[erinjane]

Candycane, I'm hoping there'll be some nice eye candy in my socio class tonight, but I'm a women's studies major, so I have virtually no guys in most of my classes.

[candycane_girl]

The next time he calls, pick it up and tell him that you are no longer interested and tell him to stop calling. Be firm!

[samiam]

Do I call him/answer the phone and tell him I am not interested? Or do I just keep ignoring him? I am sorry that I am so needy on this one. This is new and strange.

[opossum78]

sam - i'm no longer on the fence about this. it's no longer hot. run for the hills! trust your tingly gut on this one!

[candycane_girl]

Okay, sam, seriously do not go near that guy! He sounds fucking nuts! I'm sorry, I know that's harsh but it's just...I've done some slightly crazy things but never anything that crazy. I mean, he just chose your name out of a phone book? What? What if he didn't and he's actually a crazy stalker guy? It just doesn't sound right.


So...yeah, nothing is happening for me so far. However, it's only been the first day of school. So far I've been talking to girls. I think most of the guys in my program are a bit young for me (I'm 22 so I'm a bit older than most of the students) but I'm just hoping that somehow I'll meet some guys. The one upside to uni so far is that unlike college a lot of the classes are mixed with people from different programs. Unlike in college where I just saw the same people day after day after day.

There's some program greeting party this week so I'm going to go to that. I'm just trying to be as social as possible, it's especially hard since I'm so horribly shy and I've only met about two people in my program so far.

[samiam]

Ok, he called my land line three times last night because I never picked up, and my cell each time after calling the land line. he just called again about a minute ago. I have to admit that I am completely freaked out about this. Whenever I think about it, which is almost constantly, my stomach does flip-flops and my legs get tingly. It's either true love, or abject horror. I have told no one about this beside this thread. I am so humiliated. I keep asking myself why I would even be interested at all, and whether or not this is an exercise in my own self-worth, or a really sexy adventure Anais Nin would embrace, so why not me? As superficial as it sounds, not knowing what he looks like makes it harder. At least he lives 4 hours away. I keep coming home and expecting a stranger on my doorstep, which is a little creepy. Am I being melodramatic? What do i say to him? I feel like avoiding his calls may make it worse, but talkign to him only eggs him on.

Wierd.

[snow white]

yeah, sam, that's just too weird.

"what i find so peculiar about this is that for a guy to randomly pick your name out of a book, he sure does have a lot in common with the greg you think he is. "

at the very least this guy is a very good liar...

[crazyoldcatlady]

run, sam.

[opossum78]

samiam - whoa. on the one hand...that's totally hot. on the other hand, there is definitely the dismemberment in the desert to think about.

what i find so peculiar about this is that for a guy to randomly pick your name out of a book, he sure does have a lot in common with the greg you think he is. which leads me to suspect that he is indeed stalking you and knows a thing or two about you and your life. enough to be dangerous, you know?

if you're dying to meet this guy - even if it's out of morbid curiosity - i'd take a friend (or two) along with me and insist upon meeting in a crowded place during daylight hours!

godspeed...!

[samiam]

Ok, i have the most bizarre situation to bounce off you ladies.

Late Wednesday night, at about 3am, the phone rang. I let it ring, but whoever it was did not want to leave a message so i started to think that it was an emergency and i answered. It wasn't an emergency. It was a guy named Greg, and after some initial confusion (it was 3 am!) I realized that he was an old friend from a town I used to live in, whom I had run into twice in the last month. He affirmed this. He went on to tell me that he had been thinking about me since we saw eachother, and got a little sexy. Well, I am single, sexually pretty open, and have always been a little attracted to this guy. The phone sex was incredible. It was great the next night as well, but I noticed that the conversation was staying distinctly away from anything personal about him. He was calling me from a friend's house, and claimed that his phone had gotten ruined and he did not have a number I could reach him at. A few other things were not jiving; like, if he lived just up the hill from me, why not just drive the 40 miles and take me out for a drink? Then he mentioned that he had a motorcycle, which seemed really odd. He was calling when he said he would, and the calls were sweet and sexy and really fun. Yesterday morning I mentioned that I knew almost nothing about him, and he claimed that he had to go and we made a call date for 11 pm. He called, and after telling me how wonderful, sweet and smart I was, he assured me that he was going to be completely honest. We started with where he grew up, which still made sense. I asked if he had any siblings. He does, a brother less than 2 years older than him who has been a cop for over 20 years. What? Wait, the Greg I know is about 29, a fact he had confirmed to me the other night. He said he was giong to be honest. He's 42. Ok. Maybe he looks young, right? I asked where he is living right now, and he admits that he does not live in the mountain town I thought he did. He lives in the Bay Area. Huh? Earlier in the conversation he had mentioned that he had visited his mother in a town near San Francisco, which made little sense to me.

Then he got really honest. I was shocked, and rather than hang up, simply asked who the hell he was. He lives in the Bay. He's 42. He's named Greg, but he is not who i thought, and whom he allowed me to think, he was. He had RANDOMLY picked my name out of a phone book and called me. He was staying/working at a friend's near here when he did it. I kept talking to him. He apologized and told me all about himself. What he claims to look like sounds right... If I choose, I could meet him next weekend when i am in his neck of the woods for an event, anyway.

I can't decide if this is an excellent adventure or a crazy stalker situation in the making. I know it's crazy to even talk to him, but I have the daredevil gene and this could be a lot of fun. I mean, the right thing to do is never take a call again and make sure to keep his name and phone number is in a safe place (he gave me his number last night) in case I am found dismembered in the desert. On the other hand, why not have some sort of sordid affair with a relative stranger? I mean, if I am actually attracted to him.

I know that I am crazy. I just needed to talk about this somewhere, and this seems like a good venue. I am embarassed about the whole thing, really. I really thought that it was the other guy, the one I know. I am a fool.

[samiam]

Ok, i have the most bizarre situation to bounce off you ladies.

Late Wednesday night, at about 3am, the phone rang. I let it ring, but whoever it was did not want to leave a message so i started to think that it was an emergency and i answered. It wasn't an emergency. It was a guy named Greg, and after some initial confusion (it was 3 am!) I realized that he was an old friend from a town I used to live in, whom I had run into twice in the last month. He affirmed this. He went on to tell me that he had been thinking about me since we saw eachother, and got a little sexy. Well, I am single, sexually pretty open, and have always been a little attracted to this guy. The phone sex was incredible. It was great the next night as well, but I noticed that the conversation was staying distinctly away from anything personal about him. He was calling me from a friend's house, and claimed that his phone had gotten ruined and he did not have a number I could reach him at. A few other things were not jiving; like, if he lived just up the hill from me, why not just drive the 40 miles and take me out for a drink? Then he mentioned that he had a motorcycle, which seemed really odd. He was calling when he said he would, and the calls were sweet and sexy and really fun. Yesterday morning I mentioned that I knew almost nothing about him, and he claimed that he had to go and we made a call date for 11 pm. He called, and after telling me how wonderful, sweet and smart I was, he assured me that he was going to be completely honest. We started with where he grew up, which still made sense. I asked if he had any siblings. He does, a brother less than 2 years older than him who has been a cop for over 20 years. What? Wait, the Greg I know is about 29, a fact he had confirmed to me the other night. He said he was giong to be honest. He's 42. Ok. Maybe he looks young, right? I asked where he is living right now, and he admits that he does not live in the mountain town I thought he did. He lives in the Bay Area. Huh? Earlier in the conversation he had mentioned that he had visited his mother in a town near San Francisco, which made little sense to me.

Then he got really honest. I was shocked, and rather than hang up, simply asked who the hell he was. He lives in the Bay. He's 42. He's named Greg, but he is not who i thought, and whom he allowed me to think, he was. He had RANDOMLY picked my name out of a phone book and called me. He was staying/working at a friend's near here when he did it. I kept talking to him. He apologized and told me all about himself. What he claims to look like sounds right... If I choose, I could meet him next weekend when i am in his neck of the woods for an event, anyway.

I can't decide if this is an excellent adventure or a crazy stalker situation in the making. I know it's crazy to even talk to him, but I have the daredevil gene and this could be a lot of fun. I mean, the right thing to do is never take a call again and make sure to keep his name and phone number is in a safe place (he gave me his number last night) in case I am found dismembered in the desert. On the other hand, why not have some sort of sordid affair with a relative stranger? I mean, if I am actually attracted to him.

I know that I am crazy. I just needed to talk about this somewhere, and this seems like a good venue. I am embarassed about the whole thing, really. I really thought that it was the other guy, the one I know. I am a fool.

[erinjane]

Nah, mostly I dream about zombies.

[snow white]

I too go back and forth between being frustrated and being ok. Now I'm getting back into class so if nothing comes of this current interest, I'll probably stay single for another year. I think I'm still cool with that...maybe.

wow, you said it.

i keep having dreams about ex-bfs and potencial bfs i never actually dated but could have (i didn't date them for a reason). does this happen to anyone else? i find it a little weird but not totally unpleasant.

[erinjane]

Well I just found out he's been painting his sisters house for the last two weekends (inside and out) so that's why he hasn't been around.

I'm pretty good at reading people so I know he's interested. Keep in mind stargazer, what I was writing isn't direct quotes from him. I wouldn't say all my eggs are in one basket, I'm waiting to see where this is going because frankly, there's no one else on the horizon who holds any interest for me, and there hasn't been in over a year. I've got the time. If it goes no where I won't be too down, but I would like to know at some point if it is going somewhere.

I too go back and forth between being frustrated and being ok. Now I'm getting back into class so if nothing comes of this current interest, I'll probably stay single for another year. I think I'm still cool with that...maybe.

[stargazer]

(((candy))) so sorry.

erinjane, um, i'm cautious of guys who use the term "meet up" and/or "hangout." it sounds like he just wants to be friends. it sounds like it is just casual. not to sound harsh. but, you never know about things. don't put all of your eggs in one basket. get yourself out there.

as for me, i facilitate between being frustrated and being ok with being single. but, i don't think i'm really ok. i think i just tell myself that. argh.

[zoya]

erinjane - I would say to call him on it, but don't just ask him what's up.. that's kinda putting the ball in his court. I'd TELL him how it makes YOU feel when he does that. Like tell him "we hang out, have a great time, talk about doing things, and then it just doesn't happen. It's confusing for me, because we clearly like hanging out, but I'm not down with you just not responding when I suggest we do something." you could even add something about you feeling really disrespected when he does that if you want. then sit back and listen to what he has to say. I've found that when you state what YOU feel and just keep it mellow and simple, the guy pretty much HAS to respond. And they either shit or get off the pot. Questions back guys into a corner. Statements about how YOU feel make them have to come forward and answer. The trick is to LISTEN to their response without any expectations. and if it seems like he is making excuses you don't like, then just tell him that's not acceptable as an exuse. Don't get in a fight with him, just listen and be really laid back about it. he'll tell you everything you need to know about the situation by his response if you just sit back and listen without judgement and don't get into some huge discussion about it.

That said, I'm pretty bad about that type of communication, but I know its a good way to go about it, (I've even had guy friends tell me that that is a great way to talk to a guy) and I'm getting better - I've found that pretty much across the board, whenever I've taken responsibility for my feelings, and telling a guy how his actions / or the situaton is making me feel (good or bad) they're like "woah." You might not get the response you want, but I guarantee you you will make an impression on the guy by being a girl who in a level headed, non threatening, non needy way states her needs. And that will just help you get what you need without getting dragged on and on.

anyway, just my .02 cents worth..

[erinjane]

Yeah, if it happens again that we hang out and have a good time and nothing happens again, I probably will call him on it. I'm the type of person that wants answers so rather than just leave it alone I usually put myself out there and ask whats up.

[snow white]

yeah, it may be the age difference. there could be a real tug of war going on in this guys head. but he's got to get it together. i think you're right to want to leave it up to him from now on. or i'd say call him on it...like, if he keeps showing interest but pulling back you could just ask him about it. it sounds like you have every right to.

[erinjane]

The thing is, last weekend he said we should watch some movies or something, so I said, "Well what're you doing tonight or tomorrow" and he just never replied. That's no unusual though because he's previously taking days to reply to messages. So now I'm like, geez, I feel like I keep putting myself out there and he's just...I dunno. It's so bizarre because two weeks ago at a party it was pretty much just the two of us talking most of the night.

I have a feeling he's a little bit apprehensive of our age difference, but I don't get the feeling from him that it's a big deal. He's 30 and I'm turning 22 in a month, but our connection seems to be really good anyways. So weird.

Tonight I sent him a message and said he should come to a show I'm going to but I've pretty much promised myself that I'm not putting myself out there anymore. If he wants something to ever happen, it's up to him now. I would say I don't have time for this shit, but in reality, I do.

[snow white]

candy-bug bites, the one down side of summer (well, that and horrible, ugly, painful sun burns). at least you're skin isn't falling off in huge patches (i have the freakiest tan lines ever)

erinjane, i had a situation almost just like yours which followed me through out my college career. every time i'd see this certain guy we'd flirt, have great eye contact and meaningful conversations. eventually we even got around to calling but slipped back into myspace only... now he has a girlfriend and yet i still find the occasional heart felt message in my mail box. which continues to further confuse me. anyway, with guys like this, i really think you need to either take to plunge and ask him out (w/ out actually labelling a "date", you know) or just forget about it. because the boy is sending some major mixed signals. probably he's shy.