regardless of chest size, and sometimes I just need to remind myself of that with positive affirmations.

I'm so glad that you and your bf had such a wonderful experience together. My boy hates padding too (he calls it "boob armor"). Try to replace some of the negative language in your head with your bf's sweet words, that can help too.

I also wanted to say that I really identify with your situation with your sister, Buttercups. I have a best friend and honorary sister whom I grew up with who is very tall, thin, tan, and has C cups. So basically the opposite of me. I sometimes have a tendency to magnify my own body issues in my head when I'm around her. We went through a year in high school where I avoided her because of that. I didn't resent her so much as I resented myself for feeling that way. Recently we got drunk together and she started going off on how she's always been jealous of me, and how badly she's always wanted to be tiny and blond. I was completely floored by it. It made me realize that everyone has their body issues, no matter how "perfect" they may appear to others.
I guess it helped push me to the realization that this is the only body I get, and I may as well enjoy it as thouroughly as possible (my bf seconds that, lol).

and lastly, you ladies rock my socks off with how supportive and insightful you are!! (((hugs to all)))

[edie52]

Buttercups, I just wanted to chime in and say I've been following this thread (and have posted here quite regularly in the past). I haven't posted lately because you've been getting great advice from everyone else, but one thing I wanted to suggest is that maybe you should try to replace the negative vocabulary in your head with something more positive. For example, the word "flat" has really negative connotations, and suggests that something is lacking (same goes for words like unwomanly, ugly, childish, etc.). I recently saw these naked photos of Evan Rachel Wood on Fleshbot (beware, link is porny), where they described her body as "lithe," which I think is a sexy and relatively positive word for our body type.

It sounds like your boyfriend loves you and is really attracted to you; try not to second guess it, but also try not to find all of your validation through his approval. My boyfriend also loves my body, and doesn't see "what the big deal is" with big breasts, but he still gets very disheartened when I'm lacking confidence. Knowing that he finds me sexy and that my body type is in fact his ideal is not enough, because true confidence has to come from within. I agree with everyone here that confidence and knowing what you want in bed will improve your sex life more than anything else.

I also like this model, she's Romanian-Canadian. I don't think any of us should get into the habit of always looking to actresses and models for validation, because there's always the trap of "yeah, she's small too, but she's gorgeous/rich/famous/whatever and I'm not," but I do like seeing sexy images that I can see myself in, they give me a reference when I'm looking in the mirror or fantasizing. Click back through the thread for other photos that some of us have posted. Or just google Charlotte Gainsbourg, Lou Doillon, Selma Blair, Milla Jovovich, Jane Birkin...

[angie_21]

aww wow buttercups that is awesome! I love that story That's a lot of good news all at once. It is good to get these things out in the open once in a while. Often guys don't like to talk about what how they think about our bodies at all because they're afraid of getting themselves in trouble by accidentally saying something to offend us, when they really meant to say something nice! Things will get better, you are on the right track! just remember to keep loving yourself, and that there is so much more to you than your appearance. Once you stop judging yourself based on your appearance, it is a lot easier to realize you were beautiful the whole time anyways.

I have had the opposite problem with guys when it comes to attention for "the girls". I loooove having my breasts touched, they're quite senstive (less so since getting my nipples pierced though, I love how it looks but I wouldn't really recommend it). Anyways, one guy I went out with ignored them in bed, to the point that I had to tell him to freakin give them some attention already. He said that he never meant to ignore them, but he was usually focusing on my beautiful legs instead. Nice enough, and he never disliked my boobs, but my current guy is much better, he just plain loves my boobs and can't get enough of them. Every morning when he wakes up he snuggles close to me with his face between them, and that usually leads to more attention, which is not good when we need to get up and got to work! (And I would like to repeat, I am a 36AA!)

[buttercups]

God I wish I had come to this forum sooner, you all are really a godsend! I typically try not to involve my breasts much either, but that's because it mainly reminds me of how ugly i think they are. Maybe I do need to try to incorporate it more, and I do have a more positive story tonight..

I was with my bf last night and we were talking about breaking up. I told him a lot about how I felt and it was pretty much decided that we wouldn't be together bc I felt like I needed to take the time to build my self-esteem a little. After we finished talking he all of a sudden just kissed me really aggressively (and hot) and it was like that was it. We started making out like crazy and before I knew it clothes were coming off. One of the best things about it was that I was wearing just a regular slightly padded bra so there were no silcone inserts to worry about. He could actually take my bra off without me freaking out and making him close his eyes so that I had time to take all that padding out. It was amazing just to be in that moment and not worry about my padding for once. I was still feeling self-conscious and we started to have sex and then he looks at me with this really serious look and says "I love your body". I felt so shy and embarrassed that I just put my head down on his shoulder and he whispered it twice more in my ear. Then he said "I could stare at your naked body all day long" and he was looking directly at my (not-so-existent) breasts. I felt really shy again, but it also made me feel like maybe he doesnt hate my body. He also pays a lot of attention to my chest during sex, which I never quite understood but of course have never exactly argued with him about it. When all that excitement was over I was laying next to him and he told me to look him in the eye and he said "youre really beautiful". Well after all that I decided that I'm not going to give this guy up, so the breakup was off. He also told me that he likes the way I look much better without all that padding and that he loves just being able to feel my chest with these new bras. Of course I think it looks awful and expected him to be not so happy at how completely flat they make me look, but he really seems to like it better and kept on grabbing my chest through my clothes bc he could actually feel it. I hope all you girls have someone make you feel the way that he made me feel last night, and if you havent yet then just know theyre out there bc if i can find one anyone can! <3 <3

p.s. I also wore the barely padded bra all day today and went out and ran errands and though I felt self-conscious I was able to do it.

p.p.s. thanks ladies for helping me to find a little bit of confidence, hopefully there will be a lot more to come

[starship]

I only just realised that i never ever touch my breasts or even try to get any pleasure from them. I just don't associate them with pleasure.
I tried phone sex a few times with an ex and whenever he mentioned doing anything involving my boobs it totally turned me off

I posted a nakee pic of agyness a while back. hot

[chicaloca]

Sometimes, just talking about it helps. We need to vent sometimes in order to feel better, so it's part of the process that you come here and post, buttercups. Crying about it is normal too. I've always thought people underestimate crying (maybe because I'm a crybaby, lol). I too wish I could hug you.

I know what it feels like getting hung up on just one aspect of oneself, and I also know what it feels like loving your sister to death, but comparing yourself and feeling you come up short. She's really smart, and sadly people have compared us, subconsciously maybe, even our parents. For example, she has a better temper than me. And my mom has let me know that a lot of times, which has made me lament that I'm not as nice as she is. And I end up comparing myself. For instance, we both participated in an essay contest in our faculty. She won, and everyone was going on and on about how smart and great she is. It took me a long time to get over it and realize that I'm just as capable and as smart. But I constantly beat my self up thinking she was smarter, and that I wasn't a good enough writer. I forgot about the things that made me different and unique... yes, we're sisters, but we're both unique, special, and smar in our own ways. Yes, she wins all the prizes. I've never got any prize. But I'm in a band, have written a couple of songs myself and had a blast playing small gigs. We're talented in different ways.

I think sometimes we take our bodies for granted. We fixate on the one thing we don't like, and forget all the other great stuff we have. I bet you have a very sexy stomach, very sexy legs, a very sexy butt... and most likely a gorgeous face. Plus - and I know I should take my own advice - just because we don't like something about ourselves, it doesn't mean that there is indeed something wrong with it, or that a body part is ugly. It's true that we're our own worst critics.

And yes, take the advice the other busties have given you - focus on your pleasure too. Your body is not only beautiful, but it's able to make you feel wonderful.

On an unrelated topic, I totally have a girl-crush on Agyness Deyn... she's so beautiful and hot.
http://fashionista.com/images/Agyness%20Deyn%20pose.jpg

[angie_21]

Buttercups, honey, I want you to slow down your thinking and realize some of what you're saying. I know you are learning and these things take time, and I am happy to see that you are changing some of your ideas already. But there are so many destructive thought patterns in what you are saying, for instance that your sister doesn't have to be ashamed of her body, but you are. You don't have to be ashamed of your body. You just don't. The idea we should be ashamed of our body is an archaic religious belief used to control people in the past, and used as part of the advertising industry in the present. It's so so wrong, and it's hurting you. I can guarantee that this shame you feel is not even about your physical appearance anymore, it's something you've internalized as part of yourself.

When I am starting to get down on myself, I usually wallow for a bit, then get up and do something completely unrelated. yoga, cooking, reading a book, watching a movie, whatever. Then I'll dress myself a bit more the next day, wear some make-up, put on my sexy booty pants, something that isn't the thing I was feeling ugly about the day before. Or call up my friends and go out and remember that there are so many more important things I need to do in life than care about how I look! When I genuinely want to feel sexier, lingere can help - Do you own some stockings, a garter belt, and some nice heels?

[Allison-Shine]

Buttercup, I keep wanting to hug you. Please don't cry. You are going through some very important and positive changes and you're doing a great job!

Angie had some great suggestions and I think it would be very helpful (and hopefully fun) for you to focus on your own fantasies and pleasure right now. That was part of why I recommended Betty Dodson - she's got wonderful books on how to enjoy sex more - solo (ie. masturbating), in a couple relationship, and in non-traditional open relationships.

You don't have to answer this if you feel self-conscious but I wonder if you touch your breasts when you masturbate. I bet if you give some love and pleasure to them yourself, they'll feel better to you, in every way. Play with them when you're alone and do things that make them feel good. Look at them naked in the mirror and see them as the sexy, sensitive, erogenous zones that they are. Love them. Please them (rather than expecting them to please others). They deserve it and so do you.

I can speak for a lot of strongirl's post. Focusing on my own fantasies and pleasure has more than helped me get by, buy thrive too. I do touch my breasts while masturbating too. Despite my insecurities about their size in comparison to others, I do derive great pleasure from them.


Very good post strongirl. You said things that I would have not had the courage or thought to post. I will have to check out Betty Dodson's works as well.

[strongirl]

Buttercup, I keep wanting to hug you. Please don't cry. You are going through some very important and positive changes and you're doing a great job!

Angie had some great suggestions and I think it would be very helpful (and hopefully fun) for you to focus on your own fantasies and pleasure right now. That was part of why I recommended Betty Dodson - she's got wonderful books on how to enjoy sex more - solo (ie. masturbating), in a couple relationship, and in non-traditional open relationships.

You don't have to answer this if you feel self-conscious but I wonder if you touch your breasts when you masturbate. I bet if you give some love and pleasure to them yourself, they'll feel better to you, in every way. Play with them when you're alone and do things that make them feel good. Look at them naked in the mirror and see them as the sexy, sensitive, erogenous zones that they are. Love them. Please them (rather than expecting them to please others). They deserve it and so do you.

[Allison-Shine]

Wow a lot of material to read and digest but bottom line good new name you chose buttercups. Much better choice, glad you find us helpful.

[buttercups]

Thanks girls, you are all so wonderful and soo right! I know I need to change and strongirl your comment about how i need to focus on my own enjoyment rather than measuring up to someone's ideal really changed my perspective. I know that if I could act like I was more turned on then maybe it would make a difference. If I felt like I was sexy at all I think I could do it- and I know that that can come from within I just have to somehow find a way to do it. What do you girls do when you're not feeling particularly sexy? I know that sometimes buying lingerie and stuff can help, but Ive never been able to really find anything "hot" in my size and beyond that I pad (A LOT) so it would be hard to wear something that fits bc it makes me look so..deflated. He's never actually seen me transition from shirt to bra to bare chest because of the inserts. As ridiculous as this sounds I actually make him close his eyes when we have sex so that I can undress on my own and not have to worry about him seeing silcone pads in my bra- I know it sounds so unhot and ridiculous when I say that. I just can't bear the embarrassment of him seeing the pads in my bra even though he knows theyre there. I introduced it to him once when we were on a trip alone and there was no way around it. I made it a joke and was like "I have to put my boobs on now" and even let him play with them, but that was awhile ago and I haven't pointed it out since. Plus it wouldnt exactly be sexy having him take the pads out of my bra and then take my bra off. God if there is anyone younger or thinking about padding their bra this is my advice to you- DONT DO IT! You will not only get addicted to it like I have and feel incomplete without it, but others will get so used to you looking like that that you just can't turn back. I'm currently trying to transition to a regular bra with a little padding built in, but if any of my friends or anyone were to see it they would notice the drastic difference since I'm COMPLETELY flat like this and I look like a B cup with my padding in (im really a small small AA).

on a slightly different note my older sister was over my house today and as much as I love her soo sooooo much it can be sooo incredibly hard to be around her. Her body is just so...perfect. Still doesn't make sense how she can be a DD and I can be a AA and we can be full biological sisters. Whenever I feel my insecurities rise around her I always try to tell myself how happy I am that she looks like that and that she doesn't have to deal with these issues and feel bad about herself. I try to think of it as my secret sacrifice, like I will take this pain and struggle with the low self-esteem so she doesn't have to. It sounds crazy but it makes me feel better in some weird way. It's not even that I'm jealous of her fantastic body (well dont get me wrong I'd LOVE to look like that), but its more of a longing feeling like I'm missing out on something. I don't have to have a perfect skinny body like hers with big breasts, just the imperfect body I have with SOME breasts. One of the few times we talked about it she said I should be happy that I don't get all this 'attention" but like i've mentioned before sometimes that only makes me feel worse like no one should ever notice me. It doesn't help that we also look almost identical in the face and people always say things like "you two look almost exactly alike, except...." we all know what that except is! I dont know why I can be ok with myself one minute and then as soon as she pops over I'm like reminded of what I don't have. I love her to death and I am so glad shes gorgeous and would never ever wish this on her, but I wish sometimes that I could have at least a B cup if shes a DD. I just think of all the problems she doesnt have and cant relate to since our bodies are completely different. She has a wonderful sex life and has never once had to be ashamed of her body when shes in bed with her husband. True I could have that too if I tried hard enough, but she just doesn't have to work at it -the confidence is there much more naturally. In fairness I'm quite a bit tinier than her- Im a size 0 and shes probably a 2-3 (so she's still really tiny) and I know she doesn't think shes perfect, but she doesn't struggle with any body problem on nearly as high a scale as I do. She is proud of her body- and who wouldnt be lookin like that?? She can not relate to me at all on this level and has just told me before to just buy underwear that makes me look sexy -but easier said than done right? Ugh I don't know why this post is so long or why it has gotten to me so much and brought tears to my eyes. Guess that means its time to stop for now or youll all be reading a small novel and I'll be bawling. Sending my love to all of you!

[edie52]

That made a helluva lot of sense, angie, well said!